So first of all, I put this into "Off Topic", because even though it's about a femdom munch, this post is more about my problems with social gatherings. Maybe "munch" is the wrong word. I am not sure. It was e get together with other people to just talk about the topic. No playing, normally clothed, in a public bar. I wanted to go to a munch for years (to getting to know some people and maybe building friendships, which could maybe result into more due to other contacts. But of course friendships alone would have been absolutely fine as well), but never could convince myself to go. That's partly because the next munches were in Munich and in my hometown there aren't any. Although Munich is just about 1-1 1/2 hours drive away, I find this distance not very practical for friendships. Especially with increasing gas prices, it also would be quite expensive, if I maybe had to visit Munich more often. BUT that's more of a excuse I told myself, so I did not have to admit to myself, that I am afraid. The last months I accepted, that I have A LOT of fears. It wasn't so easy to tell in the past, because most of the time I compensate fear with anger instead. Unconsciously. Because it's an emotion I can deal with. Anyway. I went their last night. Was kinda uncomfortable and nervous beforehand. I got there early to meet the person, who organisated the munch, to talk a bit about how the evening will plan out, "rules" and so on. People started to arrive and the first half an hour was alright. But then it got really full (about 25-30 people, small room) and I felt more und more uncomfortable. Also it got really loud. I'm kinda sensitive to some stimuli and volume is one of them. The whole evening I only talked maybe 5 sentences. I almost scratched open a part of my hand, because I was so nervous. Also I kinda felt jealous and a bit sad, when someone was talking about their experiences and I saw how their eyes lit up talking about it. It made me jealous, because I didn't experience anything yet (apart from a bit online play. Actually got a online mistress for about 5 weeks. Wonderful lady ) After about 2 1/2 hours I left. I couldn't endure it any longer. I've got a really bad headache (today morning I still had it). Today I went grocery shopping and I was more nervous than normally when in a super market, because I was still so overstimulated by yesterday evening. Yeah... So I am quite proud of myself, that I overcame my fear of social gatherings (well, the fear stems mostly from there only being strangers), but it was rather uncomfortable and I can't imagine to ever go on something like that ever again. Except for maybe when my future hypothetic RL mistress comes with me. But even then, I wouldn't wanna go. I hope I wrote that mostly understandable. I just had to get this off my chest and didn't really focus an grammar.
Feel your pain. Meeting new people is my biggest insecurity. Rooms full of people I don’t know with the expectation that I should be social is my biggest nightmare! Hopefully, you broke the ice a little with a few so next time you can build on your conversations. Commend your effort.
Sounds like you went to a “slosh”! A slosh is where the people meet in a bar and socialize. A “munch” is usually in a restaurant and every one orders a meal and socialize while eating.
Ah ok. Well you could order something to eat and some did. So it was a munch I guess. It just wasn't a typical restaurant, but felt more like a bar kinda.
Yikes. As someone else with social anxiety, you have my sympathies. I tend to do well at structured events, like femdom teas, conventions, workshops and classes, even one-on-one meet n’ greets and occasional munches at restaurants. The one time I tried a speed dating event, they decided to shake things up and make it more free-form, which was the opposite of what I’d wanted to experience. Good on you for putting yourself out there.
To a much smaller extent I have similar issues. What I have found though, is that it is a lot easier and better the second time I am in that type of situation. Not a munch perse but loud crowded events. Matt be with a second go, but only you can decide that
If it was online it wasn't a "real" munch. That said munches vary even with the same group. Who shows up, how people feel, the weather, all impact the energy and how it goes. Also each group has its own feel. So don't let one bad experience get you down. Instead, be happy you tried it. Keep trying events. The first one is real hard. The next will be hard too but a little less hard. It'll get easier, then you may find it harder again. Don't let that bother you, it's normal. I tell people to get out, to enjoy life and don't worry about meeting people. Just work on getting out. Making friends will be next, then you'll in time find what you seek. So hang in there.
I don't know where you got the idea, that it was online. It was in a restaurant/bar. You might be right, that it's different on different days with different people and so on. But I know myself and can safely say, that I won't enjoy something similar in the future. If it was in my hometown, I maybe would go there again. But driving 1 1/2 hours to an event I know I will dislike, doesn't really make sense. Also I don't really know how I would profit from going to such an event again, to be honest.
Hi Uaral i know what you went through for I was in the same boat when I was younger but thank god I am over it now ( I could get up now and talk in front of other people now with no problem)and my only advice is to go again soon as possible, there is a saying “ grasp the nettle” it means even if you have a fear of talking to other people and every part of your body is telling you not to go you have to go to get over it. Have a clear idea what you want to say and keep eye contact and just listen for the response.
