I need some advice.

It seems you have a problem then @Jasmic68 . There are a few males on here that seem to be able to indulge in PIV sex and are able to withhold their ejaculation. Perhaps they may be able to help you.

 

Well, denial and chastity seem to work for you, and for you both, so no problem there. I can well understand you baulking at the idea of using a strap-on. We have one, but only for Wonderful to use on me - she has no interest in me doing her with it, so I understand where you're coming from.

So...she wants you to make love to her using your penis, but doesnt want you to come. What are your options?
1. Using honesty and control so you let her know you need to pull-out or slow down. Of course you might not last as long as she'd like, so we're on to option 2...
2. Get her to have a chat with Dre, our Administor's wife and Kh about banding. She might baulk at that also.

You do need to have a proper talk with your wife, and discuss all the options, and since banding is on the table, so should a strap-on - if only to discount them, but only after careful consideration and some weeks of thought.

In short, discuss all options openly, and over a few weeks, as what is thought impossible at first can be come possible once the mind has had time to settle.

 

This is a bit of topping from the bottom no? I guess I would encourage her to use you as she likes. If it takes you a bit longer to rebound to the level of horns that she would like, that would seem to be her choice....I an not trying to be a jerk here, just wondering out loud that if she is in charge, then she should get what she wants in this regard. Forgive me for being blunt.

 

I would just like to make the point that there is no such thing as topping from the bottom.

There is a place for letting one's partner know what one's feelings about one's needs are, discussing one's fantasies, letting your partner know that you feel you could perform even better for them (in whatever ways) and please them better if they were to XYZ.

Nothing wrong with any of the above.

It's all just communication.

 

Thank you. I appreciate the reply and the explanation....well, I do hope some happy accommodation can be arranged by folks with more experience on this specific question. I am afraid this is very much beyond any experience I have to lend. Best of luck and thanks again!

 

Although I'm an absolute beginner, I understand your situation perfectly as I'm very worried about how things will work for us in the future. You're very lucky that your wife achieves orgasm with oral sex. My wife can reach orgasm only through penetration, which will put me in the same situation as you real soon... together with my good old problem of premature ejaculation, to make things worse.

I was also searching for solutions for a scenario like this here on the forum and all I could find was strapon, numbing cream, numbing condoms and banding.
I was also doing research online and I read that yoga, meditation, taoist sex and the like might help. It all sounds like "heavy" disciplines that might take months or even years to master. Pure mind control. I guess it might be possible, I wonder only how much time and effort I will have to put until I see some results.

This is a very interesting subject as I see myself in the same situation very soon, specially because my wife can not reach orgasm with oral sex. I must also find a solution soon to server her with penetration without me cuming in 5 seconds.

I'll keep an eye on this thread! Thanks for starting it!

 

I find the premature thing is different with each partner.

With some it never happened and I was an all night stud, with others I was so nervous about 'performing' that it'd often happen.

One smart lass told me to see how quickly I could come inside her - and that completely took the pressure off and after that no problem at all. This was pre-chas tity interest. Nowadays that game is all part of the game, so all that happens is I come on command on her countdown. God I love that. She doesnt come from penetration though so normally it's a count of 20, or 40 if I'm lucky :/

 

Hello jasmic.

Forgive me if I did not read your post clearly or succinctly, but my question is do you THINK she would not like you to make love to her still caged but wearing a large dildo (perhaps in a harness with an integral butt plug like mine which my Wife/Mistress/Keyholder has STILL not let me use on her for fear of injury and the unknown) or do you KNOW this for a fact? Perhaps clarifying this and if the answer is neutral or positive (that she would consider it) scheduling a shopping trip WITH her to pick out just the right harness for you and just the right dildo for her might give her some comfort and maybe titillate her enough to help bring it to fruition. Perhaps the trip could include her picking out a harness for herself and a dildo to use upon you? Just my two cents. I hope you have better luck than I have.

allaboutHer

Keep us posted

 

My advise is to approach your challenge over the course of MANY intimate times together and not focus on the next time you penetrate her. Just with anything, with practice and intention, you two can work together to find a balance between being denied orgasm and satisfying your wife and key holder. Maybe for now, pull out as soon as you know you are going to cum so it is a ruined orgasm. this way you can, theoretically, keep you horniness maximized, even if you do ejaculate. Then over time, do your best to increase your stamina. Sounds like you and your wife have an honest and loving relationship, which give me great hope you two can find a solution.

 

My wife and I are 3 months into chastity and were running into similar problems, after a week of denial I would only last a couple of minutes before having to stop or go over the edge whenever inside her. We were experimenting with ruined orgasms ( she loves watching my frustration)and discovered that giving multiple ruined ones in a row the stimulation(time) required between each one increased. After 5 or 6 it just wouldn't happen, still rock hard but unable to reach the edge
No creams, no toys, no condoms, she got as much as she wanted and I was left knackered,frustrated and and horny as hell
Might not work for everyone but worth a try

 

Jasmic68. I have no real solution to your problem except to say that whenever my wife wants penetration, we do so in the scissors position. She prefers it that way because I can concentrate on her top half while she can bring herself off while I'm inside her. She prefers me to keep still while she's doing it therefore I feel only a little sensation. I'm sure if I were moving inside her I would find it much more difficult to control myself.
We are all different in our preferences. Perhaps you just need to find a similar way. A way where you feel little or no sensation, while your wife can get the satisfaction of feeling you inside her. I wish you both luck.

