For those of you who are practicing chastity under a keyholder, what have been the effects on your self-esteem?
Awful... I've been through a tough week because I'm locked and left, no participation and a range of other things going at home. An active kh would definitely make a difference. Oh well...perhaps it's a time thing.
Great question. In a way I would say unchanged. But in another I would say increased. I reason that chastity has made me OVERALL a better husband and that my wife would say so. I feel good about that. One might expect that chastity may LOWER self esteem because of the negation of the penis--the symbol of manhood. The fact is for me, I always knew in the back of my mind that my penis was not a good source of pleasure for a woman. Chastity merely confirms and codifies what we already knew and leverages it to an advantage. So I think there is some irony to both the question and the answer. Being denied intercourse (and several other sexual privileges) has come to improve my self esteem.
Self esteem - the opinion we have of ourselves. I feel good about myself, I don't see that having my penis locked and inaccessible a weak thing. If anything I feel stronger and better as I can do things equally well caged and uncaged. I also feel that we, as a couple, are closer because of the cage and that also is a feel good factor. And good self esteem is addictive. You want to carry on doing things that make you happy, and better still if they make your partner feel happy too,. There's more but they're not easily categorised or tangible. What a difficult question @Ormaz A.
Good question. For sure I feel less "manly" and that would have been bad for my self esteem BC. And I view women as having more power than I ever thought of before. Yet somehow I have changed in a way that I feel good about those things, not threatened. For sure I have an expanded sense of self and sexuality and I am quite sure I am a better husband, all of which add up to enhanced self esteem despite being anxiously aware of my male weaknesses now.
I actually feel stronger & more self-confident - things that have not been strong points for a good part of my life. And I even feel a bit proud that I am able to do this to please a woman who means so much to me.
I'm going to say neutral to just a nod to the negative. I have a pretty stable personality and mental grip on the world as I perceive it so chastity is another kink I want to explore. Being sexually adventurous isn't a bad thing if you don't hurt other people. It did teach me how little self-control I have when given the opportunity. Horny like hunger is something out of my control but while I have to eat, I won't die if I don't masturbate.
I used to be the alpha male.. deciding on most things from household bills, vacation to the colours of bed sheet.. my wife was mostly agreeable.. but overtime.. i have mellowed down and health and career swings have our roles switched.. she is doing the reverse and make key decisions everything from finance to bed routines.. of course my sef-esteem which i measured against my job/provider and performance on bed has taken a plunge.. but then i learn of my place and humility.. and regret some costly mistakes unwisely committed.. and glad for her to be assertive, wise and still a keeper for me.. never a digger and leave…
I feel very much the same as @Headtrip , especially about being less manly and noticing the power of women more -- they're both good things I think. And I feel much better about myself not masturbating every day. I really miss my erections though, and that makes me feel like a beta male.
It actually helps my self esteem and I’ve noticed it seems to help my anxiety a good bit too. Maybe it helps me with knowing exactly who and what I am without any self doubs or trying to change how I feel inside. Sounds weird I know lol
Self esteem? Not really sure, sometimes I think about what we are doing (myself and wife) and I think how lucky I am that she participates in the kink and how good it makes me feel to enjoy sex when it's all about her pleasure. Other times, I look down at my locked cock and think what am I doing, who would happily forgo the pleasure of stimulation and orgasm, are you mad? The negative moments are far outweighed by the positive ones though
Has anyone here seen the episode of Seinfeld where George has a bet with Elaine? The bet was who could go longer without an orgasm. I feel a lot like George when he is abstaining. He gets more confidence and clarity and this allows him to tap into his full potential. Of course all of this comes to an end when he does have an orgasm. Funny episode and strangely relevant today.
I think my self esteem has gone up. As a late-blooming service submissive, I have had a lot of conversations with myself about what that means and if I am less of a man than I was. My conclusion is accepting that aspect of my personality and allowing myself to become a full male person, took strength. I can still do all of the “manly” stuff I did before, and a lot more. Serving is not for wimps. I am much happier and content these days. As, she is.
At times a man may feel his boundaries are expanding with chastity.. ok, he is not getting regular sex, he is getting peculiar sex (performing oral, getting pegged), he is denied orgasm in any of the cases, he is being trained to do household chores, he is being sissified, he is being cucked… and considering all these (ok, not necessarily true), he is still keeping a straight face and withstanding all the challenges.. i think his self esteem has to be heavenly high..
I'm generally much more positive, though it is like my emotions are heightened. I took a break and my self-esteem plummeted. Working through a lot of stuff is good but hard at times. We are on a journey to a better place, but there are some challenges for us both to overcome. Chastity has set us on that journey of improving our relationship.
Increased. I finally felt much better as a male once I was caged. My focus changed to what's really important, my wife. She provides me with what she feels I need, not what I want when I want it. I needed rules in my life as an adult. I have them now and I get disciplined when I break her rules. I/we have never been happier!