Helping my partner understand

S

sitm

Junior Member
Sep 26, 2008
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Hi Everyone.

I have been a lurker here for a short time and thought it may be a good time to post.

For a quite a long while I have been into alternative sex practices (since I knew what bondage and fetish was). I know I am exceptionally submissive. I have told My girlfriend of several years this and she has yet to realise the power I am offering her.

I adore verbal humiliation, extreme CBT, being screwed anally, silky things, esp knickers and nipple torture. My nipples are so sensitive that I can almost orgasm by having my nipples touched, but then I really do prefer to beg to have them tortured. It is humiliating and I love it. Kind of proves how weird I am lol

If another example where needed, whereas most men would look at their Wife/Girlfriends friends and think how sex would be with them, I look and think about how cruel they could be to me and how serving them would be.

I have mentioned that I would love for her to be in charge of our relationship and I would do all the house duties etc. In return I would be ecstatic to be locked up all week, and allowed to orgasm once or a week (or whenever is deemed appropriate) whilst being tortured.

I think this would be ideal because she doesn't really have much of an interest (at present) in sex, even though I tell her how pretty and sexy she is all the time. I would dearly love to be under the thumb so to speak. She would love a spotless house though!

I would be happy to do anything she asks, indeed some of my ideas of what she could do with me may be considered by some very extreme.

I know it is where I want to be because I love dressing up in womans clothing. I have done it since my teenage years and to be able to be dressed like that would make me exceptionally happy. I have even asked her to take me to get both my nipples pierced with an eye to starting down the road of feminisation more and more. I also adore my self imposed chastity.

Whatever I seem to suggest, she seems not to really be interested. I even bought her a CB3000 in pink and a whole host of things for her, and her alone, if you get me, to try and encourage her, but getting nowhere.

Can anyone help with making her realise what I am offering. Any advice appreciated.
 
You've probably overloaded her senses. Its taken me over 2 years to get where I am which has been with suggestions as we have progressed.

Start of with something simple along the lines of pleasuring her only every so often. Once she gets used to that then suggest trying the device. Once she is comfortable and this will take a few months try adding something else, don't go hell for leather because she will clam up and not want to do it at all.

I am sure the others will post some similar and better advice. Take it slow and enjoy.
 
locked4her said:
You've probably overloaded her senses. Its taken me over 2 years to get where I am which has been with suggestions as we have progressed.

Start of with something simple along the lines of pleasuring her only every so often. Once she gets used to that then suggest trying the device. Once she is comfortable and this will take a few months try adding something else, don't go hell for leather because she will clam up and not want to do it at all.

I am sure the others will post some similar and better advice. Take it slow and enjoy.
Click to expand...

your advise is spot on.
it's taken me 5 years to get to this point. She does not like leather though.
we will see how things progress as they have ramped up a lot since I got the CB6k, much more so than when I got the CB2k.
we do need to find a new butt plug though, I lost the comfort plug somehow :sad0137:
 
i've been trying to get my girlfriend to accept me dressing as a female for two years, although she's bi and her previous girlfriends weren't butch she has trouble with my femininity as she expected me to be "male"

one thing she says to me is it threatens her femininity so i need to treat her more feminine than i treat myself, basically....she's supposed to be the girl.

slowly does it but some women wont be able to accept it if they're sub themselves

good luck xxx
 
I wish I could say I knew a magic formula. My wife is very open minded, but we can't seem to make it happen. :-(

Let me know if you find the magic bullet! ;-p

mikecb
 
This book may help. Read our review. Dollyanne has a great followup. Update: I still have not shared the book with my wife. I am taking it slow and she's slowly warming up. She at least hasn't balked to my occasional wearing of girly things when we make love.

The book can't hurt. It's inexpensive and you'll get a kick out of it if you read it too. What if you both read it together - the first time through? (You'd be scared shitless because of the unknown factor and she might jump in and take control over you!)
 
Another book you may want to buy for your girlfriend is Elise Sutton's "Female Domination."

