So does this Chastity thing ALWAYS progress to longer locks and even less orgasms...

[OrdinaryGuy]

Or does it tend to stabilize?

About a year ago my wife and I tried to spice things up by using more toys. We never used more than a really basic vibrator for her, but with my encouragement, we both found ourselves browsing Amazon's adult section and ordering more and more toys for her and me. Naturally, cages came up in the search and neither of us knew anything about them. She was curious, I investigated, and blew it off. (I literally told her you all were crazy, lol !). After about a month of her constantly hinting that she wanted to try it, we eventually ordered a couple of cheap ones and before I knew it, we were playing with it. First during sex as a form of foreplay. Then an hour or so before sex, and then she started not removing it during our sessions from time-to-time and started asking me to wear it more often. Long story short, I went from more than daily orgasms my whole life to only 30 in the last year. The cage, worn for a day or two at a time became a week or two at a time. She really enjoys it, cums harder and more often than ever, she loves wearing the key and says she loves the way denying me orgasms makes her feel. I do my best to make her happy.

So about a month ago, I spent my longest time locked up (removed for play from time-to-time) but it was just over 30 days. Afterward, she said she wanted to give me a break, and the cage came off last week. It was awesome. Erections whenever I wanted. She made me cum 4 times that week even though there were plenty of tease-only sessions too. Here's where I'm going with this...

So today, she says she wants me back in the cage, now that I've had such a "long" break. She said it feels like we haven't used it in "ages". Long? Ages? I reminded her it was only a week without. Not that long ago, it was a week on a week or two off, etc. Now a week off after 30 days on is a long time? She said she wanted to give me a break because she wants it on for a much longer time now. I'm back in today. I asked her what she thought was a long time, and she says she doesn't know, but she isn't even going to think about letting me cum or my next break period until after 6 weeks (5 being my previous longest run).

I'm not saying I don't like it. It really has grown on me. In ways I still don't really understand. But I feel like every time I start getting acclimated to our new routine and actually start (really) enjoying it, I get these "escalations." When I found this forum a year ago to learn more about it, I was like, wtf... I'll never be these guys cumming 4 times a year (or less). But these other guys that play with it on and off, and cum every few days, yeah, that sounds like us and I can get into that for occasional play to keep things interesting. But this latest ramp up got me thinking, is this where it really is headed? I know if I said something to her, she would stop immediately, or lighten it up a bit. But the thing is, I was ALWAYS reluctant to step this up, and every time she did, I eventually grew to enjoy it. So I guess what I'm trying to work out is, am I going to get to this place where I actually enjoy such long lock ups and infrequent orgasms? Is that really the end game with this play, or does it eventually stabilize into a more even groove? Right now, fairly regular month-long lock-ups seems like something I can do (I never thought I'd be saying that). Is there a chance it'll stay this way, or will it naturally progress to more lock time and less cumming.

We've talked about it, and she says she doesn't know. It's knew to both of us, and she's just finding out what she enjoys. She's only asked me to give some time to see if it's something I eventually enjoy too. And the only reason it has gotten this far is because over time, it kind of has become something I enjoy too. But neither of us really know what the progression will be.

Thanks as always for your insights and support.

 

[Mr_anonymous]

There is no formula, it's different for everyone. Its not a natural progression from a day to a week to permanent. Everyone's dynamic is different. In end its what works for you.

 

[LockedinNH2]

So are you posting to brag or complain!!??? Haha
Good for you enjoy the ride. You should always be able tap out if it is turning into something you don't want or discuss ahead of time.

 

[TangoSub]

There is no formula, it's different for everyone. Its not a natural progression from a day to a week to permanent. Everyone's dynamic is different. In end its what works for you.

Agree no formula. For me I find caged (most of the time and long locks) I tend to be more sensitive and aroused easily when Mistress/Wife or KH "play"/tease. When I have been allowed release, immediately after and first days there when I have erection and do have orgasms it is great, But shortly there after I noticed longer not back in cage sexual interest wanes for me and in Mistress/Wife.

Short of it I am better for Mistress/Wife, KH and me caged from service and sexuality sensitivity then not.

I would add though I have been locking for years too so if you are just getting into longer locks it may be all new experiences in and out of cage

 

[Mr_anonymous]

Agree no formula. For me I find caged (most of the time and long locks) I tend to be more sensitive and aroused easily when Mistress/Wife or KH "play"/tease. When I have been allowed release, immediately after and first days there when I have erection and do have orgasms it is great, But shortly there after I noticed longer not back in cage sexual interest wanes for me and in Mistress/Wife.

