Chastity is easy, but it's my cock that's not hard.... I'm new here. Hi. I've been in voluntary (no cage) chastity for about a month. First time went 12 days without orgasm and had a good amount of penetrative sex with my wife. It ended with an unintentional ruined orgasm when I finally lost it because I wasn't hard enough during sex to maintain control. Second time I went 8 days and then had a ruined orgasm with no direct stimulation of my semi-erect penis, I was servicing her with my hand and came on her leg unprompted. Now I'm in my third leg of chastity and am noticing that I am not really getting very hard throughout the day. I get aroused all the time, but it never gets rock hard like I'm used to. So I'm worried that chastity is compromising my ability to have strong erections. Any thoughts? Alternatively I'm worried that my enjoyment of the "ruined" orgasm is conditioning me to not want to be hard. I really enjoy the ruined orgasm sensation, I'm not sure why I crave it as much as I do, but there's something about the helplessness I feel when it happens. Plus the sensation is so internalized, it's like an orgasm coming from a deeper source. I kind of love it.
Welcome to CM. I believe that several rounds of tease and denial will help your arousal issue. Just my opinion
"So I'm worried that chastity is compromising my ability to have strong erections." This is a myth It's the other way round With frequent T&D, erections are much harder and intense That's my experience for the last 3 years
@oakbisubmwm Welcome to CM enjoy . just unpicking you name oak nice wood bi get that sub yep mwm um not sure what that is lol What you are experiencing is the shift from being phallic centric to thinking about your wife ! Nothing wrong with that ,I would guess before you spent your spare time fiddling with your willy and now you can't . Xx Wendy
I'm right behind You @Wendygirl and @Sunny on this one. It is a shift of focus, but at the same time I can assure you all that in my experience - the ability to get hard has for centuries never been stronger! @oakbisubmwm - Maybe you should ease a little on you new love affair with ruin orgasms, and allow yourself to enjoy the thrill and agony of T & D. Then I am certain that You soon will be able to hammer down nails in a single blow with your member.... LOL!
Thanks for the responses, I really do appreciate it. I get what you are saying about phallic centric...I dunno....mmmmmaybe...Ironically, I would say I'm way more focused on my phallus these days than ever before...but even still there's no loss of focus on her, believe me. My God, chastity has made me completely obsessed with her needs in and out of the bedroom. Sometimes my goal is just be of service without being an annoying pain in the ass. I think this is more of a "nuts and bolts" question of how chastity works? And the message I'm getting here is that T&D is an important part of it. Is it kind of a use or lose it deal? T&D keeps it aroused and hard...like an excercise? We are still getting used to it and she's getting more comfortable with T&D. We like the results of chastity a lot, it's just the maintenance practices we are not clear on. After 14 days I'm supposed to have a release tonight, not sure if that will be ruined or complete. I am having a love affair with the ruined, but I can shift that focus if it's a problem. Maybe. I'm very happily experiencing my first extended period of being fully myself as a submissive after years of keeping a lid on it. My therapist suspects I may simply not want to be anything but a soft compliant bottom right now. But I am awfully fond of a good hard cock, particularly mine. She doesn't really seem to mind, though from time to time she wants to be penetrated by the real thing. But she's well serviced otherwise. Before anyone points it out: Yes, I do think to much. @Wendygirl oak--Oakland, CA bi--sex you all sub--missive mwm-married white male (just so we're clear) Probably a better email address than a user name. I'll work on it.
Hello, and welcome. I have a similar situation and concerns. In fact, I was looking for the right forum to ask about it and I came across your new post. I was in full time enforced chastity since Sept 2014. I had several tease and denial sessions, had a release via intercourse about weekly, had caged erections often, etc. I was denied release, denied tease, and denied release from the cage from about Christmas until Jan 20th. My wife was stressed from other things and sex went on the back burner for a couple weeks. Around Jan 20th, I was released for intercourse, which was great!! I didn't put the HT-2 device back on afterward as I had no desire at all to. Over the following 2 weeks until yesterday, I have had had ZERO sex drive, no nighttime erections, no morning wood. If my wife massaged me I'd stay soft and eventually tell her I'm going to bed. We did have sex once lest week, I was semi hard. I told my wife I didn't relock because she didn't make me. I have been very concerned, and still am concerned, about my lack of sex drive and lack of erections. I have had outside stresses in my life over the past 2 weeks which may be adding to the problem. In my situation chastity will not be worth it if I get some sort of erectile dysfunction or killed libido. Yesterday my shiny new Looker-01 arrived in the mail, it's been a 10 week wait. I had been thinking I was just going to turn around and sell it as chastity seemed to be negatively affecting my health. But, I had to try it on. I instantly got very aroused, went after my wife for sex, which she denied as we were both tired after a long day, I wore it over night with caged erections most of the night, and am horny as fuck right now. Still concerned about libido and erection problems though.
