Not sure quite where to start, mainly because I don't have any kinky adventures to write about and I'm not sure when I will have any kinky adventures to write about again. Not even sure why I'm starting a diary. Let's just start by saying I've had a lot of problems, that started two years ago and have meant that Master and I have never really achieved the 24/7 lifestyle that I wanted so much. Most of the problems are Phycological and I have been working through my issues with a view to solving them one day. It's a long struggle though. I can fine for days and weeks and feel like I can totally submit sexually and none sexually but then I can have days weeks when I'm not interested in sex never mind submitting. Recently though I've had a longer low patch than normal, it's been about 3 weeks now. We have tried chastity on and off but that isn't going so well, I have given up on CB style devices all together, considering a foreskin next, we will see. I still keep up to date with what's happening on here and on Fetlife and when I see people posts and pictures I know that I still want to pursue a submissive lifestyle but when I'm feeling low I find it hard to submit and give it 100%. Trying to be a sub when you don't feel like you have the energy to do chores or have any interest in sex what so ever isn't great. Not sure when things will pick up, I just hope it's soon. So, there we are. Not sure what else to write..........
Kris, I am curious as to why you feel you 'Have' to have this lifestyle 24/7/365 Life gets in the way of that sometimes, I do not live this lifestyle every single day, although I am always in touch with My girls and Mansion on a daily basis, but just because I am not welding a whip everyday does not make Me any less the Mistress I am. I do not presume to know what all youre going thru, but I would like to say, IMO, I really think youre working too hard at being something that you feel you need to be when its really not all that complicated. Like I said, I dont know what all is going on with you, I just hate to see you so unhappy, Life is too short for that. Isnt it possible to enjoy the lifestyle when you feel up to it, and take it one day at a time. I would think without all the pressures of trying to be the perfect submissive, you might find yourself enjoying it a little more often. Mistress Michelle
The more you push, the harder it gets, the more guilty you feel and the lower you get... been there, done that! Sometimes it just works, and sometimes it doesn't. We still have times where we have "vanilla" sex (ewwwwww, pervy I know!) which takes us out of our Roles, but ultimately we're still a couple in love who want each other to be happy. It's like a mini holiday! *hugs* Blogs are good to get things out of your system.
Thank you for your comments ladies. I don't think I would have got as caring responses if I had of posted on any other forums that I know . I wouldn't say that I was striving for a perfect 24/7/365 lifestyle although is does appeal to me, I just hate the phases I go through, being horny and submissive for a week or two and then hitting rock bottom for two to three weeks. I guess I'm an all or nothing type of person. My problems stem from anxiety issues that I have which means that I can't usually get to sleep until after 3am and then I wake up late and therefore don't earn as much money as I could and then I worry more and the vicious cycle begins again. Add to this to the fact that my libido has always been a bit up and down anyway which ends up making for a rather stop start sex life. At least when I'm in chastity with or without a device I'm horny for more of the time and can keep up with Master voracious sex drive. I get my pleasure from serving and the feeling of submission and sometimes some play. Perhaps I should of called this thread, trying to become submissive when messed up in the head. Oh, on the subject of sex, we had dirty vanilla sex last night, which was nice and we both enjoyed it. I did cum though, so that's me spent for a week or so........., maybe.