Beginning the Journey

[DCHubby]

Hi all

My wife of 20 years and I (god that makes me feel old!) started an FLR about 6 months ago after I talked to her about my submissive feelings and wanting to give back to her. We have slowly progressed the FLR and she is now far more comfortable making the decisions.

With 2 teenage kids the kink part can't always be at the forefront but these few months have been a roller coaster ride.

I brought up the subject of chastity about 3 months ago as I have masturbated daily for an awful long time and have struggled to stay on the straight and narrow and the honor system wasn't working too well. My wife wanted nothing to do with chastity devices so I dropped it.

About 6 weeks ago I penned a heartfelt missive to her about my struggles to control my masturbation habit and asked if I could order a device to help. She reluctantly agreed (she would never say yes to anything she did not want to do) so I went ahead and ordered a Holy Trainer v2.

We started with me in the device for 3 days and we had a horrible bump in the road - we had agreed a release date but we had different weeks and we had a bust up and I really thought I had messed everything up. Thankfully she did not hold it against me too long.

After 2 weeks we tried again - I have now been locked up for 2 weeks and have never been as horny or as compliant to her needs! Earlier this week she took control of the keys and agreed to be in control of when I would be released, etc. Scary thing is she has not given any indication of when I will get out and is smirking a lot!!!!! I wouldn't change this for anything - the constant desire for my wife is even greater than when we were much younger and had just met.

Before she went away on a trip today (having hid the keys before leaving) I asked her a question I was dreading an answer to - namely, whether she was comfortable with our new arrangement and was she enjoying it. A simple yes was what I got in reply but it made my heart sing. My wife does not talk about emotional things much so for her to say yes was huge and I am on cloud nine. She also said how empowering it is that she can be pleasured and feel under no obligation to reciprocate anything!

I have a feeling that as this journey is going to be a real roller coaster and that 'be careful what you wish for' will ring true but I am loving the feeling of submissiveness to my Goddess wife. Simple acts like massaging her feet while she reads a book before bedtime and getting the slightest touch (non sexual) makes me tingle all over and makes me strain hard in the cage. Knowing there is unlikely to be any release any time soon also plays heavily on my mind and means she is never far from my thoughts.

Looking forward to getting advice from some of you old hands and sharing the journey - writing the journal will be quite cathartic!

Cheers

 

[Caged Wolf]

Not really an "old hand" but living the life and riding the roller coaster still...

 

[Quercus Jay]

I am still riding the roller coaster of the start of the journey as well, and it is one hell of a ride! Good luck, and try to remember that you wanted this. Right now I would kiss the feet of Ivey Green given the chance, I really recommend you read A Keyholders Guide and then get your wife to read it. My wife read the first chapter last night and it has already had an impact.

Good luck

 

[DCHubby]

Well my wife just got back from a kids soccer trip in Florida - she left me a ton of chores to do in her absence which were all completed and left me knackered. All in the hope of pleasing her. I asked her if I could ask when I might get out of the cage - she responded I can ask but she has no intention of telling me! All said with a big smirk on her face..........

She certainly seems to have taken to this like a duck to water......

 

[DCHubby]

Things continue to progress in an interesting fashion. Lots of cuddles and kisses since my wife got back from Florida but nothing more so far. Not sure if she was testing me out but she offered to unlock me this morning so I could relieve myself - said no (although very tempting to say yes!) and that I wanted to wait until she wanted to unlock for her enjoyment/benefit. She had a very smug/satisfied look on her face afterwards!

My wife has also ramped up the subtle teasing - inadvertently pushing back against me and light touches during the day and night and subtle innuendo. She has admitted she enjoys having me caged and the difference in behavior it has brought about. Still some things to iron out - she still feels guilty sometimes when I ask when she will let me out but have assured her she should not feel guilty as this was something I asked for. So still got to lose some of the 'do me' attitude.

She is looking forward to being pleasured soon - whether that will involve any release for me is a different matter!

My respect and love for my wife continues to grow and I can definitely feel a change in attitude and outlook as the chastity time increases. After 3 weeks I still have immense feelings of horniness around my wife all the time and would willingly do anything to please her.

I think we are now in this for the long haul.......

