I talked with my honorary auntie earlier and asked her advice. I feel better about things than I have in a long time.
I'm glad I have her in my life.
I'm glad I have her in my life.
My Journey as Mistress Wolf
- Thread starter Mistress Wolf
- Start date
Mistress Wolf,
As my punishment period appears to be coming to a close i wanted to take a moment and tell you the things i have learned the past couple of weeks.
1. Mistress Wolf is THE single most important thing in my life. My life is no longer my own, my heart, soul, and everything i am belongs to my Mistress. She is my world, my life, and my reason for being. My only desires are for Her to be happy, content, provided for, etc. If i am unable to fulfill anything that She needs then bring another into the relationship who can or does fulfill Her is a requirement, not just a fun fantasy anymore.
2. Follow the rules, not necessarily as given, but as intended. When we started this journey i was not given specific instructions on what sites i was allowed to view and which i was not, but i understood what sites you did not like. i willfully chose to go to a site you did not approve of.
3. IF i do something i know i am not supposed to find Mistress Wolf and admit it ASAP. Not saying anything is an untruth, which is lying. Lying is strictly prohibited and is a punishable offense.
4. If i begin feeling strange, hearing the call of my old, uncontrolled self telling me to do something i know is wrong i need to call, text, or find and talk to Mistress Wolf immediately, rather than wait and end up losing to my old self.
5. If i feel something is happening that i am not comfortable with i should communicate that to Mistress Wolf ASAP (at an appropriate time and place), and ask Her how i should proceed. If it is something like the way things happened with Her Man-friend, i need to really look at what i am feeling and why, and again talk with Mistress Wolf about it to see if we can come to a mutually satisfactory solution.
6. This is towards the bottom of this list, but one of the more valuable lessons from this experience: There are many types of discipline available to Mistress Wolf, and She knows me and understands what truly motivates me. Removal of all intimate contact and denial of most daily contact has been painful to a core level, and is something i never want to repeat! She knows i want to experience physical discipline, so chose not to go down that road. Mistress Wolf also told me She would not use Physical discipline when angry or upset as She might not be able to stop once started...
7. my submission is not total and complete until EVERYTHING i do is to bring honor to Mistress Wolf. While i am closer now than i was a few short weeks ago i know realize i have far to go, and that i will make mistakes, will fail and fall short, and will have times when things just don't go right. BUT, i understand now that through it all, my Mistress Wolf loves me and wants me, is not going to leave me behind or shut me out of Her life. Our lives are one shared, and our journey is yet long.
i am sure there are more things that i have learned, but these are the most important to me at this time.
One last one... Mistress Wolf is my love, my life, and everything i live for. Without Her i am not me, but with Her i am so much more...
As my punishment period appears to be coming to a close i wanted to take a moment and tell you the things i have learned the past couple of weeks.
1. Mistress Wolf is THE single most important thing in my life. My life is no longer my own, my heart, soul, and everything i am belongs to my Mistress. She is my world, my life, and my reason for being. My only desires are for Her to be happy, content, provided for, etc. If i am unable to fulfill anything that She needs then bring another into the relationship who can or does fulfill Her is a requirement, not just a fun fantasy anymore.
2. Follow the rules, not necessarily as given, but as intended. When we started this journey i was not given specific instructions on what sites i was allowed to view and which i was not, but i understood what sites you did not like. i willfully chose to go to a site you did not approve of.
3. IF i do something i know i am not supposed to find Mistress Wolf and admit it ASAP. Not saying anything is an untruth, which is lying. Lying is strictly prohibited and is a punishable offense.
4. If i begin feeling strange, hearing the call of my old, uncontrolled self telling me to do something i know is wrong i need to call, text, or find and talk to Mistress Wolf immediately, rather than wait and end up losing to my old self.
5. If i feel something is happening that i am not comfortable with i should communicate that to Mistress Wolf ASAP (at an appropriate time and place), and ask Her how i should proceed. If it is something like the way things happened with Her Man-friend, i need to really look at what i am feeling and why, and again talk with Mistress Wolf about it to see if we can come to a mutually satisfactory solution.
