Chapter 2, a sissys diary

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PuppyMastersPet

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Im starting another chapter now. One because I hate the fact that I put dairy instead of diary on my first diary and two Ive had an orgasm so I can retell my sissy story from square one. Hornyness levels around 10% and submissive levels around 30%

So, last night Master let me cum, or should that be made me cum? It seems like the last few days of torture have been in order to make me give in. Finally last night when Master asked me if I wanted to cum I said yes, I couldnt take it anymore.
Master gladly obliged and after some mutual masturbation Master put my sissy clit in his mouth and swallowed my cum. Shortly after that Master came and I swallowed his cum.

Cuming felt great Its been months since Ive climaxed, I couldnt even remember what if felt like. The only other times that Ive cum have been with prostate milking. Ive had an orgasm and it felt good but now the down side, I dont feel half as submissive now, it could be a week before Im horny again. Im just going to have to try my best to serve my Masters needs.
 
Submissive levels 40%, Hornyness levels 10% :sad:

Had and orgasm on Thursday, still not even half as horny as I usually am. Master seems to be on a bit of a Dom downer at the moment. I really don’t know how to respond to him. He doesn’t seem to be able to actually dominate me at the mo and give me orders. It’s true to say that I’m not as submissive but I’m still dedicated to Master and will do as I’m told. This is why I hate cumming so much.

The feeling of the orgasm doesn’t come anywhere close to the feeling I get from submitting to Master. I hate the way I feel after orgasm. Submissive levels. Think I might track my sub/hornyness levels like Mistress Watchful. Seems to be a good way of tracking my moods as the days go on.

Master didn’t seem happy at all so I thought the only thing I could do was to strip naked put my CB back on and put my collar on, I walked into the front room past all the windows (no blinds on most) and knelt at my Masters feet. It seemed to have the desired effect of showing Master I’m still committed. Just wish I was as horny as before I came.
 
Back to normality now. After some very intensive nipple torture on Sunday I feel 100% horny again and back to being submissive. Master also ordered me to write a new Sissy contract with a list of rules to follow, which I did and signed. Everything feels good again now, Master is referring to me as ‘Good girl’ ect and my cock is now to be known as my long clit as most other sissies seem to use that term or similar.
I’m so glad I’m back to being a full horny little sissy again. Priced up my first sissy maids outfit. Found a really nice one it looks so good, I can’t wait till I can afford it and wear it for Master.
Master explained he had reservation about forcing me to wear feminine clothing because of my gender issues but I told him I love it when he makes me wear frilly cloths and underwear. I will dress in my usual casual wear when I choose but Mater will be deciding on all sissy clothing. He had me cleaning the kitchen in my favorite corset no underwear just my cb hanging out.
Things seem good and I’m more submissive than ever and taking more of a back seat.
 
Hi Slave Kris,

Yes... Having "diary" misspelled would have driven me nuts too! :squigglemouth:

I wonder if your Master made you have an orgasm so he could give you both a break and reflection time? I know 24/7 Domination is very demanding on a Dominant -- specially considering the all the tough decisions and compromises he is making to keep both of you happy.

It was probably good to give him some space while still letting him know that you were devoted to him. Rowing through the challenging waves makes us grow more than sailing through calm waters.

Thank you for sharing so much of yourself,

~*jamie*~
 
Yes I was a bit of a brat. That didn’t last too long though Master soon put me in my place. At least it reminds me why I don’t like cuming.

Haven’t had much of an exciting day, had severe hay fever so had to have the day off. Tried to do a bit of tidying but couldn’t really get much done. Didn’t feel sissy like at all today just felt rough and unattractive, still trying to be as submissive as I can though and will serve Master’s need tonight if he asks. Taking a back seat now so will do exactly as I’m told.
 
Nothing much happened last night really. I was feeling rough for most of the day. After dinner which master cooked when he got in from work we just watched telly and then went to bed. I hate it when I haven’t got the energy to serve it annoys me and I feel I’m letting Master down, also play is usually out of the question :tongue:. I’m sure he understands after all he did make us dinner and he didn’t ask anything of me when we got to bed, just let me go to sleep.

