Intro - I'm early 40s and have had a porn and masturbation addiction in some form for the past 20 years. Most of my relationships, involved a dominant female. Even before I'd heard of femdom etc, it usually ended up with a lot of tease and denial, humiliation and control. I always responded well to it though and it worked. I have a number of devices. I have recently rekindled my interest in chastity devices as a way to try and cut down my porn usage. I find it is now all to easy to download gigabytes of porn and then spend hours masturbating over it. And to boot, my tastes have become more and more perverted. I'd like to take a step back and 'detox' a bit. This is my journal.
First 10 hour lockdown in kitchen timer. I was working from home yesterday and self locked, set the timer to 10 hours, then closed the safe. For the first 5 hours or so, I was fine. After that I started reading back over kinky emails and looking for perversions on the web. I thought, 'this can't hurt'. Turns out it got me really frustrated. I would have done anything to be able to remove the device. I was hoping that it would have induced a certain calm. It was the opposite. I was craving sexual activity - even just to go down on someone, so that I could experience orgasm vicariously (in my mouth). I even watched a bit of porn. This just made me want out all the more. By the time the timer got to zero and opened, I was literally foaming at the lips to get out. I looked at some porn then masturbated to orgasm twice. I've had people lock me in for short periods, perhaps a few hours at a time, which was frustrating but at least I had human contact during that time. When locked with the kitchen safe timer it makes chastity the elephant in the room. I'm going to try more lockdown periods. I think the challenge for me will be not too make it too big a deal. I need no fuss locking in, and to remove any distractions which may trigger me.
I do not minimize anyone else's fetish experience because lord knows that I have done things that I rather not speak about. However, in chastity, not having a KH eliminates the main elements of chastity. You are both prisoner and warden and that seldom works out well. You miss having someone else to do it for and to encourage you to push past your limits. Most of all, it eliminates the best part, the teasing and edging with someone else deciding when you get to orgasm. I know how you feel. For 30 years my wife's girlfriend dominated me. When we moved away from her, that all came to a halt and I was very depressed. Still being treated for it. Chastity with my wife as a KH save our sex life. My wife misses having a woman in bed with us and I miss having an experienced and real life sadistic sexual Mistress to dominate me sexually. I have been into BDSM for 47 years and dominate girlfriends are very hard to come by. I usually had to find a girl with a dominant personality and train her for a few years before stepping aside for good. It is so much better when your Mistress is really into it and not just doing it for pay or to please you. Good luck. Hope you find someone soon. Believe it or not, you can find pretty much anything you are looking for on the mainstream dating sites. My girlfriend found her cuckold husband that way. She stated that she was in a long term poly triad with me and my wife and wanted a man who was OK with that. The guy she found was a cuckold to his first wife until she found a better model. So they married and she went from living with us full time to splitting her time between her two relationships. She never told us what their arrangement was and successfully kept her two relationships separate except when we socialize with her husband there. When he was around, I respected his marriage as he and his wife did mine. Once we tried to get him involved sexually but he freaked out and ran out of my house. Every person I know who used these paid dating sights said that most of the women were very horny coming off of a divorced or long dry spell of no sex. One friend was having sex twice a day on weekends until he met his wife. Seems that a lot of kinky folk are out there. You can post that you are into kinky sex and then only go into details when you get responses. What is good about the dating sites is that you only get those interesting in the same things replying to you.