How to deal with sub drop post orgasm.

I think the drop is partly due to biology but does not have to happen (beyond a few minutes) if he is reminded that this reward comes from sacrifice with/for his partner and is appreciated.

 

I agree with this completely, this is how I have dealt with sub drop in the past and it is very successful. I typically would allow him orgasm, then we would do something like have lunch or go to a move and then do an intense edging session. That way you get the binding time right after orgasm and then cut off sub drop.

 

I have had similar difficulties with hubby after an orgasm. I never really tried punishments because although a punishment could alter how hubby acted, I was more interested in changing how he felt. I wanted to bring back that submissive side that seems to evaporate seconds after an orgasm. I don't think there's any magic bullet here, but some things that seem to help:

* Re-asserting my dominance almost immediately. Sometimes I mess this up because I don't want to spoil those tender moments afterwards, but I try not to wait too long before locking him back up and giving him an order or two.
* A very good edging either later that day or the next day at the latest. Somehow, going too long without that teasing leads to hubby sort of shutting down.
* Making sure there's lots of connection in those first few days after an orgasm. For us, this seems to be the window where "lock and forget" is most dangerous.

Even so, it isn't perfect and it takes time for that desire and submissiveness to build up fully. The only way I eliminated it completely was by substituting ruined orgasms most of the time. I never noticed any drop after a properly ruined orgasm, and they were just enough relief that I could make hubby wait several months between full orgasms. Then, when I finally did let him have a full orgasm it was almost like one orgasm wasn't enough after all that time... a lot of that desire was still there and carried over.

Long distance will add its own challenges. Like I think I would have naturally aimed for the orgasm to be the culmination at the very end of a visit. But if you want to squeeze in one more edging then you need to change the schedule a bit.

 

This is great to know! I'm hoping my Wife/KH switches me over to ruin's only and this is kind of the hope/goal!

 

So many good inputs here. Here are my thoughts.

- Main issue is sub drop: From what I have read here and elsewhere putting the cage back on as soon after an orgasm as possible seems to help. Encouraging words from you and some teasing might help if there is any difficulty. Maybe not guaranteeing a full orgasm every time will make him wonder. "Sorry dear no release for you this time, maybe next time."

- Another issue is the need to clean regularly: Maybe consider some other cages that need less regular cleaning or ones that can be cleaned without removal. More enclosed cages are generally harder to keep clean. More recently I have been wearing a urethral tube cage support by a single bar which is very open. It makes it easy to clean without removal and it is just as effective at preventing erections I think.

- Possible cheating: Maybe this is not a issue for you, but if you have any concerns perhaps challenge your sub to not use the emergency key by taking it from him sometimes. It will not make any difference if he is not cheating. Also measuring how much he produces when he is with you could be a way to monitor unauthorized activity. Perhaps reward him when he produces more (this might discourage playing at other times).

I hope something here is helpful to you.

 

@JaySaysYes trying not to be an asshole all of the time

 

I know for me, if I have a full orgasm, my drop is pretty drastic. My wife has learned if I edge my self soon after, it shortens the time.

For myself, the more I’m edged or teased, the more my mind set is to please her and my desire stays high.

My suggestion would be to allow him to edge at least three consecutive times, then lock him back up. The other option is to make him eat his cum when he does cum to help reduce the drop as well. To me, it’s a great option to be allowed to cum.

I hope this helps!

 

This thread makes sense to me. I know after an orgasm, the drop leaves me relaxed which is a nice relief for a few days. But maybe the prolactin surge and drop in oxytocin and dopamine just leave us feeling "not close" and unbonded. Which is probably in one way biologically designed. Stop pursuing what has already been conquered. Focus on oneself, recharge and go find another mate.

I get wrapped up in my head by the effects of the drop, feel bad for feeling detached, becoming withdrawn, etc. And hold myself accountable, but at the same time am where I am.

I need to talk to my wife about this, because after I have an orgasm, I do end up with drop in various forms, despite not wanting to and trying my hardest not to feel the effects. And there isn't much connection, teasing, etc for some time afterwards, maybe she thinks I'm good and don't need it. At the very time I need it the most.

 

Hmm. Can’t see this going well. Maybe, accepting the peaceful aftermath of orgasm is better than burdening your wife with expectations following on from it.
I know my wife likes a few days break of the sexual once she’s made me climax. She’s satisfied in that period too.

 

Make no mistake ladies that sub post drop is a devious attempt at power play by the male. Orgasming makes the male a bit less interested in sexual stuff for a day or two at my age. All this jekyll and Hyde stuff is made up. My mistress knows that some very hard ball torture, corporeal punishment, anal and humiliation may not suddenly spark my libido but will get me back focussed on how I should be feeling and behaving. Being tortured in this manner is an extreme feeling in different parts of the body other that the penis, although it can be whipped but should not be teased pleasurably. It's not as pleasurable as conventional sex but is as intense. That will take away the fixation on the penis being "serviced" by the mistress. Or teased for that matter. Don't be fooled and just go stronger and longer until you have him back to normal.

 

I'm good with that...I'm trying to understand what's really going on and then figure out how to articulate what's happening/what I'm feeling, etc. Then getting it out on the table we can talk about what to do. Which may not practically change anything, other than mutual understanding and awareness.

