I’m finding more frustration now in the inability to get even slightly hard than not having an orgasm. Its maddening but also kinda love it. How long should I expect this to last before the mind starts adjusting the the new reality?
The complete loss of erections until your mistress allows it will never get easier. When you give her your key you will effectively not own a penis. If she likes it you will never own your own penis. It can become normal but you will always miss it.
When we first started, our goal was to heighten our sex lives and it was more a less a game. When we first started discussing longer periods (a week), I would get upset I could not get an erection or had no control on when the device was going to be unlocked. When it did come off for play, I was ecstatic until we cleaned up and it was time to be relocked. Over time, I would go thru 2 periods where i struggled with chastity, when I got relocked and closer to the agreed time it was to come off. My concern was would she change her mind and no erection or an orgasm. When we started longer periods, 2 week and Locktober and Lent, the same bad feelings would wash over me. Nowadays, I don't even think about my cage, an erection, or if release is this weekend. I just go with the flow.
I’ve played around with chastity for a few years but not dedicated anything to it. Now, I’ve been locked for a week. Coming from a lifestyle where I’d jerk off daily to chaste is a welcome yet frustrating change. I’ve turned to CM as a support and info tool.
Thanks. I’ve been locked for a week. I realize thats not that long. But I’m trying to figure out how to adjust other than just giving in and unlocking. I’m self locked and it gets boring. Not looking for a mistress but ways to have fun with it. Thanks for reaching out.
Self locking is way tougher I imagine than having a kh. I couldn't do it and last any amount of time. I'm told I'm not getting out so choice isn't mine. A couple people self lock here that might maybe chime in give you ideas. As far as getting easier it becomes more acceptance then getting easier for me. I'm in the cage until I'm not so deal with it. Still really sucks at times.
When I have self locked in the past I have found the key (no pun intended) is to use some sort of timer safe/box/system set the time and stick to it, then in a way you are handing over control to something else. Have a separate key for emergencies but make it expensive or inconvenient to get it eg in a lock box you would have to smash open.
I had a similar revelation upon my very first day in chastity... I locked myself up to deal with a years-long jerking off problem, but my first day I forgot my cage was even on and I was watching porn and I went to jerk off and ended up grabbing the cage instead. I really wanted to unlock myself and get much needed relief, but I also wanted to test the cage out so I watched the entire 2-hour video while still locked up... It felt AMAZING! That was just on day one! Over the next couple months, I realized that not being able to jerk off when I Really REALLY want to, gives me an even bigger high than polluting myself with a "substance", so I can stay clean & sober. Just read the text below the chastity ticker in my signature and you'll see what I mean.
Self locked here. I keep it fun by keeping the key out of reach longer than I wanted and using dildos.
There is a sense of huge vulnerability when you go to touch yourself and all you feel is the cage. It’s a hopeless yet exciting feeling. Perhaps I need to learn to grasp the chaste reality and not try fighting it. I think my focus is on freedom which takes away from the locked experience. Anyone has thoughts on how best to adjust/accept? My mindset is simply to view freedom and orgasm.
I also found that not only keeping the key out of reach, but also out of sight, is far less distracting and reduces the temptation to break your streak and thus you can last even longer than you thought... When I first started chastity 8 months ago, I only imagined myself going a couple weeks per session. I never thought I would go 2 full months or longer and actually enjoy it.
Does the thought of having Heavy and Tender balls and constantly feeling horny fancy you? If so, then you can focus on those benefits VS the consequence of it ending after an orgasm. That's what I do. Just read the text under the chastity ticker in my signature.
Time. Practice. etc Don't give up! Or do, but do you really want to? Just wait until you discover how sensitive your dick will be when you unlock after 3 weeks.
I think this is going to be hard for you if you don't get your wife involved. Be honest with her. She needs to know that masturbation is a problem for you and that you're trying to get closer and more intimate with her by not having random erections and masturbating. For many men, erections are too disturbing and distracting and demanding and get in the way of marital intimacy. Most wives, if honestly approached, want to help their husbands.
No I don’t want to. But it’s easy when alone. Part of the reason that I joined CM is for support in those tough times. So thanks for reaching out!