Short of it I am better for Mistress/Wife, KH and me caged from service and sexuality sensitivity then not.

I would add though I have been locking for years too so if you are just getting into longer locks it may be all new experiences in and out of cage

I average 3 weeks to a month lockups. Get a free day get off ss much as I want then back in. She's hinted going to quarterly orgasms, don't see it happening in near future though.

 

[Queens servant73]

It’s different for every couple for sure, but we definitely got more serious with each passing year. I used to get a week or two of freedom and daily piv, that free time has been non existent these last couple years, I did get almost a week cage free for our son’s wedding trip, but she still decided I didn’t need piv or orgasms daily during that. Now I’m lucky to get to sleep cage free about once a month!
And orgasms from piv went from about 450-500 a year pre cage, cut down each year in the cage, last year I had 21 full and 34 ruins and this year I think I’ll have around 10-12 fulls and I get a ruin about every three weeks.
But I’m loving the way we’re living, my Wife is very happy, and I’m a constant horny mess for her. What could be better than that, especially after 32 years of marriage?

I’d say just roll with whatever your Wife enjoys and you’ll adjust and probably start to crave the denial even more!

 

[JaySaysYes]

Long locks are fun, short locks are fun, being released is fun, being teased and denied is fun.

That's it

 

[Cecilia B]

For him, I'd say fewer orgasms because I'll put him in Chastity to prevent masturbation or as part of his penalty for masturbating until I can schedule him for a Disciplinary Session.

He doesn't get to masturbate as much as he'd like

The lock up times have been longer. In the beginning, I couldn't keep him locked up longer than 24 hours. Now, I can keep him locked up for as long as a month although I don't do that allot. When I do it, allot of times I'M climbing the walls by 2 weeks, sometimes sooner.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

So are you posting to brag or complain!!??? Haha
Good for you enjoy the ride. You should always be able tap out if it is turning into something you don't want or discuss ahead of time.

My sensitivity to other people's situation is what prevented me from posting for so long. I recognize it's a bit like seeking advice about downsizing my house because it's just too big in a room where some people are homeless! But I do believe there are other men on here in my situation and as much as we want make our wives happy, this chastity thing is not something that seems intuitively fun. And at times it's really, really hard to do something so difficult when you really don't have a deep desire to do it!

This is really the best forum to get perspective on my situation, even though most people come to this in a different way. For me, I was/am trying to understand how to enjoy something my wife wants that on the surface doesn't seem so pleasant. So hearing from the people who really crave and desire it has been most helpful. I, of course, hope everyone finds the fulfillment they seek.

I'm certain my wife would stop instantly at my request. I know I won't be able to unwind the joy she discovered in it, so she would miss it. And all I want is the happiest wife possible. So I'm in it for anything she ever wants. I'll admit, I get uneasy thinking about what things this path may lead her to want, though.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

Long locks are fun, short locks are fun, being released is fun, being teased and denied is fun.

That's it

I'm experiencing the truth behind that. Before trying any of this, it all seemed horrible. As she eased me into it, every step was harder than the last, but at some point something clicked and it felt really satisfying. So I keep reminding myself that everything we tried so far ended up being really enjoyable. Eventually. But all of it seemed really awful before trying it. So I'm just having a moment of reflection on... If we continue down this path, will I find the crazy stuff, (like the months and months long lock-ups), enjoyable to? It's this my future?

I'm worried because it seens outrageous to do this stuff now. But I'm not so worried because who cares about that if I end up liking it. And there's no chance of me having to do anything I don't like/enjoy. I'm just startled by what we might enf up enjoying. If that makes any sense..

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

[QUOTE="Queens servant73, post: 694929, member: 77172]
I’d say just roll with whatever your Wife enjoys and you’ll adjust and probably start to crave the denial even more![/QUOTE]

"Adjust"is the right word. I've had moments of craving it, but only briefly. I do find myself liking it more and more though.

 

[LockedinNH2]

I was just trying to be light hearted about it.

The play of chastity should be entertaining to both in my opinion.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

For him, I'd say fewer orgasms because I'll put him in Chastity to prevent masturbation or as part of his penalty for masturbating until I can schedule him for a Disciplinary Session.

