Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

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seems like longer than a week sinice my last post... Things are going well, Mistress Wolf and Little One are back to school, getting caught up on housework again, and all the Christmas stuff is down, just needs to go back in the shed.

i have been talking with Mistress Wolf about physical discipline again, but She is still not comfortable going that direction yet. i believe itwould give her even greater control than She has now, as i would have the added level of action for any transgressions. i wonder if and when it happens how i'll respond.... i know i love it when she rakes my back when i'm pleasuring her well, and have asked her to apply more pressure ("harder please, Mistress"). She left welts a couple of days ago, and didn't seem too concerned when She saw them afaterwards. i have also considered asking Mistress Wolf if Mistress C may be given the opportunity to "educate" me on the uses of the crop...

It still is weird how normal everything seems now, from my morning routine to the chores and attitude differences. Far beyond what i had wished for, but still not everything i thought it would be. It's been a total reversal, but Mistress Wolf has not taken charge as the Dom i fantisized about, the demanding (yet fair) crop weilding True Alpha boss. She is so much stronger iin herself than before, and is still growing, so who knows what will happen in the future.. :)
 
Having kind of an off week, with a lot going on and some health issues again. Nothing major, back and neck acting up so went to the Chiropracter this am, and dealt with a post adjustment migraine thru the day. Normal day at work, went pretty good, then max stess right at the end (with an hour of O/T). Best thing I could do is fiind another job more along the lines of my training, but this one is close, flexible, but the pay and hours suck.... Lots of things going on outside of work that are eating up a lot of time, and will continue to do so into summertime. Most of my allowed projects are also on hold for this reason.

On the home front, it's been a little off at home too. not much change, not much connection. feeling kind of left out..... Mistress Wolf has her things to do in the evening, and then it's off to bed. Once in bed she does not normaly touch me, but allows me to hold her hand (hers over mine) until she goes to sleep. On the good side, She has cup checked me several times today, even though i'm not currently locked, just a passing fondle of the property. i think She is begining to like that it is Her perogative to do things like that.

We talked again about physical discipline. Mistress Wolf is still not interested, but knows i am. When/if it ever happens i may not like it, but the thought of being disciplined with Her crop, being sent to bed handcuffed, or otherwise disciplined excites me, but also make me fear the day She is ready to inflict punishment. She has a devious mind, and i know She will find ways to make the punishment memorable.

The rest of this week is very busy. In addition to work i have a meeting Thursday evening, Mistress Wolf is taking me to the Social Club Friday evening, and i am attending a Wedding and Reception Saturday. Mistress Wolf has plans for Sunday, but has not felt the need to inform me of them yet.
 
Today I am physically sore, not from another dumb accident, but from willing service to Mistress C...

With Mistress's Wolf's approval i was allowed to go alone and help Mistress C finish moving. i departed home at 7:30 Sunday morning, and got home around 7:00 pm. Together Mistress C and i moved most of her large furniture and a whole bunch of boxes (filled a 20' trailer and then some) from her 3rd floor apartment, drove to her new place and hauled everything back up to her new apartment, also on the 3rd floor. When i got home i was totally exhausted, but will not complain as the pain was earned in service of my 2nd Mistress!

my only regret is misunderstanding her text the day prior that it would be only Her and i. I would have caled a few friends of mine who would have been willing to help, and that would have allowed Mistress C to relax a little...

When i arrived home Mistress Wolf say my condition and directed me to eat, then to take a hot bath (not my normal shower), AND to use some epsom salts to help relieve the pain, and by directed, i don't mean suggested... She TOLD me to!!

i am totally amazed by both Mistress's in their strength, of both spirit and body, and am SO lucky to be allowed to submitand serve them....
 
It took several days for me to feel better, defenitly overdid it helping Mistress C move a week ago! Just saw her last Sunday, but so happy, as Mistress C is stopping by for a couple of hours today!! Will be interesting to see if any of the things She and i talked about during the move are discussed with Mistress Wolf. i told Mistress Wolf as much as i could remember, and have nothing to hide or to be worried about, but it may be interesting to hear it from Mistress C's point of view!

Hope everyone has a great day, and will try ot post up how today goes!
 
Once again it's been a bit since the last post. It took me almost a week to fully recover from helping Mistress C move, but it was SO worth it. She stopped at the house for lunch the next weekend, had a lovely visit, and laid groundwork for more regular get togethers! From the little bit of information Mistress Wolf shares with me on the subject, it sounds like we may have 2 visits in February, one with Little One (for her birthday), and one adult only that may or may not involve some training and demonstration of crop, paddle, and flogger!

