I agree with this statement. Sex can be defined as all intimate activities. My wife controls unlocking. I initiate other activities. I think it is important for the woman to feel she is still desired. She doesn’t always accept it, but likes the thought. So yes, we both decide.
Hi Sub K. The line between sub and Dom is very delicate and thin. If a bdsm-relation is in a perfect balance the Sub determines in the end - and most of the time without any words spoken the boundaries in which the dom can move (I have switched Sub/sub and Dom/dom on purpose). So if the Sub decides that sex is not a part of the game, the Dom will never cross that border. Hopefully this might give you some food to think about. Have a great relation and be safe! .
My wife decides what, when, and how. That's how it has always been. I can certainly kiss her and try to initiate, but it's up to her to decide if she wants my tongue or the dildo... or to go back to sleep. Even years ago when my penis was allowed inside her it was only when she chose to let that happen.
Well, that's certainly true. I simply meant that it was based purely on her own feelings on the matter with little regard to my own.
as always it all depends on who really has the power. in a ssc relationship the sub has all the power and he decides. in a ncc relationship the dom has all the power and she decides.
Exactly. My wife/lover/mistress has full access to my body unless I have a valid reason to object or it isn't practical (like shopping) or when I use the safe word.
I side with those that say the Domme makes the decision. As a sub, you're not allowed to choose or decide, if it's important. The Domme has those privileges. So if she wants sex then it will happen, if not, you stay in your cage.
Interesting question ... and answers... I think it natural that at some ground level both have to decide / agree - otherwise it would be rape. But I do not think that the question was about this very basic level... For us it is her sole decision if there will be any sex (and this includes all kinds of sexual activity) - no matter if i would like it at the moment or not. But I may also initiate it myself. Would be unwise though to continue after she let me know that she is not interested in the moment...
She tolerates my little hints and I do tell her regularly that I desire her and sometime when I beg just a little , don't want to push or get I to trouble. Goddess reminds me when I go to far and it is totally up to her when she wants to receive pleasure she has always been vanilla and I have been the one start thing but that has sure shifted as she is getting more comfortable with her power and submission.
Before I just wanted a quick fuck, now I am looking forward to the time she will desire to make love! Before I had to cum at least once per day to be calm and able to focus, now my libido has hit the sky and I am able to redirect it and use it for insanity creative tasks! Plus when she wants sex she REALLY is into it, she doesn’t just give in to my desire. I therefore don’t ask, I trust.
Found myself apologizing for some of my past behavior being locked and belonging so totally to her focused on her needs makes you reflect on what you are doing and have done. I have always focused on her pleasure first but in the background my orgasm poked it's little head into the program so instead of letting her bask in post glow I would involve her in my pleasure ....
So I voted Dom decides as that is our dynamic, but the bigger question to me is what do you consider. Sex in our relationship is typically me satisfying her with mouth, hands and toys. I do this whenever I'm instructed to. I get @Unlucky point about it being consensual. There simply has never been a point where I haven't wanted sex. I suppose if I was sick with the flu and she came in and said "give me an orgasm" I might balk at it. I just don't think she would want that. So I guess my consent is like an unlocked door and she decides when to open it. Still her choice. Now if you define sex as being my penis inside her then she absolutely decides on that and the answer (at least since Jan 2) has been no.
not that i have to like the current definition for rape but it requires penetration of the victim by the rapist. so if a woman forces someone to lick her to orgasm this is not rape. if your female boss threatens your livelyhood and demands you have intercourse with her and you do it is still not rape. ( the double standard of definition) (the fbi collect data on these kinds of complaint and female abuse of power in the work place for sex occurs almost as much as male abuse but only the male is the rapist) i once read an article where they argued that at any time a man initiates sex it is rape. the reasoning was the ability to give consent is require to not be rape. much like a child willingly agreeing to have sex is not consent. to carry it one step further because men tend to be larger and stronger they can force themselves on a woman and every woman knows this. she is at a disadvantage and therefore at best can only agree to have sex but she does not have the ability to consent. following this logic every master here is guilty of rape. bottom line we can agree to have sex but few are in a position to give consent.( just another way women( feminists) make women second rate citizens) so mr. unlucky, her agreeing did not change the fact that by definition you were raping her.......... and how far will the "me too" take it??
In my experience, this varies from relationship to relationship from Dominant to submissive and the dynamics between them. I'm more than happy to let her initiate and have that control, as that fits within the construct of our dynamic and relationship. Especially as I can't do much unless she unlocks me.
How is this a controversial topic? Assuming that the Domme/sub relationship is an established Female/male relationship, She makes the decision always. Just because it isn't convenient for a sub to be submissive doesn't mean that we get to turn off the dynamic and be submissive when it suits us. This includes sex. Anecdotally, in 14 years together, there have only been a few times I was not in the mood where Mistress wanted sexual activities. Although I was being bratty when W/we started, I was always always always glad W/we did so during and afterwards. Mistress always knows best.