Hi I have been effectively chaste since 2007 when my partner declared she was no longer interested in any sex and especially BDSM play.
This has been the case since then. I have been taking care of things solo ever since. I suppose I initially I hoped she would get over it and rekindle an interest by sadly not.
Now I love bondage and submission and nothing beats the feeling of being helpless under the control of a Mistress.
I have had chastities for several years but have recently discovered Chaster and this site and been getting into chastity for its own sake and have found that is has a strong draw for me. So much so it as as good in many respects as bondage and at least fulfills the desire for some kind of restriction.
My dilemma is that I would love a key holder to control my lock ups but I would really love that to be my partner. I know she is not interested in sex but does anyone think she might be ok with a little key holding and possibly setting tasks. Am I being hopelessly optimistic or is there a way I can recruit her to my chastity. Presently I am locked covertly and never at bedtime. It makes the chastity element a little unsatisfying.
I would value your opinions especially the Ladies. What should I do. Poleman260
I was in the same situation 14 years ago. Wife said she is no longer interested in sex or men since she is bi. I talked to her and said I need sex and if she refuses me I will find someone to have sex with. She did not like that idea at all. We had done all the fetishes we found on Fetlife except chastity which I thought was stupid as my life was focused on as many orgasms as I could get in our non monogamous marriage. Had countless threesomes with my wife and other women over most of our 51 years of marriage and all of a sudden no more sex. No way.
As I said, I thought preventing orgasms was stupid but then I thought why not as it may appeal to my wife. So we talked and went on the honor system for a month and that worked out well. I told my wife that I had a problem controlling myself and showed her a chastity cage. She liked the idea of me not masturbating and her controlling when and if I get to orgasm. So I bought the first of about 15 chastity cages and we gave it a try.
Over the last 13 years we adjusted our chastity. Tried feminization but I am too alpha for that and do not embarrass easily so my wife gave up on that as it did not make me more submissive. We started off with an orgasm a month which according to what I found on the internet was the most popular time period between orgasms. From there we extended the time till we reached 6 months. Our sex was not normal sex. It was masturbating together if I was allowed to orgasm or if not, me just playing with my wife as she came on one of her many high end vibrators. If I was allowed to orgasm I had to jerk myself off as she is not into penises, especially small ones which she rightfully said is too small to give her an orgasm and it slipped out all the time due to ED.
Another issue was that I got very obese due to job stress and working all hours into the night snacking as I went along. I lost 90 lbs and my wife got more interested in me sexually. At least now she will get me off with her hand and very occasionally let me do the same to her. She does not want oral sex from me because she says it makes her cum too fast. She cums fast on her vibrator though. If you are a premature ejaculator, marry a woman who comes in under a minute due to a prominent and very sensitive clitoris.
So here we are 13 years later and still locked up. She will unlock me if I go out and it is not practical to be locked. She trusts me not to jerk off in my car. I never went back on my word about not making myself orgasm without her permission when in chastity. Chastity worked so well for us for a long time because we kept it simple. No femdom as my wife is not bossy at all. She is very beta.
We tried chastity contracts but they read like a what I can do to get her to do something to me. So many rules and rule changes that we often were not on the same page plus she rightfully said that the contract forced her to do things to me which she was not in the mood to do at the time. She basically said if I cannot follow one simple rule which is she makes the rules and can change them whenever she wants, she did not want to be forced to do things that I really wanted her to do when truth be told.
It finally clicked when we simplified it and basically sex is for her pleasure only. I get to orgasm a few times a year at my wife's discretion. I threw out most of my BDSM gear which was many years worth. Kept a few hoods, impact toys and nipple which she sometimes uses on me. Also a jar of Tiger Balm for my balls when she is pissed at me. Although if she really is pissed it goes in my ass which I cannot do anything about and hurts like hell. Other than that it is mostly just me kissing her and fondling her breast for a minute or two until she cums hard. Then it is over and I am locked up again. The big change this year was unlocking me for sex but I cannot touch myself or suffer a full force paddling. Only she can give me an orgasm now and that is new. We try to add something new or change something old each year to keep things interesting.
We only play during sex and not in our married life. I am still in charge of our marriage since I am much more qualified than my wife and she does not want to be in charge as she went to trade school while I was in a school for gifted students. We only get kinky in bed now and no more trying all the things we read about or seen in porn. Modelling your life according to scripted porn is a surefire way to fail like most do, at chastity. Make it realistic and realize that chastity can stand on its own and not relegated to a minor role in some larger fetish.
My suggestion is to approach your wife with the idea of giving her power over your orgams even if it is just giving you permission to jerk off. When we started my wife thought ejaculation was disgusting so she allowed me to jerk off into our toilet and any that did not go into the bowl I had to lick up. Then it was jerk off in bed and eat it. Now she wants to be the only one to touch my cock during sex and she jerks me off a few times a year or sometimes when she gets carried away with her own orgasm while trying to ruin mine, I get a surprise full orgasm. However, that counts as one of my few orgasms for the year.
You may even want to start off on the honor system as we did until I told my wife that she makes me wait for an orgasm longer than I can refrain from jerking off but there was a solution. I showed her a CB6000s and she told me to get it and that was the start of being locked up 24/7. Although we do this every year, we do take a break each year where I am unlocked and free to do what I please. That may last a few weeks or one or two months depending on our health issues since we are old people and medical issues come into play like recently when they thought my wife had lung cancer and it turned out to be nothing after 4 months of thinking she was going to die. She was not in the mood for sex so I was locked up with only one sexual encounter and orgasm during that time.
Go slow. No rules except her rules and she may learn to love it especially if you show her how horny she makes you, give her foot rubs and do more around the house. Show her an upside to controlling your orgasms and she may just want to keep doing chastity, not for sexual reason but for all the massages, foot rubs and help around the house you are now giving her. That is pretty much how my wife views it. Good luck and remember there is no rule book for fetish play so do it in a way that is real world and in line with both of your wishes.