On the home satisfaction front, after 2 weeks of no fun Mistress Wolf has used me for her pleasure twice in as many days. Small steps still, but forward progress... i am no longer allowed to enter her unless wrapped with a condom, and both times this week also with desensitizing spray, too. It is becoming even more about Her pleasure with minimal concern for my own. I am, however, loving it! the feeling of finally being able to fully satisfy her desires and still be ready and willing to go on is freeing. To not have the post orgasm funk, or attitude issues... it just seems to keep me more balanced and in my place.
Mistress's comment when telling me that condoms would be required from now on was "It's so nice not to have a mess on the sheets, or sticky stuff dribbling down my leg. It just seems to be better this way." i whole heartedly agree, Mistress!

BCWYWF! i have received so much more than n i ever thought possible,a dn the patah is still new, looking forward to where the future takes us.
 
As an aside... While on the forum last night i happened across Mistress Watchful's post about if FLR was mainstream, and showed it ti Mistress Wolf. Her reply was something like "That would make it easier as I'd have others to talk to, and it wouldn't seem so weird."

As we were going to bed, i asked Mistress Wolf if having someone She could chat with would help Her, She replied that She would prefer to talk to someone in person, but that chatting here would also help. i am hoping She will join very soon!!
 
Today is Mistress Wolf's Birthday, and a good day it was. Had presents for her, woke her with a quiet "Happy birthday, Mistress", then off to work I went. Was able to come home for lunch, and She chose to use me for her pleasure!

Desensitizing spray and an extended play condom helped ensure it would be all about her. She had 3-4 really good O's before telling me "I want your tongue down there, now!", so down i went!. After several more O's she had a massive one, reached down and pushed my head away telling me "No more..!".

Got Mistress in the shower, then dried her off before i got a quick shower (with the condom still on) and went back to work, i was still totally numb when we went out for dinner 5+ hours later!!! Mistress opted for Pizza at her favorite local place, then back home for Cupcakes and a quiet evening. Not sure if She has an further plans for me tonight or not.. Waiting to find out ;)
 
So much going on this past week, and looks like it's not going to slow down for a while. Work sucks, were down another person most of the week, so i was doing triple duty. Other things going on (with Mistress Wolf's approval) that are eting up a lot of time and energy, but it is very good for me, and for her!

This weekend though, i've felt less than great and getting worse as the night goes on. I've alaready got my chores done for the eveningand am studying and working on one of the bigger, time consuming projects. Really just want to go to bed and curl up in a ball and hope i feel better in the morning.

MIstress Wolf has walked by several times and rubbed my neck, or just checked on me to see how I was feeling. Love her so much, and am so glad She accepted the swwitch!!! Knowing i have to answer to her, and the respect i've learned over the last couple of years helps me stay centered and stable, even when i don't feel the best.
 
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Holy Crap, not a good weekend.

Started out pretty good, was a Social club Friday, but Friday morning Igot a call from the hostess Who was SICK. Asked if Mistress Wolf and I could take on a heavy share of the work to make it happen. Mistress aproved so off we went. Unfortunately shortly after we got there i started to feel not good, stomach issues... Started getting cranky, not my normal self. Mistress Wolf eventually ahd enough and told me to go sit down and rest for a few minutes. i stbbornly ignored her... mistake number one...

A minute or so later She repeated her now order, so off i went, into time out by the front door, and for longer than a few minutes... i got at least 15 minutes in time out.... kept my attidue in checka fter that, made it thru the night, but worked almost the entire time, not a fun night.

Off for home, goto bed at about 4 am, up at 9:30-ish (with a mirgaine), had to be out the door by 10:30 for a motorcycle club ride, made it to the meet up point with moments to spare. MAde the ride, but was then asked to escort a member home, added almost 100 miles to my day, got home later than planned. Mistress and i were supposed to go to a friends Birthday party and dinner, didn't make it. Mistress was not happy when i got home, and it just decayed through the evening. When Mistress got up this morning things were rather intense. Suffice to say She was NOT in a good mood. i told her that whatever She decided to do was her perogative, including taking back my collar. I got my chores done and left the house to work on my truck at the shop... Decided to text Mistress C and seek her help, gave her the details as i knew them and hoped for the best.

Around noon Mistress Wolf texted me "Please come home so we can figure things out", i texted back "will be there ASAP, right in the middle of something". Was home within 1/2 hour, and proceeded to get scolded for things i didn't even realize i had done. Was a pretty ugly scene. I was cleaning and dusting as "we"talked.... My portion was mostly "Yes, Dear". After the tirade wound down I went back outsie and started working on her Rose garden, got the old, dead roses removed, the garden hoed out adn ready, then went in and asked Mistress to come decide where She wanted the new roses placed. After a couple more chastizings i was allowed to plant the rosesa dn finish the garden for now. Mistress did thank me for getting the rose garden done...

