My Chastity Journey

Lock Up Male

Lock Up Male

Permanently Collared
Nov 24, 2009
272
5
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luvbyte.info
Hi, I started posting in the 'The Foyer' about my journey but this is the proper place So might as well post here.

In case anyone hasn't read my other post Let me just do a quick recap (quick HA. I tend to rabble on).
I've been interested with the idea of chastity for years, I did bring it up with my ex who wasn't really interest in the idea (which is a shame, as if she gave it a go I think she would love to see how I am right now), we mutually broke up and I've been single since. Well A month ago I took the plunge into getting a chastity device. A CB-6000 and started experimenting. Sadly being single I had no key holder and I soon found out how little self control I really do have, I couldn't keep myself locked in for very long. The most I went was 2 days. :(
Thankfully I found someone willing to hold my keys for me, so as of last Friday I lost procession of my keys. And what a ride its been. Lot of highs and Lows.
I've found that if I keep my mind active I am fine, and at times I forget I'm wearing it. But when I can't keep my mind active I'm reminded of my imprisonment and drives me nuts.

Anyway I've been currently locked up for 5 days, the longest I've gone so far. And last night was the first night of sleep I had which was undisturbed which was wonderful. No waking up which a raging hard on and having to walk around the house to calm down before returning to sleep. But I did wake up in the morning dying for release and its the only thing I've been thinking of all day. :( If I could get out and jerk off I would. When I was lying in bed before getting up I was playing with my cage. I've decided I love the feel of the cage in my hand. Feels like a cock but I get no feeling though the cage but was making me more and more horny.

Its an odd feeling. I'm really submissive, Always have been - always will be. I've loving be chaste and I do want to push myself to be more chaste and fighting my hard wiring to get release. But if I had the keys I would be out... But to be honest If my KH said "would you like your keys" it would be a hard choice. Do I give in and get my keys or should I say no and hold off. But being single means I also can't even get my kicks by pleasing others (my KH is just a KH and nothing more). At the moment the side of me which wanted to say no and hold off is stronger, but I'm not sure for how much longer it will stay like that and I'm BEGGING to get out.

To the guys how are locked up for a long period of time, How do you do it???
OK so this is my first time locked up and with no control of my keys and its something best build up slowly but boy... Things are getting harder mentally.

Psychically speaking, things are fine. No problems. It does take a bit longer to clean myself, But the fact that I prefer to take baths over showers helps.
I did leak some pre-cum on Monday which made things a bit "sticky", but in a hot bath I shrink a bit and managed to clean most of the inside of the tube using a cotton bud though the opening on the end. I also can clean the inside of the ring with a cloth if I take my time.

Even thou today has been a complete mind fuck (and I've got to go out tonight, just hope I can keep my head busy) I'm still loving it.
 
Welcome, LockUp,

I think going for longer and longer times just takes practice. Getting older helps, too! lol

mikecb
 
Day 6:

The burn has kicked in...
My sleep is getting better. I only woke up once. But that once was hell.
I woke up at 4:30am so I got up to walk it off which has helped in the week, It took over an hour before I could get back to sleep :(

I've just got to take the advice another member of the board said to me. KEEP BUSY... So thats what I've been trying to do. Don't help though when customers cancel on you with no warning. So yeah... I'm trying so off to do some coding. Only got a few hours at home before I got out to see family later So not too bad.
 
Lock Up Male said:
Day 6:

The burn has kicked in...
My sleep is getting better. I only woke up once. But that once was hell.
I woke up at 4:30am so I got up to walk it off which has helped in the week, It took over an hour before I could get back to sleep :(

I've just got to take the advice another member of the board said to me. KEEP BUSY... So thats what I've been trying to do. Don't help though when customers cancel on you with no warning. So yeah... I'm trying so off to do some coding. Only got a few hours at home before I got out to see family later So not too bad.
Click to expand...

Im on day 6 to, and pretty much having the same feelings and was also trying to walk off my excitment at 3am the other day.
But as i've done longer than this before, i know that it gets easier after the first week and it becomes second nature.
Keeping busy is great advice!!