6. This is towards the bottom of this list, but one of the more valuable lessons from this experience: There are many types of discipline available to Mistress Wolf, and She knows me and understands what truly motivates me. Removal of all intimate contact and denial of most daily contact has been painful to a core level, and is something i never want to repeat! She knows i want to experience physical discipline, so chose not to go down that road. Mistress Wolf also told me She would not use Physical discipline when angry or upset as She might not be able to stop once started...
7. my submission is not total and complete until EVERYTHING i do is to bring honor to Mistress Wolf. While i am closer now than i was a few short weeks ago i know realize i have far to go, and that i will make mistakes, will fail and fall short, and will have times when things just don't go right. BUT, i understand now that through it all, my Mistress Wolf loves me and wants me, is not going to leave me behind or shut me out of Her life. Our lives are one shared, and our journey is yet long.
i am sure there are more things that i have learned, but these are the most important to me at this time.
One last one... Mistress Wolf is my love, my life, and everything i live for. Without Her i am not me, but with Her i am so much more...
Last night I worked with my number two stress reliever. I started a new crochet project. If I had worked with my number one stress reliever we would all get fat. I love to bake when I'm stressed, but don't give away my creations.
The blanket I started on should take about 30-ish days to complete.
I talked with a friend today about the gentleman friend, she advised me to just wait. I told her that was what my tarot cards also said, she laughed that she wasn't the only one with that advice.
I guess I get to learn to be patient...
The blanket I started on should take about 30-ish days to complete.
I talked with a friend today about the gentleman friend, she advised me to just wait. I told her that was what my tarot cards also said, she laughed that she wasn't the only one with that advice.
I guess I get to learn to be patient...
There are no words. Yesterday I decided to check on a Facebook page where I had seen pictures of the gentleman friend. I checked to see if he was back in town yet. I found him. I have my answer.
There is a picture of him taken October 30. (four days before I saw it) So I texted him from Caged's phone and guess what, he answered. Granted it was only "who is this??" but it told me that he blocked my phone.
I spent 45 minutes this morning chatting with the two very important women in my life who know about him. One said he didn't have the man balls to tell me the situation was getting to much for him. They both agreed he is most likely married and got caught.
Funny story last Friday (the same day as the picture of him was taken) I got a call from a blocked number. I answered it thinking it might be him, it wasn't. It was a woman asking for the Cross residence. Got three more calls from the same number yesterday. The first two the phone rang once before hanging up (the calls were hours apart). The last call I answered it. It was the same woman who had called last Friday. I got that phone call minutes before Caged got the text message from him.
One of my friends called the number back today and said it is for a realtor, she got a recording.
So, as Caged Wolf said today it's time to move on. This guy apparently was a lying sack of crap.
There is a picture of him taken October 30. (four days before I saw it) So I texted him from Caged's phone and guess what, he answered. Granted it was only "who is this??" but it told me that he blocked my phone.
I spent 45 minutes this morning chatting with the two very important women in my life who know about him. One said he didn't have the man balls to tell me the situation was getting to much for him. They both agreed he is most likely married and got caught.
Funny story last Friday (the same day as the picture of him was taken) I got a call from a blocked number. I answered it thinking it might be him, it wasn't. It was a woman asking for the Cross residence. Got three more calls from the same number yesterday. The first two the phone rang once before hanging up (the calls were hours apart). The last call I answered it. It was the same woman who had called last Friday. I got that phone call minutes before Caged got the text message from him.
One of my friends called the number back today and said it is for a realtor, she got a recording.
So, as Caged Wolf said today it's time to move on. This guy apparently was a lying sack of crap.
oh no! I'm so sorry @Mistress Wolf !
I guess it's good to you know now at least. Not that knowing feels good, but at least answers are better than not going and waiting. *hugs*
I guess it's good to you know now at least. Not that knowing feels good, but at least answers are better than not going and waiting. *hugs*
Thank you @MistressPhedre. I agree it was not the answer I wanted, but at least now I'm not worried about him. I know he's alive, he's just not interested in me! 