If there is a lot of stress in your life, well I would think that would be the leading cause for your lack of interest for sex. Stress can do a lot of detrimental things to your body. I may be wrong but I don't think your lower libido is from chastity. Eliminate the stress in your life and then come back to chastity and see what happens.
Figure I should update this.... Things got back to normal functioning. I think mainly because I stopped worrying about it and just accepted where I was at. Hard erections came back, some nice penetrative sex as well. More tease and denial helped, but mainly I think it was mental. I think that initial fantasy/nightmare of being forced to spend the rest of my life denied my full "manhood" was playing with my brain. Still a big fan of the ruined orgasm, though. It's the only way I've cum so far this year. I like having a hard erection and having my Domme/wife take her pleasure from it, but I prefer to feel submissive when I cum, with anal stimulation and as flaccid a cock as possible. Of course, she hasn't been much interested in having me inside her lately, she's really enjoying being able to have as much oral service and vaginal hand massage as she likes...As a sign of devotion I try to will myself to be flaccid when I service her and then let the erection come up when she's done. There's just nothing so nice as giving her all of that adoration and attention and then having to go to sleep with a hard, untouched cock.... Yay, chastity!
Hello. Well, having only had 2 orgasms in 3 years, I am becoming the poster child of "long term chastity". T&D is one of the things I crave and wish I received but RARELY get. My " T&D" is much like what "sex" has evolved into over the last 3 years (butt plug harnessed in place, pantyhose/thigh highs/body stocking on with long nightshirts or body shaping unitards and being caressed, perhaps having my nipples played with and grinding with her or performing body massages and manual and oral foot worship...oral sex upon her rarely--claims she has NEVER been a fan---and never any touching of my penis or balls. I rarely get hard now and she seems fine with that...I get unlocked weekly for my athletic endeavor and of course shower and shave thoroughly when I do, and I do not become erect anymore as I handle myself...if I tweak my nipples or finger my backside then I START to get semi aroused but as soon as I stop the air comes out of the balloon. PIV sex that we had leading up to this stint was much the same (I would not spring to attention until she would play with my nipples or raise one of her perfect feet to my face to inhale, kiss, lick and suck upon---and the orgasms always triggered by a few pulls at my nipples or her warm wet mouth upon them). The only time I REALLY start to rise to attention is when I am reinstalling my device which is a total mind-fuck. She will once in a while feel my chest up through my shirt and I will swell a tiny bit in my cage but quickly go limp and start to leak. Even when we grind, the same thing happens though as she approaches a climax when I am holding her but the pressure subsides and I usually leak a larger dollop of precum. I guess I differ from other respondents here...I think long term chastity DOES rewire the brain and equipment to be less functional. I was just unlocked for 4 days to allow marks from my Points of Intrigue (which I now must wear 24/7 and have been doing so for several months) to heal and by the last day I actually had a weak morning erection, but I am relocked now, soooooo, here I am, limp and leaking as I have been for over 3 years now. I am sure we are all different. I THINK her goal is to make erections only necessary IF and when she ever wants to play with it (which seems to be NEVER), but as long as she has her trusty vibrator and a virgin strap on for me to wear waiting in the wings I think I may be where I am at indefinitely. Be careful what you wish for...I am to the point I even miss the feeling of a good, stiff erection and I think she, and probably a subset of the ladies here may feel the same way too. I am not complaining. I let this happen, BUT I DID NOT expect this to evolve to this point. At the end of the day, as long as she is happy (claims she is VERY happy!) I am happy. Long story short, reduced function (clean bill of health here) may be part of your future if you goin long term. aall about her PS ....sorry for the long reply!
Speaking as someone in the medical field I can tell you that stress can cause physical manifestations, as well as the expected emotional/spiritual ones. I think you hit it on the head, no pun intended, when you made the observation that the problem pretty much resolved itself when you quit worrying about it.
Mmm - my view is that it feels great to be impotent with an extremely small appendage and inability to ejaculate - but then as I have always felt very feminine and finasteride has caused me to be permanently impotent I suppose I am lucky in getting what I wished for.