Amber
 
Making a custom forum siggy, helps keeps my mind busy. Gotta go out now. But I've made a start.

EDIT: Didn't want to double post so here what I was going to write.

So... I've been thinking. thought some things though. I think I've worked out the meaning of 'Whinny Sub'. A whinny sub is a sub who complains about things not going his/her way. Complaining about being locked up and losing the ability to do things whist locked up.... (well that's not the only meaning but I can see it being one of them) So A bit like my past few posts. Its only been a week (well a few hours off) and I'm already complaining about something I chose to do. Just goes to show how little self control I have and was one of the reasons I wanted to try this lifestyle.
It also dawned on me why locked up subs do housework. Not only does it please the other half as its a shore less to do, but it keeps the sub busy. An Idle locked sub is an unhappy sub, Why? Because they are not keeping their mind on something and reminds them they can't do other things. Maybe these are not the views of everyone. I don't expect them to be, I'm just going off my own past week.
Instead of me sitting here and complaining that I'm being woken up and wanting to get out. I should see the other side. Until last week I would happy sit at my TV and watch crap or play xbox with mates just as something pass the time. My xbox hasn't been on once this week and if you knew me in RL you would thought there is something wrong.
Tonight for example, Normally I would come in the house, turn on the console and play games till the silly hours of the morning. But not tonight. I came in and spent an hour tidying the house. Not because it needed to be done (well it always need to be done, but I mean it didn't need to be done right then) but thought, I'll tidy up It will give me something to do and before I knew it an hour had past.
I've been thinking about this for most of the night, I had a chat with my sister who I'm really quite close too and talked about a few things. One thing she said was "But if you wanted to do this, why are you moaning about it..." That is when it hit me. I was moaning. I shouldn't be moaning, I should be grateful for the free time its giving me. Instead of thinking "I want to go home and play game" I'm thinking "I want to go home and do some more work one of those projects I'm working on" (And there is a quite a few things I've started and not finished which I really should).
I just wanted to get this down first as I have a poor short term memory and if I didn't I wouldn't be able to get it down as well as if I would of in the morning.
So here I am and my biggest problem is which thing to start work on first LOL, Going to work on one of the projects that I intend to start selling once its done so I think my focus should start there before working on stuff which is "Just for fun".
So out comes the my coder hat and my nicotine supply (Yeah i know its a dirty habit, I should quit one time) and off I go to do some work.
I took on this lifestyle as its always something I've wanted to explorer and hope it will open another part of me up to the world (I do tend to shut things in). I just see it also brought out a bit of my moaning side (which I don't like, I've never liked my moaning side).
Yes its annoying not being able to orgasm, but its not called orgasm denial for nothing.

Anyway. I'm off to code and smoke. be back in a bit :)
 
Hi Lock Up Male,

As i am too a self locker, it can be a bit of a struggle at first, but just like mikecb said, it does take time and practice. Also keeping yourself busy is a great way to keep your mind off of being locked.

As you adjust to being chaste, you will soon find that you often just forget about it all together.

Enjoy the experience!:character0180: Soon you'll find you can go longer & longer!:character0028:

Good Luck! kenny.
 
i to moan-just a little though. my goddess give me "the look" and says you wanted to do this. ditto about everyone advice-KEEP BUSY! the moment she goes out and kiddie goes to sleep. if i don't have something to do- i go straight for the porn-which makes it worse. must be BUSYBUSYBUSYBUSYBUSY! its pretty amazing how mush time you spend beating off+watching porn. hahahaha
 
:anim_19: Yeah for making it this long on your 1st go!!!! You should be really proud of yourself!!! I think you should make a list of all the projects you want to get done....it will help keep you focused. Good luck!!:manga_blowkiss:
 
Been a couple of days since I posted last.
I didn't post on Friday as there wasn't much to write about. I woke up on a couple of times on the Thursday-Friday night, nothing new there but I'm getting into a routine that means when I do get woken up I can manage to get back to sleep easier.

