The real feeling of Chastity

This really is not about sex or chastity or whips and chains, it's about your wife moving to her righful place as an enlightend woman of power, and you being kind and loving enough to promote her growth. Look to see her overall growth and change. Watch how she interacts with others. See her rise as a Goddess and be grateful for an opportunity to serve and strengthen her. Mistress has written a little female daily meditation book called 'I am the Gift' it can be found on Amazon or LuLu. Its about a woman finding her power and claiming her right to lead.( No it is not femdom) I find that it is helpful to women and very helpful to the men that try to understand their frustrations.If I had to guess you are both resting before another growth spurt. Well, how about growth opporunity 'spurt' may not be the appropriate term!

 

I think the words Doing it for her and not you should sound a few alert bells ringing here. You are a couple after all and you are both important in the relationship never forget that. I enjoy reading of your exploits and hope they continue although i feel they need to take account of both parties needs and feelings.

 

Mobico

Firstly I would like to say that:-

"We need to resolve this. She's "not stepping into the house until we find resolution"; "

sounds like an ultimatum. It may not be your exact fantasy anymore but your wife has become your mistress as you originally wanted. You need to accept that to do this properly she should make all the decisions in your lives (including when, if or how you cum). She may choose to consult you on some of these but she should make the final decision!

From your recent posts your wife has told you she doesn't want to go back to where you both were before this started. Therefore a key question for you need to answer for yourself is; Do you want a vanilla relationship with your fantasies remaining just that?

So finally, be careful what you wish for and don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Rita

 

Rita is right partly in her post but there is always a thing called compromise. There is no reason why an amicable result cannot be achieved for both parties here and the threat of either or does not need to be the only outcome. So many times throughout history things set in stone have needed to be and indeed have had to change for things to move forward. You may have started something that is rolling away from you to fast but it is worth trying to get it back under control.

 

This subject of giving total control to your wife but retaining some measure is an interesting one. I would like to hope that since you are focused on making your wife happy, and giving up a lot in the process, that she would appreciate it and want to make you happy as well. I get upset when men complain how they're suffering (unless they want to) with the process. If their wife loves them and is sensitive to their needs, I don't see why such suffering is needed. You also have to be careful about power corrupting. I've heard some Doms concerned that they have almost too much power over their husbands and have abused it at times.

My sense from the beginning is that your wife (with the help of her 'advisor') wants to 'break' you as fast as possible. I don't see why the two of you can't proceed more slowly while you get accustomed to it and at some point you will want to grant the total control your wife wants. The process of giving up control can be a slow one involving a lot of trust. Some of your posts seem to me that some of your trust in your wife was broken. Rules changed you didn't approve of.

All this stuff about sacrificing everything for your wife may be right for some, but you have needs and desires and if your wife isn't dealing with them with partial control, total control won't help. All of this if supposed to be for your benefit, too. You may be submissive or even a slave, but that doesn't make you a doormat.

I think some more communication is really needed here. Your wife has to take your feelings into account. You're thinking of her feelings, shouldn't she be thinking of yours? I keep thinking this Ms Suz is throwing everything off balance. She is affecting the natural progression of your process. You and your wife should be deciding (consensually) what goes on, instead of your wife and Ms Suz deciding. This ultimatum is typical of this. A loving couple should never have to resort to threats or ultimatums. To me, an ultimatum is that which forces you into a decision of position you don't want to be in.

You can still move forward, but it's not fair to push you faster that you can comfortably handle it. Just as it's not fair for a husband to push his wife too fast into his fetish, as has been echoed here many times. It should hold true for both sexes. What's the rush. Enjoy the ride. Perhaps, again with Ms Suz' advice, your wife is looking at the end result and wishing to get there was quick possible.

Dennis

 

i go along with everything dboy says maybe it is Ms Suz influence being a little too strong too fast . Talking never hurt anything and at least everything gets a chance to be aired in the open, say whats on your mind after all it still is your mind at the moment.

 

Seems to me that your wife is in the process of loosing all respect for you. IMHO I would be concerned, even slaves need love.

 

Yep. One of your posts that really sticks in my mind is from a few months ago when you said you went on a "normal" date. I think you went for a meal or something and then drank wine. You were doing vanilla stuff which is pleasurable - and you loved it. And who wouldn't?

I reckon you miss that part of your life and you want it back - I know I would. Being submissive can be fun - lots of fun - but being a 24-7 slave sounds a living hell.

I think I'm also right in saying that you only ever wanted a chastity arrangement - which is about a million miles away from being treated like sh*t every day, standing naked bar a hood, shackled up.