 

[DCHubby]

I cannot believe how much my wife has taken to this lifestyle. We are, for sure, in an FLR - she no longer puts up with any answering back and says exactly what she wants done and when.

She has also told me not to ask when I will be let out as she will decide when and where this will happen.

This morning she woke up and decided she wanted to play - having been locked up for 3+ weeks performance was a concern as I have been waiting and desperate for play time. It is amazing how much chastity has changed my perceptions. Even unlocked all I wanted to do was provide my wife with pleasure and orally pleasing her is now, perhaps, even more of a turn on than PIV sex. What is really strange/dynamic changed is that after she came I would have been quite happy if she had simply locked me back up - having given her pleasure was more important than my own gratification.

However, she did allow my release and it was mind blowing - the difference between masturbating on a regular basis and being made to wait for release is something else and I would not swap the waiting/teasing/frustration for anything.

I have been given a day off from being locked in the HT2 today but have been told tomorrow back in I go!

I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful wife who is also my best friend and has taken to the whole control/domination dynamic so quickly and with such gusto! It has made our relationship much stronger and made, I think, both of us very happy.

Sure it will continue to be an interesting ride!

 

[Quercus Jay]

That sounds brilliant! My congratulations to you both.

 

[DCHubby]

Cheers and likewise Jasmic68. Happy Christmas to you and others.

Sure there will be many more bumps in the road but wish I had had the courage to discuss this lifestyle years ago.

We have played with spanking, collaring, ass play, etc. over the last few months and I can honestly say it has reinvigorated our relationship and I no longer have to hide my kinks for fear of what this would do to us. My wife is incredible - the way she has accepted, and over time embraced, this lifestyle is a thing of beauty and the fact she admits she loves being in control and what that brings her is awesome.

Obviously with 2 teenage kids we can't live the lifestyle as much as I, or she, would like (!) but this is an incredible journey and this site is, and has been, so useful to understand that I am not alone in my kinks.

 

[Quercus Jay]

My Wife has decided she wants me to wear women's clothes. I have no idea where this has come from nor do I care. The fact that she wants this to happen means it will. Our teenage son still lives with us limiting how much we will get to indulge her wishes at home but we are going out tomorrow to buy my first skirts and dresses.

Like yours, the way my Wife took what I gave her, my Penis in a chastity device, and decided what she wanted to do with it has left me breathless, our relationship totally reinvigorated and has me loving her more than ever.

 

[DCHubby]

A bit late but happy Christmas to everyone.

Our journey continues - best Christmas Day present I could think of: my wife letting me orally pleasure her (obviously no release from my device for me!) before getting up for the day. Focusing solely on her pleasure is an indescribable feeling: if you had said that would make my world rock a year ago I would have laughed! Obviously I finished as horny as hell and frustrated but that is a feeling I have come to embrace and it lasts for a long time unlike a short 30 second orgasm.

My wife also continues to gradually take more control - not in a bullying way but in a way that just feels so right! And she certainly seems to be felling less guilty about telling me what to do and when.

Even last night, when she told me how well I had done during the Day, cooking and clearing up and making sure her glass was full made me feel great. Light touching from her before she ordered me to move over and give her more room in bed sent me to sleep very contented!

 

[DCHubby]

So a bit of a bump in the road yesterday - nothing dramatic but more of a 'men are from mars, women are from venus' moment. I've been keen to move our FLR along - so really topping from the bottom. This caused some sulking on my part when things did not happen yesterday as I would have liked.

Our, newish, FLR did mean though that I was able to communicate to her today why I was in a sulk and we had a good chat. My wife does not communicate very well with regards to emotions etc. We both joked that I am more in touch with my feminine side in that regard than she is!

We were able to talk things out - and she knows that she just needs to say if she wants something done (or not). We both agreed that she is taking more control and that she now expects things done without having to ask (very noticeable the last 2-3 weeks) and obviously feels very comfortable being in charge and getting what she wants.

The reality, as she quite rightly stated!, is that I asked for all this and she is in charge and will decide when things happen and what she is comfortable with. This includes how long in chastity with no guarantees of any teasing on the kind of schedule I would like!!!!