Today. I got my keys back. I tried to hold off letting myself out but I could only last an hour. Once I was free I was instantly hard. A member of the forum who I've been talking to made a suggestion on what I should to with my freedom.
Stroke myself to the brink of cumming and then stop and wait for a while. Do this a few times then let myself go to condition myself into having something wonderful to look forward and every time I cum I should be thinking of a gift and not a given.

I did this and BOY what a orgasm I had. It took everything out of me and about 10 minutes later I feel back asleep. It felt so good to sleep freely. I could curl up into any shape I wanted (I normally like to curl up on my side and in the foetal position when sleeping). When wearing my device I've found that lying on my back is often the most comfortable position to sleep in. Also I didn't get woken up when I got hard. It was bliss. I've been hard for most of the day.

I'm also enjoying standing up to pee again. I did try once to pee standing up whist locked up but it was messy so since then I've just been sitting down to pee. And I now understand why girls are so fussy about the loo seat and I have to agree with them. Men who don't have to sit to pee are at times pigs when it comes to using cubicles, One thing I'll share with you all. I was in my local pub and went to the loo, I had to wait as someone was taking a piss in the cubicle. I saw the person using the loo lift the loo seat with his shoe... I'm supposed to sit on that and he wipes his shoe all over it :( I've found that I'm now ALOT more understanding of the whole loo seat thing and will from now on will always be more considerate when using the loo myself, but club loo's FFS I've not been to a club in my week of lock up as I know from past experience club loo's are alot worse. the whole loo paper roll thrown down the toilet, piss all over the seat (if there is even a seat). So I never went out as I knew at some point I'll need to use these disgusting facilitates.

As I said in an earlier post as I'm single my key holder found me. He offered his services as I said on another forum I was having trouble with my own self control, but in this past week I found a Female Dom who wants to be my key holder. As much as I've enjoyed the experience of the past week, I feel more comfortable with a Female Key holder. And the one I've found is more interested in keeping a "toy" to play with ;) I've been told I'm earned 2 nights out of my device, my reward is not just being able to play with myself (In fact I was told not to jerk off 24/7) but also to enjoy sleeping out of my device. I've been told to write a list of all the jobs I've started but have not finished I've got to do from the smallest things to the biggest things and send it to her. She will use this list to help me earn my release, As she said I can't get something for nothing... So I'm writing this list and I have till Monday to complete it (its been so long since I've had homework) I've come up with a few, I've gotta get my mind clear to finish writing it as I still on a high. If any of you have any suggestions feel free to let me know. I'm probably going to miss the obvious one while writing the list myself.

I've probably missed something out of this posting, and if I have I'll post back again later. But for now I'm going to have a nice soak in the bath and get ready to go out and have some fun with my friends :) and be able to pee standing up when i need too WOOHOO :)

EDIT: I just went to run my bath and take a pee... Without thinking about it, I sat down to pee... Boy this lifestyle does get into your head LOL...
 
Lock Up Male said:
EDIT: I just went to run my bath and take a pee... Without thinking about it, I sat down to pee... Boy this lifestyle does get into your head LOL...
Click to expand...

:haha4: Uh oh. Looks like someone is missing their cage already. Tell me it ain't so. Sounds like you're having a wonderful day enjoying your freedom. About your list. That sounds like a GREAT idea!!! You can stay focused and you have something to look forward to when you reach your goal. Don't just think about work projects. Think about things around your home/apt. that have needed attention. Like painting a room, or patching a wall. Taking down ugly wallpaper, ripping up carpet to add hardwood floors. What about organizing closets, and cabinets. Getting rid of clutter always makes me feel better. What about stripping down something old that you find at a garage sale and make it beautiful. A coffee table, wardrobe, end table, nightstand...the possibilities are endless. You could always give away your find as a present to a special someone in your life for Christmas. Just let your mind and eyes wander around your home. You'll have a list to be proud of in no time. Good luck!! :kung-fu:
 
Thanks for the tips Goddess Jen. They will come in helpful
happy0148.gif
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Not really much to write up today.
I had a wonderful sleep. I did get woken up in the night but that was because I left the TV on
rolleye0011.gif
so my own fault. I also had a nice lie in today :) I did do the suggestion posted in my last post again today, Mmmmm it is good fun. I've not been jerking off 24/7 but I have 4 times and will probably get a couple more in before I'm locked back up tomorrow. I was told to be locked up by Noon tomorrow, but I've got work in the morning so I'll have to lock myself up before going out, can't exactly take the thing out with me and put it on at noon. But I'm still getting 2 nights sleep out of it :)

When I did get up I had found my PC had crashed in a big way :( so just killed the power and left it alone for a few hours, It needed Winblows reinstalling anyway so I've just finished doing that. At least it will speed it up a bit. Will post some more in a Bit. Got updates to get installed :(
 
Locked Back Up.

