How long did it take your wife to get fully on board?

Well we are 13 months in and things are progressing well. My Goddess controls the key and wants me locked 24/7 with exceptions for going out drinking with my mates.

I am growing more and more submissive each month and she loves that aspect as I do everything for her and she loves to be treated as my Queen.

She has learnt the more I’m denied the keener I am to please her and she is definitely enjoying that. My retirement now has a major focus which is to ensure my Goddess is happy and gets whatever she desires.

Recently I sold my very expensive car as we raided both vehicles and now she drives the luxury model and I have the cheaper run around car. Amazingly I’m even happy with that scenario in my new submissive role and I’m car mad!

To answer your question though my Goddess is getting better and better at dominating me and making me jump through more and more hurdles so we are loving our relationship and are closer than ever.

Today I am looking forward to giving her a foot scrub and full pedicure, the thought of it even excites me. I’m currently not caged as had some chaffing a few days ago but a new titanium Badass cage should be delivered later this month which I can’t wait to try on. My Goddess is now clear she prefers me caged.

Happy days indeed………

 

We started playing around with chastity off and on as soon as we got married. That will be fifteen years here soon. It was just a few years ago when she started to show more interest in the way my mood changed from not getting off as frequently. This last year she made it clear that she prefers the way we are when she controls me sexually. She wants to try to keep it that way now. So, I'd say it took maybe twelve years or so. But, to be fair, I also had to adjust slowly. There was no way I was going to get into longer term denial in my 20s or 30s.

 

I introed husband to it when he was still my BF so I was on board right away. It's taken allot of years and we still don't have everything right. It took him more than 2 years to get even close to where I was

Husband has an antique car. He's had it for years. When it looked like we were starting to get serious about each other, he told me the car was not a subject for discussion. The car stays. When it looked like chastity and Domestic Discipline was going to be an important part of our relationship, he reminded me again. A few days after I accepted his marriage proposal, he reminded me about this. The day after we got back from our honeymoon, he reminded me again. When I've crossed the line which makes him stop consenting to submit to chastity and Discipline, when he gives his consent back, he reminds me of it.

I really crossed the line back in Nov. 2022 and really went too far. I even told him he was selling the car . It wasn't the biggest reason he started our annual Holiday Hiatus in early Nov. 2022 and went to Summer 2023 (usually it's just before TG to just after V Day) but it was 1. When he consented to submit to me putting him in chastity and disciplining him again. He reminded me about the car. It stays. It's a hard limit. It's not a subject for discussion. His decision is final.

 

My Wife figured it was just a new sex toy we’d try and I’d be bored and sick of it after a few weeks. But she did immediately like the control it gave her, but it still took about a year and a half before she was fully comfortable and dominant over me. We’re now about to enter year five of chastity life, and I wouldn’t change much at all. There’s definitely no turning back now.
We’re both 50, married at 18, sex pretty much daily our entire marriage, lots of kink throughout our marriage right from the start. Now it’s still some sort of sex usually daily, it’s just not involving my orgasm, mostly me giving head now.
I do have a “be careful what you wish for” thought every once in a while, but I also like how we both are as we live this way and continue to evolve together.

 

It's a sort of a "How long is a piece of string?" question.

I thought she was 'on board' the day I introduced it. She didn't immediately reject it, but the cage was just a toy for us both then, and neither of us had any idea about the positive changes it would bring to our relationship.

After a couple of years, I thought she came 'on board' when she stopped worrying about my orgasms, and whether it physically hurt while I was wearing it, and she started asking me to put it on, or mentioning how long it had been, or might be.

Roll on a couple more years and I thought she really 'climbed on board' when after a few weeks of not wearing it, and I was thinking she's not really missing me being locked up, I put it on anyway and when she discovered that I had, her eyes lit up like fireworks as if I'd just given her an expensive present.

One things for sure... They do think about it a lot more than they let on!

 

I think my submissive tendencies must run deeper as I don’t think I have any hard limits now.

 

Would you be willing to share more details about the way in which you "really crossed the line"?