This felt like a big step forward in our new relationship: I'm still finding it very hard to let go of pre-conceptions and what I want but there is absolutely no doubt that trying to please my wife has become my main goal in life. I can think of nothing but her and whenever I am around her I am straining in my cage. Quite remarkable that she has this effect after over 20 years of marriage but I would not swap these feelings for the world.

 

[DCHubby]

Not much happening on the play front. I have now been locked up for 3 weeks and this now feels like the new normal! My wife has offered twice to release me so I could 'go solo' but both times I have refused as the thought of solo masturbation feels so empty without any involvement of my wife. I'm not sure if she is testing my willpower/boundaries or not but it is quite something to see the smirk and smile on her face when I refuse and she says she might not let me out all year!!!!

This is hard - really hard. Like Jamsics post it is really tough when all I want to do is sexually please her but she is rarely in the mood at the moment. I can hear myself getting grumpy and feel the sulking coming on which I know she really dislikes so the learning journey continues. There is no doubt she is fully in charge now and feeling far more comfortable with being in charge - its also great that she no longer seems to feel guilty about denying me and is comfortable calling the shots.

On a separate note the HT v2 is quite something. I am wearing it 24x7 without any issues - and this includes running 5Ks, endurance cycling and rockwall climbing. When it is off, it now no longer feels right.

 

[Quercus Jay]

Brilliant. Just brilliant. My Wife has not given me an offer of solo pleasure and I am pretty sure I would refuse it if she offered as well.

I am glad you are having a positive experience with the HTv2. I go to the gym three times a week with it with absolutely no issues. Also the way it needs to be removed for cleaning every four days or so is actually becoming our normal way of living, and is ensuring my Wife and I have a regular intimate shower together. That intimacy can just be her watching me shower but usually it means she is in the shower with me cleaning my back and bottom for me. Either way it is bringing us closer together.

I still want a custom steel device and eventually a full belt, but I know if they don't work I can just go back to a HTv2 and be happy.

 

[DCHubby]

wow.....so after writing up yesterday, last night my wonderful wife wanted PIV. Being released from the HT v2 was strange but what followed was the strangest thing I have ever encountered in my sex life.

I had no interest in getting an orgasm and really, really wanted to make sure my wife had a climax. With 3 weeks of no activity there was no way I was going to last long but there was no way she would let me stop and I could not disobey her.

Every ounce of focus and attention went on trying to satisfy her and it felt like I came but there was no feeling of intense pleasure on my part.....it felt like my come dribbled out as opposed to a full on ejaculation and I was able to stay hard and bring her to climax. After withdrawing from my wife after she had finished more come dribbled out. It did not feel like real relief and was quite confusing - but my wife was satisfied and happy and that was my focus and desire.

Each day I am more thankful for my wife. I really do not see us turning back from this lifestyle and am looking forward to her taking more control and to feeling the intense frustration and turn on that is chastity.

 

[Quercus Jay]

wow.....so after writing up yesterday, last night my wonderful wife wanted PIV. Being released from the HT v2 was strange but what followed was the strangest thing I have ever encountered in my sex life.

I had no interest in getting an orgasm and really, really wanted to make sure my wife had a climax. With 3 weeks of no activity there was no way I was going to last long but there was no way she would let me stop and I could not disobey her.

Every ounce of focus and attention went on trying to satisfy her and it felt like I came but there was no feeling of intense pleasure on my part.....it felt like my come dribbled out as opposed to a full on ejaculation and I was able to stay hard and bring her to climax. After withdrawing from my wife after she had finished more come dribbled out. It did not feel like real relief and was quite confusing - but my wife was satisfied and happy and that was my focus and desire.

Each day I am more thankful for my wife. I really do not see us turning back from this lifestyle and am looking forward to her taking more control and to feeling the intense frustration and turn on that is chastity.

I had a similar experience last weekend. I am not sure but I have a theory. I am wondering if the Holy Trainer presses down on the nerve that takes sensation to the glans. Every time I get a contained erection the area where the tube joins the ring, just under the locking mechanism, gets pressed into the base of my penis. This is where the nerve runs through. There isn't enough pressure to remove all sensation but enough to stop me getting to a full orgasm. My Wife wanted PIV sex and I obliged. Something definitely came out of me but I didn't have a full orgasm. It was more liked a ruined orgasm, but not even as intense as one of those. I too was at the three week point since my previous orgasm.

