Chastity for Dominant Male

[madbdsm]

Sounds like an oxymoron I know.

Brief history of my wife and I. She is sexually submissive and is totally devoted to me. Her devotion is why I married her. When we first met I was fascinated with BDSM, mostly having a pretty girl tied up and helpless to my sexual whims. We have also done some swinging. I will add shes has a strong personality outside of the bedroom/dungeon. Her one big weakness is jealousy, even though I have never given her a reason to be jealous. I am not a flirt and would never do anything to to purposely hurt our relations. I truly do love her.

As with most couples time passes and sex wanes. I have never believed in sexual monogamy. A 3-some or regular swinging is difficult. My thought is it's difficult for 2 people to be compatible, not to mention 3 or more people.

So here we are, we rarely have intercourse, which she misses as do I. To relieve my load I have turned to porn more and more, which is not healthy for our relationship. It is something she has accepted, but is not happy about it. I do not believe I am addicted to porn/masturbation, because I can go over week without release.

Here is my thought to help correct my activities. Although I am the alpha around the house, put me in chastity to correct my behavior when it's needed. So not full time, but only when I am behaving poorly. That way my load will be there ready for her when she wants it. I know this sounds like a half-way measure, but I could never be a submissive and she could never be a FemDom. I think I just need some behavior modification.

 

[Vinny]

I am an alpha male to a fault. I cannot even work for a male boss. Never ends well. I work with a woman now and it is much better. I was raised in government assisted housing where you either were a lamb or a wolf. I was a wolf and that was a problem into my teens until I found an outlet in Football and then the Army. I married a 20 year old virgin who is an old fashioned submissive wife just like in the old TV shows and movies. She gets pleasure from giving me pleasure. I have tried to change that over the years with little success. It gets tiring having someone always wanting to give you the answer she thinks you want to hear.

We are married for 44+ years. My wife discovered her bisexuality later in life and as a good wife does, invited her best girlfriend to have sex with me, then joined us and moved her girlfriend into our home. We shared her girlfriend for 30 years in a Poly Triad. Not many wives would find a women to indulge their husband's fetishes and high libido.

I have been sexually submissive for all of my adult life. However, most girls I had sex with wanted me to be dominant, which I can easily do and enjoy almost as much as being submissive. Sex games and roles always ended at the bedroom door for me. As luck would have it, the girl that my wife and I shared was the girl who got me into S&M when I was a young teen. She did not know what her slap to my face set off in my sex life, only to end up with the creation she made.

We got into chastity when we moved away from our girlfriend. Without her girlfriend to encourage and guide her, my wife reverted back to her submissive role. We have literally tried every fetish on Fetlife except chastity. So we gave it a try and did it for 4 years. We are on a break now. Chastity did little to change our marriage. Perhaps I was less dominant when I was horny but still was in charge of our marriage. We never had a D/s relationship outside of the bedroom. My wife always had full charge of our household and pretty much everything else but my job and my toys. I have always considered her in every decision I made that involved her. We have never done anything against the wishes of the other.

Chastity can co-exist in a regular marriage. It does not have to be some kind of D/s relationship. I sometimes think that guy read all that stuff about how they are supposed to act and feel, and then talk themselves into doing it. I have been there myself but I cannot change who I am simply because my penis is locked up in a chastity cage that I can have removed simply by using my safe word so my wife knows that I am serious and not playing the game anymore. I can play at being submissive but cannot become submissive. It goes against my entire being.

 

[madbdsm]

Well thought out and written. I am not submissive in the real world. I control our finances and i hate rude people, male or female. I have a good friend who allows people to walk all over her and I hate it for her.

Perhaps I need to separate the "real world" and the "sexual world"? Real world I am Dominant and sexually switch.

 

[Shepherdsflock]

If she misses intercourse, that probably means she likes intercourse. Chastity might be a hard thing to sell if that's the case. Not impossible, since there are plenty of female keyholders on here who enjoy intercourse and still keep their men locked up.

The big question is why have you stopped having intercourse as a couple and how will a chastity device correct it? Your wife probably isn't wanting to punish you, she just wants you to love her. You'll have to convince her that a chastity device will help you love her more and be a better husband.

Our situation was similar in roles, but quite different in circumstances. I am dominant by nature and my wife is very submissive by nature. I had a problem with masturbation and that's how I discovered chastity devices. My wife has always hated intercourse because she has very bad vaginismus which makes penetration and intercourse very painful. Once we experimented with leaving me locked during sex, she was convinced that was what she wanted from there on out.

However, she wouldn't let me know that directly right away. She was too afraid to be assertive and tell me that keeping me chaste was what she wanted. I could see an immediate change in her attitude toward sex when I stayed locked up, but she was very negative and cold if I wanted intercourse.