Things were still tense (which messed up my innards even more), so i showered, got dress and asked Mistress if she would like to go for a drive and get some dinner out. Things have slowly calmed down some, but Mistress Wolf also told me Mistress C will be calling me tomorrow to talk to me, what the discussion will entail i don't know, but i'm betting it won't be enjoyable.

More to follow.....
 
AND...... the shit has hit the fan.... it appears that while i was not looking the "old me" got a handhold on the controls and has been slowly regaining strength. What a f-ing mess he/i have made of things....

Received a text from Mistress C (2nd Mistress to Mistress Wolf) this morning "requesting" my side of the story. Was on my way to work, so started an e-mail when I got there, spent 45 minutes trying to recapture the weekend from my perspective... received another text shortly after sending said e-mail letting me know there was an e-mail reply waiting for me... It was brutal.... Mistress C carefully dismembered each action and reaction, showed the fault (mine), and ended by saying:

"Your signature on this email of "gray wolf - miserable, good for nothing dirtbag" is extremely inappropriate and disrespectful to both Mistress Wolf and I, even if that was not your intention. It shows lack of respect for yourself and for both of us. You should be respectful, grateful and pleasant in all of your words, written or verbal.

If you two decide to continue on this path, I think it is crucial at this juncture to go to some formal training as you, (here she used my real name rather than my submissive name), seem not to grasp the real concept of being a sub. Your Mistress comes first in all aspects and should be treated as such. If you don't wish to continue on this path, I think counseling would be beneficial to your marriage."

Ouch... i know that there is no going back to the way things were before the switch, there would probably be no marriage, and everything i value wold be lost to me (Mistress Wolf, Little One, Mistress C, etc). Anything that remained, my "things" would be worth nothing to me, and in that light i see what is important, and what is expendable.

I have accepted fault, and any accompanying punishment, and have started talks with both Mistress's to regain my place, position, etc. through whatever means THEY decide are needed. Decisions will be made on my freedoms, and several of the things i have been allowed to do will surely be taken away. i do not know the final outcome, and will not for quite some time, but as of tonight i am focusing on getting back where i belong mentally, physically, and emotionally...

Sorry for the rambling... as i sort through my thoughts and pieces surface i am attemting to put things together in an understandable way, when i don't really understand myself. Postiing it here is still one of the best ways for me to chronicle everything and give me a trail to be able to go back to see where it went off the rails.

off to the shower, then bed....
 
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We are going up and spending Sunday with Mistress C, not sure how much we will discuss all of this and the options/direction from here as Little One will be with us, but i am looking forward to the time together however is goes.

In talking with Mistress April at lunch yesterday, She agreed formal training is warranted/needed, and the search is now on for a local Dom to step in and educate me. Not sure where to start the search, thinking Fetlife may be the best place to start..? i am not sure what to expect at this point... Hopefully we can find someone who will not only educate me, but will spend some time with Mistress April to help her better understand her role and give her some experience also.

So starts the next portion of the journey... the deepening and strengthening of the roles...
 
Mistress Wolf walked over to me last night (She walks laps around the house in the evenings), stops, and tells me "I want you to help me set up an account on Chastity Mansion next week..." Yea, finally!!!
 
Was home for lunch today with Mistress Wolf, and set up her account here! She may not be online much until after the 19th as She is finishing a college course next week, but i'm hoping She will be in checking things out soon!
 
took today off to get some things done. Got a lot done, just not what i had planned. Mistress Wolf took the day off also, and wehn Little one got home from her half day at school today i took them both out to lunch, then just kind of wandered home... Stopped and checked out some new Mobile homes, then on to Fred Meyer's to get some things and check out some new furniture. Got home around 5-ish, lit the BBQ and cooked some Brautwurst, did a little yard work while they cooked. Finally ate dinner and watched Night at the Museum, Secret of the Tomb.

yes, i am still in the doghouse for my attitude and actions, but Mistress C has forgiven me, and Mistress Wolf has been pleasent if a little on point. There is still the posibility of punishment (which wuld be well deserved) but it has not been mentioned. Still meeting Mistress C Sunday and spending some time together.
 
Spent today with Mistress C, Good visit, but with Little one along not much chance of anytraining, etc. While Mistress Wolf and Little One were off for a few minutes Mistress C did talk with me about my slip, and complimented me for how i've accepted fault and for the rapid recoveryback to where i was before at least...
 
Big week! Monday at lunchtime, i was allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf, and was able to keep control of myself (did not orgasm,though i did get close), even without the delay spray or delay inducing condoms! When She was finished i helped her into the shower, then while drying her off i asked if i could share my thoughts. After being given permission, i politely told her that only two things could have made our time even better:
First, to have had to watch her being pleasured by her boyfriend (when She finally has one), seeing her writhe and moan while he satisfied her needs.
Second, to have her tell me to lock myself up after being denied completion, as had just happened.