What do you think? Does it sound plausible? The last time I had an orgasm my Wife had let me out of the device for several hours so my penis had been given enough time to relax and recover. It was at the six week point since my previous orgasm and I still had to work to achieve it.

 

[DCHubby]

could be jasmic.....one thing is for sure, it was completely unlike anything I have experienced before. To be honest it was quite uncomfortable - I had 24 hours out of the HT v2 which was nice but am now nicely locked back up - which my wife now prefers!

 

[DCHubby]

Wow, my wonderful wife never ceases to amaze me.

Things continue to tick along and as we are on a skiing vacation the HT v2 has stayed at home. Being let loose is a strange feeling now - my wife already scolded me for using her key to unlock prior to getting a flight. She had said that I should be unlocked for a week - I can't imaging taking a tumble with the cage on! - but I stupidly forgot to ask permission to use the key on her keyring.

Almost on a daily basis, she is telling me if I have done something she is not happy with.

When we first started this journey I know she felt guilty if she got an orgasm and I did not. fast forward a few months and I think that concern is no longer there! She woke me this morning and got me worked up and allowed me to orally pleasure her - she has taken to be in charge for sure: after a while she aggressively moved my hand and directed me so that she could have an intense orgasm. After this she subtly teased me for a short while and after getting me massively worked up told me that was enough.

So one very horny, frustrated - but happy - hubby! She smiled and smirked a lot when I told her that despite it being frustrating not being allowed to come, this is actually an avenue that works for me and keeping me on edge ensures I don't question her authority.

Despite being unlocked, and horny, the temptation to take matters into my own hands is not an option I would want to pursue. Sure this roller coaster of a ride has many more twists and turns but to see the smile and contented look on my wifes face makes it all worthwhile!

 

[DCHubby]

Been a strange week. We have been away on a skiing vacation so I have been 'running wild' all week - even 3 months ago, I would be masturbating daily but now I can resist the urges to do just that and it is something that I no longer care to do.

My wife has really taken control while we have been away - on a daily basis she has wanted to be pleasured orally and has been very demonstrative and clear on how I am to please her (both in and out of bed).

She wanted PIV sex one morning - after 3 weeks or so with no release it was almost impossible to last long. And a strange thing happened - I went to stop for a moment to try and regain composure and my wife was quite clear not to stop as she wanted to orgasm and was well on the way. So rather than stop I carried on and tried to focus everything on giving her what she wanted and experienced, for the second time in a row, what I would consider a ruined orgasm: I came but got no pleasure/relief and stayed hard until she had her orgasm.

My wife has already told me that as soon as we get back home the HT v2 goes back on. After a week out of it I can't say I am looking forward to being back in it!!!

 

[DCHubby]

Back home and back in the HT v2. It's taken a bit of getting used to and not being able to get erect by admiring my wife for the last week has been somewhat uncomfortable!

My wife is truly confusing, and frustrating, me! She keeps smirking at my predicament but there has been nothing sexual since we got back - she finds it amusing that the last two times I have been given release it has, in effect, been ruined orgasms with no pleasure for me. She has stated perhaps she won't let me come again if its so bad.....and truly I do not know if that would bother me or not!

I would love nothing more than to be pleasuring my wife with the frequency that we did on vacation but at the end of the day its her choice. She certainly does not feel guilty by denying me and seems to love ordering me around and verbally teasing me.

So the journey I would liken to a roller coaster ride continues - right now I am fed up as I am not being given the opportunity to orally worship her and am as horny as hell. But I guess that is part of the equation with chastity: it is not all sexual and the biggest element seems to be the mind games and never knowing what is coming (or not!) next.

I would now start to liken this lifestyle to a 'love hate' relationship but it has enhanced our relationship beyond all recognition.

 

[DCHubby]

Finally had a chat with the wife today to take stock of where we are at.

