Hitting the Ground Running

I don't know what you would like to ask Mech to do, but seems to me like you may be overthinking it. I would say you should try something like, "It would mean so much to me if you could do XYZ for me every day". Starting a request with how it would make you feel expresses the meaning of it for you.
Not to complicate things, but another way to think about is to consider that if you are in control then why are you asking for anything. Just tell him what you want (in a nice way). A discussion that longtallsally has mentioned with a friend of hers is to always end any request with "for me" to make it clear she is the one in control.
No doubt I am over thinking it.

I wish I could just say, "Hey Mech, do this for me. Everyday. Period." Hell, it was hard for me just writing that, never mind saying that to another person. Trust me, I do understand that I am supposed to be leading this part of our relationship. I just need more practice to be more assertive. And there are days when the amount of energy I have to push myself is at a very minimum. I will keep trying, tho.
 
I just wanted to pop back and revisit this comment that you said to me a few days ago. I have been really lucky I was referred to a chronic fatigue clinic and had someone brilliant act as a mental health therapist which was really helpful in getting me to accept this was a life long, life changing condition. I have been diagnosed with Moderate ME/CFS and you are right, a big part of what I had to go through was grieving for the lost me, the man I had been that was now gone.

One day I described to my therapist an incident that had happened to me when out with my wife and they told me I had experienced a classic panic attack. From that I ended up having therapy with a brilliant bastard of a therapist for anxiety and depression, which started off focusing on what I thought was depression, but ended up highlighting I was suffering from crippling levels of anxiety. I call him a brilliant bastard because for many sessions he would tear me apart and then build me back up again, week by week, and a large part of this was getting past the grief I felt for the lost me.

In one session I described how I had not attended a local Remembrance memorial service, because it would have meant me sitting while everyone else was standing. He asked me how would I feel if I saw someone with walking sticks sitting down at such an event? I couldn't answer, I fell apart. The truth hit me like a speeding truck. I would have felt compassion. So why could I not feel compassion towards myself? (Cue more blubbing)

Anyway, long story short, I am better now. Not fixed, but that wasn't the point of the sessions. The voices are still there, but now I recognise them for what they are and tell them to piss off. If I start to find excuses not to do something then I really look at them to see if they are valid.

It took six months, but this therapy is directly responsible for me taking these first steps of re-establishing the Male Chastity based FLR my wife and I enjoyed for so many years, during what we now see as a golden period of our marriage. I cannot do what I used to do, but I can do versions of what I used to do, and we can find different ways of doing things.

My wife got many of her ideas of things she wanted me to do back then from the much missed BDSM Male Chastity FLR communities on Tumblr. One example was the evening she made me strip and kneel in front of her (obviously caged!) and hold a glass of red wine for her while she watched a movie. For two hours she did not talk to me, just held out her hand when she wanted her drink. I wasn't allowed to put it down, I wasn't allowed to speak, I wasn't allowed to watch the movie. By the end of the experience I was deeper into subspace than I had ever previously been, during our debrief she admitted she could hardly remember anything that happened in the movie as she had become so ridiculously aroused by the entire experience.

The 'what could have been' is gone, as this was one of those moments when we realised this FLR Chastity thing wasn't a game any more, it was real. Who knows where we would have ended up if life and all its stresses hadn't got in the way. But my therapy taught me to find ways to make new memories, and that is what we are doing.
This really resonates with me. In 2013 I had a stroke and in an instant my body and brain disconnected. Suffice to say with one half of my body not working and an inability to work and see my wonderful colleagues every day and even worse to not even be able to kiss my beautiful partner I spiraled, out of control, into deep depression and suicidal thoughts.

I worked with a therapist too and in a break through session he asked me if I played sport. I explained as best as I could, that I used to play rugby. He used this as an analogy for my life in future sessions that I can't hope to summarise here but the gist of which was that like an injured player I'm on the sidelines, watching the game, seeing the plays, knowing the players but forced to sit and watch, frustrated and angry and down because no matter what I did the game went on without me, knowing that the only way to get back in the game was to get match fit, and that would take effort.

To cut a long story short it took me a year of pig headed, brutal stubbornness and constant effort and I could walk again. Within two years I was back in the game. My recovery was astonishing, there's a few things I still struggle with, but I'm back in the game and that's the important bit.

I'll never forget that therapist and I'll never be able to thank the NHS enough for the care I received. The best I can do is constantly fight to keep our services going against the cynical and deliberate dismantling by the last Govt.

I wish you well in your own recovery journey, but if you ever begin to spiral (and I know you'll understand what I mean), please reach out. We're here on a website devoted to male chastity but there's also friends to be made and some lovely supportive people.