At around 8am this morning I was locked back up. Took awhile to get back into the tube, my fella was refusing to get back into it - a while to calm down and a bit of baby oil later and I was back in but it did but me behind time wise so basically had to dry of from the tub, get dressed and get out the door to work. I'm a grow'er not a show'er, if I get excited there is no way I'm getting into my tube but once I'm in it its comfortable but i'm not going to get full hard. Today has been fine, been able to keep busy today and its my first day looked back up so I'll be OK today. Going to spend the day watching TV and relaxing :)

Anyway, I have been giving my first task. My bedroom is a FUCKING TIP... And that is putting it lightly (I'm a messy when its left up to me), so I've got to take photo's of my room in the state it is currently in. Tidy it up and keep it tidy and prove it by taking pictures each day.

After I've proved I can keep it tidy I'll be given my release date and I expect if it does get messy again (surprise demands to prove its tidy) I'll get more time added.
My problem is, I'm a messy person and when I get home I can't be bothered to do a lot of the chores, I sit down, relax and before I know it its bed time and the chores get left for the next day, but the whole cycle repeats the next day and before I know it its a mess.
I'm working from home tomorrow (unless I get a surprise phone call from a customer) so I'll start it then, I do need to set up a diagnostic PC setup tomorrow and work out why a machine is crashing for a customer, but once its set up I only need to check on it every now and then.

As I found from my last lock up, keeping busy is the key. So hopefully, this task of not getting my release date until I've tidied up my bedroom will be the kick up the arse I need and I'll be wanted to keep busy so I'll not only have to, but hopefully I'll want to in order to stay busy and please my key holder.

My Free Weekend
I did enjoy my weekend out. I had fun playing and even allowed a women I've been chatting to watch one of my plays and she had asked to watch :O she greatly enjoyed it so at least I pleased someone else whilst unlocked.
It was good to stand up to pee again, and thank fuck I could as where me and my mates when Saturday night the loo's were in no condition to sit down to pee (Note to self. If I go out find a way to take some wipes with me and some loo roll to clean up any drips just incase OR don't drink and then I wont need to pee)

Right I'm off to chill out and make a small tweak to my siggy. I foolishly made a dumb mistake, just got an e-mail on my work address to say I've got two more PC's being dropped off tomorrow to have a look at SO I sould be able to keep busy tomorrow.
 
Couple of days since my last post. Time to update.

Busy Busy Busy... Gotta keep busy.
I spent most of Tuesday tidying my bedroom. I Had two messy rooms in my house. My Bedroom and my Kitchen both now are tidy. I'll take some pics in the morning when the light is better, I use energy saving light bulbs throughout the house which is good for the planet and my bills but is crap for using my webcam (Gave my sister my digicam as she had a little one 6 weeks ago and I hardly used the thing anyway). I took some before pictures too but they are quite evil to look at :P This task took most of the day, so no problem keeping busy that day. Plus I got rid of stuff I'll never use and I found a few things, Like my toy bag ;) which I had written off as being at the ex's but no its was here Will have to have a play when I get time.

