A Newbie....With questions

[Princess V]

A little about me...I was raised in a very "conventional" home, no sex till' marriage, and obey your husband sort of thing...
My husband some months ago brought up the idea of play acting, we did a little at a time and he has expressed that he would like me to take more of a lead role...so i try and I do a little bit, tie him up, gag sort of thing, then he wanted to try the male chastity device, so we bought one of those for him and used it occassionally for play/tease
He has been on the computer and researching different ideas and approached me about a contract that will have him in chastity for different periods of time with "punishments" ,and then he expressed a desire to cross-dress, in which the next day he was giving me money to buy different clothes...

I have told him right now it feels like he has dived into the lake and I am still getting my toes wet, Is it normal to feel aprehensive like this ????
Just wondering what other peoples reactions were the first time...

 

[xcitex2]

I can not speak for the female side of things but I would have to say yes it is normal. I would recommend to him as well as you to take it slow. I know from the male side once you get the woman you love to accept this or at least talk about it you want to run run run. However move at your own pace and keep the communication open. Remember that first and foremost if you are to venture on this journey then you should be in charge. If he is anything like me patience will be an issue. LOL But none the less moving to fast and not talking about your apprehensions could be a mistake.

Welcome to the forum by the way!

 

[mikecb]

Princess_V, I agree with xcitex2 completely. We kinky sub guys tend to have a lot of fantasies. Your husband sounds like one of us. He's screwed up the courage to reveal his fantasies to you, and since you didn't shut him down, they're coming out like a fire hose now! I'm sure it's overwhelming!

I think the best advice for both of you is to remember that life is long. The fact that you're here and asking questions means that your husband is a very lucky man. I think you need to make it clear to him that, while you're trying to get up to speed on all of this, it's going to take you time. Also, just because it's his kink, doesn't mean it's yours!

By all means, read up, see what other people are doing, and see what turns YOU on. It sounds like your husband will gratefully take any kink you're willing to indulge. Make it fun for you. If he's truly submissive, that will automatically make it fun for him!

Best of luck, and enjoy!
mikecb

 

[Mistress Watchful]

Perfectly normal!

Yes, there are Born Dommes, they love the lifestyle from an early age and never stagger in their heels... then there are the rest of us!

We love and adore our partners and would do anything for them. We were brought up to serve and please our partners. But I do think, deep down, we still all want to be Princesses!

We want flowers, chocolates, candlelit baths and dinners, massages, surprise hotel trips, hours and hours of foreplay and lashings of oral sex.

And we can have it. But that makes us very nervous!

Then we have our pets. They put it all out there on the table and hope to goodness that we are different to the mainstream females, that we will understand their little quirks and we won't throw them out for being perverts!

When they have made that step and we have accepted, they go a little.... well.... loopy! Relief I guess!

I think you will find there will be a period of adjustment time now, as you find your feet. There will also be another one shortly after you find your feet where you pet goes "holy crap, what the f**k have I done?!" (be careful what you wish for!)

I would like to tell you that once you are over those hurdles that it's all plain sailing... but if you have kids, jobs, and stress in the mix... it's going to take a looooooonnnnnnnnnggggg time!

Just make sure you enjoy the ride. And we are all here to help.

 

[Miss D]

Princess V,
Apparently, your husband is anxious to submit to your rule. Just remember - YOU are in charge - by his request - so proceed at YOUR pace. My best advice is that if there is some aspect that isn't comfortable for both of you - don't be in a rush to go there... On the other hand, there is an addictive and very satisfying quality to being in Control. Perhaps, you will find in time that you enjoy it more than you anticipate.

:anim_25:

 

[newsub4a]

Great advice from all so far. As Miss D said, it is truly addicting once you have taken the plunge and gotten actively involved in learning about BDSM and alternative lifestyles.

My Wife and Goddess loves the way things are going in our relationship now and would hate to turn back. We have talked about our feelings on BDSM and female lead marriages a lot here lately. Communication is so very important in alternative lifestyles and without it you will have some very hard times ahead.

One thing for both of you to keep in mind as you talk is not to judge the other for what may seem like far out and crazy ideas. This is especially true for you toward your husband. If he is like most submissive men he has had these fantasies for a long time and it took a lot of trust to open up to you. It really is a sign of his devotion to you! One thing that you may find is that he will have many confusing and conflicting issues along the way because reality will not be able to hold up to fantasy. Let's face it... getting spanked, whipped or hit does hurt and outside the fantasy giving up control really is scary. There will come a point when you will have to decide if this is what YOU want, because the reality will cause his fantasies to cool. What you will need to do is refocus his fantasy AND his reality so that he focuses on serving you and not his own masturbatory fantasies. It will prove challenging, but ultimately very rewarding when you accomplish that.

I would suggest looking into attending a bdsm weekend conference where they offer classes on various subjects and let you see first hand what the lifestyle is about. That was the pivotal point in my wifes decision to continue in this lifestyle.

Another suggestion is to seek out others in the lifestyle in your community or nearby towns. If you are lucky enough to have a dungeon in the area you can really get some great support.

Most importantly remember that there is no "right way" to have fun in this lifestyle (but there is a safe way, which is why in-person classes are so important!).

Good luck on your journey!