He doesn't get to masturbate as much as he'd like

The lock up times have been longer. In the beginning, I couldn't keep him locked up longer than 24 hours. Now, I can keep him locked up for as long as a month although I don't do that allot. When I do it, allot of times I'M climbing the walls by 2 weeks, sometimes sooner.

Thank you for your response. The perspective is very helpful. May I ask what changed when you went from gradually increasing lock time and reducing orgasms to the sort of cruise control where time and frequency kind of settle in? Like, how'd you find that every day stride and stop the, let's go even longer this time around!

 

[BavarianWoman]

I guess, it is fun on the controlling side to increase continually.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

She's hinted going to quarterly orgasms, don't see it happening in near future though.

This is what worries me. Everything my wife has "hinted" at was actually something she wanted very much and something we ended up doing. I can't imagine quarterly orgasms. But I couldn't imagine going a week. Let alone a month, and now that's a regular thing.

 

[vinnyD]

Or does it tend to stabilize?

About a year ago my wife and I tried to spice things up by using more toys. We never used more than a really basic vibrator for her, but with my encouragement, we both found ourselves browsing Amazon's adult section and ordering more and more toys for her and me. Naturally, cages came up in the search and neither of us knew anything about them. She was curious, I investigated, and blew it off. (I literally told her you all were crazy, lol !). After about a month of her constantly hinting that she wanted to try it, we eventually ordered a couple of cheap ones and before I knew it, we were playing with it. First during sex as a form of foreplay. Then an hour or so before sex, and then she started not removing it during our sessions from time-to-time and started asking me to wear it more often. Long story short, I went from more than daily orgasms my whole life to only 30 in the last year. The cage, worn for a day or two at a time became a week or two at a time. She really enjoys it, cums harder and more often than ever, she loves wearing the key and says she loves the way denying me orgasms makes her feel. I do my best to make her happy.

So about a month ago, I spent my longest time locked up (removed for play from time-to-time) but it was just over 30 days. Afterward, she said she wanted to give me a break, and the cage came off last week. It was awesome. Erections whenever I wanted. She made me cum 4 times that week even though there were plenty of tease-only sessions too. Here's where I'm going with this...

So today, she says she wants me back in the cage, now that I've had such a "long" break. She said it feels like we haven't used it in "ages". Long? Ages? I reminded her it was only a week without. Not that long ago, it was a week on a week or two off, etc. Now a week off after 30 days on is a long time? She said she wanted to give me a break because she wants it on for a much longer time now. I'm back in today. I asked her what she thought was a long time, and she says she doesn't know, but she isn't even going to think about letting me cum or my next break period until after 6 weeks (5 being my previous longest run).

I'm not saying I don't like it. It really has grown on me. In ways I still don't really understand. But I feel like every time I start getting acclimated to our new routine and actually start (really) enjoying it, I get these "escalations." When I found this forum a year ago to learn more about it, I was like, wtf... I'll never be these guys cumming 4 times a year (or less). But these other guys that play with it on and off, and cum every few days, yeah, that sounds like us and I can get into that for occasional play to keep things interesting. But this latest ramp up got me thinking, is this where it really is headed? I know if I said something to her, she would stop immediately, or lighten it up a bit. But the thing is, I was ALWAYS reluctant to step this up, and every time she did, I eventually grew to enjoy it. So I guess what I'm trying to work out is, am I going to get to this place where I actually enjoy such long lock ups and infrequent orgasms? Is that really the end game with this play, or does it eventually stabilize into a more even groove? Right now, fairly regular month-long lock-ups seems like something I can do (I never thought I'd be saying that). Is there a chance it'll stay this way, or will it naturally progress to more lock time and less cumming.

We've talked about it, and she says she doesn't know. It's knew to both of us, and she's just finding out what she enjoys. She's only asked me to give some time to see if it's something I eventually enjoy too. And the only reason it has gotten this far is because over time, it kind of has become something I enjoy too. But neither of us really know what the progression will be.

Thanks as always for your insights and support.

Been locked on and off for 14 years. As far as your question concerning if you go longer locked and less orgasms, that is not the case unless you want it that way. What we do is talk all the time about what is working for us and what is not. I have had orgasms once a month, every 3 months and twice a year,. We always take a break at the end of each year where we discuss what to do for the next year. A lot depends on surgeries and other medical issues that pop up.