Chastity wise. The sleep filled nights of being unlocked are gone, but that was the same as the last time I was locked up. Monday Night I woke up a few times nothing too bad, just did the normal Walk it off and get back to bed. Tuesday Night was Harder. Not just because I was locked up, but some ideas had been planted into my head and I just couldn't get rid of them (not that I wanted to get rid of them). So spent most of the night just tossing (not that one) and turning, If I hadn't been locked up I would of jerked off. But I'm now glad that I couldn't as its is heightening my experience. Today I did some work to pay those bills (pesky things) and finished up what I started on Tuesday and cleaned the kitchen. So the house is all done :) And spent the rest of my time on one of my projects. Not posted cause there as not been must to post about and I've either been busy or trying to keep busy. I've only been locked up for 2 and half days and keeping busying during the day has been the key, and will be easy to keep busy for the next few days. I've got peps to see, things to do, money to make (those pesky bills again) so yeah the days have been fine so far. The the night times I have trouble. I've always had trouble "switching" off at night and chastity doesn't help that as jerking off was one thing I used to do to get myself to sleep. I can't leave the washing up to the end of the night, I'm always just not in the mood and think "It will still be there in the morning I'll do it tomorrow" so I have to do it in the day time when I think about it. But I have a few books that need reading and a few coding plans that need writing down so I can work on them during the day. I never get the "brainwave" on how these things should work while I'm sitting at a computer and if I don't get them down they are lost (poor short term memory, its part of a tag along to my dyslexia).
So hopefully these will help tire me out enough to help to drop off to sleep.

Just thought I would make a post as its been a few days since my last one and with my lack of a short term memory I will forget what has happened. A boring post I know, but hey better then no post.
I'm off now to go and write up some things for one of my projects, hopefully I can get something moving on it. The prototype hardware is done just now gotta sit and do the software end (a few things have been done already but not alot). Blahh geek side coming out now...

/me runs for the door.
 
Lock Up Male from what i have been able to read you are simular to my boy he has trouble too sleeping and can you teach him how to do house work he does not do them that is one reason he keeps on getting his time locked up longer along with more reasons.:butterfly:
 
bitchmadam said:
<snip> can you teach him how to do house work he does not do them that is one reason he keeps on getting his time locked up longer along with more reasons.:butterfly:
Click to expand...
uh, NO! I don't do dishes or laundry.:anim_12:
 
So, I see you're finishing up some unfinished business....WONDERFUL!!! Way to keep yourself occupied. You're going to have this chastity thing down in no time, sweetie. Pretty soon you'll be going a month without a release...and won't want it when you finally earn it. I've heard of this phenomenon happening, but have yet to experience it. It's so tempting to try out. I think I will. Thank you for the idea, LUM. Have a fabulous day over there in good ol' England. :butterfly:
 
bitchmadam, I can't really help you there. Its not that I hate doing it, its just that other things seem to come around and and SEEM more important then doing the house work. I'll I can say is maybe offer him a treat if he does it. Not release but something else. I know I work better with positive reinforcement over negative reinforcement (not sure if that is the right word, but its the word in my head right now). Here is an idea, Offer him the option to work off the extra time he has already earned.

Anyways Bit of journal posting...
Right now, I'm half way though the time I spent locked up last time. Last night I slept like a log. Only got woken up once, but that was 5 mins before I was going to wake up anyways :) Day Times are no problem or at least not a problem for now I've got things to do, this might be a different case when things slow down for Christmas. Though My local pub has offered me a few shifts working up there over the Christmas fortnight if I want them (Help to keep busy, free beer :D and a bit of cash - not allot but a bit. Used to work there a few years ago and still drink there so they know me) so I could always fall back on that. The only time I've having problems is with sleeping but I'm sure that because I've got naughty thoughts on my mind. If I can clear those (by reading a book for example) night should get better, I know people on here say that it gets better as it goes on, its just annoying when I don't get a good night as it puts me in a mood for most of the next day.

Goddess Jen, I do feel like I'm getting into this lifestyle and I do enjoy it. As I said above the only thing at the moment I'm having problems is sorting these nights out... I'm sure I'll get the hang of it sooner or later.
I can also see a time where I'll be going a month. Seems scary right now, as the longest I've gone is 8 days. But with small steps I'll get there, but thats down to my key holder. I'm only 4 days into this "sitting" and I have no idea on my next release date and I sort of like it that way, its keeping me on my toes. But I do expect that this time I'll be locked up longer then last time and I do want to go for a longer time thought that will probably change come next week :P.

