Is tease and denial the right message to be giving out?

Ok lovely people, I think this thread has run it's course, I'm calling time on this one.

It may be reopened if things cool off a little, but locked is the best thing right now I think.

Many thanks
Verity

 

*Mods announcement*

That went off topic a bit too much here and there. After some deliberation I'll reopen this thread as there were interesting points of conversation,
and there are things worth discussing.
However, we cant have continual allegations of Lucy exploiting singletons, or 'running a business' for instance for a number of reasons, 1, it isn't true, 2, it isn't fair on her, or the guys who are happily single and have no desire to have a partner, 3. Some time ago Jens, this forum's owner, did an investigation of his own into Lucy's activities here and on other forums and found that she was not scamming anyone, and that he was happy with the way she organises her life, and that he was happy for her to continue as a member here. So, drop the oft touted statements about business models, I know many respondents to this thread are relatively new on CM but it's an old non-story for those of us who've been here for some years.



The title of this thread is "Is tease and denial the right message to be giving out"

My tuppence worth of opinion is that T+D is perfect for some couples, as a game or lifestyle it's fun, but it isnt the be all and end all of a relationship, sexual or otherwise.
Some may find that actually, T+D is utterly not on their horizon - especially some singletons who happily live their lives without wanting a partner (yes, they really exist) as well as those in relationships with a partner that's so evolved that a sex-life is something they remember in the dim distant past but have no need of now, as well as for countless others.

I think most/many of us exist in a world where our relationship with a partner is the most important thing in our lives, it is what motivates us beyond almost anything else, to the extent that we cannot imagine anyone not wishing to live their lives that way. So even within the corner of Kink-world that chastity inhabits "Couples" become another type of mainstream, the default setting, with the assumption that anyone in search of a keyholder must really be wanting a partner.
That seems not to be the case. There are clearly some who wish for no such thing. Indeed, in my 20's I had sexual partners, about 1 every 6 months, for a couple of weeks at a time. The rest of the time I was perfectly happy single and getting on with life, and even found those few weeks of hanging out with someone cramped my style a bit too much.

So - lets celebrate those not in relationships, who don't want them, but are still attracted to chastity for their own reasons. It's something I'm interested to learn more about, and I would hope that there is space on CM for that area of chastity to be explored more openly.

It isnt about right or wrong - it's about difference, and accepting and celebrating that difference.


With that said, my apologies for the brief halt in proceedings, I'm unlocking this now. Play nicely, people.





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I am glad you have opened this thread again as, after it was locked, I realised I knew of another culprit who can be blamed for spreading the idea that chastity goes hand in hand (or hand in paddle!) with tease and denial. It is also the case that they also perpetuate the ideal that chastity and t&d are something tht couples do, or at least I haven't read anything from them about someone doing this on their own.

That person is none other that Mistress Ivey Green, author of, amongst other books, How to set up an FLR, A Keyholders Handbook and the most obvious instigator of this idea, The Ultimate Guide to tease and Denial.

My Wife has read most of, and enjoyed, the Keyholders Handbook and soon I am hoping she will read (as she said she wanted to, I am not forcing her or cajoling her into reading) How to set up an FLR.

 

Theres this awesome online McDonald's. They do it right. You pay them and when you get to the virtual drive up window they present you with an Amazon Wish List.

It was so refreshing. Every time go to a "real life" McDonald's drive-through after after I pay them they just pander to me by giving me a goddamn hamburger. Someone should really explain to them that they're creating unrealistic expectations.

This one guy had the nerve to try to say that taking money or accepting gifts of monetary value in exchange for providing a service is called a "business". People these days!

 

I think I'm glad the thead has been re-opened too.

It occured to me that Mistress Lucy practices a form of chastity that could be described as 'long-term erection denial' - with no physical stimulation.
Which is fine for those who love to feel themselves forever straining against their cage.

 

i rather has a cuddle really cos then you knows that even if you been a bit silly They still likes you.