Thanks for your post. I hope I haven't bored the crap out of you.
 
No doubt I am over thinking it.

I wish I could just say, "Hey Mech, do this for me. Everyday. Period." Hell, it was hard for me just writing that, never mind saying that to another person. Trust me, I do understand that I am supposed to be leading this part of our relationship. I just need more practice to be more assertive. And there are days when the amount of energy I have to push myself is at a very minimum. I will keep trying, tho.
Dear Lady Anne.

I just wanted to say what a fabulous journal you have and to thank you for the effort you put into writing it. It's one of the best that I've read in a long time and your thoughts on demi sexuality really got me thinking in relation to my own life experiences.

Once again, many thanks, and I look forward to reading more :):lockkey:
 
Thanks for your post. I hope I haven't bored the crap out of you.
You are very welcome, and no, I am not bored at all, not even slightly. I totally get your analogy and it perfectly matches my own experience and feelings. While I don’t play team sport I watch rugby and can see the frustration when a player is injured. I am so pleased to hear that you recovered, strokes can be devastating and it takes a strong person to do the work necessary to come back from one. My son is a physiotherapist specialising in neurological injuries and often talks about his work, I am really proud of what he does.

And thank you for the kind thoughts regarding my mental state. I never quite got suicidal, but damn it was close. If we use the doomsday clock as an example, the time was set at 5 seconds to midnight. The brilliant thing is my decision just before Christmas to try and convince my wife that I was well enough to reinstate our FLR and my chastity has worked and had the benefit of giving me so much confidence and peace that my anxiety has been much more under control.

And I 100% agree with your comments to Lady Anne about the quality of her journal. I was concerned about causing journal drift, but not only is she happy with it she actually encourages it. The fact you responded to me with your own story is exactly what I was hoping would happen and why I shared what has happened to me. And you are right, having people who get what you are going through and can be supportive is so helpful.
 
Daily affirmation:

Balance in all things.




Poor Mech. One of the cages he got off AliExpress caused an allergic reaction. O.O He had that happen before, so he knew what was happening and what to do, but I feel so bad for him. It looks itchy and uncomfortable and I am just so sad for him. I know, things will get better, but he is still not feeling well and this just added stuff on top of that.

On weekends, Mech and I sort of do our own thing. We message occasionally and keep each other in the loop, but this is time for us to spend with our families and get things done. It is pretty cold (-30C) and snowy here this weekend, so other than snowblowing, I am staying inside and keeping warm. Warmth helps ease my fibro, so when it gets this cold, I stay bundled up.

I have already done some art today. I am working on a long term project with coloured pencils and I do an hour or two each day as I feel like it. It is coming along nicely and I am happy with my progress. I sometimes do a smaller piece to take a break from it and to feel like I have "gotten something done" so I don't get weary. I have a few other creative projects on the go too.

One is a more elaborate key necklace. Mech had said that he can see me in his head with the key necklace I made between my breasts. I want something bigger that will really make an impact ;)

The other project I am working on in the back of my head is a comic strip. This idea came out of something Mech said. I had taken some screenshots of Mech (with permission, because consent is essential in all areas of my life) and had done a sketch of him. I am an artist and am always wanting to improve my anatomy drawing abilities as humans are hard to draw. I showed Mech the drawing and he said, "Next time you draw me can you draw me with muscles?" I lol'ed, and then thought about it. I could draw Mech as a superhero! By day, a regular joe. By night, he is The Caged Knight!

IMG_9570.jpeg


So I am mulling around a comic strip about The Caged Knight and his Queen Wife and how they fit male chastity into their lives. I have no idea if I will be able to actually accomplish even one comic strip but I at least have an idea. It will probably be way more vanilla than people expect or want and maybe it can help bring vanilla people to the lifestyle.
 
I don’t see how it could break the TOS, what with all the corresponding pictures of locked chastity cages and their contents that you see in various forum posts. That is quite a key!
 
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Daily affirmation:

I am confident in my unique abilities. (from Finch app)




Today was an interesting day.

First off, Mech's allergy reaction is doing a lot better. Just one more day of cream and hopefully that will be all. On the upside, Mrs Mech was feeling frisky and so Mech and the missus had intimate relations. You do not know how happy that made me.

And then...I got horny.

Super horny.

I tend to feel an emotion called compersion. Essentially, I get happy when my partners are happy if they are with me or not; the opposite of jealousy. Like Mech having sex with his wife. I was SO happy for them. I was, however, not expecting to get aroused. Like, at all. And I wasn't aroused because I was visualizing them having sex. No, I was aroused because someone I am close to is having a moment connecting with their spouse. And I am happy that they are connecting.

I know that doesn't make a lot of sense. Doesn't matter. It makes sense to me and that is all that matters.