I'm only 4 days in so I'm not feeling the burn(yet), But I've been feeling more "subby". I've been coming home and putting my chain collar on and I've been thinking about getting something more permanent. I like the idea of wearing one all the time, but a chain and padlock isn't any good in normal day to day life. I've been looking at the products from Wyred Slave and I'm thinking of getting a 4mm Black lockable collar
side on_0.jpg

Its a pic taken from their site, Its one of those that locks with an Allen key, thinking of treating myself to a late Christmas prezzie. Once I get it, and I've tried the waters with wearing it out and about and I decide that I want to and can wear it 24/7 it will be locked and the key sent off to my key holder if she wishes to hold that too.

Right, I've got work to do so I've gotta go. I'll post more later.
Oh and some pics of my bedroom before and after... NOTE... the before images are not pretty and I am quite ashamed of them... but its not like that any more.
http://img.timelock.info/room/
Desk is still a bit of a "mess" but its a working mess. as everything on there is stuff I use pretty much on a daily basis.
 
Lock Up Male said:
bitchmadam, I can't really help you there. Its not that I hate doing it, its just that other things seem to come around and and SEEM more important then doing the house work. I'll I can say is maybe offer him a treat if he does it. Not release but something else. I know I work better with positive reinforcement over negative reinforcement (not sure if that is the right word, but its the word in my head right now). Here is an idea, Offer him the option to work off the extra time he has already earned.

Anyways Bit of journal posting...
Right now, I'm half way though the time I spent locked up last time. Last night I slept like a log. Only got woken up once, but that was 5 mins before I was going to wake up anyways :) Day Times are no problem or at least not a problem for now I've got things to do, this might be a different case when things slow down for Christmas. Though My local pub has offered me a few shifts working up there over the Christmas fortnight if I want them (Help to keep busy, free beer :D and a bit of cash - not allot but a bit. Used to work there a few years ago and still drink there so they know me) so I could always fall back on that. The only time I've having problems is with sleeping but I'm sure that because I've got naughty thoughts on my mind. If I can clear those (by reading a book for example) night should get better, I know people on here say that it gets better as it goes on, its just annoying when I don't get a good night as it puts me in a mood for most of the next day.

Goddess Jen, I do feel like I'm getting into this lifestyle and I do enjoy it. As I said above the only thing at the moment I'm having problems is sorting these nights out... I'm sure I'll get the hang of it sooner or later.
I can also see a time where I'll be going a month. Seems scary right now, as the longest I've gone is 8 days. But with small steps I'll get there, but thats down to my key holder. I'm only 4 days into this "sitting" and I have no idea on my next release date and I sort of like it that way, its keeping me on my toes. But I do expect that this time I'll be locked up longer then last time and I do want to go for a longer time thought that will probably change come next week :P.

I'm only 4 days in so I'm not feeling the burn(yet), But I've been feeling more "subby". I've been coming home and putting my chain collar on and I've been thinking about getting something more permanent. I like the idea of wearing one all the time, but a chain and padlock isn't any good in normal day to day life. I've been looking at the products from Wyred Slave and I'm thinking of getting a 4mm Black lockable collar
side on_0.jpg

Its a pic taken from their site, Its one of those that locks with an Allen key, thinking of treating myself to a late Christmas prezzie. Once I get it, and I've tried the waters with wearing it out and about and I decide that I want to and can wear it 24/7 it will be locked and the key sent off to my key holder if she wishes to hold that too.

Right, I've got work to do so I've gotta go. I'll post more later.
Oh and some pics of my bedroom before and after... NOTE... the before images are not pretty and I am quite ashamed of them... but its not like that any more.
http://img.timelock.info/room/
Desk is still a bit of a "mess" but its a working mess. as everything on there is stuff I use pretty much on a daily basis.
Click to expand...
yowch! that was a mess. nice job cleaning it up. Now good luck keeping it clean.
 