And yes, I think everyone is entitled to things that are out of bounds, safe, etc. If some don't want those, that's great and they can forego them. But I would never have expected or required my sub to relinquish control over every asset, or aspect of their life, even in a defacto 24/7 arrangement. For example, I mostly did DDLG play, in which it is common that a sub's stuffy is sacred... it never even needed to be discussed as a limit in any of my relationships. This is literally the first time in almost 20 years of experience that I even considered the concept (and only because of your message lol).

 

Madam was on board from the start, as it was all her idea! She discovered male chastity and as soon as she did she wanted me locked for her.

 

Controlling my orgasms was something my wife liked pretty much instantly. But she never really liked devices, it was more of a necessary inconvenience than something she really enjoyed. She likes being the only one to orgasm and being in control of our sexual activities, and the use of chastity devices was just something that was helpful to achieve that. Once I had been on HRT for a while, and later had my testicles removed, using devices was no longer really possible in a practical sense and not really necessary since I couldn't have erections anymore. That seemed to be a big turning point for my wife and I. Masturbation became much more difficult for me and not something I could easily do without her knowing, and that gave her the control she liked without having to use cages. It also took control out of my hands, since it was no longer a voluntary submission to her. Wearing cages was always voluntary for me, and psychologically not as difficult even if it was months at a time. Now, even if I really want to "cheat" and masturbate, its very, very difficult to do without her knowing. It takes a lot more time now, like a LOT more time, to achieve orgasm and I can't simply sneak off in the bathroom and quickly sneak an orgasm via masturbation. And when I am getting her off, she doesn't want me to have that much stimulation.

 

Since this is posted in the FLR thread, I am assuming your question refers to getting on board with FLR and not just chastity. My wife controls my orgasms but I am not in a chastity device. In terms of the overall FLR, I'd say it took about 3 or 4 years before things clicked and she was fully onboard. The interesting thing is she never gave up control of my orgasms doing those years but it took this long for her to understand and get comfortable with the dynamics of being in control and dominating me (and for me to learn how to be a good submissive). The first few years were an emotional roller coaster with lots of ups and downs. In the beginning it was very challenging for her to adapt to the dynamic and be fully in control 24/7. Partly because it requires changing habits and partly because she did not know what to do and was not comfortable ordering me to do lots of things for her. Overtime we learned together. Whenever we'd get off track. after awhile, I would kindly ask her to start things up again. The moment I knew that she was fully onboard was when we got off track for a few months and she was the one that reigned things back in. She punished me for slacking on my duties and told me that she enjoyed being in control and wanted to figure out how to keep from going off track again. I never felt so good about being punishment, because I knew it was a turning point for her.

 

We already lived our version of a flr when chastity was introduced as part of it It was a decision we made together after seeing a blog and doing some reading together
She was and still is fully onboard with it
I'm full-time locked and have been for years

 

I got too absorbed in My Authority and "Miss Cecilia Dictates, pantyboy obeys". I was disciplining husband more severely than usual. It was early November. We had just gone through Locktober. I had him restrained and threatened to start November late, even though we'd agreed that we weren't going to do November. I applied harder and more physical discipline to his bare bottom. He started saying the Dead Stop Safeword over and over again and I didn't respect if.

I let him out. He went straight to the bathtub, washed himself off and pointedly left a mess in the bathroom, including lingerie and dirty towels on the floor, He announced Holiday Hiatus had started NOW and would continue until further notice and said there might not be a "further notice". It was pretty rough and bleak for a while. He even hinted at divorce but he never took off his wedding ring. I was looking every day to see if he still had it on. He was never abusive or obnoxious but he was cold and distant.

Thanksgiving wasn't very comfortable. It got better by Xmas but he still wasn't quite himself.

He wouldn't even discuss it until March, 2023 and even then he wouldn't talk about much. It took until May for him to open up more.

What happened was I forgot this was consensual. Everybody's got to be on the same page. I had to relearn a lot of stuff I had to learn when I was a novice. I had to remember him submitting to My Authority was his gift to Me and I had to treasure that gift, not abuse it. I forgot that and took it for granted instead. It almost cost me my marriage to the best guy there ever was.

 

I am at the quay currently, will board soon.

 

My wife and I have been into BDSM for 20 years. There was a bit of back and forth.

