Chastity and Sex Addiction

JamesD

JamesD

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Apr 28, 2017
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I'm always stunned by how many men on here seem to be able to go several days or weeks while locked, without much fuss.

I think I suffer a sex addiction. I think about it all the time. For me any more than about 8 hours makes me feel totally crazy. it's as though my favourite vice and pressure release valve has been taken away. I have done 3-4 days but it was really difficult.

By way of example, someone who is not an alcoholic, but still appreciates a drink, can go a week or so without booze quite happily. But someone who is an alcoholic will be climbing the walls having to go a day without a drink.

I'm wondering if anyone else has any more thoughts on this topic?
 
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No matter how much sex my wife provided me, I use to like soaping up in the shower and rubbing one out. Or when she was away from home or I was in a hotel, put on some porn, lube up, and have a great shooter. I did this one too many times and got caught by the wife who expressed her disappointment.

She never really had a plan to prevent it until we stumbled into a sex store to buy a few more toys when the sales clerk showed us a cage. It was another year before we went full time and then my wife finally had my jerking off under control. I do miss those private sessions.
 
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I think one of the big troubles is I suffer CHASTITY ANGST. By that, I mean there is a nagging thought that keeps popping into my head ever few seconds asking things like this:

"When will I be unlocked?"

"Can you work out a way to cheat the timer lock?"

"Will I have to lock again after that?"

"Is this really hot? Should I be turned on?"

"I hate this. Make it stop"
 
JamesD said:
I'm always stunned by how many men on here seem to be able to go several days or weeks while locked, without much fuss.

I think I suffer a sex addiction. I think about it all the time. For me any more than about 8 hours makes me feel totally crazy. it's as though my favourite vice and pressure release valve has been taken away. I have done 3-4 days but it was really difficult.

By way of example, someone who is not an alcoholic, but still appreciates a drink, can go a week or so without booze quite happily. But someone who is an alcoholic will be climbing the walls having to go a day without a drink.

I'm wondering if anyone else has any more thoughts on this topic?
Click to expand...

What's the longest you ever went without orgasm?
 
PornAddict103 said:
What's the longest you ever went without orgasm?
Click to expand...

Probably four days. But I find sexual thoughts and masturbation and addition, so I often take breaks from work or fill my time with it. Without I feel like a fish out of water and my mind won't settle.
 
JamesD said:
Probably four days. But I find sexual thoughts and masturbation and addition, so I often take breaks from work or fill my time with it. Without I feel like a fish out of water and my mind won't settle.
Click to expand...

I know exactly how you feel... When I first started chastity 10 months ago, it meant to stop myself from being distracted by my own horniness while trying to do something productive at my PC. I never expected it to turn into a T&D Super-Fetish, but it did. I started a few days at a time with nightly unlockings, then I went entire weeks and gradually increased my zero-orgasm times and starting wearing my cage overnight and now I'm doing full months between caged orgasms and locked 24/7/365 except for weekly cleaning. But I got here gradually and not all at once. And yes, I watched porn to tease myself all that time and I still do to this day.

If you did only a few days at the most thus far, then challenge yourself to go an entire week. After that, go for 10 days, then 2 weeks and gradually work your way up to a full month. Trust me, you will love it, but you gotta do it incrementally. Going a whole month without orgasm is a whole different experience than going 3 or 4 days and you really have to experience it to comprehend it.
 
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PornAddict103 said:
I know exactly how you feel... When I first started chastity 10 months ago, it meant to stop myself from being distracted by my own horniness while trying to do something productive at my PC. I never expected it to turn into a T&D Super-Fetish, but it did. I started a few days at a time with nightly unlockings, then I went entire weeks and gradually increased my zero-orgasm times and starting wearing my cage overnight and now I'm doing full months between caged orgasms and locked 24/7/365 except for weekly cleaning. But I got here gradually and not all at once. And yes, I watched porn to tease myself all that time and I still do to this day.

If you did only a few days at the most thus far, then challenge yourself to go an entire week. After that, go for 10 days, then 2 weeks and gradually work your way up to a full month. Trust me, you will love it, but you gotta do it incrementally. Going a whole month without orgasm is a whole different experience than going 3 or 4 days and you really have to experience it to comprehend it.
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Thank you. And I think it is good for me to have a sex/porn reset to let my dopamine and arousal levels normalise.