Over the course of many conversations during a span of almost a year she finally reached the point where she asked me if I would stay chaste permanently for her. Submissive as she is, the action had to be mine, though. She wasn't telling me she was going to keep me chaste, she was asking me to keep myself chaste.

This is where I think a lot of men run into trouble. Most women are naturally submissive. Even if they like the idea of male chastity, they don't want to be in charge of it. They want the man to take take the lead and make it work. And keeping yourself chaste is not an easy task.

Even if your wife agrees to hold the key, she will probably unlock you at the slightest hint of wanting out, which spoils the whole thing. So, even if she has the key, it's still really up to you to keep yourself locked up for her.

Good luck in your quest for chastity. I would start by discussing your wife's needs and hopes for your marriage before bringing up anything about chastity. You need clues from her that could help you sell her on the idea. Chastity could be the very opposite of what she wants.

 

[Shepherdsflock]

Oh, and Vinny's comments about not being able to change your nature are true. Most of the stuff you see and read on the internet about chastity making men submissive is fantasy.

I have always been dominant in our relationship and chastity hasn't changed that a bit. And that works well for us. My wife enjoys my sexual dominance, and enjoys it even more now that I can't use my penis. She gets all of my masculine passion without the parts she doesn't like.

 

[madbdsm]

If she misses intercourse, that probably means she likes intercourse. Chastity might be a hard thing to sell if that's the case. Not impossible, since there are plenty of female keyholders on here who enjoy intercourse and still keep their men locked up.

The big question is why have you stopped having intercourse as a couple and how will a chastity device correct it? Your wife probably isn't wanting to punish you, she just wants you to love her. You'll have to convince her that a chastity device will help you love her more and be a better husband.

Our situation was similar in roles, but quite different in circumstances. I am dominant by nature and my wife is very submissive by nature. I had a problem with masturbation and that's how I discovered chastity devices. My wife has always hated intercourse because she has very bad vaginismus which makes penetration and intercourse very painful. Once we experimented with leaving me locked during sex, she was convinced that was what she wanted from there on out.

However, she wouldn't let me know that directly right away. She was too afraid to be assertive and tell me that keeping me chaste was what she wanted. I could see an immediate change in her attitude toward sex when I stayed locked up, but she was very negative and cold if I wanted intercourse.

Over the course of many conversations during a span of almost a year she finally reached the point where she asked me if I would stay chaste permanently for her. Submissive as she is, the action had to be mine, though. She wasn't telling me she was going to keep me chaste, she was asking me to keep myself chaste.

This is where I think a lot of men run into trouble. Most women are naturally submissive. Even if they like the idea of male chastity, they don't want to be in charge of it. They want the man to take take the lead and make it work. And keeping yourself chaste is not an easy task.

Even if your wife agrees to hold the key, she will probably unlock you at the slightest hint of wanting out, which spoils the whole thing. So, even if she has the key, it's still really up to you to keep yourself locked up for her.

Good luck in your quest for chastity. I would start by discussing your wife's needs and hopes for your marriage before bringing up anything about chastity. You need clues from her that could help you sell her on the idea. Chastity could be the very opposite of what she wants.

My wife loves intercourse with me. The reason I stopped is porn/masturbation was more fun and easier. Fantasizing being with the physically "perfect" women and orgasming (I made a new verb) is easier....and selfish. It is also instant gratification, which is never a good thing in anything.

The reason I stopped having intercourse is the effort/reward ration. If I cum a few times a week masturbating to porn, the effort to have intercourse is not worth it. Even though I miss feeling her pussy.

Our everyday relationship will not change, MaleDom, subfemale. I just want to get my porn/masturbation activities to decrease to make her more happy.

 

[Shepherdsflock]

My wife loves intercourse with me. The reason I stopped is porn/masturbation was more fun and easier. Fantasizing being with the physically "perfect" women and orgasming (I made a new verb) is easier....and selfish. It is also instant gratification, which is never a good thing in anything.

The reason I stopped having intercourse is the effort/reward ration. If I cum a few times a week masturbating to porn, the effort to have intercourse is not worth it. Even though I miss feeling her pussy.

Our everyday relationship will not change, MaleDom, subfemale. I just want to get my porn/masturbation activities to decrease to make her more happy.

Now I understand. Then it may start very much like we did. I would broach the subject of your masturbation with her and get a feel for how hurt she is by it. If she feels hurt by it, and you can express some guilt and remorse about it, then you might have an open door to introduce chastity devices. I really wasn't excited about chastity when we first started, I just really,really wanted to stop masturbating. Once my wife expressed her sadness over my habit and showed support for helping me stop, I decided to try a chastity device and the rest is history.