 

You remind me of a charity that send people seeds. You send them something to cover postage and sourcing costs, and they send you a random seed (or seeds), suited to your climate, with some cryptic stuff about what it is. They don't tell you, you have to work it out.
After you've put some considerable effort into it, with periods of self doubt, you find you're kind of more sure of yourself and you plant it.
Because you've invested so much into it by then, you now put your heart and soul into ensuring that it grows, is fed, nurtured, and watered, so that it/they grow into something beautiful and very worth while.

At the end of the growth cycle, you find that the majority of the investment was your time and energy and commitment, and less about what you paid the charity, and you find you've grown something beautiful and worthwhile, and maybe even learned something valuable.

 

I had noticed the thread was back and thought to give it another chance.

Am still curious about your motivation, you said you didn't care for chastity, as well as what you expect your subs to do to show their devotion.

"No one pays for anything"? Please, I thought we had at least got to the point that we could at least agree that it isn't just " for the love of the game", that you receive gifts, gratuity, devotional favors that are material.

They don't pay for you to tease them, they give you things nonetheless. They receive friendship, communication, a pretty and young lady to share a secret with, and someone to show their submissive nature to.

I have no issues with online keyholders, people paying for them, or doubt the devotion they have for her, or the bond that may develop with them.

There is a saying in the states " don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining" , I know it's kinda crass, but it's true. You receive things that you didn't have, from people who see you as their goddess.

So, the question I have for you is...is what motivates you into doing this(gifts of devotion), and what you expect from your slaves(gifts of devotion) the same? And if so, why would you be surprised when someone asks for dressing on the side?

 

i know nothing?

Mark Twain once wrote how stupid his father was when he was 18, and surprised by all the knowledge he had acquired in the short time between then and him growing up. You are 23, In a few years you too will wonder how everyone else had gotten so much wiser in such a short period.

What you get are unselfish males that are devoted to you, and to prove such devotion give you things...gotcha. The only question left is why you were surprised that when they asked for something for their "devotion", apparently they didn't know it wasn't on the menu and should have.
Oh look I just found the ignore button

 

EXACTLY.

Am I alone in finding it bizarre that, on a site dedicated to Sensual Chastity, one of its (rare) female members should be hauled over the coals and held to account for running her own site according to her own rules and expectations? No one is forced to join!!! If you don't like it, look away, FFS!

Why on earth should Lucy (who I don't know, and whose site I am not a member of) should have to repeatedly give this account of herself simply because some guys here don't 'get' her brand of sensual play.

Lucy has more than justified what she does and why she does it; her kink and her tastes are her affairs, surely. Frankly it strikes me as a minor miracle that she's bothered to reply at all.

There's a really bad flavour about the way a woman who involves herself in this lifestyle at a demanding and consistent level should be treated in this way, here, on this site of all places. And anyway, just to show Lucy's methods and concepts are not so unusual here's an image from the web, found today.

We've already 'lost' one significant female member in the last few weeks, do we really value the ladies here so little that we harass and attack them so readily in such fruitless point-scoring exercises?

 

In all fairness, Ms Lucy is an intelligent self assured young lady. I can fully attest to that. That being said I believe she truly enjoys her proclivities involving her goddess role. Her subs are involved of their own free will and are actually given very individual attention by her. They may return the courtesy and that is between she and them

 

"Find a need. Fill a need" Seems that both criteria have been met

 

Yours is but one perspective in a vast array of options in the chastity spectrum . . . neither right nor wrong.

 

I have nothing to add in regards to the semantics of this situation because - frankly - I don't care that much.

I will say though that the guys who claim to have been locked up for 1 year + for you Miss Lucy, are almost definitely full of shit. The plastic devices cause all manner of hygeine problems within as little as a week and in general it's best to unlock and wash at least every 7 days. If someone says they're going a year locked in a CBxxxx device or similar then they either have serious hygeine problems and smell very bad, or are lying.

Just my thoughts.