A couple years ago, things began to tilt toward her being the leader in our relationship. Then in the bedroom. We joked about getting a chastity cage for a few months, then we bought one. It all rolled into the FLR relationship that we are growing now.

 

Couple months from her hesitancy for me to wear a cage to her saying it's never coming off except for when she decides. She's starting to embrace the control I gave her as time goes by.

 

Wow. That was deep.

 

Yikes, yeah, you fucked up royally there. Granted, I find it insanely hot when a sadistic Domme pushes things to extremes, ignoring and dismissing genuine anguish, but safe words are the most important way we can maintain trust. I'm not surprised he had such difficulty even opening up about it with you, and even considered divorce. I'd rather be cheated on a hundred times than have my partner fail to honour a full-stop safeword. How can I trust her again? How can I be vulnerable around her?

I have more questions about this, but fear I'm derailing the thread. Can I message you about it privately?

 

Ill let you know when she's100%. Only been at it since August 23

 

Yes I did. I took it as a warning to not get too caught up in it.

I forgot that. It almost cost me my marriage.

It shocked me at first, cause he's usually very open about things. I later guessed he was so shocked by me not respecting what we agreed to. Once he was willing to talk about it, he says stuff like "not the woman I married" and "can I trust you with anything" and "what's the point in continuing". It hurt but I had to understand I brought this on myself. How many times did I say just that to a subordinate at the job when I was penalizing them for violating Policy or work rules? I did even worse.

A lot of the trust is back but not completely. There's a hard limit now against restraints, except, of course, for restraining his penis in a chastity cage. It's something I miss because I liked the idea of him helpless and subject to my whims. Sometimes I still think I can restrain him during Discipline but I've always caught myself. I've even made posts on another forum ad if I still could use restraints. Being more conscious is a new reality. I have to work on what I post.

You can do that or even start a different thread about it and ask the Qs there. If you think other members can get something out of my experience. I'm sure a couple of us here have been there and maybe they can share how they dealt with it.

 

Getting on board , that's still a work in progress. I first mentioned it over 20 yrs ago , she seemed interested and we actually looked at chastity cages together. I favored neosteel at the time but she preferred softer locking leather pants ( we really were not on the same page) . She even suggested we can move on to the neosteel later on .

a few months later I was allowed to buy a cb3000 with the money I saved from quilting smoking . The day it arrived she asked me to put it on , she clicked the lock shut, later that night we had wonderful sex and that's where it stopped sadly.

fast forward 20 years and I've been self locking pretty much 24/7 for over 4 years. She now accepts it and has even told me she loves it but sadly she shows no interest in holding the key and has shown no interest in FLR .

I do sometimes wonder if I revert back to the old me of being lock free , jerking off daily and not bending over backwards to to do as much as I can for her would she then take an interest in it . I don't think she has any idea just how much this has changed me and my behavior.

I'm not sure I could do that though as I get a great deal of satisfaction from remaining locked for her and doing as much as I can to make her life better. Sometimes it breaks my heart that the simple act of holding the key is something she is not prepared to do . She is well aware of its importance to me and how happy it would make me but sadly we are not there yet . I guess it's a slow burner for her but I'm in a better place than 20 yrs ago with the one night locked in a cb3000

 

@Danny15 I have thought and did do just that. Stopped wearing the cage and went back to old habits.
She ask wow what's with this attitude? Nothing its just me!!

Too many people where around couldn't right out tell her.
Might have to do another experiment for her.

 

I'm just not sure I could do it though. I did think about it a lot last time I was shut down when all I had said was one day you will want to hold the key. I can't remember exactly what she said but I couldn't shake the thought the next day . I was so saddened I was really upset but I don't want to go back to the old me.

 

Sadly i could never contemplate it, I do not have that relationship with my wife. Fact she’d probably divorce! As much as I yearn for a kinky kholder enjoy all your onboarding journeys you lucky lovely people ❤️

 

It took about an hour for her to get onboard. I confess my porn and masturbation problem, asked her to help me learn self-control, and become my only source of sexual pleasure. That sold her. Our intimacy took off literally overnight.

She thought chastity would be short term but in about two months we realized I had a deep rooted addiction and it became long term. I'm still struggling with temptation but have heard from multiple sources that a sexual addiction that starts before puberty is likely to follow you for life.