Advice needed please.

Good luck! I'm interested to see how you progress. Would you consider writing up some of your experience and progress in the journal section? I'd love to follow it.

 

Good decision, @MsIndeed ! Let him know who is in control and keep him wondering and panting!

 

That is definitely a good decision. I also would love to follow your progress, if you find time to report on it.
I am in chastity play with my wife for about 6 years now but the longest lockup period was only 30 days. Just yesterday I have sent to my wife the link: The Secret to a Happy Marriage (neocities.org)
I may now be in an initial three months lock up period. All I am sure about - I am locked and travelling in China for 11 days. I will know more about my future destiny on return home.

 

This is absolutely a good way to get into things and push longer. We did similar things first starting out, be it dice, random number generator, playing cards, whatever. Just make sure you have a safeword and access to emergency key if thing are getting uncomfortable or he really really needs out for whatever reason. This is a marathon not a sprint and meant to be fun so keep it fun. Another fun one we did for years was game nights(non kinky) and keep score. Every point was a day((could be an hr, min or whatever you choose). We kept a tally with a short term count and long term either could be cashed in by her at any time and if I hit zero any night excluding the first I could unlock and orgasm that night or deduct 50% of it from the other tally.

 

Isn't he a lucky boy!

 

Congratulations MsIndeed! that sounds like a good idea. in my case, she gradually increased the time until we hit every month. that made it possible to go 6 months, then a year, then longer.

 

I would basically agree with everything Ms Pamela says. (Of course !)
If you are both reasonably new to chastity the he certainly does need 'breaking in'. You will need to take the cage off (plastic or metal) on a reasonably regular basis for cleaning and checking for chaffing: almost inevitable for starters in my opinion. But you can make this fun and erotic by having him restrained while you do this or watching him shower to ensure there's no cheating !
It definitely does take a while for a man's body to become accustomed to wearing a cage on a daily basis but it also definitely happens. I also think we lose the ability fairly quickly if we stop wearing the cage for any length of time.
I also think it's a big mistake to equate 'Chastity' with 'No sex'. In fact just the opposite: chastity is all about sex (if not for him !). He will be constantly aware, 24/7, that he is wearing a cage and that you are only one with a key. I'm sure that most women have no idea of just how much of a head trip that is.
So don't ignore the poor boy. Letting him out for teasing / edging is great fun and should leave him even more frustrated and hornier than he was before. Let him know, regularly and often that he know he's wearing the cage and it's just for you. Reach out and grab it occasionally: remember you now own it. If you're out at a restaurant.push your bare toes - or stiletto - into his crotch. Accidentally-on-purpose rub up against him. ear revealing / sexy clothes around the home . . . and always wear the key around your neck or n an anklet so he can see it.
Finally he's in chastity, you're not. Make him worship your body on a regular basis. You're entitled to an orgasm whenever and wherever you'd like and however you'd like. Personally I think making my KH cum with tongue while locked is just about as sexy as it gets !

 

Lots of good advice so far, I'll come in that the key to this is communication and understanding his hope and desire for chastity. If he is looking for you to be in complete control, then no matter if he's struggling after a week, you enforce what time-frame you want on him, but ensure you tease him and remind him that you're in control and understand that he is struggling, but that it pleases you and that is the goal. It will help redirect the frustration into positive feelings gs of accomplishment. Now, you know your partner, so maybe plan for release on an increasingly extended period to break him in, but once he's gone 14 days locked, to be honest it's wide open, as I've noticed that's the hardest hurdle personally.

Best of luck!

 

That's great MsIndeed. 30+ days in a belt will help him understand his place very well

 

Donna the dom

 

@Junebug15, I am always wondering and panting!

 

Love these discussions. Even the most seasoned KH and locked boi can learn.

 

My wife and I have been at this for the last 14 years. We are at the no more orgasms for a year goal. It is up to my wife if she gives in and makes me orgasm or not but in the past we have done it gradually. I will explain what we did.

We sat down and discussed it. At first we did one orgasm every month which seems to be what most do according to online surveys I have seen. We did that for a half a year and then talked again. Then we jointly decided that I would wait every 6 weeks. Then we only discussed our new terms at the end of each year. It became an orgasm every two months then three months then four and you get the point. It was a joint decission because this is real life and not a porn fantasy. Both need to be in agreement.

Fast forward to this year where I agreed to forgo future orgasms. My wife would love that but we will see if she decides she wants to make me orgasm, she can because we jointly agreed that sex is now only for her pleasure and no planned orgams for me. I am used to not having them anyway. When I read about all the pegging and being degraded and feminized, whipped and beaten, I know they will disappear from all chastity forums in a few months and I have been at this before there were any chastity forums in present format that is. I have seen all but a very few leave after weeks or months. The reason is that they are trying to do chastity as if all the porn sites and blogs are real instead of designed to arouse men. I got pegged too and ended up in the hospital with a torn colon. I was treated as a slave which was fun until the initial excitement wore off and I no longer desired to live that way.