So I was getting also a little tired, and I toddle off to bed for some private time and a nap.

Then surprising thing number two happened.

I was fantasizing about Mech. I was imagining him doing housework in just his cage and ladies' underwear and then that turned into me taking him to the bedroom after he was done vacuuming, ripping off the undies, lying him back and fucking my cage.

Jesus.

I'm getting warm just thinking about it. Needless to say, that turned my arousal up to 11, I came super quickly and a whole bunch of times, then conked right out.

I guess you could say that I think male chastity, MECH's chastity, is becoming something more than just something I am doing to make him happy. I would say I am obviously enjoying it. Loving it. And lusting it.

;)
 
I left Fet because I unknowingly broke a rule. Not a TOS rule but a rule within a group. SO I am a bit gunshy when it comes to breaking rules.
There are some rules about where people post images, but they are made obvious in the thread title, such as the thread for showing yourself off but no chastity cages. I would say that you have definitely verified that you are a female! I doubt anyone is going to get upset about that. At least I hope not.
 
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Maybe you had loved the sec between Mech and his wife slso because it was (partially) your decision.
You allowed him to have sex and get happy his wife.
 
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Daily affirmation:

I am strong and can use that strength to be a great KH.




Last night while I was falling asleep, I spent a bit of time just thinking about being a KH. I realized that I felt strong enough and comfortable enough in the KH position to add to Mech's rules. It feels natural and makes me happy to add to the rules, which is a very odd feeling indeed. The rules I added are simply things we are already doing, but I made them explicit. Even Mech, when I told him the new rules, was like, "Well, I assumed those things." Internally I chuckled because even though the rules were implied, there were actually no rules in place. I guess Mech missed some opportunities to ask for some things... ;) :D .

His allergic rash is better but still irritating him, so cage is off for now. Which, totally reasonable. But I miss Mech having the cage on, which is a super weird feeling and set of thoughts. I am still dealing with the emotions and thought processes of being a KH, and the way is slow going, but coming along. There are times I wish I could explain better what is going on internally, but the feelings and thoughts are so different to my norm, I don't have any reference to help explain. There is a sense of growth and energy that is new and unusual and only a little uncomfortable. Mech is wonderful at supporting me and also just being an interesting person; I think if everything was "male chastity all the time" things would be way more difficult and would burn me out. Instead, Mech is a complete person with an interesting life. I love listening to him talk and just being with him brings me so much joy.

Mech and I also talked a little about the future. In March, Mech and his family are going on vacation and we will be incommunicado for over a week. Mech was worried about me (awwww), but because I was told well ahead of time, I have time to mentally prepare and I am sure I will be okay. Mech and I have already discussed him and the cage over his vacation, and we agreed that the cage being off would be the best for everyone. I am looking forward to him having some downtime with his family, as he is a busy guy who is always doing something. I feel like a low energy blob next to him some days, but I also know that with my fibro, my energy levels ebb and flow.
 
Regarding Mech’s allergic reaction, can I ask what material his cage was made out of? Mine is a cheap metal cage from the Happygo store on AliExpress and I’ve not had any issues with it at all. It fits so well we are not rushing into feeling the need to get something custom built. I wear a support belt to keep it close to my body which I never feel. If his device was metal then that is a real shame, I hope he finds a replacement soon.
 
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Regarding Mech’s allergic reaction, can I ask what material his cage was made out of? Mine is a cheap metal cage from the Happygo store on AliExpress and I’ve not had any issues with it at all. It fits so well we are not rushing into feeling the need to get something custom built. I wear a support belt to keep it close to my body which I never feel. If his device was metal then that is a real shame, I hope he finds a replacement soon.
It was a plastic cage. We were discussing that this morning as to why he reacts to some and not others. As far as I know, he has not reacted to any metal ones.
 
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I couldn’t go back to plastic. I also had a reaction to my Holy Trainer after wearing it for a year, which prompted the swap to metal. My wife preferred the HT because of the way it encased my penis, but it needed a release for cleaning every two to three days which isn’t necessary in metal. I hope he manages to get something suitable for his comfort and your needs.
 
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I agree with Quercus Jay that metal is the way forward, but it needs to be genuine stainless steel not the very cheap metal which is chromed to disguise the low quality. The chroming itself can be problematic and I've seen people in forums talking about Chrome flaking off and embedding in skin. The downside is the weight but I kind of like that as it's a constant reminder of my situation.
 
