It Happened

I had an explosive start to chastity.

A close lady friend and myself, both with our own problems, came together by chance alone. We both live hectic lives and communicated mainly through text. She would talk about her problems and I would do the same. All it took was a question from her about how she could alleviate my stress. I replied as any lecherous man would: provocative images. She agreed. Within twenty-four hours, it snowballed into something far more passionate than I could have ever imagined.

We started talking about fetishes. Kinks. What made both of our motors purr like kittens. It just so happened that we had many of the same desires. Our walking together soon became a sprint, and then a waltz. We both toyed with the idea of keeping me in chastity. I was the first person to bring it up, really. With all the stress of my life, I was masturbating to the point that even she could not keep up with me. I knew about cages, about male chastity, and started to wonder whether it would help. Of course, the undergirding reason behind my proposal was not some rehabilitation program for my daily masturbation. It was giving up to her what I had controlled for decades.

It all started with a few days. My first lockup only lasted two days before she let me out to play and, ultimately, orgasm. The result was explosive and mind-blowing for the both of us. Then she upped the ante, keeping me locked up for a whole week. After letting me out, the intimacy was mind-blowing. Things progressed. We found a device comfortable for me to wear and I jumped at the chance to wear my Holy Trainer v2 for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. After a month of testing the waters, I now find myself at her mercy. I have no idea when she'll let me cum and I love it this way.

The buzzing at the back of my head told me that I'm an idiot for giving up this sexual right. My heart, prefrontal cortex, genitals, and just about everywhere else told me that this was amazing. Chastity is a most interesting lifestyle in the paradoxes that go with it. I both want to achieve orgasm and subsequently be denied everything. This fetish requires the right mind to fully appreciate the wonders of chastity. Even as I am locked away, even when she taunts me and tells me I won't be coming out tonight, I derive a special kind of pleasure. Even when she unlocks me, assures that I will get to reach plateau, and then locks me away as I shake and beg, I have trouble faking pleasure.

There is something about this life that transcends the purely physical.

 

@SubVerity

Thanks for the welcome. I, too, have noticed the oddity of my circumstance. Most people involved in chastity are either in a D/s relationship or, overwhelmingly, in regular relationships. I was surprised that so many were normal husbands and wives. The reason I'm so special, I think, has to do with a level of craziness, the natural intensity of my character, and what is going on in my life at present. I'm currently doing post-baccalaureate studies which put me under a whole hell of a lot of stress. My body's general response to extreme stress is hyper arousal.

The woman who currently holds my keys was a friend that had grown distant and messaged me out of the blue to check in and see how I was doing. I lamented about all the stress I was going through, how difficult it all was, and how lonely I felt. I'm in my first semester of graduate school and this was during the October-November period. Anyone who has gone through graduate school knows exactly what I'm talking about but, for the laity, the October-November period of a graduate student's first semester is a living nightmare. Around this time, it is very common for grad students to suffer nervous breakdowns, feel as though they don't belong, and generally suffer from extreme mental and physical stress. We had a joke (albeit with an underbelly of exhausted resignation) about how there was little she could do to help. Being the lech that I am, I joked about sex, to which she was actually receptive. We then started to talk about kinks and it turns out we were very compatible. A special kind of D/s relationship formed.

It didn't take long before I started my needs started to overwhelm her, although she was more than happy to oblige. I knew that male chastity devices existed and I made the off-hand suggestion that I should be locked away. My keyholder immediately jumped on the idea and, in less than half a week, I was locked up. After over a month of trying the lifestyle out, I can say with a great deal of certainty that I don't ever want to go back. She loves keeping me locked up and teasing me and I have learned that this gentle (and sometimes forceful) form of domination is more enjoyable that the constant orgasms that I relentlessly craved. Sometimes I reach down to touch myself instinctively, only to feel my cage, and that just makes me feel even more aroused. Going around in public with it on is quite the thrill and I can always feel it, always aware that she is in control of whether I can experience pleasure. Waking up every morning with my member stretching in its cage is exciting and my keyholder loves the show.

She let me out last night after 4 days of being locked up, instructing me to stroke myself for her viewing pleasure. The session lasted around 20 or 30 minutes and, by the end of it, I was shaking, sweating, and on the verge of tears with begging. I told her I couldn't touch myself anymore or else I might orgasm. Her response was "well, you know what that means, baby." Even the act of having to lock myself back up was erotic. As @im283 and many other with a submissive streak know, there is a strange and intense qualitative pleasure in being denied which we crave. Of course orgasms and sex are awesome, but with the cage always around my cock, I'm always reminded of my keyholder's power over me.

