Balancing naturally nice personality with FLR/sadistic tendencies

A mental switch, turn it on, turn it off

 

My wife had a section in our written agreement that was for her, to serve as a reminder when moments like this arose.

Basically it said that whilst she recognized my strengths and value, the nature of our relationship was for her to be in the position of authority, and that it was her responsibility to make sure I was corrected if I ever lost sight of that. She wrote that it would be unfair to expect me to fulfill my side of our agreement if she didn't keep her side, and that this was her acting in service of our relationship, and this meant never letting me escape being corrected and given structure if I wasn't fully living up to her expectations. My side of the agreement was very detailed and strict in terms of how I needed to relate to her, but hers pretty much had only this.

I think it helped her to have my explicit agreement to it, but also to have it framed as neglecting our relationship not to do it was very powerful.

The rules in general were set up so that I didn't really have good way to object to being disciplined anyway, but this took it completely off the table and gave her the freedom not to feel guilty about it.

 

As I watch my wife grow into her dominant and confident self, she has wants that are very sadistic and if all is consensual through the both of us it's a sexuall experience for us. Now this being said that's where the hard limits are discovered and each person has their own. My queen gets very excited when I ask for more and I know this because this simply gives her the OK to be more assertive and more primal. This observation is discussed after we play and then if all is out in the open she then starts on the same level as before and continuously the level of her sadism is based on what I can handle. I try to endure as much as I can because she keeps giving and pushing. The submissive has 100% power into making a sadist grow if he or she wants it. That makes me a masochist. I tell her, her facial reactions and she doesn't want that discovered, so now I am blind folded and I have to imagine her reactions not exactly what I want but this is how she has grown.

 

I think the most important part in this is to understand the nature of a submissive.

While I like to think that I do not have moods, running my own company and often working from home it is not always easy to turn the switch and relax. My wife quite early realized that she can help me with that by bringing out my submissive side with a spanking or anything else.
Doing that is not sadistic at all and she never saw it in that way. I should mention though that she also had certain experience with BDSM before we met. Might be that she due to that she had a somewhat different point of view compared to women without experience.

She cretainly has some sadistic tendencies as well though and with those we had some struggles.
She is loving and caring, loves to experiment and is playfull. Quite a combination that makes life interesting when she got some strange idea into her mind.^^
However at some points - even though she loves to push boundries and make you struggle she always restrained herself.

And while in some way that is a good thing as it is a great safety precaution during play or in a relationship where there is a power gap in some moments for us it was not ideal. While I think it important to have a kind of balance in your relationship ensuring that both sides enjoy the trip, I am perfectly fine to do sessions I do not enjoy at all and which are only taxing to me so she can let go from time to time.
It took her a long while to accept this gift fully and I am quite glad she does not take it lightly.

 

Inflicting pain actually causes a rebound effect because of a release of dopamine. That could be why his mood improves after you punish him. You might consider teasing him frequently in between releases. The dopamine produced will help eliminate those Moody periods because it will keep him excited and on edge despite being frustrated

 

This describes my Queen to a tee. She is very sweet and loving but since our FLR began to bloom she found her sadistic side. I love both sides of her

 

AKA the beatings will continue until moreal improves lol

 

Yes. So true.

 

...Yes. So true.

But we should probably say - a woman has also the right to be angry.

And there are also men who love it when they can be afraid of woman.
(Of course, only if she is maybe a strict but normal woman, not some aggressive crazy psychopath.)

afraid of a woman, it can be also nice.

 

Agreed. Punishment is not supposed to be pleasurable. That said, although he dislikes the punishment, he may find himself paradoxically excited and aroused by the control and domination she demonstrates when she exercises her power over him through punishment. And that paradox can lead him to greater submission.