I'm in danger of talking myself in circles here, but I've been wondering how others articulate their chastity fetish to their significant other, particularly when that person is new to the fetish. I introduced my girlfriend very early on in our relationship and naturally she had a lot of questions, to which my answers would invariably begin, "well....it's complicated..." Here's an example: I'm asked, on a scale of one to ten how much I'd like to unlocked to masturbate. It's been a week since my last ruined orgasm, I'm horny and quite certain I won't be released whatever my answer. I say seven, since that's where I'm at physically, swollen plums and all. But mentally, I'd have to admit to being disappointed if she'd let me out to masturbate. Mentally, the answer is zero. (Ask me again in a week and the answer is likely to be quite different.) If I'm asked whether I enjoyed a thoroughly humiliating and somewhat uncomfortable prostate massage, I'm discombobulated entirely. I can't even answer the question for myself, let alone for a newbie key holder. If our truest desire is to be denied, then denial isn't denial but a granting of our innermost wish? I wonder if some of this conflict comes from the kink's early days, when chastity devices were rare as hen's teeth and our exploration of the theme limited to the non-consensual fiction of Altairboy. We're not really supposed to actually enjoy 'enforced' chastity, are we...? I expect many CM users are at a point where they no longer need to express what feels good and what doesn't, since they simply do as they're told and I can feel that day coming for me too. Nevertheless, I'm interested to find out how members reconcile and express these conflicting ideas & how you communicate the things you 'love' and 'hate', as well as how you really feel.
I explain it as conflicting drives. I want to come, want to be prevented from coming... there is no summation.
I think every guy who is into chastity, and every couple, is different. It was fairly easy for me, because I have a long kink history with my wife (though mostly wiht me as the dom) and just said I felt I was masturbating too much and it was detracting from our relationship. I don't have a chastity "fetish" per se and don't have any desire to be locked for a year at a time. For me, chastity is a way of giving up some control over my sexuality and using that to get closer to my wife. I do think Giles's point is a good one though: there is an inherent conflict in doing this. My wife likes making me come and enjoys my penis, so I have tried to empower her to do tease and denial and talked about the part of me that is a little disappointed when she lets me come.
im glad you answers him cos i didn't really know what he was on about. i thinks its best to leave it all up to your Mistress and not worry about it.
I think Giles has hit it on the head & conflicting drives is the best way I've come up with of explaining it so far.
Ah but some mistresses are mostly vanilla and there is a danger of them getting all meta: "Ha slave! I shall punish you by taking away your chastity device!"
If I did not enjoy chastity I would not be locked up now, there are times when boredom kicks in with it. Perhaps when my wife has shown no interested in playing with hertoy, but then I might watch a little porn and my mind kicks back into its horny state. I enjoy coming but not the aftermath, being kept horny is a far more lasting feeling for me.
My sub obviously likes me to control when he wears his. I have found it is a punishment for him when I make him put it on himself. He finds this frustrating instead of arousing when I do it. Also, re explaining to a new person, my sub particularly in the beginning, wrote me a lot of letters saying the things he liked. Often the things that I thought annoyed him were the things that aroused him the most. No 2 sub/dom relationships are the same. Trust and open communication are very important.