Honest Thoughts & Questions

S

subbutstillaman

Senior Member
May 16, 2008
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Now this is really bugging me but honestly does a woman really want a man that is totally controlled where they have no free thought or personality.

Maybe i have to say that i just like to be sexually domintated because if submission means no personality & an almost robotic existence then count me out.

Fantasy is one thing but to say 'i will have to ask mistress' to every question is just kinda wierd to me, have i got this right or am i reading to much into scenes and moments in time rather than the 24x7 bigger picture?
 
I think some people can serve 24/7. I'm pretty sure I could have done when I was submissive, given the right direction and the right Dom.

For me I had (still do) a fear of doing things wrong if they were off my own back, so for someone to make all those decisions and take that fear away was quite liberating.

I wouldn't say it was mindless robotics. As you know, to be submissive takes a HELL of a lot of work.

I see what you mean about "asking Mistress" but if someone asks me to do something I usually say "ok, but I need to make sure with *L*" and that's just being polite and making sure he doesn't have something else planned. So I think the sentiment is perfectly normal, it might just be the way that it's said that is a problem for you. Most partners would ask their SO before they do things (do you mind if I go fishing at the weekend? I'm planning to go out with the girls Friday, is that ok?) but maybe the submissives relish it more and put that spin on it.

I do think in any genuine, long-term relationship, the submissive could always "break free", but they just don't want to.

I'm rambling, I need coffee! Hope that helps a bit though.
 
asking in a vanilla realtionship is just being polite and considerate...in a female led relationship the asking demonstrates the control the domme has over the subbie, she can say no and that the end of the matter, or it can be part of a game where the subbie has to beg. The subbie gets off on the humiliation of having to ask or beg and the Domme enjoys her control...the feeling of power. She may ask in a teasing way "I'm goin out with the girls Saturday nite sissy, thats ok isnt it?" and this still has elements of consideration as it gives the subbie a chance to voice his concerns instead of her just ignoring his feelings, a double barreled question designed to tease and arouse as well as guage his reaction or push his limits. Its give and take even in a female led relationship. It takes all sorts and there are some who enjoy the 'robotic' side of things but we are all human and all have our own peronalities that even the most hardcore femdom control couldnt erase.
 
I think you are confusing submission with being brain dead.

Firstly, submission is an individually defined condition; everyone is different and 'submit' to different levels. I have met very few who do not think... but alas, a few.

If you ask your average Domme ( as if such a thing existed ) a sub without a sense of self, wit and a firey spark is just dead meat and of no interest.
Doing what you are told is not the same as doing nothing until you are told.
Sub's do thing to pleasure their dominant; many of which is self-devised, self-motivated. No domme wants to say "Go buy me flowers and surprise me with them".
The dominant may decide the path and lead you down it but you still have to work out how you are going to follow them.
 
I know what Mistress wants done and I try to do it for her. I don't think this makes me an automaton. In fact I'd say that I put more of myself into our relationship by working to follow her desires.

Not that the "automaton" fantasy doesn't float my boat you understand...:happy0160: but in all honesty I don't think I could manage that consistently.

We have written rules for my conduct/appearance and a housework schedule, this eliminates the need for many questions around the house. If I want to spend money on something or go out anywhere I have to ask, but that's fine.
 
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