How did I get here?

Don’t despair. These are the emotions we all face with longer lock ups. They will ebb and flow. Personally, I admire your discipline. Up at midnight to hit the gym. Locked for months.

Never forget you were a masturbator. The destroyer of good relationships.

Stay strong.

 

I didn't think it was a rant. It's good to reflect on these things.

Being locked can bring out all manner of emotions/thoughts/feelings. It does get better as you become the master of your own mind.

IMO it takes a strong man to wear a stimulating sex toy all day, every day, and to give his partner the keys, to face month after month of denial.

We all use masturbation and sex as a self-soothe, taking it away or giving it up can be a shock to the system.

How? I asked her to lock my cock away and she skipped off, dripping wet with sexual excitement, with all of the keys. No regrets, we both love it haha.

 

I feel you bud. I struggle as well and our locking is not as strict. For me, having a wife / key holder who just doesn't feel the need for sex, or even me taking care of her minimal sexual needs, it's tough. I struggle here as to why am I even putting up with the trouble of chastity. I go from it's for us and to keep my attention on her to why does it matter when she doesn't feel the need for it anyways. I could take it off and go back to old habits of me and Palmela and just not bother even asking her for anything. But I made a mental commitment to myself not to.

 

This is a fairly normal thought for me. I always just kind of shrug my shoulders and move on ... not a lot of other choices

This is a super difficult situation. You're not the first person here to describe a situation like that. So hang in there, and see if you can find others who are going through (or have gone through) similar things. It does help to know you're not alone.

 

i seem to be in much the same situation. i am here because i feel the need to stop masturbating and start serving my Wife. Her sex drive is close to zero, but She puts up with this for me. We have been married for 42 years so this is just another chapter in our growing lives. She has agreed to keep me locked for all of 2023, and if we make it i will beg for permanent chastity. Lay back and enjoy this life, i feel i came to it later than i should have.

 

Initial interest: mere curiosity. I've never seen a sex toy I wasn't at least interested in. I've tried some bondage play with her but she doesn't like it because I'm already dominant in our relationship so she rather likes the reversal of roles more than me just dominating her further sexually.
Wife's initial interest: masturbation reduction and ability to change or correct certain behaviors on my part.
Wife's continued interest: wife thinks I'm better this way, likes the "training" aspect of it.
My continued interest: I like it, I'm having fun.
What we do differently than most: never caged overnight.
Would I give up PIV sex with my wife for more than 2 weeks? No, I don't think I would. She hasn't pushed that far yet. I think masturbation prevention/reduction is enough and a laudable goal. Stopping all intercourse with my wife would not be a goal for either of us.
What would I do if I wasn't having fun? Stop playing.

Sounds like maybe you've pushed it to the limit, time to take a break and reset. Contemplate the whole situation and consider whether to re-engage after your break, which most likely you will.

 

Madam and I embarked on a bdsm lifestyle relationship after several months together. About a year later Madam discovered male chastity online, she showed me and told me my cock was to locked. I was ordered to order a cage immediately and it went from there!

 

Is it possible to change your outlet for anxiety relief to something like giving your Wife more attention, oral sex, or even being held by her every night to let go of stress?
I don’t know your dynamic obviously, so not sure if those things could or would work for you both.

I wasn’t an anxious person, but, I do take on some anxiety and stress from our four grown kids and things they go through. I’m very happy they are very involved in our lives still and will always call us for advice, but I also let worry get to me too much sometimes. When my Wife sees this happening, she will pull me to her chest at bedtime and just hold me and we’ll talk through whatever is going on. Before the cage, I’d just fuck it out of my system and never really deal with stress, like I’m sure many men do.

We started this whole cage thing as just another bdsm toy that looked like it could be fun. Figured we’d use it a few times and it would collect dust somewhere with other toys. Four years later, I was seriously wrong!
And I wouldn’t change a thing! And I don’t see my beautiful fairly strict Wife giving it up any way lol. She does give me a couple ruins and a full orgasm a month, that’s the plan for this year that we agreed to try. Who knows what my future holds

 

Our brother in chastity, "Caged for Life", what are your goals?

I myself hit the ten year mark in my Prince Albert piercing-based Chastity Journey last year... but I've owned many devices since 1992. My first wife rejected my interest in chastity completely, and ultimately rejected me. I didn't have an actual KH until I found a new partner eleven years ago. So my Chastity Journey has not been without bumps and turns. I would hazard to say, no journey is....

It is good that you are here on CM thinking and writing about your situation, but it might be time to sit down with your partner/Keyholder, and discuss your priorities, desires and goals. Obviously your mental health, physical health, sexual health, and yours and your Keyholder's respective kinks should all be considered, possibly in the above order.

There's no harm in stopping and starting your Chastity play, changing devices, changing the terms of your chastity, or taking a break, if it serves your goals and priorities. It's not a sign of weakness or show a lack of commitment, to optimize your self-care and prioritize it above feelings of need and obsession.

Chastity will be there and waiting for your return. In this respect, whenever we have, for whatever reason taken a break, and on a few occasions even thought to give up our chastity play altogether, it did not happen. Mistress Chastity would not consent to release us. Each time we tried this, her siren song whispered relentlessly just at the edge of hearing, calling to us, and in the end, either I or my KH was seduced anew. Then to our mutual and perverse satisfaction, Mistress Chastity returned me to the bondage of her restraints. With the click of the lock, or in my case, the turn of the lockscrew, she once more bestowed upon my Keyholder her total erotic control; just as she restored to me the consequential joys and attendant deprivations to which I'd become so accustomed.

Be well,

ShieldingMatrix

 

CFL,

You haven't said or not said that you two have talked about these issues. But if your goal is "to please my wife," the first step is definitely to have a detailed talk with her about what exactly you should do to please her. Obviously if your medical condition interferes with what she asks you to do to please her, then it's time to work out what's the best you can do.

These are complicated issues to deal with, and hard to talk about and you both might benefit from some kind of counseling, from your doctor, or a therapist who can counsel you both.

I hope you both work these things out. Thanks again for sharing, that's a good first step....