First if I typo it's cause I've not slept and I'm using my iPod to post.
So Friday after I posted. Me and keyholder started chatting I was still working but didn't take too long to finish up. I had to go to the Post Office to send back some customers kit to them. Keyholder suggested that I should have to wear my chain collar while I was out and wear it in a way that it can been seen. So on it went and off I went. Got to the Post Office and the women behind the counter just smiled and gave a small giggle. After the Post Office I went to get some smokes before heading back home and as I turn around to leave the shop I heard the girl working say to her college "That bloke has got a chain locked around his neck" I think she was trying to say it quietly but I heard her, I just turned back around to them and smiled at them and then left.
When I got back home I told keyholder what happened and she laughed. But she said that she would like to give me a treat, I was ordered to look at porn and constainly play with myself with her talking dirty to me, but I was not to cum. If I did come then I would be locked up for 3 weeks without release. I have no idea how I managed it, no. wait... I do, if my keyholder hadn't told me to slow down on a number of times I would of shot my load. She told me that she wanted me to start feeling the burn and that she promissed if I didn't cum I would be in a heightend sexual state and for the next few days I wouldn't be able to get her off my mind... I managed to not to cum, she came but I was denied. I was locked back up and sent on my way. Was my first tease and denial session and it left me on a high.
Well she was right... Friday night when I went out with ny friends, they picked up right away that I was on a high. The staff in the pub said I was being. Lot more playful then I am normally (I get with the staff up the pub anyway, and they are mostly early 20's girls so who wouldn't ;) ) But I was on a but too much of a high and had a few too many beers and I think when I got home I said a few things I shouldn't of to my keyholder while drunk.
I managed to sleep Friday night but that was cause of the drink. Woke up in pain on Saturday, hungover and on a low (what goes up much come down) I swear I've had easier come downs off drugs then this... The burn has defenanlty kicked in.
So Saturday was spent sitting in my dark living room just trying to settle myself down, Trying to rememebr what I said the night before, hopefully I didn't say anything stupit but knowing my big gob once it's had some beer I can not be sure. Well if I did it will probally give her the chance of try out some of the punishments she has been thinking up for me.
Didn't sleep last night. Spent the night over thinking, beening fustrated, so have spent the day just mopping around the house comfort eating (mmmmm donuts) and drinking coffee to keep my enrgy levels up.

I'm sure there is more to post but my head isn't on stright right now and I'm not at a computer to fully read this though and spell check.
 
Wow...you've had quite an eventful weekend! I'm sorry you're feeling so down right now. It seems from reading your journal, that you tend to over think things. A lot! You shouldn't try so hard to analyze the situation. In the words of John Candy.....Just go with the flow. :anim_26:

I'm curious. Did she say how long you're going to be locked up for? I'm sorry if you mentioned it earlier.

Good luck and take care.:manga_blowkiss:
 
as jerking off was one thing I used to do to get myself to sleep.
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I am so glad to hear I am not the only one who did this. Funny how something like this can be so relaxing some time hu?

I agree with Goddess Jen on the over thinking part. Try not to do that, it only complicates things. TRUST ME I KNOW. I should have a business card that says jack of all trades master of only one-Over thinking!

Thanks for the link on the collars! What awesome ideas and yet so vanilla at the same time. That is a good find!
 
Over thinking is something I can't just switch off. My mind is always on the go. I try and distract it but it hardly works. xcitex2 you should know.

Goddess Jen: I've not been given a release date as of yet. I've stayed away from my PC today as my keys are on my desk atm... Having them so close to hand is a mind fuck in itself... The temptation is just killing me right now.
 
I'm an over thinker, I think all men are to be honest.

I always seem to imagine worst case scenario, I guess that way whatever happens doesn't seem as bad as I had first "expected".

Must be something to do with childhood I guess....
 
I just over think everything. My head doesn't seem to be happy unless its thinking about something.

Spoke to Key holder last night, everything is cool, she was upset that I had shut myself away (which is what I do when I'm on a downer) but everything is all right now. Last night was the same, Up and Down like a yo-yo, but key holder has said I'm getting released tomorrow :happy0030: Right I'm off to do some work. Head is in a better place today, and its time to get some work done.

OH CRAP... Must of been a bad weekend... I just remembered I've not watched topgear... Thank fuck for PVR's :)
 
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