One good thing though, this morning Master’s new ‘Master pants’ arrived. He says that if he feels good about himself then he would feel more comfortable being dominant so he ordered himself a sexy pair of shorts that he can wear whilst I’m at his feet.

Not a very exciting installment today I know but as part of my new submission and rules. Master has ordered me to keep my diary up to date. I suppose so he can keep track of my thoughts and feelings on my submission.
 
Last night started like any other. I cam home did some chore, made dinner for Master and myself and then we watched telly. For anyone in the UK that Crime and Punishment on BBC1 is a really good watch.
After Master watched big brother we went to bed. We chatted a while and then Master began playing with my sissy clit, saying how it was small and pathetic and he would and asked do I deserve to have him sit on it. I said no of course. The way he was taking about it was driving me crazy. Master the asked if it would be better if he was to sit on the me while I was wearing the strap-on. I was more than happy for him to do that and he sent me off to change into a strap-on.
I pleasure master a little while and then he lay me down ad began to ease the far superior length of the dildo into his arse.
He pleasure himself with the strap on whilst I played with my sissy tits, I haven’t seen him enjoying himself that much for a long time, it felt great seeing him like that.
He eventually came all over me and then fed it to me, I was more than happy to except his cum.

I really can feel myself becoming more selfless. I was enjoying seeing master pleasuring himself and wasn’t at all concerned with my own pathetic sissy clit

This morning I got up for work and was about to leave, Master was changing his clothes, we kissed and had a little cuddle before I went to work. I cheekily tweaked his nipples. He was already semi at this point and Master tried half heartedly to pull my pants down saying ‘do you have to go to work’. I said yes but ended up pulling my own pants down and leaning over the bed ready for Master to use my body. He didn’t hold back and after a while ended up cuming in my little sissy ass. He then pulled my pants up and sent me off to work.

I never thought I’d get so much pleasure from serving all of my master’s needs but I find myself enjoying the act of serving more than anything. Is this what it feels like to actually submit? Have I managed to become submissive finally?

PS hope I’m not going into too much detail. I know most of the readers will be hetro (not to say your not open minded, we’re all locked away after all). Just can’t help myself sometimes :tongue:.
 
Kris,

The level of detail is fine. I'm a hetero guy and I just think there's too little love in this world. If you can find someone to cherish, that's great. It sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship.

mikecb
 
Oh heck kris... you're journal is amazing, don't ever worry!

In fact, I was halfway through the post thinking "what a wonderful relationship" and how lucky we are to have you and your Master post here.

We're all so different and that's why we can learn so much from each other.

And big ditto on what mike said.

Who does your Master want to win BB? I was totally for Kat, but lately she's becoming a little bit two-faced. Luke was also one of my earlier choices, but he's SOOOOOOOOOO sly and snide, he's off my list! At this moment in time, Darnell gets my vote.... as long as he stops pushing his bloody BB song!
 
Nothing much happened the last couple of days both been too tired for any kind of play. Master pulled me up on the fact that I hadn’t updated my diary yesterday so was ordered to write my sissy feelings down.

Yesterday was a bit strange Master was a bit grumpy because of work and I didn’t feel as if he was being as in control as he had been for the past week. I seem to feel lost when master isn’t in control of me as much. We usual ended up just bouncing at each other, throwing bitchy comments.

We had a little chat during the drive to the shops. I was anxious for Master to read ‘the wives view’ it sounded interesting. Master felt like I was judging him and calling him crap but I explained that he’s said in the past that he sometimes doesn’t have many ideas of what to do with me and he still gets nervous about being really dominant and kinky.
I know that I’d let Master do anything to me but other than setting up a scene for him I really don’t know how else I could ease his worries and give him inspiration. I usually just suggest reading material and then Master gets offended and then I end up thinking that Master isn’t that interested. Just part of the many ups and downs, we have had a really good week up to now.

I hope I don’t end up going back to my selfish ways, I’m trying to take a back seat still. I know what Master is capable of but he still worries I will judge him or that he will end up hurting me or be too kinky. I always say that’s what the safe word and my hard limit list are for. For anyone who hasn’t filled a hard limit list out off of the net I would recommend it. There are list out there will a score and every imaginable type of play, score form 0 (hard limit) to 5 (would love to do). Not sure if I have many hard limits though :tongue:.
 
