Beautiful - thank you for that thought out and amazing reply! It is unbelievable how much like my beautiful wife you sound. Even the words and thoughts. “KH my way”
That is my wife!
Could you share a few ideas that I can bring to her to ease her into this gently? You can pm me if preferred. I’d love to understand from your point of view how to relieve her of worrying about the why and just enjoy the spoils of MC. Thanks
Robinoh,
Again, I was very anxious to reply to this. I love to help others, in general, so to help with this pleases me.
The why: Honestly, you can explain the reason behind why you want to do this. However, that does not mean she will completely understand it. Women and men just think differently. I personally am a more emotional person by nature. Where as my footman has emotion, but is a more physical being. It took a lot for me to understand why he wanted this. And that is simply because I just don't think THAT way. So if she feels she needs to understand why: keep doing your best to try and explain it, but don't become frustrated if it takes a while for her to grasp it.
Some ideas: I personally don't know the details of your every day life together, so if I mention things you already do, great. These are just suggestions, and I hope they help.
My first suggestion would be to ask her to lock you in your device for an hour. During that hour, pamper her. And when I say that, I mean, pick things you know she likes. If she likes you making her dinner, rubbing her feet, running her a bath, etc. Pick an area or two that you KNOW she loves, and do those. If there is one of those things you know she doesn't care for, don't waste time on that activity. Move on to one she will extremely enjoy. That is how I started feeling comfortable with this. Footman would get locked up for a designated time, and during that time, he made sure to pamper ME. After that, I would look forward to locking him up because I enjoyed how he treated me during that time. Don't get me wrong: footman has always treated me well. However, during his locked time, he went above and beyond.
My second suggestion, ask your wife if there is anything you can do for her each day that would take the burden off of her. Don't bring up chastity. Just ask that simple question. Hopefully she will give you a few things. If she mentions things you do, but you just don't do them all the time, maybe make it a daily habit (opening doors for her no matter what- just an example). If she mentions things you don't do, maybe give them a try. And while you are doing these things, you don't have to be caged. Just do them because they make her feel good.
I would not try to incorporate punishments at this time. I struggled with that one for a long while. And that can be scary. Scary at all is not good, but especially not in the beginning when you're trying to comfort her with the idea of this.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY. (PUN intended) From both sides. You are asking her to do this for you. So now, you need to be very verbal with her. I'm sure you already know this, but she will not know what exactly you want. So you need to be very specific with her. Even if she decides to try this, you will need to even go as far as to ASK her how whatever you tried made her feel. If she enjoyed it. If she disliked it. And why. The more you both communicate with how all of this makes you feel and why, the better the chances are that you will find things you both enjoy. And that will help with her wanting to continue. I could go all day long about the benefits of communication. But I'm hoping you understand. If not, feel free to ask more questions.
If I were you, I would ask her if she wouldn't mind getting on CM with you and reading my initial post. I would not suggest having her explore the website at first. But at least if she read my orginial post, it might help her to see that there are women out there that started out very vanilla (me), and were able to try something new, and eventually thrive at it (while enjoying it).
Patience. Footman and I have been "playing" with this lifestyle for about 2 and a half years, but have been serious with it for about a year an a half. And as I wrote, the first time we had to take a break. But we restarted. So don't be surprised if she needs a break now and then. This is a lot to take in. And I needed to learn piece by piece. It's a whole mindset change from everything we're taught growing up. What I did: I had footman teach me basics first. About the cage, why size DOES matter for a cage, how to put a cage on and take it off, etc. Once I felt knowledgeable and comfortable that I understood those, I had him teach me something new. And I built on that one piece at a time.
Once we restarted, I took what I already knew, but then I switched it up and made it fit me. I have a busy life, so I made lists (tasks, rewards, punishments, etc), started doing things I felt most comfortable with (then branched out from there). You say you hear her when you read my words. She might be like me: She thrives with what she knows....this she doesn't know, at all.
Maybe this will help: A to-do list for you
1. Ask your wife how you can relieve some things off her plate.
2. Ask her to read my initial post, then ask her what she thinks about it. How does it make her feel to read it?
3. Ask her if she would be willing to learn how the cage works.
And you and your wife are more than welcome to message me any time to ask questions. I would love to help more if I can.
I would also recommend reading The 5 Love Languages, if you haven't already read it. It is amazing and can really help you understand each other better.
Did this help at all?