In fact I lived with two women who sexually dominated and denied me even before they made chastity cages commercially. I am 72 now so I have been around the fetish and poly block before. At our girlfriends BDSM club an older couple, when we were younger, told us to save our marriage we should leave our sexual fetishes in the bedroom because no one will last as a slave very long. They were right. We would visit couples where the wife would make the husband perform oral on guys and get whipped by any woman who wanted to whip them. Yet when we met them socially they were just a normal married couple. That is how we live. In the bedroom my wife whips my ass until it is marked and denies me orgasms and any intercourse as it has been for more than 35 years as far as we can remember. She spits in my mouth and used it as her toilet for both openings too. Yet once we leave the bedroom we are equals and living a regular life except I wear a chastity cage. Only difference. I am not her slave outside of the bedroom and we are married 51 years.

 

I enjoyed the reality of your post.
My wife and myself also agreed that our kink is just between the two of us and stays in the bedroom,except when I have to clean the house LOL,
We do have one small exception.
We enjoy entertaining, friends over etc...
When she needs her drink refreshed all she has to do is look at me and shake the ice in her cup and I immediately have to serve her a fresh drink.

 

this is just how my madam did it, I was never told how long I would be locked for it’s always on her terms, and if I ask how long I will be locked for, her answer is always the same, “well it’s longer now!”

 

Might I suggest the following as an alternative -

Instead of several days continuous, tell him that EVERY day he will be locked from say 7am tlll 8pm. Lock him on the first day. By 8pm he'll be all over you, obedient and primed for an orgasm. That's the bit where you tell him you said he would be locked every daytime but never said he'd be unlocked at night, and then you decide whether to unlock him, or tell him you are sorry and that (for any reason you fancy - even just because you want to see what he does) he will stay in till 8pm tomorrow (ie miss out on his free time 8pm till 7am). That is, he is always locked over a certain range of hours each day (7am till 8pm), then you decide if he comes out between those, or stays locked overnight.

I suspect that will push him into subspace and cement your control, much more than say a straight 7 days locked in (even though it still may end up a straight 7 days locked up). You'll love the look on his face when you tell him not tonight when he is all ready to get out!

Extra points for you if at 8pm you tell him you're tired and he must stay locked overnight BUT you will give him a blowjob at 6.30am before putting him back in at 7am. At 6.30am tell him you haved changed your mind and leave him locked! Again - he'll be primed for pleasure and the chastity effect will feel amplified.

That way, he will be getting used to regular time in the cage (important for newbies), obedient every night, kept guessing, and if you want to do say 5 days straight, then just don't unlock him for four evenings.

 

We are one month into it. I only expect to be let out for cleaning once a week. Even those are supervised Everyone above has mentioned it and it is a key part. Unless there is a medical emergency or cleaning necessities, he can stay in as long as you desire. In the past month I have been allowed to orgasm twice. Once by my hand in front of her under her supervision. I had to ask permission to cum, and she made it very long and drawn out making me edge myself. Last night I was offered piv for my second orgasm this month understanding if I chose too, I would clean up my mess orally as she sat on my face after. I said yes and of course when I was done, my mind frame changed and no longer wanted to clean up. She made sure I did a good job and didn’t back down. That is twice in a month. She locked me back up last night and said she would like to see me go to January now with no impression that she was joking. My point is, that my wife has made it clear she is in charge and is in control. I have suffered ruined orgasms and lots edging only to be locked back up begging and an almost in tears. I have found in this month myself being pushed by her into my subspace. She is very good at it and I kneel for her on command with a thought. I yearn for any opportunity to service her orally or use toys in her for her pleasure. Both happen for an hour or longer before bed. I have lost count of how many orgasms she has had this month. As time goes by I find myself focusing purely on her needs which was her wishes in the beginning. This is for you, your needs, wants and pleasures. Not his. The more you work under that thought the less you will worry about his release or orgasms and the more he will focus on you and yours.

 

We do that too plus I have to volunteer to help the host in social events. Set the table, clean up afterwards and stuff like that.

 

I 100% agree in the home or bedroom is where it stays and works best for us. Outside we have rules to follow. Part of our agreement is that I had to read and remember the book “How to be a gentleman.” The Princess Wife loves that people often tell her I am such a gentleman because I stand every time a lady gets up from the table or returns. I open doors, pull out chairs, etc. I always stand behind her in public. The appearance is that I am always respectful and gentlemanly to my Wife. She expects it and believe me pays close attention. If I mess up, she has her ways of letting me know very quietly. It gives her a way to be in charge publicly without outright telling people. No one would ever know the wife led relationship we live.