I actually like the downtime, too. But it seems to come at a price that I need to learn how to better manage and work through. Or else it's triggering something else in me.

 

Yet, understanding and awareness seems to change everything.
There’s a lot said about “communication” on this forum, but the word is so broad we forget about the desired result at times.

 

Being heard and acknowledged can go a long way with chastity (and other things in life).

"Honey, I really need some teasing, or an orgasm...I mean REALLY".

"I hear you, I bet you do...too bad I won't let you have that...but I'll think about it and maybe tonight/tomorrow/w

This is a good point...plays more with vasopressin than oxytocin. Give us a challenge, make us work, kick in the endorphines. Yeah, this makes total sense...maybe it's a better approach.

I think this relates to the aspect of teasing that works - the challenge part, not so much the pleasure. Put some intensity into focusing back into the dynamic.

 

Yes, it works for us. Not sure my mistress is particularly bothered about the chemistry. She just thinks I should be put in my place. Even during sex I am her pet and toy to be used. I am interested in what's going on in my brain so thank you.

 

My partner lived remotely for some time, even now we dont live together but we do see each other every day, but there is also a lot of unsupervised time.

I think the best way is to make sure you have him lock straight back up after release. Fortunately I don't really suffer from sub drop after a single orgasm (but it seems some others do), I rather feel quite grateful, but if I have 3 or more then I can feel the downer.

I generally get let out about once per week (used to be longer periods), and left free for our weekend, I miss the days when she used to lock me right back, but I quickly learnt if I messed about while I was free Id end up feeling down, so now I generally only have a second orgasm if she allows it, though she is not that strict when I am free, but strict on locking me back up after our weekend.

This is our remote system, I have a emergency key in a copper pipe which is protected by a numbered tamper tag, and a blue tooth lock device that can be unlocked by my partner sending me a 8 digit code to my phone. the lock is built like a brick shithouse and can't be broken. My partner generally sends me a code about half hour before she comes over so I can clean myself, I can control myself THAT long especially since I know whats coming

Id steer clear of that qiui device, have not hear many good things about the device or the app, I was considering it from a fun point of view, but bleah too many negative things have been said.



Also Jay, stop being a dick.

 

He hasn’t said a dickybird

 

I am relatively new to the world of chastity, but I hope that my observations might be in some way informative if not too helpful. I have been exploring solo chastity play for a couple of years and am currently 60 days into a lock via the Chaster online app, with an online keyholder.

For most of my life, I have been a practitioner of selfbondage and for many years, struggled with the whole aspect of male refraction and immediate loss of interest post-orgasm. The moment that I came, I wanted out of my tie, and sometimes would not session again for days or even weeks. Eventually however, the lure of the ropes always came back, and so it cycled round. It took me until about 12 years ago to finally get to grips with the problem (a little wisdom with advancing age, one hopes??!)

The realisation hit me that I was using my bondage as basically a vehicle for extended masturbation, always promising myself that I would stay tied post-orgasm but always then wanting out. The personal disappointment finally became too much. The great turning point for me was realising that, lovely though an orgasm certainly is, in fact, I enjoy the whole ritual of tying and being tied a whole lot more. I decided to drop masturbation from my scenes and just enjoy the bondage, always thus still eager for more. (Downside....too many late nights, as I simply don't want out of most sessions!!!!)).

Returning to chastity: since I've been in my current lock, my Keyholder included a section on my "Wheel of Fortune" that gave me the instruction to cum in my cage that day. I obediently did when I landed on it, and quelle surprise, that darned subdrop made me suddenly not so keen to be locked up. I forced myself to do so however, as trust is a very important part of my online submission; I also greatly appreciate the time and effort that my KH puts in to this arrangement.

I have however, asked my KH if he might remove that section of the wheel for me, as I do find the sustained "edgy" charge of denying an orgasm to be extremely energising and, ultimately, very satisfying, as I enjoy seeing myself caged at the end of another day, and by submitting a verification pic to my KH, know that I am respecting him as well. He obliged, but replaced the "cum section" with two alternative, punitive sections, that add time to my already (I think!!) long-term lock. My inner masochist and subby personality actually love this, though! Now, if I want to orgasm, I must beg my KH, who will either say no, or yes but with penalties. I have been told however, to expect very long periods of denial, and this news alone, frankly drives me to heights of deliriously frustrating bliss.

In conclusion, I have found that removing deliberate orgasms from my kink, both bondage and chastity (actually they both fuse together in my headspace now), I am able to live daily with this constant charge of erotic energy, which I re-channel back into my daily life and "online relationship", distant and in many ways virtual as it is, with my Keyholder. I honestly think, that before too long, he could say to me "no orgasm for at least a year", and I would be so well-disposed to obey that charge. Living "up to", and sometimes "on the edge" of orgasm, is becoming a very special and cherished space for me to occupy, and totally worth sacrificing that instant burst of orgasmic energy that just drives all these other wonderful feelings away for a time.

I hope these ramblings might add something to the thread)

 

I discovered chastity myself as a development from self-bondage.
The act of wearing a chastity device could be described as "genital specific bondage".

 

I really like that definition. Nowadays, when I take off and put away my ropes, etc, the locked cage really keeps me in that "bondage zone". The 18 year old me could never have conceived of orgasm-free bondage; now, I do all I mentally can to prevent it when I am tied...all thanks to that wonderful piece of stainless steel