 

I use the pulling out method. Just as I fill I wanna cum I pull out. Has worked for several months.

However I am just about to be caged and mistress is happy to use a dido.

Best thing I can say is always talk about issues and problems and be honest with easy other. Trust me it helps

 

Hello jasmic.

I dont know...maybe it is just me but we did try penetration one other time besides the two orgasms I have had in the last 4 years using desensitizing cream with a condom and a cock & ball noose (an adjustable cock ring of sorts) to help keep me erect and it was a disaster. As the cream kicked in my erection began to deflate very quickly and I was not even really able to penetrate my Wife/Mistress/Keyholders very snug anatomy. I ended up more angry than anything and that was the only time we tried it. Her general feeling was that she did not really need penetration anymore anyway and that the hot grinding and making out and her vibrator more than satisfy her. I do know how much she used to like being taken hard and fast in our early days and how we would also grind until she climaxed and then would have me quickly enter her and thrust to my climax which would usually put her over the top again. I remind her of all of this and how me strapping on a dildo would still give her the control she craves while I would be pounding away feeling nothing but the anal plug attached to my strap on harness tormenting my prostate meanwhile suffering the indignity of being limp and leaking in my device. I also mentioned to her that I may end up climaxing from the anal stimulation which I thought she might might find sexy and hot in a very devious way....yet I get the usual, "I will have to think about it." I also found hypersensitivity and PE are the downside of longterm denial (she was amused) and lockup so trying to add that in to give her penetration without my orgasm is useless in my opinion because the two times I have been in her in the last 4 years may total a minute and a half before I could not hold back. The least recent orgasm came in just over a minute...I was all set to settle in and allow myself to calm a bit and she started pawing at my nipples and raising her awesome feet and pretty painted toes to my face to kiss and suck and I lost all control to her delight even though I begged her to stop so I could try to make it last...I felt so weak and pathetic because I was unable to resist my primal urge to thrust and it was over...the last time over 2 years ago I barely got inside her and she started clenching on me and plucking my nipples again and with nary a thrust I felt my orgasmic trigger cock and I helplessly thrusted like 10 times because I feared I would only get a tingle and go limp and dribble. I can still see her closing her eyes and smiling and feeling her wrapping he legs around me as I groaned in humiliating resignation as I came. Maybe you are a better man than I and can make the real thing work, but I would really strongly consider pursuing the route of a strap on with your wife as part of the process if you do not want to have orgasms through penile stimulation and still give her penetration. Maybe she might even like the idea of the appearance of a realistic dildo given what you have said about her disdain for the manner in which you modified yourself (Please do not take that wrongly!!! )? Sometimes our women are so difficult to figure out...even when
we communicate with them the answers and results are more of a riddle than anything. Anyway, hang in there. Sorry for such a long comment. Let us know how you make out.

allaboutHer

 

I've just written a long post about how we love strap ons, I'd hope that was quite a female friendly perspective for her if you dared bring it up?
We also use a penis extender but a really good one, not one of the condom ones:

Crickey how do I make images smaller? lol that's almost lifesize!

The important thing with either of these is MAKE SURE THEY ARE WARM! Cold things stuck in us makes it feel like a gynae exam, not sexy (unless you're really kinky...).

It depends what she really means when she says she misses you in her. It isn't just about your cock in her, making love like that is very much about connection and intimacy. I GET that when we use a strap on too, but his frustration turns me on.

Honestly if you can get her to try it, and like me, discovers she can orgasm from it... well, yeah, that very quickly wins you over, trust me.

Also, just on the 'not liking condoms' - have you even tried some of the new non-latex ones, they feel very different.

Anyway, as a strap-on lover feel free to ask me anything.

Jane xxx

 

Hi @Jasmic68 I can see your dilemma but it looks like there have been some interesting answers. I guess it is a situation where you both can't get 100% of what you would like all the time. So it seems like a bit of experimentation is called for, including mixing it up a bit.

How often would your wife ideally like to have sex with you? And does she want you to cum each time or would she be happy if you only came sometimes? [Not questions you need to answer here, but it is probably useful information to have if you are going to work out a happy solution that works for you both].

The comments below focus on solutions that don't require tops/creams etc [although agree with the point made by @SubVerity that all options should be at least discussed, even if they are discarded]

The suggestion by @Under the key about a number of ruined orgasms in a row and the scissor position suggestion from @keyser_sose could help help satisfy your wife's need for normal intercourse, but might not satisfy her need for you to cum.

But maybe, depending on how often your wife would like to have intercourse and how often she would like you to cum, it might be possible to do a bit of mixing and matching. Maybe normally she gives you a number of ruined orgasms before intercourse so you don't cum while having sex. Then at other times she only gives you 1 or 2 ruined orgasms before intercourse to delay but not prevent you cumming. She has control over what she wants to do at any particularly time, and you don't know what she is going to do [if that is the way you want to play it].

Probably need to experiment to work out an 'optimal' keep you from having an orgasm - so that you still get horny/responsive etc but she still gets you to cum while having sex reasonably regularly. Maybe it is more like 2-3-4 weeks without an orgasm, rather than 6-8 weeks.

Makes for some interesting fun to find out what works for the both of you.

Hope your wife at least agrees to read some of this thread to take in the ideas, even if she doesn't join up. Good luck to you and your wife.