Inhale the future, exhale the past.

The difference in My schedule is like night and day - literally.

Before I came to stay up here for a few months, I didn't really have a schedule anymore. My physical work for school was done, so it was an odd summer bereft of field work. Instead of working 8 to 5 on the farm every day, I was inside or at the lab - planted on My ass, for the most part. Not a great situation for someone who likes to be active outside. My life from March to July could be mostly summarized by the following:

Write. Drink coffee. Talk to pet. Forget to eat. Write. Chat. Nap (for too long). Laugh/play with pet to preserve My sanity. Try to sleep (largely unsuccessful). More coffee. Chat. Eat. Write. Pass out (screens still beaming) with unfulfilling sleep. Wake up call from pet. Actually sleep. More coffee... repeat.

Countless people had told Me that writing a thesis could, and likely would, bring one to the brink of madness - how right they were! The last year of My life certainly hasn't been the healthiest. It has held a lot of wonderful changes, though.

Thankfully, I passed My MS defense in late July. It was a stressful day that left Me feeling drained and slightly confused. My professors didn't (still don't) agree on what should be included, of course. Given the novelty of our work, this has been especially frustrating for Me, considering the massive amount of edits they required to actually award Me the masters degree. My experience there has just been so... backwards. But I won't further digress with that (again).

An extension was necessary to make these edits, and I'm on the cusp of submitting the iteration I've been working on for far too long. It's been a thorn in My side for a while as My team and I wrap this thing up. I'm hoping that a big fat frilly bow gets wrapped around it by the 19th of November so I can get on with My life.

My mantra at the end of My time at both universities has been: "It will all be worth it." And I know it will.

I've learned a lot about social behavior and political influence inside academia - somewhere I had previously considered a 'safe space'. The networking is also already paying off... and so is My skill set. It's somewhat unique right now, at least on paper. So I aim to use all I've learned and acquired to My advantage.

I aspire to continue My education, but I think I'll be taking a break for a little while after this one. It's clear to Me that My mind is aching for an academic hiatus - and My wallet is feeling the strain of coming to the end of a contracted research position. I've never been well off; far from financially comfortable, actually. So finally using My degrees to secure a 'big girl' job will bring forth some wildly welcome changes. The scenery that comes with it in Colorado is a huge bonus.

The transition to a somewhat conventional daily pattern has left Me feeling much better in general. Going to sleep with My husband every night, and waking up with him in the morning has brought an enormous amount of peace and tranquility back into My life. Denial can work in both directions; it's funny when you realize how much you'd been missing something while on 'autopilot' after not having it for so long. And in our case, ever.

I'm indescribably thankful that our distance has come to an end. We are able to smile, laugh, and grieve with one another without relying on time frames and phone calls or texting... That switch alone has given us both a much needed boost of positive energy. Given our current family environment, however, there are some costs associated with that boost of energy... heh. It's led to plenty of passionate moments, but My strong libido (that is only bolstered by stress) has tested Me more than I expected.

 

Trauma does have a way of uniting people and bringing clarity to a situation... despite the pain endured. Silver linings are usually there, it just takes effort to find them. Wishing your family well, @Nicoftime. <3