I agree with Quercus Jay that metal is the way forward, but it needs to be genuine stainless steel not the very cheap metal which is chromed to disguise the low quality. The chroming itself can be problematic and I've seen people in forums talking about Chrome flaking off and embedding in skin. The downside is the weight but I kind of like that as it's a constant reminder of my situation.
100% agreement from me. I’ve been wearing the Happygo devices from AliExpress for several years and there has been no flaking at all, which means they aren’t chromed. Sadly the same couldn’t be said about the much more expensive device I bought from Bondara that failed during our discovery phase. It quickly became tarnished and started flaking, meaning it was never meant to be anything but an occasional use toy.

As for the weight of metal, I use an elasticated chastity support belt to keep my device close to my body. I can still feel it is there, but it stays where I want it without pulling.
 
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100% agreement from me. I’ve been wearing the Happygo devices from AliExpress for several years and there has been no flaking at all, which means they aren’t chromed. Sadly the same couldn’t be said about the much more expensive device I bought from Bondara that failed during our discovery phase. It quickly became tarnished and started flaking, meaning it was never meant to be anything but an occasional use toy.

As for the weight of metal, I use an elasticated chastity support belt to keep my device close to my body. I can still feel it is there, but it stays where I want it without pulling.
I'm in a stainless steel cobra. It's airy, drains easily, it's easy to stay hygienic and after extended wear there's not even a slight discolouration, let alone rust and no allergic reaction which I got with the plastic one. @LadyAnneOfTheNorth I would thoroughly recommend it.

I used to use the elastic waist belts, but found the poppers were pulling out easily. When I ordered a mobile phone case it came with a nylon strap with clips on. Entirely unneeded until I had a light bulb moment and clipped it onto the cage guide pins.. Problem solved and the size is adjustable so I can slack it off or tighten it as necessary.
 
Thank you for sharing your emotions with us, they are so deep and interesting.

Without wishing to overstep the bounds, I make one request of you. Is it possible to know more about Mech's family situation?

From what I understand, he lives in an open couple and I assume his wife is aware that he wears a cage.

Does she know about you? Who you are and that you are her partner's KH? Are she totally vanilla?
 
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Thank you for sharing your emotions with us, they are so deep and interesting.

Without wishing to overstep the bounds, I make one request of you. Is it possible to know more about Mech's family situation?

From what I understand, he lives in an open couple and I assume his wife is aware that he wears a cage.

Does she know about you? Who you are and that you are her partner's KH? Are she totally vanilla?
I can give a little info. If Mech wants to add anything, he is more than welcome to.

Mech and his wife have a kinky past, but right now, they live a more vanilla lifestyle. Mrs Mech is the kind who as long as everything is status quo for her (she gets enough of Mech's attention, her lifestyle is unchanged, etc) she doesn't want to know what Mech gets up to sexually on the internet. She know he does "sexy things" on the internet, but doesn't want details.

And I get it. I know that sounds suspicious. The man I was last involved with said similar things and in the end, he was probably cheating.

But I believe Mech for a number of reasons. Mech had given me enough details surrounding his family life (and when I mean "enough" I mean MORE than enough) for me to understand the whys. The things he says are consistent. Mech also self locked, so Mrs Mech knows at the very least that he wears a cage. Does she know I am his KH? Probably no. And I am okay with that. I am not in the middle of their relationship, and I never want to be in the middle of their relationship. And he has had other keyholders (ones from the internet, tho not in a relationship; I'm not too sure how they work).

Am I "the other woman"? I don't believe so. Am I too trusting? Well, that definitely has been a problem for me in the past, trusting too much and then getting hurt. Maybe I am too trusting, but I also think that Mech has and will continue earn my trust. I also care about Mech and he cares about me.

I find the relationship I am in with Mech very fascinating as I never have had a relationship quite like this before. I'm not too sure how to say it is "different"; he is very open and caring, willing to put an honest effort and expresses clearly his limits and things that he won't do. He looks ahead but is not focused on the what ifs; he is very much in the present. And he has had a very interesting life. I mean, at this stage of our lives, we have had a half a century of experiences we can share with each other. But even with that, he is fascinating. Sighs happily. He is just a really intelligent, interesting and beautiful person, inside and out. And he is also very motivated and always doing something, and that alone helps energize ME in an odd way.
 
100% agreement from me. I’ve been wearing the Happygo devices from AliExpress for several years and there has been no flaking at all, which means they aren’t chromed. Sadly the same couldn’t be said about the much more expensive device I bought from Bondara that failed during our discovery phase. It quickly became tarnished and started flaking, meaning it was never meant to be anything but an occasional use toy.

As for the weight of metal, I use an elasticated chastity support belt to keep my device close to my body. I can still feel it is there, but it stays where I want it without pulling.
I sent the link to the Happygo store to Mech. Thank you for the head's up. I do know Mech has a support belt to wear with his metal cages, but they are still quite heavy for him, expecially at work.
 
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