I appreciate your words. I will try for five days straight next week.
 
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I don’t know if I was a “sex addict” as I never felt the need to cheat on my Wife or attempt to nail any hole possible but I “needed” to have piv with my Wife daily, ideally more than once and if she didn’t want sex, she felt the need to take care of me in some way. Once we found cages and started playing in this lifestyle, I realized how sex and cumming was getting kind of hollow for me, I just was going through a routine I guess. The cage, tease and denial, it all made me really appreciate anything sexual. Being allowed a simple erection and being touched has become an amazing experience, and now piv is so much more intimate and it keeps me fueled for days afterwards. I honestly don’t miss how I used to be, and I wasn’t an asshole or didn’t treat my Wife in a loving way or something, but I know I’m an improved version of myself now. I do kind of miss some of the more vigorous sex we used to have, but my Wife doesn’t miss that now and she loves that everything is on her terms after I was dominant for the first 28 years of marriage. I’m perfectly content and have learned to crave the frustration. You may find you end up feeling similar if you keep pushing yourself and embrace trying longer lockups
 
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You are just a dopamine addict. If you replpaced sex with something ese that delivers large amounts of dopamine then you'd feel addicted to that instead. It's perfectly normal and natural to be driven by dopamine, the unnatural part of it is that we have polluted our world with so many instant deliveries of dopaminie, such as sex on demand, drugs, booze, porn, the internet. Heck, people get a big dopamine hit when one of their socal media posts gets 10 likes or whatever.

There is a totally different feeling associated with going for long periods without orgasm or erections (and the associated self-soothe that masturbation provides). It may be the conostant drip of dopaminne of course, but for me it seems to drive me in ways that other sources never have.
 
JaySaysYes said:
You are just a dopamine addict. If you replpaced sex with something ese that delivers large amounts of dopamine then you'd feel addicted to that instead. It's perfectly normal and natural to be driven by dopamine, the unnatural part of it is that we have polluted our world with so many instant deliveries of dopaminie, such as sex on demand, drugs, booze, porn, the internet. Heck, people get a big dopamine hit when one of their socal media posts gets 10 likes or whatever.

There is a totally different feeling associated with going for long periods without orgasm or erections (and the associated self-soothe that masturbation provides). It may be the conostant drip of dopaminne of course, but for me it seems to drive me in ways that other sources never have.
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Thank you. The more I read on the subect the more I'm starting to get it. When you take away the dopamine button, you feel like a fish out of water. But once you've not had a shot for a while, you start to normalise, and that can feel good as then other activities start to feel pleasurable again. I read 'Dopamine Nation' and that made a lot of sense.
 
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JamesD said:
Thank you. The more I read on the subect the more I'm starting to get it. When you take away the dopamine button, you feel like a fish out of water. But once you've not had a shot for a while, you start to normalise, and that can feel good as then other activities start to feel pleasurable again. I read 'Dopamine Nation' and that made a lot of sense.
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Well, I don't read books... I have ADHD and I can't sit still very long so forcing me to sit down and read would be a far worse punishment than constantly edging me after not cumming for an entire month. Seriously.

But based on my own experience in chastity, I do have days where I REALLY want to take the cage off and get much needed relief, but in between those days I'm able to do things outside of chastity with alot more productivity, because I'm not wasting my energy jerking off and I'm not constantly feeding dopamine to my brain and forcing it to stay in an relaxed state so I'm alot more alert and more responsive when unexpected situations come up, as they often do in my line of work.

Since I have alot more energy and I'm more alert, I feel like I'm in my 20's again. :+1::):cool:
 
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Queens servant73 said:
Once we found cages and started playing in this lifestyle, I realized how sex and cumming was getting kind of hollow for me, I just was going through a routine I guess. The cage, tease and denial, it all made me really appreciate anything sexual. Being allowed a simple erection and being touched has become an amazing experience, and now piv is so much more intimate and it keeps me fueled for days afterwards.
Click to expand...

This is true for me too -- the key was her teaching me to value her power to grant me permission to have an erection.
 