(despite his texts to the contrary)
The hard part is starting over, trying to find someone who fits my standards and is willing to stick around. Who is not married or attached in any way. I have a feeling he is out there, but waiting is the hardest part.
(despite his texts to the contrary)The hard part is starting over, trying to find someone who fits my standards and is willing to stick around. Who is not married or attached in any way. I have a feeling he is out there, but waiting is the hardest part.
Mistress Wolf,
I've been thinking a lot about your and @Caged Wolf 's search for a third. Given that you're looking online, I thought I'd offer a bit of advice from my experience of online dating.
I meet my husband on a dating website, and had been looking online for about 1.5-2 years before I meet him. I definitely had to kiss my share of toads before I found him! Looking back I see a common thread between the total toads, and the guys that were at least promising. Before I found my husband I did date a couple of other guys I meet online. The difference between them and the total time wasters was how quickly they were willing to meet. I don't mean for anything big or "fun." But if they were willing to meet for coffee within a week or two of online contact, then the either we'd both know there was not spark, or I'd know they weren't serious.
Obviously there are many differences between what I was looking for and what you two are. But maybe seeing if he is willing to meet sooner, just for coffee, it might help to weed out the lying sacks of crap. Good luck!
I've been thinking a lot about your and @Caged Wolf 's search for a third. Given that you're looking online, I thought I'd offer a bit of advice from my experience of online dating.
I meet my husband on a dating website, and had been looking online for about 1.5-2 years before I meet him. I definitely had to kiss my share of toads before I found him! Looking back I see a common thread between the total toads, and the guys that were at least promising. Before I found my husband I did date a couple of other guys I meet online. The difference between them and the total time wasters was how quickly they were willing to meet. I don't mean for anything big or "fun." But if they were willing to meet for coffee within a week or two of online contact, then the either we'd both know there was not spark, or I'd know they weren't serious.
Obviously there are many differences between what I was looking for and what you two are. But maybe seeing if he is willing to meet sooner, just for coffee, it might help to weed out the lying sacks of crap. Good luck!
Mistress Phedre,
Thank you for the advice.
Caged and I went to see my auntie a few weeks ago and she told me that a lot of guys get scared when it comes to meeting people face to face. She said she was talking to someone online for months and the guy chickened out when it came time to meet. She also advised me to not give out face pictures or topless pictures, not only will they be out there forever, but they could come back to haunt me one day. (thankfully the topless picture I sent didn't have my full face in the picture)
The last guy wanted to have the first meeting within a week of texting, but when I tried to set something up a week or two later he would either not read the message or say no he was busy. (which I thought was confusing when I talked to him on the phone)
I am feeling better about the way the situation ended with the last guy (we think he came into our lives to show us what needed to be fixed; we believe everything happens for a reason), I have moved on and hope to find someone better. If no one else ever meets my list of standards then I guess it's not something that will happen.
Thank you for the advice.
Caged and I went to see my auntie a few weeks ago and she told me that a lot of guys get scared when it comes to meeting people face to face. She said she was talking to someone online for months and the guy chickened out when it came time to meet. She also advised me to not give out face pictures or topless pictures, not only will they be out there forever, but they could come back to haunt me one day. (thankfully the topless picture I sent didn't have my full face in the picture)
The last guy wanted to have the first meeting within a week of texting, but when I tried to set something up a week or two later he would either not read the message or say no he was busy. (which I thought was confusing when I talked to him on the phone)
I am feeling better about the way the situation ended with the last guy (we think he came into our lives to show us what needed to be fixed; we believe everything happens for a reason), I have moved on and hope to find someone better. If no one else ever meets my list of standards then I guess it's not something that will happen.
Where to start? It's been almost a month since my last post and a few things have happened in different aspects of my life.
I've finished my dreaded math course with a b (double victory since I failed the same class back in Jr. High). So now I have three quarters left until I complete my degree (hopefully this time next year I'll be done!)
I've made significant progress on my book (writing a paranormal romance in longhand; very slow process).
I've gotten all of Caged Wolf's Christmas presents. I hope he likes what I got him, since I always go to great lengths to find things I think he will enjoy. The tree is up and so are the decorations. It feels festive here.
