My wife and I have different careers in different countries. We travelled a lot for work but always made ways to still find time to spend together. Before the pandemic it was working out for both of us. But now with all the travel restrictions you can imagine being together or getting together is just impossible. Unless its by videocall. The perfect solution for us was me to be in chastity. Im submissive by nature. So no complains from my part. It makes her feel less worried. She knows i like it , And I guess she starting to like the idea too. Before i was quite convincing in my opinions. Usually getting it my way. I know she is annoyed by that sometimes. So now she has her first experiences in being in the lead. Being submissive to my wife is an amazing experience. She keeps me in 7-14 days with an occasionally release from it. For myself i like it to go deeper. I like her to take control in our marriage. And feel it not just with being in chastity. So what is the right approach? We talk about it but i dont want to be too pushy. I think we both need to learn and adapt. And perhaps she needs more time. So far I listen to her more and give her more attention. Spoil her as well. So how to grow further into a deeper relationship? What could be the next step for us? Anyone have any suggestions im curious to know?
Sounds like you've done quite well, so far, particularly given the circumstances. I think for most of us here who are in FLRs, (which includes me) it's been a process of organic evolution. There is no defined road map. Just let it happen. You will notice opportunities regularly where she can take greater control. For us, she started out paying the regular bills, and that has evolved into complete control of our finances. She makes all the decisions, (although she is completely transparent with me) and I have an "allowance" of sorts. I don't purchase anything over $50 without her ok. And I do that because I trust her completely, and know she will do what's best for me and us. In contrast, I don't have the necessary discipline and practicality to manage our finances as well as she can. She also controls our social life, and that also evolved organically. I was dedicated to a career, while she managed our family contacts, social invitations, etc. I came to realize she was much more socially adept and sophisticated then me, and began deferring to her on all invitations, nights out, etc. Now, she gives me a schedule every month or so of what we will be doing. Sex was actually the last thing she control of. 5 years ago, sex for us had become a rare, unsatisfying chore. We knew we needed to do something, and together stumbled upon chastity while searching on line. We made a deal: If I went into chastity, she would control the key. I would pleasure her with my hands/mouth/toys as often as she wanted (which became most nights). She would decide when and if I would be allowed to orgasm. There would be no more PIV, as she hadn't really enjoyed that in years. I thought that all sounded very erotic, and we agreed. That deal is still in place 5 years later, and we both love it. We will not go back, and I will be locked in chastity as long as we both are alive. I heartily endorse FLR, and much prefer to follow her lead. Does that make me a submissive? I guess so, although neither she nor I really look at it that way. It's really a loving, protective relationship that she leads. She protects me, and I support her.
That totally makes sense to me, actually we talked about our finances not long ago in a very similar way. And i like your idea of getting an allowance and everything spend over 50 has to be discussed. it fits the discussion we had so i will definitely propose that. In terms of social life were not there yet but knowing her she would already know some friends of mine she would not like me to see. Some friends (all girls) she never really trusted. I think that would bring a smile on her face. As for the sex. For as we are apart now. Chastity it is for me. Together we made a deal that her orgasms comes first and are more important then mine. Together we bought a strap-on for her. Which i need to wear while being locked up. If i perform or she is in a good mood. i might be lucky to get an orgasm too. Or else i need to wait. She always says patience is a virtue. Chastity actually helped our relationship and i feel it made it stronger. I have a much better understanding of her needs and she is much more open about her thoughts. It brought us closer together.
We're the same as Dr MBogo. Apart from the fact I have ball escape issues with chastity even Custom devices.
I did also, because my sac is just too small. I finally went with a shaft only device, the Evotion Bijou, anchored by a frenum piercing, and its both very comfortable and very secure.
I'm glad you're looking to develop your FLR, @Chast1ty! My Keyholder Wife, @MistressAMA, and i started our FLR slowly and organically, as well. We had discussion on how She could take control of our relationship and in what parts She wanted control. We started slowly with cleaning, then added service tasks and chastity over time as we found what worked for us and what didn't. We've had open communication on this from the start and treat it as a bit of a "game" that we both enjoy. Overall, it sounds like it's a similar path that @Dr MBogo mentioned. She manages my sex life and chastity and i do all the chores except for cooking, which She enjoys. We haven't gone into the financial control aspect directly, although we've had comingled funds and discussed purchases since we were married nearly 30 years ago. She is developing Her enjoyment of corporal punishment now and we're starting to connect with the community IRL now that we're empty-nesters, so it still is evolving, even after all this time. Our FLR has made our marriage and our sex life so much richer, with only fun things in sight. Best of luck on your journey! asa
Thank you all for your reply's. Like you all mention. I guess the best way is to let it evolve over time and let it happen. Its already been an awesome journey and its just starting. Im curious how she will develop her part in a FLR. We have been together for more then 10 years. Maybe there is a part of her that i didnt know was there. And perhaps she didnt know was there also. Luckily we are not shy to talk about our desires so communication is always there. I found what @Dr MBogo said very helpfull about finances, Its been a thing in the past. Which we argued a bit about sometimes. So last night i just opened up to her about that and how would she feel to have a bit more control in that. Now we agreed that on big decisions about our finances ,we decide on together. But smaller amounts i will ask her opinion/permission first. And a possibility on an allowence but has not been decided on yet. So lets see and let this journey continue.
Good for you! and best of luck in the future! BTW-ironically, perhaps, I've now taken over much of the cooking. She used to everything, but I kept offering to help, and one day she just said, "Ok, you do it tonight". As I served her by candlelight, she commented, "This isn't bad. Why don't you keep it up?" So, we have a deal-I take Saturday nights, but she wants to keep Sundays, because the kids and their spouses come over. I cook on the nights I can finish work in time-usually 3-4/week. Friday is a night out, and we do delivery on any remaining days. So, she's gone from every night to just Sundays. And it seems to be working out-we've both gained weight in the past couple of years, LOL!