Maybe I'm experiencing what is known as sub drop but feel the need to rant for a sec... Chastity in a practical sense is a perpetual cycle of being denied a man or women's basic need. Why does chastity porn exist? For those who wish they were locked up? Ok I guess but for those that are already locked up....is it there just to make you more horny? What do horny people do? Fight against self control to a certain point until they give in I assume. I really really hate that I can orgasm simply by stimulation to my nipples I'm not on the same level as the majority of this platform. Sometimes I wonder what I'm even doing here. I self lock because my wife is too judgemental to be involved in chastity with me.
When caged, looking at chastity porn is a mix between wanting to make myself more horny, trying to form an erection (which isn't really possible) and seeing the fantasy side of chastity. When I first started, there was this fantasy that my wife would become this sex craved monster who would tease me daily and command unlimited orgasms for herself. As most know, reality is almost always vastly different from fantasy and watching porn clips of chastity play allows you to live vicariously through them.
The longer locked the more I see how valueless porn is and the less I am enthralled by it. To me this is a good side effect of being in chastity. Do I still look? Yes, of course I do. I think I look because I crave some kind of sexual satisfaction and of course none is readily avaialble for me. Currently on weekly unlocks but my KH wants to double the time between unlocks (1 week, 2, 4, 8, 16, etc. once a new cage arrives and is settled) and one of the hopes is that I will eventually fully realise how much of a waste of time porn is, because that's the truth, and then over time just lose interest in it. But damn, those chastity captions are insanely hot lol.
I watch a lot of porn when locked up. Chastity porn is great to watch too. For me I love the feeling of horniness without being able to do anything about it. Feeling so horny and trying to get hard so I can feel the cage keeps me happy, which in turn keeps my wife happy. Also, I have been into chastity for ever 15 years, and the wife is just now getting into it. She will never be the kinky mistress that we all want, but she is telling me to put it on, teasing me and grabbing me to keep my horny. So just don't push her, and good luck,
In the beginning, when I had my key, chastity porn or any porn was fun to watch. Now not so much and worse now with being teased several times a week. Sex use to be a weekend only event and now with chastity it could be a week or even longer. Teasing is nearly every other night, not because of sex drive but how we relax. We like to relax in the hot tub with a glass of wine after days working and being naked, floating in water, and wine makes contact easy. A little hold, a kiss, a hug, and the drying off does get the juicing running. Then back to reality and avoiding porn.
Later last night in bed I told my wife some of my frustrations with chastity and also the fact that I masturbate too much imo. Just feeling a bit down and in a binge/purge cycle. Her reaction was "maybe I really do need to lock you up". My normal response would have been heck yeah but instead I let out a genuine "maybe". Followed up by saying she needs to lock up all the toys.... I know she's not a dominant. Seriously thinking of going to the extreme and getting a PA (which she has supported in the past) and a quality cage. I'm a very logical thinker and need to play things out before I leap.
I’m also one of those that enjoyed chastity porn before I was regularly locked, and I think it was the fantasy of arousal. But now that chastity has become a regular part of our life, and I have changed in my perception (“it’s a cage, not a vibrator”) I do not seek or really enjoy porn while locked. For me, the reward is that I am locked until my wife wants PIV, at which point I am released and we have great sex, which we both enjoy a lot. We both find it relaxing and comfortable to be clear on when sex will happen. No guessing games, no mis read signals, etc. She knows I still desire her and her alone. I also never really liked the post-masturbation loss of sexual desire, albeit temporary, and of course that is no longer an issue either. And while locked, her having the key is very important and meaningful to me. It would not be the same if, for example, we just locked it away in a box with a timer.
I missed the edit window, so will add here. I no longer enjoy getting aroused in my cage. I did at first because it was a nice reminder that I was actually caged, just like in the chastity porn. Woo hoo! But not any more as we have changed our outlook. I do not like being aroused and caged because frankly, it’s uncomfortable. Plus, I prefer to think that I I have no use for my penis except and until it’s needed for PIV. That I am somewhere on the “gender spectrum” probably plays into that in part as well.
Please don't be angry with what I will say ... You self-lock because your wife hasn't recognized the fun of being involved, and that is likely at least partly your responsibility / fault. Please consider turning this around in your head. If you really want this to work for her, then it has to be good for her, and the "game" itself needs to fun for her. Now, of course, it is possible that she has serious issues that would prevent her from ever considering this as anything but weird and creepy or whatever, but I'm going to assume (from some of your comments) that she actually has a wicked sense of humor in there, and possibly a bit more of a dominant side than you've seen come out thus far. So your job, if you accept it, is to figure out what you can do, what you can change about yourself, what you can contribute more to the relationship, how you can treat her differently, etc., that will make her life noticeably better. Start slow, but deliberately. Pick one thing. Maybe it's something that she has complained about. Maybe let her know that you're planning on working on that one thing. Maybe ask for her encouragement and help. Waiting for her to change will leave you waiting miserably. Be the change; it's on you at this point. And perhaps, when she recognizes that you are committed to doing something truly selflessly, she will start to appreciate the value that you place on her and on your relationship. And for all the frustration ... well, <hugs>
I would definently agree with this. My wife was not on board at all in the beginning. It took over two years of showing her the benefits. She has me in my cage 24/7 now because she likes how I treat her when I am denied. Tomorrow will be four weeks without an orgasm. She wouldn't even touch the cage at first, but last night she pulled on it in time with me fingering her which brought her over the edge. I begged her to let me out and she laughed and said maybe this weekend. Just show her how much it will benefit her. More attention and other things that focus on her will hopefully open her eyes to the benefits. It worked for me.
@Consumed of course you fit in here! That is one of the coolest things about CM, we all share the same obsession but for wildly different circumstances. I like @true42 's advice but even if it doesnt click for you sometimes it is the sharing itsel that is therapeutic.
No offense taken at all. I agree with you. I've made up a contract that she signed outlining the benefits. Probably 3 days in on a road trip for work I used my emergency key to unlock. When she asked via video chat, I told her I took it off because I didn't feel she was being involved. Selfishness on my end? Probably. She never did any verbal cage checks even though I upheld my end of the contract by doing all the housework etc. Secondly, a more solvable problem, every attempt at keeping a cage from falling off has failed. This probably the one that pushed me over the edge into that purge feeling. Thank you for the warm words.
I dont have a lot of experience, but I see two issues. Firstly get the technical issues sorted out by yourself and dont burden your lady with adjusting the device etc. Make it for her that the cage is technically perfect. Secondly, its not about her compliance to your contract, its about you increasing your efforts for her, until she can not deny the benefits you provide to her in chastity. More and more and more from you. Then make a plea to her to keep you on the straight and narrow... Good luck!
The technicality is being fixed. I meet with a piercing artist tomorrow to see if she can do a PA on me, if so then within a month that will be fixed. I'm waiting on a response from badassworkroom and as soon as he can answer some questions about that BA28 for me, I'll get that on order. God I sure am hoping a $150 PA and a $280 custom cage will solve it. I mean what else is there I can do? The Key holder part i will work on as soon as I get fitted.