Spending a week with my boyfriend really brought home how emotionally draining it is to combine my submissive energy with him and my dominant energy with jack. I love and cherish both lives, but parallel living is quite an investment. Maybe I'm getting older and less tolerant of the switch role when with one and not the other. But spending time away from jack when with Daniel and then having to flip to Domme mode when I'm in a really delicious sub mode is getting a little too much sometimes. If anything it really highlights that mixing and matching isn't necessarily a good thing and I want both situations to be quality experiences for all. Short of finding someone else to provide jack with his Domme direction when I'm enjoying my time with Daniel, I can see no other alternative than to put him on hold until I'm back in the nest and switch fully back to our D/s life. I wonder if others find this challenging and any ideas are most welcome.
I (Jane) am piggy in the middle too. Janet is a bit more dominant than me, Ian far less. I actually rather like not having to make all the decisions. The difference is that here it isn’t a matter of different places different me. We are one unit. Co-living brings all the boring domestic stuff - shopping, cleaning, cooking and so on into the mix, and things like that take the pressure off. It’s a boring solution, but works for us. Love Jane X
While I have no experience with this, speak with jack about how things are for him while your gone. Maybe he would like a Domme to be with while your gone. And on the other hand, perhaps you could surprise him with that type of arrangement and see if he likes it at all. I'm sure you can work it out one way or another.
i dont like being on my own very much and sometimes i am cos Mistress go away if She has to see somebody to do with Her work and im glad it only for a day or sometimes 2 days and i wud really really hate it being a week.
In our day to day lives there are often situations where we might need to take a more dominant position, yet need to submit to others in fairly short time frames, and we generally find that less of a problem than might be the case in our deeper personal lives - which is an interesting thing. I wonder if there are things we can borrow from one to use for the other. This is a rather 'out there' suggestion, but I offer it to you and anyone reading who might be able to make use of it. Long ago I was taught this very neat little trick and can work in many different ways if you choose to make it work for you. It started off when I was being called upon to use reserves of energy I didn't feel I had at that precise time, and the trick was to immediately be energised and to work it in the opposite way if I had a lot of energy but needed to be calm for someone. What's the trick? It's whatever you want, but you decide what it is, and you practise it mentally as if you where exercising a muscle in a way that reinforces it as a reality. I chose to scratch one side of my nose for more energy, and the other side for less. It could be used in any way you choose, so could be stroking your ear for sub and pulling it for Dom for instance. It's great because it's so discrete and no-one need know about it. I find it takes about 10 seconds of mental adjustment but not much more. It could be said that it's really just the mental adjustment itself, but the addition of the same physical action strengthens the resulting adjustment by a huge factor.
This is not a very common situation but is certainly not unknown either. (For example, if you're on Fetlife look at AspirationalWW. ) First thing I'd say is do you want jack to be sub to Daniel as well? And if so would Daniel want to do this? If so this will bring in a wholly new dynamic which you need to think through carefully first, If not, I reckon keeping jack on hold is probably the answer pro tem. You've got his keys, he's secured and not going anywhere, plus you can perhaps leave him tasks to do but otherwise let him be while you pursue with Daniel. Why not?
This is what, in our usually inept way, we were trying to get across. Do you want two separate relationships or one? We have opted for one, but didn’t do it until we were all content. Living as a unit may seem unusual. But we all did it in our student days, being a bit facile the main difference is we don’t argue over who owns which yogurt in the communal fridge! Overall it’s a great life, jealousy doesn’t happen, as nobody feels left out. J&J XX
I think you've summed this one up pretty well. There is no absolute answer: it all depends what's best for you yourself. And if it takes a bit of time to decide on this, then it's time well spent.