Funnily enough, I could also get up and talk in front of other people with no problem. I wouldn't like it. But I could do it, without being stressed out. I don't think I just have "a fear of talking to other people". Because I often don't. It's very confusing. What I do have, is a massive problem with many people at once, loud talking and so on. I know what you mean and I know, that your advice is good advice. But I'll try it with other events where I know, that there aren't as many people. Thanks though
I dont see a real Problem here. You know your anxieties of overcrowded places, you knew it could happen and you were that strong to go there. This is really to be mentioned. Manymany people share this and many of them wouldnt have gone there. Like me for example. A reason why many people in an overcrowded room could stress you out would be that you have an chronic hyperventilation syndrome. Over the time your base system of the body gets disturbed and newly regulated. Because of the hyperventiollation you exhale more CO2 than necessary and your pH will rise a bit. Your body recalibrates your optimum and when you get into a situation where many people are in a room the CO2 level rises accordingky to the many people breathing in there. Your pH gets more acid and even though you are in a normal range you have the feeling of breathingdifficulties. You get sweaty, nervous and even can get sensations like higher heart rate, breathing rate. Decreased concentration might also play a role. Even your fingers can feel strange, you might also get parästhesia on the lips and the back. Your body finds itself in an alarm mode even though there isnt one single reason for it. So your fear you maybe are fweling isnt a fear but only the bodyly sensations a fear would come with. Controlled breathing helps here. Hold you breath. Exercise deep bowel breathing to lower your pH again. And bring ypur base system back to normal. I had this once when i was short befor e my BSc. exams. I had als problems with a woman i fell in love with so I was really completely destroyed on the ground. I held my breath and really could do this for minutes without getting the signal of too much CO2 in the blood. It felt good, made me calm. Good luck.
Well, I didn't go for many years as well, because I couldn't convince myself. I just kinda got motivated, to push my limits. That is an interesting hypothesis But I don't think that's the case here. Also I have the same problem outdoors on crowded places. I think it just has to do with too much stimuli. Yesterday I went for a walk and sat a while on a bench in the sun. I wore my sunglasses, but the sun was in a spot, where I was facing it pretty directly. Despite my sunglasses, after I finished my walk (about an hour) the back of my eyes hurt, I had a headache, was kinda exhausted and in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Volume is also a stimulus, that overwhelmes me quite often. And in a room full of people with a lot of conversations it can get quite loud.
It isnt a hypothesis. It is proven many times. Too many stimuli are also a problem for me. I hate it, if it is too loud in the sense of a kakophonie ( you'll understand the word I guess). On a concert, I love metal hardrock and newmetal I have no issues. But for example. Restaurant woth a bad acustic, which sounds like a swiming pool. Very bad for me. But this is really for most of the people and nothing special. I think it doesnt have a link to a disturbance. Agoraphobie yes. Being sensible for visual or acustic stimuli more no.
Yes that's the same with me. I like loud music (especially metal), but a lot of conversations mixing in the background, that are a lot less loud, are just exhausting. It could possibly be linked to a disturbacen. But I don't have any diagnosis, which would support this.
Dont think to much about abnormities, disturbances and diagnosis. In your case it is like that. Why should you be the same as all the other people. There are so many things that makes us unique. And so maybe your sharp senses are your wonderweapon. I have an absolutely fine nose and gustatory sense. I smell things, others dont or very faster than them. This sometimes leads to arguements. Like my chef, when I told him that the FFO2 masks smell like fungy. He tried, asked other people. They didnt smell it. And said I was halucinating, which was really bad and hurtful for me. Or I taste bad meat and cant eat things very often, when other people dont have issues. I even doubtet myself then, because all of them didnt smell it. There are also studies about this phenomenon in consense of gaslighting. Even this selfdoubt is normal amongst people. One starts to think and rethink and slides into this spiral of missing self asteem and thought of abnormity and then gets more stressed and stressed. This leads then to vegetative syndromes which even make the things worse. Maybe even leads to Hyperacusis because the stress level rises Puhh why am I sweating now? Do the others see it? What do they think about me now? Do they see my rush in the face. That I faint a bit because of thisand that? Do I really faint now. OMG.what is wrong with meeeeeee. The thing is, that you don't see that the others are also sweating. Yeah the body is a phenomenon. "The human isnt a machine. It is made of blood and flesh. "
That's true I guess. I had a very good nose in the past, as well. It's still quite good, but not as good anymore. Back then, I could have be a competition for your nose I also often hear sounds, which others don't hear. A quite common example is the "buzzing" of electric devices. Most people don't seem to hear that. But once I become aware of those sounds in an otherwise quiet room, they will drive me insane.
I hear them too. This high frequency tssssssssss. My wife doesnt hear it. She says ut is the blood in my arteries in the head. Could also be. But I am sure it is the electric buzzing. Like the old TVs they made this special electrostatic sound.
It definitely is the electric buzzing. When all electric devices are turned off, I don't hear it anymore. Well, except for mobile phones and stuff like that. I don't hear anything from those devices. Quite often it's lamps that have this buzzing.