Honestly, if anyone ever told me I would be writing a journal on a male chastity site in 2025, I would have bet them a million dollars they would be wrong. Laugh's on me, I guess, because I would be out that million dollars.
At the beginning of January, I met a man on FetLife. I'll call him Mech. (If Mech wants to add anything here, he is more than welcome.) We started talking and hit it off. We were talking about kinks and kinky stuff, and he confided in me he wore a chastity cage to help with increasing sensation after periods of masturbation. Okay, I think. Sounds reasonable. Then, he said something I never expected.
Would I consider being his keyholder?
My first thought was...complete static. It was like he was talking an alien language. ME? A keyholder? To say I was taken aback is an understatement. I had no idea what that was or really what he was asking.
We kept talking, and I learned more. He gave me books to read and references. I read them. And I understood.
I absolutely understood what he was asking for. He could not have been more clear had he written across the sky. Was I up for the challenge though? It was going to be an emotional journey, one I had no idea how to prepare for. But never let it be known that I am afraid of new experiences, especially when I go into them with my eyes open. The worst thing that could happen was that my feelings got bruised and we didn't interact anymore. I could handle that; I've been in worse situations before, for sure. But the best things that could happen would be that I would end up in a relationship with a wonderful, brilliant, sexy man, someone I enjoy spending time with as much I as enjoy being sexual with, and this man would be focused on me as his Keyholder. And that, my friends, is tantalizing indeed.
So here I am, looking around and trying to find my way. Reading a lot of the FemDom sites focused on male chastity made me wrinkle my nose in distaste, only because I am not a femdom. Like not even a smidge. I am a submissive, and a service sub at that. I am not a switch. I am not a Domme. I had dommed in a pinch when a sub was in need, but it did nothing for me. But for some reason, there is an image in my head, of a naked Mech in his cage, kneeling before me as I stand in front of him, and we are encapsulated in light, just the two of us. It is a VERY strong image and one that is intoxicating and blows me away every time it comes to my mind. I am not a Domme, but I may be a Keyholder for Mech.
I've read some more emotionally neutral references about the biochemical, hormonal and evolutionary reasons why male chastity works within long term relationships. I am starting to understand, slowly.
There are some things I need to focus on first to get my feet under me so once I am ready to accept being Mech's keyholder we can start from a strong foundation.
The first thing I need to figure out is how to tap into my inner Keyholder. Right now, to be able to do this, I have to remind myself routinely that Mech wants this. He needs this and I am doing this because HE needs this. This is absolutely coming from a submissive mindset that I will not be able to sustain long term. I know I will get resentful if I keep along that route, so I need to figure out a way to work on and develop my inner "Lady".
Like a lot of women, I grew up in an environment of "good girls don't". Add in some trauma, some bad experiences and a sprinkling of mental health issues and I am not the kind of woman who is sexually assertive. I just...am not. Hell, I am not even all that assertive, especially for myself. It is easy to be a vocal support for others, but it is "too much work" to be that for myself.
Now, there must be some teeny part of me that feels I can connect to that inner leader, because I am not terrified out of my mind at the idea. I am viewing it as a challenge, a way to grow. A way to gain some sort of balance. A way to continue the things I started with L in 2024.
I am thinking about doing a daily affirmation. I already do that as part of keeping my mental health healthy, so it would be fairly easy to write something specifically related to keyholding. Something along the lines of "Asking for things from a willing partner is healthy" or "I have the inner strength and capacity to be the best Keyholder I can". I figure I can use my journal here to do that.
I know it is going to be easy for me to "lose myself" in trying to do a bunch of reading, writing and thinking about male chastity and keyholding, and that is a recipe for disaster. I need to make sure I get back into my normal routine and stick to it, with male chastity being an adjunct to my life instead of the all consuming focus it is right now. Granted, there is such a big learning curve so it is sort of understandable to be super focused right now. I just need to make sure to take breaks.
One of the things that I am having a hard time with is NRE (new relationship energy) mixed in with male chastity. I admit, I want to bang Mech like a screen door in a hurricane, I won't lie. But it is hard to fantasize about doing that with Mech having a cage on. I did end up talking to Mech about this, and he showed me a pic of a strap on. Part of me wants to laugh because I made such a mountain out of a molehill in my head. But the other part of me recognizes that I don't know what I don't know. Mech has much more experience and knowledge than me, and as well, he has already started down that emotional journey of male chastity on his own. I will need to depend on him to help me stay the course and not stray off into anxiety or submission, because I get lost in my own head so much.
So I have a plan in place. At least a starting point. And as terrifying it is, I think the risk is WELL worth the reward.