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JamesD said:
Thank you. The more I read on the subect the more I'm starting to get it. When you take away the dopamine button, you feel like a fish out of water. But once you've not had a shot for a while, you start to normalise, and that can feel good as then other activities start to feel pleasurable again. I read 'Dopamine Nation' and that made a lot of sense.
Click to expand...

That book was a game changer for us, and has had a lasting positive impact on how we view many of life's pleasures, and even question whether something really is a pleasure or not. It also helped me to cement in my mind how ultimately all pleasure is unfulfilling, and that instead of thinking about my next orgasm or erection, I think about this moment and how perfect and enjoyable it is.

My experience has been that longer term orgasm and erection denial certainly turns up the volume on other sensory pleasures, including sex and even denial. In many ways it's a self fullfilling cycle and the longer it goes on the more sensitive I am to just about everything this realm has to offer.

There is no one true way of course, and everyone's goals are different, but I would highly recommend going a year without orgasms and ejaculations. It seems impossible at first, but starting with a month and building on that soon adds up.
 
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JaySaysYes said:
That book was a game changer for us...

My experience has been that longer term orgasm and erection denial certainly turns up the volume on other sensory pleasures, including sex and even denial. In many ways it's a self fullfilling cycle and the longer it goes on the more sensitive I am to just about everything this realm has to offer.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I think you're spot on there. I just need to get though the angst/pain of the dopamine drop. I guess the following might helps during:

* Stay busy
* Avoid triggers, eg porn
* Exercise
* Use cage and lockbox, esp during vulnerable times, eg WFH
 
JamesD said:
I just need to get though the angst/pain of the dopamine drop.
Click to expand...

I also experienced depression-like symptoms, such as everything feeling pointless, tasteless, colourless etc. It soon pssed though.

JamesD said:
* Stay busy
* Avoid triggers, eg porn
* Exercise
* Use cage and lockbox, esp during vulnerable times, eg WFH
Click to expand...

Spot on. If you read about the nofap stuff you'll find a lot of good advice from them too.

I found that properly wearinng myself out really helped, which was great as we had recently purchased a propery that needed a LOT of work, all of it being phsyically demanding. So my increased energy and enthusiasm really helped get stuff done, and still does.
 
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JaySaysYes said:
I found that properly wearinng myself out really helped, which was great as we had recently purchased a propery that needed a LOT of work, all of it being phsyically demanding. So my increased energy and enthusiasm really helped get stuff done, and still does.
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For sure. I find gym in the mornings helps tire me out. Also being busy helps distract you. I am amazed how easy it is to avoid temptation when you're rarely home! They say idle hands do the work of the devil.
 
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My bicycle is my primary dopamine source now. The cage is there the rest of the time to keep me pure and ready to focus on expressing love to my partner whenever she wants it. It’s been a good combination.
 
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"Dopamine Nation" thanks for the tip.
I've listened several audio books about sex addiction and I must admit many things sound too familiar.
Actually the only thing that keeps me in "Not to worry too much" mood is that whether the habit of behavior patterns cause trouble or not. I can spend several hours a day listening to Shibby (as in shibbydex.com), locked up and horny as hell, but ... as there is no actual harm, I'm not overly worried.
 
JamesD said:
I think one of the big troubles is I suffer CHASTITY ANGST. By that, I mean there is a nagging thought that keeps popping into my head ever few seconds asking things like this:

"When will I be unlocked?"

"Can you work out a way to cheat the timer lock?"

"Will I have to lock again after that?"

"Is this really hot? Should I be turned on?"

"I hate this. Make it stop"
Click to expand...


Yes I suffer from the same thing but thankfully my KeyHolder Wife almost has it under "control"

It is your lizard brain's attempts at hanging ONTO control

Does THIS Sound familiar?

"Whaaaaaat about meeeee?!"

Google lizard brain. You are trying to stay in control.

Any thoughts @MrsLockNkey
 
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denied_one said:
Yes I suffer from the same thing but thankfully my KeyHolder Wife almost has it under "control"

It is your lizard brain's attempts at hanging ONTO control

Does THIS Sound familiar?

"Whaaaaaat about meeeee?!"

Google lizard brain. You are trying to stay in control.

Any thoughts @MrsLockNkey
Click to expand...

Yes that part will remain but if you hang in there it's slowly gets less and less. The key is patience
 
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