Sounds like you've lost your wife and are now married to a monster.

 

Hey Monsters a bit strong this is the chaps wife your talking about after all. No-one can really tell you what you should do or say only you can really know whether you have been pushed too far, i can see your dilemma here anybody who craves someone to become more dominant in their lives would be drawn as you have been and would also be very reluctant to risk losing all of it by making a stand when it goes too far but you have to do it you must be feeling this deep down otherwise you would not have even discussed it at all. Your wife married you as you were and you as she was what you have both turned into is not neccessarily what you are deemed to remain. Sit and talk openly discuss the positives and the negatives and try and reach a safe compromise i fear if you dont and you just continue on this path things may spiral further and further away from your original wishes. Good Luck

 

Here's a scenario to think about... At SOME point, this is all going to have to stop. Do you picture yourselves at 75 years old still being cuffed and teased?

So what I guess I'm getting at here is that there has to be some sort of relationship between the two of you besides dominant and slave. If not, when all this stuff finally starts winding down, what sort of relationship will you have at that point? Maybe ask your wife if she's ever considered how/when this will end, and what she envisions for the two of you in your golden years.

 

Thanks for the very promising sounding update, hopefully you and your wife can come out of this with an even stronger relationship.
Rita

 

This issue of your wife thinking she can do whatever she wants to you brings up many issues. IMO, no, she can’t. You have to have limits and she has to respect them. It’s ridiculous for her to think you are some kind of inhuman figure she can do anything to like you are a rag doll. She has to think about what’s she doing and how it will affect you.

Most couples have a ‘list’ of acceptable punishments. The punishment may be hard but usually something that appeals to you. For example, I enjoy getting my face slapped but if it was really hard enough to hurt for more than a second or two, it wouldn’t be any fun and could possibly cause damage. I would accept a hard spanking, but if a whip or cane came out, there would be problems. Granted, if I upset my wife I would feel like some punishment is deserved but I don’t expect to really suffer with bruises, etc. Some people would but I sense you’re not one of them. This is just a wonderful game between you and your wife. And unless your punishments serve to increase your submissiveness (which is a positive for you), you shouldn't be actually suffering and hating them.

Any punishment given to you should be something in the realm of what you enjoy, or at least accept. And it must be respected. Perhaps the severity would make it unpleasant but your wife shouldn’t actually be hurting you. This isn’t ancient Rome and you’re not an actual slave with no say. You shouldn’t be experiencing pain unless it’s in an area you can deal with. Suppose your wife wanted to use a knife to do some cuttings or put you on hormones. Do you have limits defined?

There are so many ways to punish or humiliate. Some you will ‘enjoy’ or tolerate. Some may really upset you. She has to know which is which and punish or humiliate in an acceptable way for you. It’s a bit of a contradiction to punish in an acceptable way, this is one of the things that couples initially work out in the relationship.

It’s a big reasonability for a dom to select a punishment. And doing something spur of the moment might be easy and fun (at your expense) but a more carefully thought out plan should be used. The first rule of any dom is to NEVER act in anger. Same with raising children. Never punish a child in anger. Calm down and then think it out. If you upset her, she should think about it and punish you later (or at least when she’s calmed down) with the punishment fitting the crime. If this continues and your wife can just act out when or where, there will be trouble as it escalates.

And while I hate to make this comparison, only children lash out with their feeling without thinking of the consequences. Maybe your wife needs to mature in this area (please, no offense intended).

Also I doubt Ms Suz is just a sounding board. You mean to tell me that Ms Suz makes no suggestions, just listens and agrees or disagrees. Yeah, right. She’s obviously guiding your wife and giving her ideas. Do you think your wife came up with all these things by herself. (Maybe, I don’t know your wife but she doesn’t sound like a ‘beginner’). I don’t know Ms Suz. There are doms that like men and those that have no respect for men since the men they encounter are easily manipulated.

I didn’t like the off limits attitude of your wife regarding Ms Suz. While I understand it, I think, since it affects you, you should know the ultimate goal that your wife (or Ms Suz) has in store for you. Perhaps they wish to turn you into a sissy with breasts, making love to men. A bit exaggerated, but you get the idea. At the least, I think you should know Ms Suz and what she is like (maybe you already do). It’s like, if you’re going to be treaded by a doctor, you should know he’s competent. If you’re going to be treated by Ms Suz, you should know her credentials and her philosophy as well. As you get more submissive and into things, you might start agreeing to things you don’t really want to agree to. And yes, the journey should be somewhat of a surprise but you should understand where this may eventually lead.