I have forgiven CagedWolf for his transgression back in August. I realized with him I can't hold onto the grudge forever. He has apologized and I know he meant it. We've moved on.
I am still finding things she-who-shall-not-be-named gave to us. I found one item and promptly threw it in the trash. Then I ran to grab a peppermint Altoid and threw one in the trash too (she was supposedly allergic to the smell of peppermint). Caged Wolf gave me a strange look until I told him what I was doing and why, he said it was a good idea. I told my auntie (the matriarch of our pack, who also knew her) and she said that was genius.
Yesterday I went though pictures on social media to delete comments from her. The site deleted her likes to the pictures, but I had to go to every picture to look for her comments. I'm not going to bother with the posts I've put up, that's just too much work.
Caged Wolf and I have gotten together with other adults away from the "social club" we'd go to about once a month. It has been refreshing to get together and not worry about inappropriate touching (from guys other than Caged Wolf) We have plans to get together with friends soon.
I hope 2016 will be a better year than 2015 has been.
I've finished my dreaded math course with a b (double victory since I failed the same class back in Jr. High). So now I have three quarters left until I complete my degree (hopefully this time next year I'll be done!)
I've made significant progress on my book (writing a paranormal romance in longhand; very slow process).
I've gotten all of Caged Wolf's Christmas presents. I hope he likes what I got him, since I always go to great lengths to find things I think he will enjoy. The tree is up and so are the decorations. It feels festive here.
I have forgiven CagedWolf for his transgression back in August. I realized with him I can't hold onto the grudge forever. He has apologized and I know he meant it. We've moved on.
I am still finding things she-who-shall-not-be-named gave to us. I found one item and promptly threw it in the trash. Then I ran to grab a peppermint Altoid and threw one in the trash too (she was supposedly allergic to the smell of peppermint). Caged Wolf gave me a strange look until I told him what I was doing and why, he said it was a good idea. I told my auntie (the matriarch of our pack, who also knew her) and she said that was genius.
Yesterday I went though pictures on social media to delete comments from her. The site deleted her likes to the pictures, but I had to go to every picture to look for her comments. I'm not going to bother with the posts I've put up, that's just too much work.
Caged Wolf and I have gotten together with other adults away from the "social club" we'd go to about once a month. It has been refreshing to get together and not worry about inappropriate touching (from guys other than Caged Wolf) We have plans to get together with friends soon.
I hope 2016 will be a better year than 2015 has been.
Sig Wyrminorb
Long term member
Mistress Wolf,
Thank you for your forgiveness, i know i do not deserve it, but am thankful we have been able to work past what i did. i know some things have changed and will never go back to as they were, and i accept that.
i am so proud of the effort and time you put into learning everything for the Math class, and the B was an awesome grade!
i am not yet done with my Christmas shopping, as i have not found anything that truly conveys the feelings and commitment for you.
I am also hoping 2016 is a MUCH better year!
Love you SO much Mistress Wolf!
Thank you for your forgiveness, i know i do not deserve it, but am thankful we have been able to work past what i did. i know some things have changed and will never go back to as they were, and i accept that.
i am so proud of the effort and time you put into learning everything for the Math class, and the B was an awesome grade!
i am not yet done with my Christmas shopping, as i have not found anything that truly conveys the feelings and commitment for you.
I am also hoping 2016 is a MUCH better year!
Love you SO much Mistress Wolf!
Mistress Wolf I just have to say how great it is that you both post here my wife probably never will. Some of us follow your ups and downs whist we have our own and it's great to be able to relate to you both. Wishing you a happy holiday and an awsome 2016.
I totally agree with @wishful. Your story is one that I find inspirational and mesmerizing. My Wife and I are not following the same tack as you, but I still find many similarities and areas I can learn from. @Caged Wolf writes so openly and honestly that I have used him as my guide, I try to do the same thing with my own developments. His words on my journal always help, I am so glad you have managed to forgive him.
I wish you both all the best in 2016. I will be following your ongoing story as long as you both honour us by telling it in this forum. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I wish you both all the best in 2016. I will be following your ongoing story as long as you both honour us by telling it in this forum. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.