 

Perhaps the most titillating subset of the chastity fetish is the notion of permanent chastity. I have seen a number of posters on this site, as well as subreddits, and Tumblr blogs about it. Lots of sissy sites promoted it under the notion that they should only orgasm from anal and prostate simulation. Although many men would consider me out of my mind, the idea that my keyholder will never let me out ever again, will never let me reach sexual peak ever again, and continue to taunt me is beyond arousing - and I'm not really sure why.

Although I am a switch (which helps when proposing punishments, rules, and so on to my keyholder), I understand the eroticism of submission. If the Church was sexier, I'd be a devout follower. Giving control over my pleasure to my holder is one thing, and is tied to the key. I must lock and unlock myself. At first, I just saw the keys as a shiny object. Now, when I hold them in my hands, I treat them like precious stones. When I hear them jangle together, my heart beats faster. The eroticism of the key, lock, and cage are tangible. The idea of permanent chastity, on the other hand, is harder to pinpoint and understand. It is truly tied to one's mindset and I suppose only masochists like myself can appreciate it.

Some of my kinks I can explain. I like bigger women because I think the "plump" look and beyond is more aesthetically pleasing. Women with pubic and underarm hair seem more natural to me. Getting pegged just feels downright amazing. These are feelings, but at least I can pinpoint them and talk them out. Many others, like permanent chastity, I can't rationalize other than say it makes me horny. Maybe it's because permanent chastity is the ultimate denial? Perhaps it is entirely because of my masochistic streak. There are many, far more extreme fantasies I have which I shall keep to myself but may work in mental thematic conjunction.

In any case, it won't be happening with my current keyholder. To put it bluntly, she likes my dick. We have found a compromise where my lockups will be indefinite and she will tease me about the possibility of never getting out or having an orgasm. At the end of the day, it's all fantasy. I would never make it literally impossible to remove my cage for safety reasons. I have volunteered to glue my lock shut with the knowledge that I would pick a glue that could be remove with nail polish remover or rubbing alcohol. Even a more extreme keyholder would be thwarted by the simple fact that things can always be removed.

It's definitely fun to think about.

 

@im283 I think what I find so arousing about it is the totality and property aspect. Agreeing to lock myself away permanently (which, again, is impossible from a practical perspective) is giving away ultimate control and submitting myself to her. In our relationship, it isn't my penis, it's hers, and she is allowed to do whatever she wants with it because, in the context of our relationship, it's her property and not mine. No hope of getting out just means pleasing her entirely (and being relentlessly teased, which I enjoy).

Again, your last sentence there is the most relevant: different strokes for different folks. I'll be getting a slight taste of it now in any case. Last night, I kept being a nag to my keyholder (who is very busy with her work) and she decided I'd have to wait "at least until January" to get out as both a form of punishment and a way for her to focus on getting all her work done. She even teased that I may have to wait until her birthday to be let out... in October. While this is supremely arousing for me, there is still the paradoxical "oh, shit" realization because there is so much pent-up sexual tension. But I enjoy feeling that tension and having it poked at.

As I said in my OP, my mental stability and health are questionable.

 

@Jasmic68 It's a really fucking weird duality, isn't it? I'm not even really in a FLR. I do what my keyholder says, of course, but we both live rather separate lives. I'm in graduate school and she has her own work, putting both of our lives at odds with a true FLR (which I would welcome). I think what makes the relationship between my keyholder and myself so different from many others is how my keyholder and I still come together and live the lifestyle despite the real life conditions which might otherwise pull us apart. In fact, that makes me think we are quite special, and I find myself cherishing it very much.

I guess this journal has made me realize that it's not just the fact that she holds my key, owns my genitals, and totally controls my pleasure which turns me on. She is someone that I give so much trust to and she is someone that still makes time for me despite all the obstacles. This might sound like a no-brainer to others, but anyone who's gone through grad school knows how the experience can wreck a lot of friendships and relationships. There have been a large number of romantic relationships and marriages which were destroyed by graduate school. The fact that it's only brought me closer to my keyholder is beyond peculiar.

In any event, I am glad that you posted to the contrary of @im283. I am like you, Jasmic, where hard limits were set from the beginning and my lady knows that she can do whatever she likes. My keyholder and I have a special D/s relationship that involves roleplay, but we both know when the masks come off and reality replaces it. Even when we talk, the roles are sometimes stripped away and we just act human. We stop using titles and start using our names. She complains about her workload and I bitch about how much I hate Derrida. I fucking despise Derrida. I'm sure that the inhabitants of Ris-Orangis can hear him laugh as I curse the name Derrida.