Right now I am waiting two months for an orgasm than probably 4 months till our anniversary. However, if I am unhappy with that, my wife and I will discuss it and change plans to something else we both agree on. That is why we last so long. We are not following any "rules" and we are flexible and want to keep it fun for both of us.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

Been locked on and off for 14 years. As far as your question concerning if you go longer locked and less orgasms, that is not the case unless you want it that way. What we do is talk all the time about what is working for us and what is not. I have had orgasms once a month, every 3 months and twice a year,. We always take a break at the end of each year where we discuss what to do for the next year. A lot depends on surgeries and other medical issues that pop up.

Right now I am waiting two months for an orgasm than probably 4 months till our anniversary. However, if I am unhappy with that, my wife and I will discuss it and change plans to something else we both agree on. That is why we last so long. We are not following any "rules" and we are flexible and want to keep it fun for both of us.

Very helpful. Although she and I talk a lot about this stuff, I hadn't really considered my main focus has always been on meeting her desires (one of which is making me happy, btw). My desires have always been giving her what she wants most. So I haven't really interjected anything at odds with her will. I'll keep what you said in mind. I suspect if I did communicate what I like and don't like about chastity, she would take that into consideration. It's a great failsafe if things get too crazy. Thank you.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

I guess, it is fun on the controlling side to increase continually.

Even though I was and am reluctant, it has been fun being on the receiving end of those escelations. But do you think there is an end or is there always the desire for longer lock ups and less orgasms? If I may ask, do you still increase the depth of chastity in your relationship, or have you settled in? If you haven't, do you think you ever will or do you desire to keep increasing his commitment?

 

[BavarianWoman]

Even though I was and am reluctant, it has been fun being on the receiving end of those escelations. But do you think there is an end or is there always the desire for longer lock ups and less orgasms? If I may ask, do you still increase the depth of chastity in your relationship, or have you settled in? If you haven't, do you think you ever will or do you desire to keep increasing his commitment?

Well, there are people here, who double each time, which might escalate quicly.
Might depend on age.
We are increasing by one day each time, one of the slowest increases maybe. After one year we landed at monthly lockups and will be at bi-monthly in around two years, without noticing a significant change each time.
He is in the boat, because he can't see any significant difference.

 

[Lovelocked]

I think durations will tend to increase as the keyholder realises:
...you can be denied orgasm as long as she likes;
...you are much nicer when locked;
...there is absolutely no need to unlock you out of sympathy;
...she does not have to put up with post orgasmic drops;
and
...it is OK to be totally selfish;
...the longer she locks you the more frustrated you get and the better it is for her.

Maybe there is a point where your hormones stop making you turned on and you start to get grumpy. She might give you a brief break when that happens, but she is hooked on having the new you so she will get you back in as soon as possible. When that happens the chastity device is no longer a toy, it is one of the most important bits of kit in the house and there is no way back.

Is it really as scary as that. Actually I rather hope so!

 

[Queens servant73]

I will add that when I first found this forum and we started doing a few days locked, there was absolutely zero chance I’d go weeks or months without having orgasms! Here we are five years later and while I do miss getting full orgasms regularly, I know I’m happier when my Wife is strict and denies me longer, and I found myself looking forward to the ruined orgasms, the teasing and edging, piv with no orgasm, all far more than that full orgasm and the drop that comes along with it. Especially because I’m locked right back up after that one explosion, now if she allowed me to maybe have a few O’s and then restart my locked time, that might be worth it then. The only time I can possibly expect more than one full cum is my birthday and our anniversary, I was given two O’s in January for my bday, and I’m currently being denied a full until the end of August for our 33rd anniversary. It’ll be roughly 5.5 months between fulls at that point. I’m very thankful she still gives those ruins every few weeks!

 

[knightly]

I think durations will tend to increase as the keyholder realises:
...you can be denied orgasm as long as she likes;
...you are much nicer when locked;
...there is absolutely no need to unlock you out of sympathy;
...she does not have to put up with post orgasmic drops;
and
...it is OK to be totally selfish;
...the longer she locks you the more frustrated you get and the better it is for her.

Maybe there is a point where your hormones stop making you turned on and you start to get grumpy. She might give you a brief break when that happens, but she is hooked on having the new you so she will get you back in as soon as possible. When that happens the chastity device is no longer a toy, it is one of the most important bits of kit in the house and there is no way back.

Is it really as scary as that. Actually I rather hope so!