It was very interesting to read this today, because pet and I have been snappy at each other since yesterday. (Ohhh ok.. *I've* been snappy!)

It just popped into my head though that maybe I need to "allow" pet to say something along the lines of "I need more attention" or similar to jump me back into role.

Not sure if it's the same thing you're talking about, but sometimes I get pre-occupied (mine is the worry about taking a Masters, and your Master is having work issues) and we "forget" to play.

I don't think there is anything wrong with our subs nudging us back into roles and playtime, but we (or I) am especially crappy at listening, and then I feel undermined or topped and I don't listen, I snap.

I think we definitely need some sort of key phrase for the sub to signal that he is needed some extra attention, or play, without feeling they are out of turn.

I see pet being confused today because I'm not Domming him, I'm just whinging the heck out of him.

Sorry... rambling in your blog, but hope you see that I'm empathising!
 
Not a problem. I’m flattered that you choose my post to rant on.
We had a bit of discussion on the way to get blinds for the house so now I can finally dress up around the house. I asked Master if it was what he wanted and asked what he gets from it. From day one I felt that I may have pushed Master into his role but he reassured me that it is what he wants. I also mentioned that sometimes he gets my hopes up about play and then it never happens.. Oh yeah this was all after I had been locked in a cupboard to think for an hour lol.
Master also told me that he feels undermined by me some times and wants me to take more of a back seat.

When I’m in my sub space and Master is dominant for a few days and then stops for some reason it is very hard. I feel like I’ve lost all purpose and with no orders I get bored. I think that’s why I tend to start getting demanding, when it’s not really play I want I just need direction.

I did say as well that I don’t always need a long scene to feel like we’ve had some play, Wearing stocking and suspenders or a putt plug while shopping can be classed as play as well as being a lot of fun :wink:.

With subs there are a lot of hormones involved and emotions. Going from a state of arousal to the feeling of torture, pleasure and pain, the feeling of ecstasy to almost sobbing. It’s one heck of a rollercoaster.
Subs also need to understand that it is hard for Masters and Mistresses as well. They have to always try and keep control they have to come up with all these new ideas and have work to contend with. Either doing work or doing a Masters.
 
OMG... it's too funny how similar our relationships are!

I told pet while we were shopping in Tescos that you were locked in a cupboard at that time, and all he could say was "lucky bastard!"

We had a long chat about the "other" safe word thing, and I think we will progress further along these lines, so thank you for helping to start a progressive conversation. :bigsmile:
 
Maybe I need my own agony sissy section lol :tongue:. Im glad I could be of assistance. I was saying to Master that you and him should have more dialogue, you seem to be in similar situations. I think hes going to message you next time hes on.
Im sitting here in my favorite le Senza set and makeup now, Masters suggestion. He said I looked a bit miserable and thought dressing up would cheer me up, which it has.

Not sure I was lucky to be in the cupboard, wasnt particularly comfortable but when youve been in chastity for a long time you tend to crave any experience and as Master said my sissy clit was very swollen. Well not those words but I prefer to use that term.
 
No bowing necessary. I’m a humble sissy too. It’s great that we’re in similar situation, feels so much better when you have some one to relate too. It seem like I’ve been giving a lot of advice and sharing my point of view but in doing that I’ve found a lot about myself. Your and Mistress Watchful are a great couple. It was you two who inspired me to change my ways and really start to submit.
 
Almost put my foot in it last night. Went out to this club near by last night, had a good time just drinking and talking to friends. When we came home we had a bit of mad passionate sex, after 4 position changes and 2 different rooms Master decided that he was bored of my ass and wanted me to finish him off by hand while he watched a porn DVD he has. As I was stroking his cock I began to feel like my ass wasnt good enough for him. So I blurted out, Id cuckold for you if you wanted, I felt so submissive at the time and I still feel that if thats was what Master wanted Id do it simply to see him being pleasured and enjoying himself..
I finished him off and cleaned up and then Master went to bed. I felt strange like Id upset him, I went into the bedroom shortly after, he was asleep by this point. I felt upset, I thought Id really done it this time. I tried to wake him but he was well out of it, I though he was ignoring me and got even more upset, almost tried to sort myself out so that I could end my submission but I could bring myself to do it.