I digress. The way in which our sex lives and real lives are distinguished so clearly is definitely a way that our chastity lifestyle deviates from most others. If I ever tell her that I need to take a break, she will let me (I won't unless medical circumstances come into play... or the goddamn TSA). If she wakes up one morning and wants to reverse roles, I'm okay with that. Yet, as I know I won't be able to take my cage off until 2016 (and precisely when I'll be able to remove it is not yet known to me), the weird duality comes back. Keeping me locked up longer makes me horny and frustrated. It is common for me to shudder and moan from the slightest touch to my cage. Even when she's far away, I'll call out for my keyholder as if she's there. Frankly, that shit sucks. But a pit in my stomach rumbles and tells me that I'm doing something right even though I don't quite understand why.

 

I hate Derrida because he wants me to. No, really. The man was masterful in his writing and intentionally obfuscated what he meant as a way of relentlessly teasing the philosophy of language and its correlation to meaning. This also made him what we would call in contemporary culture "a massive troll." If you think my cussing is jarring, read Mal d'Archive and then come back to me. Kidding aside, I'll put on my William Bradford cap (I still don't know why they put buckles on those things) and refrain from the bad words. Once I read and percolate over what Jasmic contributed, and get a chance to self-reflect, I'll post something more substantive.

 

@Jasmic68 There is a definite aspect of roleplay in my relationship with my keyholder, but sometimes the curtain comes down because real life reigns supreme. Until the day comes that I can be a sub full-time and still be able to both pay the bills and stay fed, it will always just be play. I don't even know if I would enjoy that since it would not be as special, as you point out. It would just be business as usual and business as usual is not nearly as fun. As for the mental effects of chastity, it definitely makes you enjoy the orgasms you're allowed a whole lot more than before. Prior to my lockup, my stress was so ridiculous that I would masturbate somewhere between 3-5 times a day - sometimes even more. It started to feel like a cheap rush. Not only is my relationship with my KH very special and dear to me, but so now are my orgasms since I can't just have 'em.

As for the nature of FLRs and other D/s relationships, I sincerely pose: who cares? Do what works for you and your partner(s). Everyone is different. I do believe in some universals, but not with relationships. I may be a red-blooded, gun-loving American, but even I'm so laissez-faire about sex and relationships that I tell anyone and everyone to just do what they want. What a husband and wife (or whatever binary or non-binary pairing of consenting adults you please) does with each other is their business. I don't want some rando stepping in and trying to flip my Monopoly board, or telling me how I should be playing it.

@SubVerity I'm glad you're enjoying the read. I wonder what it is about my ramblings that intrigues you so much. I don't think it's that impressive.

@salonslave Please don't make me think about metaphysics of presence. He's kind of like one of those movies you really enjoyed but never want to see it again. Honestly, people should get badges for slogging through his work.

Lastly, my keyholder tried a number of sexual punishments against me whenever I did something she did not like, but that didn't work out so well. Originally, we wanted to avoid blending fantasy from reality. However, I found myself enjoying all of her sexual punishments and she's decided to hit me where it hurts the most: doing my chores, which I'm not very good about. We're drawn up a regimented schedule - laundry, dishes, and so on - as well as a few added experiments. Punishment is extended periods of 24/7 lockup - no playtime, no nothing, and only being let out for legitimate reasons (medical issue, air travel, professional quandary) or supervised cleaning as necessary.

 

Your second sentence certainly gave me a smirk. Strange how such a small thing can do so much, no? As for the use of words, you learn very quickly how to play with them when you're in the humanities. You also learn how awful the job market is for professors.

 

This evening, my lady surprised me by letting me out and allowing me an orgasm. I was totally expecting that she would make me wait until next year, so that definitely caught me off guard - in a good way, of course. After mentioning how all the verbal, visual, and mental teasing was driving me wild, she pressed pause on her work and told me I could "come out to play." Which, in our lingo, means an edging session. After about 10-15 minutes of that, for which I was grateful (being locked up 24/7 for the first 3 days or so and a week of no orgasm on top of constant teasing was quite the experience), I began my usual begging for an orgasm.

I'm not sure how others do this, but there is definitely custom and form to how we do things. I ask to be let out and she asks me why I think I should. If I convince her and she's feeling in the mood, she lets me out and that leads to stroking. That is done until I've reached a point in stimulation where I know for sure that I cannot go any further without reaching my peak. I'm pretty damn good at controlling my orgasms, but I'm not a machine and there is no on and off switch. At that point, she often says that's time to stop and has me lock myself back up. Sometimes, though, among my own pleading, she engages the next stage of song and dance where I ask (well, beg) for orgasm. If I do a good enough job, she's feeling in the mood, and of course feeling generous, we share bliss.

