A major milestone

How about showing her the above message you wrote?

Buy her a well-written book that explains male chastity in a real-life relationship.

Your comment is well thought out and on point. Just tell her how you would like your relationship to evolve.

 

I hope the day of your togetherness will come soon! Good luck…

 

top advice!

 

I get it -- all of these quotes describe how my chastity experience has evolved.

 

If I may suggest an experiment. Read Shepherdsflock story from the BEGINNING. See if it speaks to you.

 

Hmm. I know you didn’t ask for advice… so I won’t give it. I will make some observations of my own however:
Giddy in love couples tend to have sex.
People pleasers tend to allow sex to make their spouse happy.
A goal to have intercourse through chastity that has not been met after two years is a failure.
Denial through chastity to substitute for a lack of sex is bizarre. How does that make sense?
If a goal is to fuck your wife and she does not entertain this, then both parties are not having their needs met?
If a goal is to be teased and denied and this is not happening then you are both not having your needs met.
If one person is working as hard as they can to connect on an intimate plane and the other is not reciprocating… wel only one party is making an effort.

No advice, just observations.

Now. Do I sympathise with your situation?
Absolutely!
Being locked and forgotten, even by choice is excruciating! Chastity heightens all our sexual senses and intimate desires. Just the close bond of feeling that sexual touch becomes a necessity in our daily lives.
A day or two without, that’s rough. Two weeks and it’s crisis point in the relationship…

 

[

1) Can’t sympathize.
2) Chastity Milestones that don’t enhance a couples relationship are pointless in my view.
3) Submitting to yourself is odd at best.
4) I see no upside to your approach to sex in your relationship (or hers for that matter).
5) Eroticizing duration is simply mental masturbation. Physical masturbation would be healthier.

The above are my opinions only YMMV.

 

You stated no advice and I gave none.

You asked specific questions and I answered you.

I absolutely did not tell you that you’re “sick and stupid”

Opinions on the internet are worth what you pay for them.

If you wanted validation for what you are doing you should have asked for that (I would therefore have not responded to your post) and I’m sure others here will provide you with that.

I ended my post with YMMV (Your mileage may very). If you are secure with your choices, my answers to your questions should not trouble you in the least; just as your opinions on my Kink choices are irrelevant to me.

 

Calm down: You're no worse off than you started. Not everyone can understand your situation. Not everyone will agree with you. This forum has a bunch of people from across the spectrum of male chastity. Don't assume that everyone will respond in the same way.

The important thing is your relationship with your wife. What the rest of the world thinks is mostly irrelevant. Good luck

 

I will apologise somewhat, my current mood at the time was of frustration (obviously!) but not from my denial, more so some people’s expectations of chastity in their relationship.

I had just started a little rant in one of my own threads and wrote this:

That was my mindset at the time, so when I read this:

I just couldn’t focus on the rest of your post with the integrity that it deserves.
If you take this statement out of the thread it changes it completely, it’s a far more positive reflection on the lifestyle but you must know that just wearing a cage isn’t going to resolve a dead sex life?
You need to get far deeper with your wife than that. Really discuss the issue and at least come to terms with the fact she doesn’t want penetration, as it’s your goal you are not there. As it hasn’t happened in two years she clearly doesn’t want that area of your lives to change. I honestly believe that you have substituted a healthy sex life with being caged as it is easier than fixing the real issues within your relationship. Suggesting you are giddy in love etc, it doesn’t feel right if you obviously feel something is missing…

So I am sorry if my opinion has offended in any way, but you did ask for thoughts. I refrained from giving advice.

 

Mimosa

 

wow
I read your original post and had nothing to offer.
Others however did. It may not have been what you were looking for but that happens in discussions. Sometimes people post great and helpful things other times they don’t. And sometimes those things can help others.
You seem angry, or frustrated, or emotional in some other way. I say this not to be mean or judgmental, rather as what I am getting from your recent posts in this thread.

