Wow so many great thoughts on this I had to chime in and try to answer some of these. First to Jimi, while I totally agree with the fact that a submissive male may not be desirable to the non dominate female please know we never got into this in the terms of D/s. It truly was on a curious hunch that she and I both ended up liking. I will agree she does not want a non-alpha male. She still wants me to assume the head of the household duties in every sense. For her and I the chastity play was more a way to build up to the act of sex itself. What transpired was a think different than we both expected. She became very found of the sexual control but more so loved the idea of knowing when she was stressed and not in the mood I was NOT going on my own wanking and ignoring her. Her lack of sexual desire stems from other stuff I will cover later.
The question is what do you do when you get to that "cusp" where the reality of what you've asked for has come really started to come true?
This is probably the norm for many who desire a D/s relationship but please know I never, EVER intended to submit in such a fashion that I would be ignored and or forgot about. Perhaps in a feminine sense I still need that conection I get from something simple as a kiss, a caress, a look, that erotic smil, her giggle about sex talk something basically that says "I still find you desirable" IF I was truly submitting in the true sense then yes I would see that full and true submission means I take what I get and that is that. However as a past lifetime Dom myself there is a huge difference between a Loving Dom(me) and a Lifestyle Dom(me). One has the needs of the sub in mind while the other is all about themselves and only themselves. Each have their own merits in lifestyle but it should be clearly understood from the beginning of any such relationships what those expectations are. We clearly discussed this and in no way does she want, or expect that later style of the relationship. It is not in her makeup nor is it in mine. In terms of the cuckolding relationship not, not , not going to happen. Neither of us have any desire to go there. She is so far from that, that even if I wanted it which I don't she would never do it. Thus the reason for the chastity being more of a way for her to control me sexually and nothing else.
@JS I think you really hit the nail on the head. IN terms of our chastity we are still learning what each person wants from it. She loves the idea of watching me build up to the point of near begging frustration while she knows I can not do a thing about it. I love the sense of frustration because it keeps me focused on her more and more and really keeps my mind off anything else as I know there is no release without her consent. I would never make it on the honor system. Selfish as that sounds I cant do without some sort of sexual tension release as the release in and of itself serves as a release for other areas of my life. It is the only way I know of to really just get away in my own head. the really odd part I am still trying to understand it the chastity denies this but the hint of desire keeps me focused on when the release might come and thus focused on keeping her happy in other areas of our lives. Hard to explain but it is the way it is I guess.
Mistress and i have zero interest in cucking. She is quite satisfied with how well She is fucked by Her slave whenever She wants it. i am not lacking in the size department and i can fuck Her until She is exhausted. when She only wants to cum She gets oral service and it's off to sleep, no cum for me.
so no, i don't think there's a natural progression to cucking in this lifestyle. it's only there if that's what Y/you both want
John I think you are about spot on here. the only difference is we do not share the D/s theme in the overall relationship. Sure in some ways she knows and likes having the upper hand but never at anytime does she want to have all the control. While she sometimes enjoys making me give her oral sex while watching me go freaking crazy bulging in my device she also like the idea of sex as she like your wife wants the good hard "fucking" as you put it.
You seem to be blaming yourself a bit. I don't think you should. Almost every couple in the Mansion has up and down cycles where chastity play is interesting, and then there's a lull. I think that's pretty normal unless both parties are VERY VERY committed to D/s lifestyles.
My advice: Enjoy the time wanking away. Love-up Goddess and keep your connection strong. Get through the house renovations, back-to-school, and all the other stress, and trust that the good times will come again.
Mike I appreciate your insight as you almost seem to read my mind. Problem is I am blaming myself a lot in many ways. First off the career thing is killing our relationship. When we met I was the main bread winner then I lost my job. She made barely 22k a year with a masters degree and was beside herself. She then found a job where she is making much much more than that while I went down hill from 80k a year to about 20k running my own studio. While money is not everything I know she hates her job and would love to get out of there yet with the current situation she can't. To top things off we lost over 25k in revenue this year with wedding cancellations and such as a result the good year I thought we would have is turning bleak fast. This is where my de-lima comes in. She wants me to be successful but I am ready to give it up so I can go back into retail management to earn the money I was making in the past. However in order to do that means I give up everything we built, and I give up pretty much any time we would have together as the retail world does not revolve around the 9-5 hours as we have had the pleasure of. She says she wants me to fight for the business but her body language says other wise. This single thing I believe is finally taken over the relationship. She wont let me give up on my dream but at the same time will not be happy till I find something making considerably more so she can get out where she is. It is a much bigger mess than what I can describe but suffice it to say it sucks and it is now consuming all of her.
The second problem is my past is coming back to haunt me. In the past my ex wife had me see a therapist for sexual addiction and had me believing I was a addict. Ironically the therapist said there was nothing abnormal with me at all and there were deeper issues with our relationship, which I later found out she was having multiple affairs and thus wanted nothing to do with me. At any rate every woman I have been with since has had problems with my sexual appetite and it makes me wonder sometimes if my expectations are out of wack. However last night I found a study that said the average American married couple has sex about 99 times a year. I laughed my ass off because I don't know a single marriage with that high of stats and ours is not yet in double digits for the year. I take this personally as rejection and have not yet figured how to deal with this. The chastity gave "us" the excuse not to have sex but when the affection stopped as well then it was personal again and all these feelings of rejection came flooding back in. so much so that I even had thoughts of a separation to figure things out. Luckily I never went any farther that stupid thoughts.
As previously mentioned the stress of work is probably the single biggest problem right now. She is not even here mentally. Physically she is a corpse with a laptop. she spends what little energy she has on the boys and by the time the evening comes to us, well there is no us.
My last problem is just been realized. Fear! Both in my business and my home life when I have run out of ideas or answers fear kicks in. When that fear kicks in I get paralyzed and can't nor do I want to do anything. I just freeze and almost give up. I don't know what to do so I do nothing.
Anyway this is probably the longest post I have done but it goes to explain a lot about what I have discovered in the last few hours. She is still pissed the Lori device came back with unasked for adjustments so this shows me she has an interest. However she knows she is doing more damage by leaving me locked away and ignored so she has ask we stop for a while. I guess it goes to say we are taking it one day at a time right now.
