For over 4 decades I have been trying to get my wife to be more dominant. Not just for sexual purposes but in general as she cannot say no to people. While most people do not take advantage of her, some do. She also blindly obeys any authority figure and labels. If it says give a pill every 8 hours, she will wake up in the middle of the nigh to take or give a pill. If it says take a pill every 12 hours will not take it a minute sooner or longer. I am the opposite. If a button says "do not press", I am very tempted to press it. I have told her that she can run our marriage as she sees fit but does not want to be a bossy wife. If she tells me to do something and thinks I am unhappy doing it, she will feel bad and reverse herself. If she threatens punishment, she rarely carries through with it. My wife is currently recovering from surgery and cannot do most things for herself. She therefore needs to ask me to do most normal things we take for granted. The problem with that is that she is someone OCD about things. It does not matter if something can wait until later, she wants it done when she is thinking of it. Plus, she wants it done in a specific way, even if that way is not the most efficient or best way of doing it. In short, things have to be her way or she gets bitchy about it. She started if politely asking me, almost shyly, to do things for her and then often apologized for having to need my help. I kept telling her that I was happy to help and she should not feel like a burden to me. Lately I have noticed a profound change in her. She no longer asks me to do things, she tells me like my old Army Drill Sargent used to. She has become dominant and demanding. I must admit that at times I rebel at her treatment of me as I am more into loving domination where I am asked to do something with the understanding that I will do it. I do not yet know if I like, for the lack of a better word, the tone she uses when ordering me about. I can sense that she now knows her power over me and think that there is no going back for her. I only hope that she will find a balance between being a bitch and a loving Mistress. I will do anything she asks and always have so I do not need to be treated like a slave. I rather be treated like a loyal and loving servant who voluntarily took on the job. I think that a lot of her behavior is due to frustration of having to rely on others as she is the type who likes to do everything for herself, rejecting help from others if possible. She is also concerned about her future as she will not be out of the woods for another year so she has to live with that knowledge that no matter how good things seem, it can turn for the worse in an instant. Best case will be if she maintains her dominant personality and tempers it into something more palatable to me. I know that the fantasy guys will all jump on me and tell me that I should do anything my wife tells me to and be grateful, but us real life guys know that it does not work that way. We have a marriage to live and run plus a world out there to interact with. Sometimes you just wake up not feeling like being anyone's slave that day. I have never met a happy slave, putting aside that it is illegal and therefore voluntarily done. No one does it unconditionally and for 24/7 despite posts to the contrary which, even when based in reality, tend to stretch the truth a little. I thinks we all do that as most of our lives have big chunks of boring parts and posting about them would put people to sleep.
Well, there is one that I can think of that posts here, or rather, who's owner posts here, but slave's health suffered somewhat. Look for a thread called 'When it's Kind to be Cruel'. There's a lot to read but I think it's all real. Good luck to you and your wife in finding a balance that works for you both though. Sounds like it isn't easy for her.
My wife came dominant at her 40ties after years of handle her not fair from me. nowshe the boss or devorce she said me, so mow about 6 months in chastity i thinks she want to do it for life, and so has lovers because i can't ruined orgasms hurt me but need it she says
Anytime someone says "do the following xx slave stuff or divorce" them the better option is divorce. This is basically being forced into it and I don't think anyone should be forced. So basically she's cheating on you and threatens you with divorce if you don't agree. Unless you have agreed to this arrangement, you're being abused.
I read that thread and it makes my blood boil. If there's another example of abuse justified as BDSM I can't find it. IMO it justifies legal intervention, and the only reason it's still running is that it's probably not true at this point.
I might agree, but then I don't know them and as we're a social and friendly lot here I reserve making judgement - consenting adults and all that. There are many a law lord into some very much more dubious stuff, which it's far easier to call abuse. Consenting adults sit a good way up the ethical ladder for me. But this is Vinnie's thread, so lets not go spoiling it eh?
I just don't think it's completely consensual, that's all. Read about "Stockholm syndrome". Agreed re: derailing. However our comments still have relevance, I think. Vinnie, If you're doing something that you wouldn't put up with if you weren't in chastity, that's a good time to pause and rethink on what you're getting into.
It takes two for any sort of FLR to work. I know, deep down, that dickie has always been submissive in nature, although it took an affair nearly ten years ago for it to come to the forefront. Looking back, I now realize how much he enjoyed watching what my friend did to her husband, who also had an affair, two in fact. While she employed the leverage of being the major breadwinner, it took "cooperation" from her husband, who I dont think was initianally as sumissive as dickie, to make things work. Her husband has gone through hormones, and surgery for a more feminine facial appearance, as well as c-size implants. He, or she, acts and appears like a natural woman, but still has the boy bits. dickie has not gone that route, although is submissive in almost every facet of our lives, and has become more curious as things go along, to the point of being bi-sexual. We both seek different paths for sexual relations, although he gives me oral whenever I wish, and totally willingly. He has pursued opportunties to explore, and expand his horizons. We are both happy with where we are, and it's because both parties were willing to work with each other over the last 10 years. Suzna and dickie
I am OK. I do speak up for myself and go into alpha mode until she calms down. Anything we do is with the consent of each other and within any limits we agree upon. There is a fine line between a fetish and a psychological issue. I was heavily into BDSM and could post some stuff that many would not believe someone would want done to them. I was diagnosed with depression and once I was treated, my obsession for BDSM went away. I know first hand that consent does not always mean the mental capacity to give it in a safe and sane way. I was lucky because I was dominated by a woman who was intelligent and knew when to not do what I wanted her to do, but was able to make it seem as if she did. My wife is going through a rough time right now. She does not like being dependent on others and is going crazy with her lack of control so she is taking it out on me. There is also an element of me now knowing how to do the things she knows how to do and that is seen as threatening to her self worth. I am giving her a lot of slack because I understand what she is going through and love the little bitch. P.S. - all constructive comments are welcome. As least no one started off saying, "with all due respect" and then went on to disrespect me with their comments.
If you read their whole story I think you would judge them less harshly.I agree that Tina's health problems could be related to his submission/transformation but when you're testing limits you take risks.If a climber falls off a mountain you don't say "he should have been more careful";the danger is part of the pleasure.Even though I would never have wished for their lifestyle,for me,couples(now a triple!)like Miss Angelique and Jamie/tina are pioneers of chastity and D/s and we should support them rather than criticise.
Sorry about perpetuating the diversion but I think the subject is relevant to the thread.I think you're doing OK too...