Next Morning, things felt strange. Turns out I had upset Master he really doesnt like the sound of some one else coming into the relationship. I told him the idea does turn me on a bit but I dont want it as such, I just feel that I would do it in order for Master to be pleased, adding it would be the ultimate act of submission. Master still doesnt want to do it which is fine with me, after all Im here to please and serve however Master wishes.

Things have felt a bit odd most of today, weve both been a bit miserable and Ive felt lost. Bought some things from the shop though, a metal scourer, some deep heat and some rubber gloves for my new 24/7 chastity that Ive asked master to instill up me again.

Master wants a couply night in front of the telly tonight so we can feel close to each other again.

Things were going so well up to now. I cant wait to have Master back, I feel so lost and useless.
 
We all say daft things... usually when we are feeling very close and intimate with our loved one, and unfortunately this isn't always the best time!

I was talking to pet about this and said that there is no looking back after events like this, only forward. We are lucky to be in the kind of relationship where, once that door is open and those words are spoken, we can talk about them and put them to rest (or into action!)

Think what would have happened in a less open relationship... it could have been the beginning of the end. In your circumstances I'm pretty sure it's just the beginning of another round of communication.

Make the mistake... dust yourself off... have an intimate evening and start again, afresh, tomorrow!
 
At least it’s out in the open and I’ve laid my cards on table. I don’t think Master will wish to discuses it further and I’m not going to push it. Don’t want to spoil things, everything was going well after my little spell in the cupboard.

I’ve written a new chastity regime. I wanted Master to see how far I wanted to go with my chastity. I know it’s not necessarily taking a back seat but I needed Master to know how much control I would like him to have over my sissy clit :balls:.

Thank you for the advice. Your input is very much appreciated.
 
Just started reading your journal... very nicely done.

i have struggled with the issues of "topping from the bottom" myself. It is really difficult to explain, but if the two of you continue to work on defining your roles there will come a day when things will click for the both of you. Until then all you can do is try to force yourself to slow done, take a deep breath and let your master proceed at his own pace. One thing that may happen (and you might not like) is that your master may find his role and define a relationship that does not fit your style of submission.

I think it was Mistress Mitchel that once said (over on chastity lifestyle) that being a submissive was about making your dominants life easier. So until your master is able to slip in his role 24/7 you will simply have to work harder on staying in yours. That is perhaps the hardest part of living 24/7 as a submissive... staying submissive when all you want to do is take charge and tell your dominant to beat me, play with me.. just DO something to me!

Have the two of you discussed a way for you to communicate your needs to your master? Some way to let him know you are in need of his attention and direction?

One thing that we often do id when Goddess returns home and we have dinner is that we sit down and i massage Her feet (or give Her a foot bath) and we just talk about whatever. At this time i can let Her know if i am frustrated with lack of attention or raise ideas about scenes i would like to do. Keep in mind that i simply tell Her what i would like to do, whether we actually do them or not is something else entirely.

Keep in mind that the transition from vanilla to dominant is often very hard for people that are not really all that kinky and haven't fantasized about it in the past. For a dominant there is a lot of responsibility and sometimes it can be overwhelming.
 
All is well again. Had a great night last night. I was put back in my CB with my new chastity regime in place, feels great being locked away again, I much prefer not being able to touch my sissy clit.

After dinner I was milked in the bath, makes it none sexual and great for cleaning any cum off the CB after milking. I began with a vibrator rubbing it against my prostate and then Master came in, so I asked him if he wouldnt mind using his fingers, I find it more comfortable and easier. He gladly agreed and began working my prostate with 2 fingers, which soon became 3, 4 and then his fist slipped in. It felt great and I was soon leaking all over the place. I was by no means expecting Master to start using his fist but Im glad he did. I think it just highlights the importance of taking a back seat, Im sure if Id asked or hinted at it, I wouldnt of got it or it just would have felt as good as if Master had initiated it.