It sounds like your wife is trying to act like she (or Ms Suz) thinks a dom should act and is over doing it. There’s no right or wrong way. It’s different for each couple.

Again I emphasize this is a journey for the enjoyment of both of you. Yes, you’re doing this for your wife’s benefit but you have to enjoy it as well. This is all for you (I assume) to be more submissive and enjoy the feelings it brings. True suffering is not a part of it. If your wife is getting the enjoyment out of it she says, you should be feeling the love from her in a bug way. Seems like the opposite has been true.

Is she afraid that showing love will somehow weaken her dom status? Stand up for yourself. You and your wife must plan this out together. Otherwise, it will eventually fail, it’s having problems right now.

If she loves you, your happiness must be paramount on her mind as her happiness is paramount on yours.

Dennis

 

Just on a lighter note momentarily Chastitylocked are you telling me there are NO nursing homes or sheltered housing available that incorporate a dungeon underneath for the husbands? oh crap! Sorry M back to the post i am so pleased you have at least opened dialogue again with your wife its the only way forward. I agree with the other comments to some degree this has to be an agreement suitable and acceptable for you both, with regard the punishments given out yes there should be limits pre agreed with you that is not to say that you get to pick exactly what your wife thinks is the correct one at the time or to what severity (you do have to believe she will be sensible and trust her). I think you have started to sort things out and hopefully progress will find a satisfactory result for you both. I do think maybe the input from this Ms Suz is the main stumbling block here it may have had its uses in the beginning but i think she has past her usefulness in your situation from now, let her find someone elses arrangement now to dabble with and you and your wife get back to what you were doing before her intervention. From a complete outsiders view if it were my wife i would be a little worried about the relationship that seems to have formed between the two of them maybe its more on the part of Ms Suz it would certainly explain somethings?. Take care

 

Some more feedback I want to get off my shoulders. I left this thread after your wife took you on your first shopping trip with her. I got really upset with the situation (the way you told it anyway). It’s hard enough going shopping when you’re bored to death but to feel tired or weak because you need to eat is worse. A dom is supposed to be responsible for the care and feeding of a sub. Did she expect you to go 6 hours (the length of the trip I believe) without eating? Your wife seemed to ignore your pleas for food. A dom should not ignore their sub (unless it’s part of a punishment). And when the Macy’s clerk mentioned how patient you were and your wife ‘forgave’ you, why didn’t your wife notice your good behavior. Why did it take someone else. Your wife is supposed to notice things like this. It’s part of her ‘job’ as a dom. She needs to be acutely aware of you and your emotions.

Your wife came across to me as mean and uncaring. It seemed to me that your wife wanted you to fail. Going from no shopping to 6 hours is a huge step. She wants to make it rough for you it seems. I think Ms Suz again.

Anyway, I was so upset with this, I couldn’t get it out of my mind. It still upsets me when I think of it. So in spite of wanting to read this thread, it upsets me too much. I peeked in a little here and there, but your first sentence would start the thread with yet another mean thing your wife did to you. My reading really ended when I read about your kitchen cleanup where you forgot the inside of the fridge. She beat you with a cane at a level that read as unacceptable to you (and not part of your contract I believe). But I suspect your wife feels it’s her right to modify your contract at here whim. I think this violates the concept of having a contract. What’s the point of a contract if it’s not followed (at least to a certain extent). Another example of her not listening to your needs. It’s not all about her. It’s about both of you.

When I read most threads, men will complain a bit about their treatment (bragging sometimes I think) but at the end of the post, they say how much they really love it and how submissiveness has increased the level of love between them. The small number of posts from you I’ve read seem to skip mention of the happiness achieved through the various tasks your wife puts you through. Instead of becoming more submissive, you are becoming more angry.

As I’ve stated, it’s hard for your wife to know the subtleties of controlling you. It’s up to you to guide her to what you like and what you don’t, not Ms Suz. This is not topping from the bottom, it’s about educating your wife as to your needs and wants. It’s then up to her if and when she wants to satisfy these needs and wants. You don’t have to say “do this to me”, that’s controlling, but you can let your wife what you like. You can never be wrong for sharing your feelings. I get the sense that your wife doesn’t know how to act dominant. It’s not about being mean or distant. The reality is that after you are ‘abused’ you need a period of healing where your wife comforts you. This can increase intimacy.