I’m sorry you didn’t get what you want and/or needed. But there is no reason to be short with those who replied. Imho, what you’ve said in responses should have helped get you what you want/need if it wasn’t as harsh. Hence not what you said but how you said it.

Maybe soften your replies a little and you’ll find folks will get you replies closer to what you sought. People here do try to help others and I hope this helps you a little. So know it’s ok to feel the way you do. But also know sometimes ignoring things, and/or editing what is said can help a ton.

Again, I’m not sure how to reply to your initial post. But I hope you hear something that’ll help you. Hang in there. And you may be pleasantly surprised.

 

kinda

 

your comment was mean

 

Honestly it seems as if you two need to talk and reevaluate what you're both getting from this. Self imposed chasity seems kinda like a band aid on other issues sexually. Don't see how denying yourself sex is going to get sex. Also no the thought of permanent chasity would be nightmare personally. No advice just thoughts. Good luck with your situation.

 

sorry folks are beating you up that's not cool. There are plenty of sexless marriages, with and without chastity. People have different sexual thermastats, some hot, some cool. I'll take a litttle heat with this statement. Men get married for sex, women get married for security. More times than not the security lasts far far longer than the sex. For many women sex is just a tool, they all know it's worth and use it to their advantage (as I would if i had that power). What can be done to promote a healthy sex life with a person that doesn't want sex? Not much. I finally asked for and was granted permanent chastity. Now i am free! Radical but true, sex no longer runs my life. It's cheaper than a divorce.

 

[QUOTE=" I finally asked for and was granted permanent chastity. Now i am free! Radical but true, sex no longer runs my life. It's cheaper than a divorce.[/QUOTE]
I monetary terms... Yes.

 

Tough not to provide advice, but I will try. So, you may have ended up celibate. Has she? Does she masturbate, does she find sexual pleasure from you in some other way? I do feel one person within the couple should be having pleasure. The other can obtain pleasure through their partner. If neither is having pleasure, it becomes a burden I feel. The other question is are you intimate? Perhaps not sexually, but do you caress? Hug? Kiss? Any physical contact between you? You perhaps don't want advice. So, perhaps not a full-throated advice, but I do suggest finding some intimacy. I don't know you, yet I do care.

Now in terms of sympathy or encouragement. Lots of sympathy. The frustration must be enormous. Your decision not to masturbate is great. Even through this challenge, refraining from masturbation is incredibly important. It makes you present in the reality. Masturbation is like a drug. Kind of removes you from the present. Yes, it feels great. and when you are having intimacy issues with a partner, it is a great escape. But does nothing to solve the intimacy issues. So, congratulations on that. I do think you'll find support here even if you have to weed through the advice columnists. Keep seeking out that support. (that sounds like advice).

Hope for the best for you. And I wish for you and your wife to rediscover sexual passion. A giddy, overwhelming, comforting, physical bond between you two.

 

I would say we have a very similar set up as do most of the folks on the "Chastity in a vanilla marriage" page. My wife never straight up turned down the idea and agrees to it but never actually engages and wants nothing to do with a cage. Just like you, I can ask for a hj/bj any time and she'll say yes. Probably even more so now than before we started this about a year ago.

We have never had a sexual encounter where she hasn't gotten me off even though I always bring up the idea. Anytime we try something that is a little more sub/dom she always seems to enjoy but then never really wants to try again. Its almost as if we move backwards everytime we try something new. Certainly very aggravating.

All i can do is keep moving. Hopeful a switch will eventually flip. For now she has control of my orgasm and I supposed im lucky to at least have that verbal agreement. I dont wear a cage at all and dont have trouble with the honor system for the most part. My next hope is to get her to participate with a cage in someway, which might help her get more involved? I dont know though.

I try to put myself in her shoes and imagine what it would be like if she was asking me to do all these strange things. I would certainly have a difficult time with it as well. Even as a man who has a very sexually geared brain. So I can understand her hesitation.