It's not always like that. Sometimes I just let her know how pent up I am and she begins to sing and dance, rather than tease me about it. Sometimes it's all a ploy to deny me at the last moment, but that's part of the fun. I'll never really know when I'll get an orgasm. Actually, no. That's not true. I'm pretty sure I'm guaranteed an orgasm on her birthday and mine, so at least I've got that going for me... My general point still stands, I think.

My orgasm today reinforced a past point I made and introduced something new entirely. In the case of the former, my orgasm was amazing. I'm far past certain that my keyholder is kinder to me than most other men in the Mansion, but male chastity makes every intimate event into something that is, frankly, special. It elevates the experience to something far more than just achieving orgasm. Or maybe I'm still feeling high from the orgasm and I'm mistaking a rush of happy chemicals into my brain for something else entirely.

As for the latter, I had a realization that I'm "locked in" to chastity for good. I had asked my keyholder if I could sleep tonight without my cage on just to give my guys downstairs a little breather. Since we both agreed from the beginning that I could be allowed breaks if I asked, she allowed it. Later on in the evening, I shared my good news via text with a fellow comrade in chastity and we exchanged a few photos as leches like us are wont to do. He is happily chaste and in an open relationship with his wife, who appreciates admirers. I passed off a, ahem, fully-sized picture of me to give to his locksmith. All it took was a cute little comment to change my mind: "looks better caged."

Maybe it's because the happy chemicals were still floating in my brain, but my eyebrows pressed together, I looked off to the side, did the little hum that I do when my proverbial pants get pulled down, and something just felt missing. So, I grabbed my cage, lubed up, and locked myself back in. I told my keyholder that I just felt profoundly naked without the cage on. The lady was elated. "I'm glad you feel naked without it," was her response, and she meant every syllable.

Jane, stop this crazy thing!

 

I'm with you, brother. There is shockingly little porn for chastity-related content. The stuff that I've personally seen on Tumblr is less exciting than softcore porn that you can get for free from your standard cable package. For anyone who has seen the softcore porn that you can get for free from your standard cable package, that should really tell you how bad the state of chastity-themed porn is. For those who haven't seen free softcore porn from standard cable packages, I honestly can't think of an analogy that can sufficiently explain how pathetically bad chastity porn is. The only saving grace is that, it seems, those who live the lifestyle are too busy having fun.

I honestly don't care how nice my keyholder is, and neither should anyone else. I was a bit tongue-in-cheek there. What works for us, works for us. That's circular, I know, but the sentiment makes sense. As for the feeling naked part, that really did come to me as a bit of a pleasant shock. I enjoyed wearing the cage, but feeling like I have to wear it didn't dawn me until tonight. When my fellow lockee made his comment to me, I found out that I enjoyed being caged rather than uncaged.

 

The only reason I am learning about Marx, Foucault, Freud, Derrida, de Saussure, and Althusser (who famously made up most of the crap he wrote and got away with strangling his wife) is because you have to. Academia is not without its squealing fans, unfortunately. None of this stuff is relevant to my own interests and everything I'm learning in that particular class is to arm me to sufficiently deal with those fanboys and fangirls who will come at me and criticize me for not talking about whatever discursive nonsense they fetishize.

 

Health has put a bit of a snag in my chastity lifestyle for the time being. There was some chafing going on that I was able to alleviate by a switch in lubrication from KY to CVS-brand petroleum jelly, but it eventually caught up to me. On the underside of my penis where it links up with the scrotum, I started to notice some redness - as well as some redness on the anterior-superior portion of my crown. On top of that, I've been starting to feel a little pain on the scrotal skin in general. I informed my keyholder of the matter and it was quickly decided that I be allowed some time to let the skin heal itself.

The past day I've spent without the cage on and it feels... weird. Part of me just wants to put the damn thing back on and I have never felt this way about something I wear before. I can take or leave clothes, unless it's chilly out. When I once felt strange reaching down to touch my flesh only to find my cage, I now feel strange reaching down and not feeling the cage. I was so used to walking around with it on that it have to re-adjust to how I did things previously. There is an additional medical oddity: I occasionally feel very mild twinges of pain in my member. All pain prior has either been superficial - i.e. skin abrasion - or my testicles being tugged against the ring. On a scale of 10.00, the internal pain I have right now is a 0.10, and I will see my doctor if it persists, but I just think it's very strange that I am feeling this now with the cage off rather than on. My suspicion is my member just readjusting or, possibly, a UTI. Maybe I can find a urologist to study the health effects of male chastity devices and end that debate once and for all?

I can't say I'm not enjoying the freestanding erections, though.