It's pretty well done. It caters to women's belief that they are the superior sex. Gives all sorts of examples in the first chapter as to how women are dominant over men. Things like, how boys are raised by their mothers and according to Sutton secretly craved to be punished and disciplined by women.

If i remember corrrectly there is even a chapter on how to introduce the D/s lifestyle to your wife or girlfriend.

If you Google her web site you can find a lot more info on the author and her books.
 
Welcome to the conversation lurker sitm. Your dilemma occurs quite often actually and a great many ideas have been suggested at different times here at the Mansion.

Good luck and do keep us informed.
 
I agree that "Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders" seems to be a good book. I have not read it, but have only heard good reviews about it.

Elise Sutton on the other hand is a totally different issue. I had a hard time reading her books and Goddess just threw them away after the first chapter. Ms. Sutton has a lot of excellent points to make and some great examples, but to be honest She is long winded and repetitive to the point of boredom. I found myself skimming the pages to get one small nugget of wisdom pr chapter. Her books are what i would call a hard read (and i don't mean your dick!).

There are several other books out there catering to female dominance, but just be prepared that if you introduce your girl friend to BDSM she jut might turn out to be a submissive too! Not everyone is cut out to be a dominant because it is hard work.

I would suggest going slow, don't buy her a bunch of toys and don't push her. Female dominance, BDSM and all the rest of this fun stuff really challenge what people are thought by society. Many people run the other away because they are afraid to look to closely at their own dark fantasies.

Also, stay away from fantasy sites to start, particularly the extreme stuff. Start with sensual stuff. Let her know that being dominant is NOT about beating you (because it isn't), it's about taking charge of HER life, HER sexuality and HER destiny (see a pattern?).

Some other ideas...
  • Show her this website and explore the milder stuff TOGETHER.
  • Start taking care of the house for her, pampering HER (foot baths and rubs after a long day, massages, candle light dinners, ROMANCE).
  • Talk to her AND LISTEN TO HER. She will be confused and apprehensive if she does decide to walk down this path. IT will not be easy for either one of you.

This might be your fantasy, but the reality is that once you enter this lifestyle it becomes about HER, not you. If you fail to grasp this critical fact you are doomed to fail.

Good luck and post back because there are a lot of people here that will be happy to help you along the way.
 
Hi everyone,

Well firstly, I am sorry for not getting back sooner. That damn thing called work!

I take onboard a lot of what you have said. I did buy the Mistress manual. We were supposed to read it together, but there is always a reason to defer it. I will see if I can sneak in a little pampering to put the idea in her head.

I will also purchase the other books mentioned. For me to read, even if my greater half doesn't read them :)

Wish me look.

BTW, as to the name sitm = sissy in the making :)
 
This is such a tough one. The other's have offered great advice.

I think the fact that she is not particularly interested in sex at the moment sets little alarm bells ringing! Obviously lots of reasons we go off sex... tiredness, hormones, forgotten how to do it (yes! it is possible, sometimes after I haven't done it for a while I get very nervous!)... but has it been a long term disinterest? You haven't told us how old you are, obviously that can have an effect too.

I wonder if maybe you just need to push all the kinky bits to the back of your mind for a while and do what she wants, when she wants... women always need things doing, so when she asks you to clean the car, get the shopping, just do it without fuss. But don't over-egg it! Too much pleasing gets on our nerves too!

Of course, you may have already tried that, but I thought I'd mention.

How about concentrating on intimacy for a while? Just little kisses and cuddles and soppy movies, little things you know she would like.

Little and often, I think, will help her to relax and maybe then you could move forward...
 
I'm sorry to be negative sitm but it sounds to me like you've got a tough job ahead. My ex girlfriend took to chastity/femming etc like a dream but, unfortunately we had no other areas where we were compatible ! My wife, on the other hand, is compatible with me in almost every respect expect in our sexual preferences and my attempts to gently move her to where I would like her to be are backfiring - I want more chastity & she would really like rid of it altogether !
 
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