This says it well!

I think regular teasing and a fun, playful and intimate connection are key to making it all work and sustain itself. And that can mean most attention focused on her, as long as there is good energy flowing between the two of us and we feel connected.

It seems my wife has found that teasing and stopping when she feels like it gets me revved up, and then frustrated, which focuses my attention on her. And that she doesn't have to do much else to keep that going for a good while.

Then this morning she gave me a nice treat out of cage, several close to the edge moments, then stopped and locked me back up (for who knows how long). Where in the past I generally liked or was ok with the cage, I really wanted an orgasm, more attention, and NOT be caged. Then as it went on and the lock clicked I got incredibly horny again and have pretty much stayed that way all day. It's wonderful, I am very focused on her as a result. No idea when I'll be released or allowed to orgasm. Somewhere between 'tonight' and never.

And it's really not about the cage, per say. The cage is the lid on the pot, basically turning the pressure up and retaining heat generated by everything else. To the comment "the chastity device is no longer a toy, it is one of the most important bits of kit in the house and there is no way back."

A week or so ago I mentioned it had been a month since my last orgasm and she replied "oh, wow I didn't realize, I thought it had been about 2 weeks." The time since (now over 40 days I think) has been "soon...maybe".

 

[Nicoftime]

There are lots of factors that may or may not contribute to longer lockups progressing.
1. Feeling less guilt about denying a partner. Women are taught to please men. This takes time to unlearn.
2. Never needed a penis to begin with. Once the guilt isn’t there and they are unlocking based on THEIR needs, men sometimes find themselves realizing that their wife may not have gotten off with penis as much as they thought.
3. Life is better with him horny. We learn, and it doesn’t take long to figure out we are nicer when we want something. Women have known this forever, but eliminating our ability to reset our desires, it’s even easier to spot and get used to.
4. Not being pestered and doing stuff on her timeline. And her timeline might be a lot longer than you would have thought, based on what you used to know…or thought you knew.

Everyone is different though, some enjoy piv much more than others, some have higher libidos, some never felt guilty for denial, and some had partners that were already treating them perfectly. Those are some reasons though, that typically lockups tend to increase rather stay the same.

Not to mention the big one…denial drives is wild, therefore increasing denial increases our pleasure which they enjoy too.

 

[MsPamela]

I definitely felt a temptation to keep increasing durations as hubby grew accustomed to longer and longer waits between orgasms. Once things start to feel too routine, it is time for a change. With chastity, the most obvious change is making the numbers bigger. Often, those led to genuinely new experiences. The dynamic of a month was completely different than when he only had to wait a week. But I don't think we could have done a month without first going through the week phase.

There is, however, a point of diminishing returns. The difference between monthly and quarterly was less pronounced - more a matter of degree than a wholly difference experience. And I had no desire to push for anything longer. I was pretty sure months 4, 5, and 6 wouldn't be any more enjoyable than month 3. Other couples might enjoy yearly, but it held no special appeal for me.

It's also a partnership. Hubby never got completely used to quarterly the same way he'd acclimated to monthly. Maybe he'd get there over time, maybe not. Regardless, we talked and decided to go back to monthly. Good communication is essential.

 

[OrdinaryGuy]

I will add that when I first found this forum and we started doing a few days locked, there was absolutely zero chance I’d go weeks or months without having orgasms! Here we are five years later and while I do miss getting full orgasms regularly, I know I’m happier when my Wife is strict and denies me longer, and I found myself looking forward to the ruined orgasms, the teasing and edging, piv with no orgasm, all far more than that full orgasm and the drop that comes along with it. Especially because I’m locked right back up after that one explosion, now if she allowed me to maybe have a few O’s and then restart my locked time, that might be worth it then. The only time I can possibly expect more than one full cum is my birthday and our anniversary, I was given two O’s in January for my bday, and I’m currently being denied a full until the end of August for our 33rd anniversary. It’ll be roughly 5.5 months between fulls at that point. I’m very thankful she still gives those ruins every few weeks!

I've definitely come to appreciate the ruins. Something we both kind of stumbled into when I was trying to avoid cumming during prolonged teasing sessions. It's funny, we didn't have a name for them and when we found out they were called ruins, I objected and said it the name doesn't do it justice because it's actually is a great and unique experience. A year later and we now recognize many forms of them. Like leaking, ruined, partial orgasms, abandoned, full, caged... They are all unique.