Oh, and as far as the Ms Suz sounding board is concerned, there are other ways to get advice. I’m not sure how often your wife gets together or communicates with Ms Suz, but I suspect it’s very frequent and your wife is very influenced..

A very interesting thread in this site is the “It’s kind to be Cruel” with Miss Angelique. She treats her sub very roughly (how he likes it) but she is very attentive to his condition. She gives him what he wants but a little more than he wants. She considers his desires and fetishes and plays into them on her terms. She’s pro and is quite educated on how a real dom works. Her posts show the love and care she gives her sub while treating him very poorly. But he loves it and it has brought them much closer together.

Communication is the key. You should, in the initial stages (which you re in), after each session share your deepest feelings with one another. What you liked and didn’t like.

True intimacy is achieved when you share your innermost feelings with another.

Also, the very fact that you are here asking for advice (not a bad thing to do) shows you are having problems with clear thinking. You should be able to sort this out yourself but your thinking may be clouded by the process you’re going through. I’m not surprised, as a sub that can’t think clearly, will do anything request ed of them. Maybe this is part of your training. You don’t know. Where will you be in a year or two?

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Dennis

 

As far as I know, that's not the case. Although I do believe there's a leash that can be attached to a walker or wheelchair.

 

Good for you Mobico at least the break seems to have made things in your mind a little clearer. It must be a very fine line to walk on as the up side is fantastic erotic submission and the low side feeling neglected and confused. My situation is nowhere near yours in the severity factor even though part of me yearn for it to get more and more intense. What we do share in common is the love for our wives and the gratitude that to whatever level they participate in our fantasies is testament to their love for us in trying to make us fulfilled and happy. I do hope that this period will help you both get back to the place you need to be working from but TOGETHER!.

 

I appreciate your clearing things up and relieving some of my ‘upset. I think I get too involved sometimes, as I’m very sensitive to this situation. I’m happy to hear you are basically happy with your arrangement and that there’s such a solid relationship with your wife.

I totally get what you're saying about not knowing where this will lead and the mystery of what will happen at any moment. And Ms Suz's involvement as well. As long as you're good with it...great!

In my comment about the shopping trip, I know there was a happy ending but my point was that your wife should have noticed and evaluated your behavior, instead of a Macy’s clerk pointing it out.

I only know what’s going on with you by reading your posts. I can understand your need to vent. It just seemed that every post started with your wife making you miserable and being unfair to you. Just a few posts ago, you started by saying how your wife took away your laptop computer. Again, you made it seem very unfair and I stopped reading after that. I'm just too sensitive.

The real feeling of chastity should be joy, I just didn’t get that from your posts.

I’ve read countless posts over the years but yours stuck out because you are a good writer and conveyed quite well your unhappiness with your situation and that your wife at times seemed most unfair. This happened across many posts so it seemed like an ongoing problem. Most posts I read will complain but also mention the love, etc that goes along with it. So I’m very glad your relationship is much better than it seems from your posts. Please don't change your posts in any way for me, but I do appreciate the sentiment.

I guess in venting you are looking for support and sympathy. You sure have mine. The fact that you do vent so much may be telling. There should be bumps along the way, but you shouldn’t feel miserable. But then, it’s your life and I’m probably overreacting to your ‘plight’. If venting helps, then go for it. I certainly don’t want to interfere.

I didn’t mean to make you defensive and I hope you found some usefulness in my comments. Good luck and I hope all gets worked out to your (and your wife’s) satisfaction.

Dennis

 

Truth to tell regarding the context i would have read the same into it as dboy. Though it would seem somewhat irritating to do such a thing while making a break...

about the maintopic:
I don't think that you and your wife are necessarily that much apart. Maybe you shouldn't pick out some things you have trouble with at the moment, but rather talk about dominant relationships in general, too. About what a D/s relationship is, what it means to be dominant and what responsibilities come with beeing the dominant part.
Your wife might be rightwhen she sais that the dominant part can do whatever he or she wants (within the limits) - that's what D/s is about (at least for me) - but she she forgot that whatever she might do she has a responsibility for you and your relationship.
Forgot is maybe the false word as no one might have told her about it in the first place (or at least about its importance). And that's the only point where I think Mrs. Suz "influence" might not tbe that good. Not that she would suggest anything that would harm you or that her "influence" in generalls has to be bad in general, but that she as dominatrix (professional) just forgot to point out some things that are essential in a relationship (but not so much in her business...).
Maybe it could help your wife to understand that part (and figure out how to live it) to talk to other (reasonable) dominants. On a board or maybe even better on a munch...