After my milking and I cleaned myself up we sat down with some Doritos, and watch Leon. It was nice just feeling like a normal couple and having a bit of a break.
After the film Master wanted an all over body message with baby oil which I did, taking my time relieving all the stress from his body. After that Master obviously expected to orgasm, we had no KY left so Master told me to pleasure him with my hand. I did pleasure him but instead pulled down him to the end of the bed, got on my knees and pleasured his cock with my mouth from beginning to end, using my hands to play with his nipples. I think any talk of cuckolding is out the window, as long as I can still make Master moan with delight that much. It was amazing hearing him like that, from the moment I put his big cock in my mouth until the moment he came in my mouth. :smilies_xxx10:

Last night summed up for me what it is to be a submissive. Taking a back seat, denying your own sexually needs and serving your Masters or Mistresss needs.
I felt so horny hearing Masters enjoyment but I also felt satisfied and pleased with myself.

All subs out there still struggling with your submission, take a back seat! Your Master or Mistress is more kinky and creative than you might think. Not to say you cant give them ideas, but if your ideas are played out is a different matter all together.

:whipbang:

Play is always more fun when you dont know what is going to happen. Only when you stop interfering with the scene either verbally or just in your head can you truly enjoy the experience.

I still have a lot to learn and will probably slip up a great many times before I can truly call myself submissive but Im on the right track.
 
Quiet day yesterday. Got home from work I got a pizza in I really didnt have the energy to cook. When Master got home we sat down and had our pizza and then watched TV.
Still havent got any KY, only problem with anal sex :anal:. Master asked if we had any but we didnt then Master said that we were going to play but cant if we have no KY. He said he was going to put me in the sleep sack and ride the strap-on. But we ended up just going to bed and I pleasure him with my hand, he came on my face which I always enjoy.
I cant say that I wasnt disappointed that we didnt play, I didnt say anything to Master though. But I kept thinking why couldnt we have done something else instead, I would have loved to be put in the sleep sack. I did as I was told without question though and pleasured my Master.
We havent fallen out or had an argument so things are still ok. Im not annoyed just disappointed. Today is another day though.
 
Slave_Kris said:

I cant say that I wasnt disappointed that we didnt play, I didnt say anything to Master though. But I kept thinking why couldnt we have done something else instead, I would have loved to be put in the sleep sack. I did as I was told without question though and pleasured my Master.
We havent fallen out or had an argument so things are still ok. Im not annoyed just disappointed. Today is another day though.
Click to expand...


You shudda talked to me!

:spankwhip:
 
Strange night last night. I tried to switch, inspired my charlotte and Mistress Watchful. Didnt go quite to plan. I began by playing with Master nipples and stopping him from playing with mine, he seemed to get what was going on. After a while though I stopped and asked if I could use the toilet before bed, but he asked me if he could instead. Assuming Master wanted to switch I got Master I the bedroom, dug out some cuffs and padlocked him to the headboard.

I was playing with him for a while, but he just looked scared, I did scratch him but he usually likes that and then he started laughing, saying that he couldnt take me seriously. Well, that just got me in a strop. I ended up letting him go, turning out the lights and getting in bed.

Master asked me what was wrong and we had a bit of a chat. Master said that he was scared of loosing control and I explained that I was quite liking playing Master and wanted to show him first hand what I wanted, also I thought it would be good for him to feel what its like to be horny and submissive.

Master wasnt having any of it. He told me we were going to start from scratch. So he took me into the living room, took my CB off and said I was going to have a full orgasm.
He asked how I would like it. I wanted to be wrapped in cling film (saran wrap) but I didnt get that. No, instead Master sat on my sissy clit until I came then he continued riding me until he had came. Then for afters he dribbled the cum from his arse all over my face, rubbed it in and then fed me his cum from off of my chest.

I was put straight back in my CB and then I was ordered to clean up. I did as I was told, not very horny but Master did say before I came that he was still going to boss me around, horny or not.

Master said from now on he will be in complete control. It feels good even though Im not horny and completely submissive yet. I think all a long Ive just needed Master to be in full control in order for me to be a happy submissive.
 
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