At the beginning of January, I met a man on FetLife. I'll call him Mech. (If Mech wants to add anything here, he is more than welcome.) We started talking and hit it off. We were talking about kinks and kinky stuff, and he confided in me he wore a chastity cage to help with increasing sensation after periods of masturbation. Okay, I think. Sounds reasonable. Then, he said something I never expected.
Would I consider being his keyholder?
My first thought was...complete static. It was like he was talking an alien language. ME? A keyholder? To say I was taken aback is an understatement. I had no idea what that was or really what he was asking.
We kept talking, and I learned more. He gave me books to read and references. I read them. And I understood.
I absolutely understood what he was asking for. He could not have been more clear had he written across the sky. Was I up for the challenge though? It was going to be an emotional journey, one I had no idea how to prepare for. But never let it be known that I am afraid of new experiences, especially when I go into them with my eyes open. The worst thing that could happen was that my feelings got bruised and we didn't interact anymore. I could handle that; I've been in worse situations before, for sure. But the best things that could happen would be that I would end up in a relationship with a wonderful, brilliant, sexy man, someone I enjoy spending time with as much I as enjoy being sexual with, and this man would be focused on me as his Keyholder. And that, my friends, is tantalizing indeed.
So here I am, looking around and trying to find my way. Reading a lot of the FemDom sites focused on male chastity made me wrinkle my nose in distaste, only because I am not a femdom. Like not even a smidge. I am a submissive, and a service sub at that. I am not a switch. I am not a Domme. I had dommed in a pinch when a sub was in need, but it did nothing for me. But for some reason, there is an image in my head, of a naked Mech in his cage, kneeling before me as I stand in front of him, and we are encapsulated in light, just the two of us. It is a VERY strong image and one that is intoxicating and blows me away every time it comes to my mind. I am not a Domme, but I may be a Keyholder for Mech.
I've read some more emotionally neutral references about the biochemical, hormonal and evolutionary reasons why male chastity works within long term relationships. I am starting to understand, slowly.
There are some things I need to focus on first to get my feet under me so once I am ready to accept being Mech's keyholder we can start from a strong foundation.
The first thing I need to figure out is how to tap into my inner Keyholder. Right now, to be able to do this, I have to remind myself routinely that Mech wants this. He needs this and I am doing this because HE needs this. This is absolutely coming from a submissive mindset that I will not be able to sustain long term. I know I will get resentful if I keep along that route, so I need to figure out a way to work on and develop my inner "Lady".
Like a lot of women, I grew up in an environment of "good girls don't". Add in some trauma, some bad experiences and a sprinkling of mental health issues and I am not the kind of woman who is sexually assertive. I just...am not. Hell, I am not even all that assertive, especially for myself. It is easy to be a vocal support for others, but it is "too much work" to be that for myself.
Now, there must be some teeny part of me that feels I can connect to that inner leader, because I am not terrified out of my mind at the idea. I am viewing it as a challenge, a way to grow. A way to gain some sort of balance. A way to continue the things I started with L in 2024.
I am thinking about doing a daily affirmation. I already do that as part of keeping my mental health healthy, so it would be fairly easy to write something specifically related to keyholding. Something along the lines of "Asking for things from a willing partner is healthy" or "I have the inner strength and capacity to be the best Keyholder I can". I figure I can use my journal here to do that.
I know it is going to be easy for me to "lose myself" in trying to do a bunch of reading, writing and thinking about male chastity and keyholding, and that is a recipe for disaster. I need to make sure I get back into my normal routine and stick to it, with male chastity being an adjunct to my life instead of the all consuming focus it is right now. Granted, there is such a big learning curve so it is sort of understandable to be super focused right now. I just need to make sure to take breaks.
One of the things that I am having a hard time with is NRE (new relationship energy) mixed in with male chastity. I admit, I want to bang Mech like a screen door in a hurricane, I won't lie. But it is hard to fantasize about doing that with Mech having a cage on. I did end up talking to Mech about this, and he showed me a pic of a strap on. Part of me wants to laugh because I made such a mountain out of a molehill in my head. But the other part of me recognizes that I don't know what I don't know. Mech has much more experience and knowledge than me, and as well, he has already started down that emotional journey of male chastity on his own. I will need to depend on him to help me stay the course and not stray off into anxiety or submission, because I get lost in my own head so much.
So I have a plan in place. At least a starting point. And as terrifying it is, I think the risk is WELL worth the reward.
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) and we got into some nice and dirty chat. And then he said something I'm not sure he realized I would react to. He said,
- we still use that simple system when we are separated)
That melted my brain in the BEST of ways because that opened things up to me I never had access before.: shopping for someone else. So I asked him a few questions and off I went to AliExpress (yes, we are doing this on the cheap; no I know they are cheap for a reason and better quality ones, blahblahblah. Small steps, yo.)