I stated my frustration at not being able to provide pleasure to her - my wife said right now she does not feel horny or have any oomph (she is starting to go through the 'change') although most nights she still wants a foot massage. When I told her I felt locked and forgotten she simply said 'good'! Quite rightly she also pointed out that I have been grumpy because she has had no interest.

Right now, it feels very frustrating for me but if I take a step back we have come quite a way in a reasonably short space of time. And my wife has certainly taken control in terms of 'being charge' of things outside the bedroom.

 

[DarkKnight]

Chastity is not a set it and forget it activity. Ignoring you, if that is what she is doing, for being grumpy would be a punishment . . . well deserved and effective. We crave the acknowledgement of our situation, our conundrum . . . our transfer of power to them that, daily maintenance is required to maintain the charged state and our attitude. Daily teasing need be nothing more than a well timed swat; maybe a crotch grab to say thank you for vacuuming; or a whisper in your ear telling you she hears your lock jingle like the bell on a cats collar.

She may not feel quite herself and her mind is processing new feelings. As when your ill, doing little things seem painful (brushing your teeth) and you become unmotivated but you know you have to to them. Little actions like those mentioned above go a long way towards keeping you aroused and willing to serve.

Continue to do all the things you do for her and when shes having an up day, you may get lucky.

No disrespect intended.

 

[DCHubby]

What a roller coaster ride this is. The highs are really high and the lows are really low.

Following my chat with my wife yesterday I felt so much better and even though my wife is not feeling too great so any kind of play was off the menu, that was fine. We had another chat today and it was quite an interesting one - when I had brought up previously that the last 2 times I have been given release it felt like ruined orgasms I did not realize that this had obviously upset her as she thought I was complaining. I explained that far from complaining I thought it was great because I was trying to focus solely on her pleasure and I really want her to think about her pleasure not mine. The smile she gave was priceless!

As it's my birthday I have been given extra leeway today to talk about things so took advantage of it. We chatted about the fact that right now she has a lower sex drive than me and that that's OK. I stressed that I'm not expecting her to act like the Energizer bunny but being locked up is hard and just a bit of daily teasing (physical or verbal) makes a huge difference.

Then we talked about something I would never have dreamed we would. I mentioned that I love the feeling of her underwear when she lets me caress her and that, if it was OK with her, I'd like to try wearing womens underwear. She laughed and said that was weird but very quickly started talking about styles, sizes, etc. and it looks like we will be going shopping sometime over the next week or so. She asked what I thought I would get out of wearing womens underwear and the truthful answer was that it would be a constant reminder of her - and her total control over me. Her face lit up and that kind of scared me!

I know that she is not just going along on this journey just for my sake - she has very strong views and opinions and would never do anything she was not comfortable with/wanted to. She thought wearing a chastity device was weird and wanted no part of it.....fast forward 3 months and I have been told that I am not to remove the device without asking her permission first (even for sports: she has the key on her keyring) and even then she won't necessarily agree.

My wife of over 20 years never ceases to amaze me. She is incredible and who knows where this journey will end up but I do know that my love for her is stronger now than 20 years ago.

 

[DCHubby]

Great post Dark Knight - and totally spot on. Thanks - it helped a lot

 

[Quercus Jay]

I often worry about why my Wife is doing this but I am slowly getting to the point where this worrying has stopped. As you said yourself she wouldn't do this if she want comfortable with it. It sounds like a very positive chat.

 

[DCHubby]

Not much to report - real life (as Jasmic recently posted) takes priority. What is interesting in seeing how my wife really has the final say in most things these days. She has not felt like having 'bedroom fun' for a while (since we got back from vacation) and when we started out on this journey she would feel guilty about denying me release/ability to pleasure her. Now it is definitely on her own terms.

I have not been out of the HT v2 for 2.5 weeks and now wear it for all exercising, even long, hard cycle rides with no issues. It has been made quite clear that I am not coming out of the device without her permission.

After our conversation last weekend she has allowed me to wear a pair of her underwear to work. The submissiveness I feel for her while wearing them is nothing short of incredible and every time I move I am reminded that she is in control.

If you had said 6 months ago this is where we would be I would have laughed and said 'how weird' but it all feels perfectly normal now and who knows where this will all end up!