Have been locked over a month and struggling a bit. Up until about 10 days ago all was going well. Lots of teasing from Her and oral service for Her. But now it's like I've been locked and forgot. Our busy lives seem to be getting in the way. It is Not Her fault but we just haven't had time to play lately. I understand it isn't always going to be hot and heavy but I am really struggling right now with a lack of attention. I almost accessed my emergency key this morning and unlocked. I know this situation is typical and happens to many of us but wondering how other locked men mentally get through the down times. Is it just a natural stage of my chastity progression? Chastity is important to both of us but I am really in need of some advice on how to get through this right now.
After doing this for over 6 years continuously, my thinking is this is a natural stage of your progression, and something I recommend you get used to. If you're going lifestyle, and this is going to be a 24/7 thing for an undefinable period of time (like me), you are absolutely going to have periods - sometimes lasting several weeks - where life gets in the way. Be it illness or family drama or work busy-ness, whatever. You have two choices - either ask for the key to be unlocked until you're both ready to play again. Or learn to suck it up and just deal with it. For me, it's been the latter. And what I've learned is that the sexy fun times will return, and it's all the better being locked up waiting for it. I have moments of craziness where the horniness will drive me up a wall. But it makes that eventual reward so much sweeter.
Thank you for the advice. We are thinking this will be a permanent lifestyle for us going forward as we love the benefits. I am not absolutely sure but thinking I am in the beginning of a 4 month lock-up. I know I need to tough it out and get to the next better phase.
I also recommend not getting hung up on the length of the lock up, how long its been, how long it will be ... I mean we all have those thoughts, but you're not in control. Accepting that will also go a long way to helping get through the "locked and forgot" periods because you have no choice. Or at least I'm assuming you have no choice. I know *I* have no choice. Storytime: Once, earlier on in our journey, probably about 2 years in. (This would be *after* my wife came to the conclusion she much preferred me locked in cage all the time), we hit a period of several weeks, maybe a month, of "life" (I don't recall exactly, but maybe we both traded like bad colds? Or something along those lines). I was locked the whole time of course and as that period was ending, my horniness came roaring back in full force. She was still not 100% and after a few days of extra-horny, I begged her to let me cum. Or let me out of the cage so I could do it myself. I remember vividly us sitting in bed on evening and she basically said "No, I'm not letting you out. You wanted this, you get to deal with it and if you keep begging I'm just going to make you wait longer." It started to really hit home at that point that she is definitely into this and I am just going to have to learn how to deal. I will say over the years, the community here as helped a lot, being able to anonymously chat with other people in the same situation. Good luck!
I struggle with the same reality. I'll speak for myself when I say that one of the big reasons for me being in chastity is to take the sex burden off my wife, I keep that in mind during the down times.
That is part of our desire for chastity as well. I have a high sex drive and She does not. When I am horny and She is not, instead of me making advances and being rejected and mad/disappointed, She can comfortably say "no" without guilt, I willingly accept that and am not disappointed. But right now the lack of play/teasing is letting that feeling of disappointment creep in and I don't like that nor want that.
Just saw this thread and it got me thinking that I am naturally progressing through the phases of chastity and need to toughen up and believe in my chastity evolution and I will get to a better phase hopefully soon and I don't want to quit and start all over..... https://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/the-5-stages-of.52374/#post-638161
This is normal! You're doing well. There's no wrong answer, either. I think you'll be proud of yourself for sticking with it, but I wouldn't judge you for going for the emergency key, either. I haven't gone 30 days yet. (No desire to, either. Although if that's what she wants, then it will happen.) But I do know the "climbing the walls, need attention, going crazy" phase well. I hit that after 5 days, I think. Sometimes faster, sometimes slower. But try to spend some time analyzing your own feelings and desires. It helped me to do this. I realized that what I was wanting was immediacy -- I wanted her right then and there to acknowledge what I was going through. As I thought about it, I realized that this was very selfish (natural, but selfish), and that I should find ways to constructively redirect my energies instead. That helps, but only sometimes. Lately, I think we've found a good solution: Instead of anything sex related, my reward is to rub her feet. It gives me the feeling of closeness and intimacy with her that I am craving, and she enjoys the foot massages. And of course it shoves me deeper and deeper into sub space, because I can't ignore the fact that my "reward" is now being denied sex while serving my wife. (It's exciting just thinking about this now. What a weird kink.) Anyhow, be patient with yourself, but also spend time introspecting and understand what you're really feeling, and what you're really wanting. Try to find ways to redirect your frustration into productive uses, like giving your wife the attention she needs, the service she needs, the help around the house she needs, and someone that can listen to her as she works through her own thoughts and dreams.