She looked at me and just said "Okay". After i showered i locked myself in my Jailbird, and on my way out to get back to work stopped so She could grope me, which She did, commenting "Ah, that's what I thought.".

Last night when She got home from dance class i got her foot bath for her. While She was soaking her feet and reading She looked directly at me and said "While driving home tonight I decided on a new edict, from now on whenever you don't cum you will lock up afterward for 48-72 hours." She then went back to reading her book. i was slightly shocked, but am so happy and proud of this step, especially the nonchalant way She told me. It was perfect... it was like - "this is the new way things are, and that's it."

Wagging my tail so hard today!!!
 
And i was locked up for 51 1/2 hours straight before beiing told to remove it for my shower. Little bit tender around the base ring, so Mistress Wolf instructed me to leave it off tonight.
 
Was allowed to pleasure Mistress Wolf again last night, She had several big O's (i lost count), then, after the last onei could tell She was done. i had not even gotten close to finishing, which was as planned, so back into lock-up this morning for another 48-72 hours! It's not a , but a , one that keeps me even more focused on Mistress Wolf and my place in the relationship.
 
Didn't make it very long this time.... apparently i had a small raw spot i hadn't noticed, and when i locked up this morning it started chaffing withiing an hour or so, couldn't find a comfortable position...Then, while working, i moved wrong and twisted my lower back again. the way i was walking because of my back rdid a number on the cage chaffing, and by lunchtime i was almost in tears from the combined pain. Finally talked to the boss at work, stopped by the house to remove the cage, and went to see my Chiropractor. Got adjusted, and told to stay home,ice/heat all afternoon.. Feeling better....disappointed in the short lock up... :(
 
i love my chiropractor! one adjustment, and spent Monday afternoon on the floor alternating ice and heat, and I'm back to normal. Still fightiing with the hand, though the swelling there is going down but the ring finger isn't working properly. Not broken (i don't believe anyway), just very sore due to use at work.

Was talking with Mistress Wolf last night after Little One went to bed, and She gave me the "come here" gesture, so i moved closer to where She was sitting. She package checked me, then reached up and pinched my nipples, not hard but enough to let me know who was in charge...

It's funny, as we approach the 2 year anniversary of the submission and collaring ceremony i find myself thinking and realize i would not wish it to go back, only futher forward! i love my Mistress's!
 
This is a week I am so glad to be done with. After monday's issue with my back, I was back to work Tuesday, and managed to actually break my ring finger knuckle on the same hand that got hurt last week. Dr was not able to set it properly so was scheduled for surgery on Friday, but got bumped to next Tuesday... This is going to play hell with everything from work to projects, yardwork, etc... In the process of dealing with the hand I managed to disregard input from Mistress C, which was to go get the hand checked after the initial injury. When I broke the knuckle it was a compounding of the original injury, and would/could have been avoided. The ensuing converstaions with Mistress C have not gone well, adn , as of yesterday, she has stepped down from her position as 2nd Mistress.

Not sure if it will be temporary or permanent, but I am very disappointed in myself for my actions and attitude lately. There is so much going on and I have not done well keeping everything together in a proper sub fashion.

Even recent converstaions with Mistress Wolf have shown where things are.. She is at her comfort limit with the way things are now (FLR more then D/S, while Mistress C was working with us to go further with my training and submssion,m which is what I desire also. the conflicting direction made it difficult for me, and for both Mstress's, to balance.

I am, at Mistress Wolf's request, still looking for a playmate/boyfriend for her, and at the same time am looking for a Dom She is comfortable with to continue my training, and to also help her understand it all more too.

Hoping things turn around... not sure how much more of this i can deal with.. It's been hard to keep things going as it was, then to have all this happen at once...

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas on how to proceed??
 
Please keep me in your thoughts today, looks like i'm finally going in for my hand surgery. Shouldn't be a big issue, but the way things have been going lately...

Haven't been allowed to pleasure Mistress since 30 March (I know, only a week..) but it's looking like at least another week due to timing and surgery. Part of the conversations with Mistress C before She stepped down as 2nd Mistress was abaout each persons thoughts and desires on the relationship adn how far to take things. Mistress Wolf has said She is comfortable where things are now,a nd doesn't see them changing much from here. Mre of a FLR than a D/s... To make it work i need a little more, need the direction and possibilities that a Dom/sub relation brings.

Not sure what's going to happen, but not liking last weeks turn of events.....
 
@Caged Wolf Hope your hand is ok and as long as it's your w*nking hand something good may have come out of it ;-) [Only Joking !!]

Don't panic - stay calm - and use your time to compose your thoughts
Hugs
Lucy x
 
It reads as if you've reached a cross road of sorts. Maybe it's time to be open and clear with your thoughts in regard to the which direction your relationships are headed, or where you'd like them to go.

Jay.
 
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