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On your mark. Get Set. Go.

Discussion in 'The Vault' started by macmagna, Dec 23, 2016.


Do you think I will make it without a device?

Poll closed Feb 23, 2017.
  1. Yes

  2. No

  1. I have been wanting to curb my masturbation. I don't have a chastity device and my wife doesn't know of my interest. She has been working a lot lately, and we haven't been as intimate as we used to. It is usually really good when we do have sex, but we have gotten to once a month. I have decided to take the first step in my journey without a restraint. Today is 12/22/16. I'm not going to masturbate until after Christmas. I think that is when we will have sex next. After that I'm going to try not to do any self touching until we have sex which I am going to assume will be around 1/15/17. After that I will try to hold off until we have sex again until we have sex the next February mid month. After that I might consider telling her, and later a device. I am a little scared. I haven't tried anything like this since I was in the military. That was an interesting experience and a story for another time. For now I guess wish me luck.
    spider203 likes this.
  2. Did not vote because in my opinion it does not depend on whether you use a device or not.
    I think beginning this chastity thing by agenda, without your wife knowing and for the reason of masturbation curbing is a less promising plan.
    Why not ask your wife for support? I cant imagine a beloved woman will not understand her mans wish to be true and chaste for her. Too she will accept his needs for a little support doing this.
    Better explain it with romantic reasons and let all this kinky stuff like a device or sites on the net away for the moment. Later, if she agrees to your chastity, you slowly can let grow the things.
    I am sure it will succeed better.

    But if not, of course I wish You luck!
    jrscott likes this.
  3. I cannot vote as I don't know you well enough. I do not know how determined you are. I know it won't be easy but I also know that even a device that is easily beatable like the Holy Trainer makes a huge difference to a man who wants to give up masturbation.

    I think that while I agree that your Wife being involved with this would be better there is nothing wrong in trying to stop masturbating and seeing if she notices a difference in you next time you have sex. I agree with @squier@squier that it would be good to have the support of your wife, and taking it slowly is most definitely the way to go, the problem is some women just expect a man to be able to stop masturbating, that they shouldn't do it no matter what. The problem is our chemistrys are so different they have no idea how difficult this is for us to do and how much help we need.

    A deeper issue is why has the intimacy waned? Being busy is just an excuse. The good thing about chastity is it can teach you that intimacy doesn't have to mean orgasm and it doesn't have to involve penetration.

    Good luck.
  4. I think you can make it. You're only trying to go a few weeks at the longest. If you were trying to go months I would probably vote no. Having sex without getting to orgasm makes it harder, too, and it sounds like that won't be the case for you.
  5. Married 44 years here and know about work and day to day stuff interfering with your sex life. One thing I learned was a way to bring back your sex life. Set up one or two sex nights a week. Attendance is mandatory no matter how tired or busy you are. You do not even have to have sex but just lay next to each other. Sooner or later you will start making out. Then a few times later go all the way.

    Sex releases the hormone Oxytocin whose sole purpose is to emotionally bond you and your wife together. It is the same hormone that bonds a mother to her child. It is that powerful if you are exposed to it often. It is one of those things that if you have sex a lot, you will want to have sex a lot. The less sex you have, the less you feel like wanting sex. It can become a vicious circle. I have used this method 3 times in our marriage and it has worked every time. It is too easy to make excuses for not having sex and that only leads to not wanting sex. So expose yourself to the effects of Oxytocin often and you will want to have sex.

    We still make sure that we have sex twice a week to keep the spark going. We have also engaged in a lot of fetishes, some group sex and living with a shared girlfriend to keep our sex life fresh and interesting. My wife and I both agree that if we tried to live a conventional monogamous sex life, we would have divorced like all of our friends and siblings did, a long time ago. You need to keep up with your sex life. Even though I am constantly locked up, we still have sex as usual with the only difference is that I do not orgasm. My wife loves being in control of our sex life and is having the best orgasms of her life at the age of 64, even better than we our nightly sex was a threesome with our girlfriend all the time.

    I do not know if locking yourself without your wife's participation and/or knowledge will work out in the long run. Too easy to give in to temptation since you become your own warden. Not many prisoners would stay locked in their cell if they could easily leave. :) My wife was dead set against chastity because my orgasms were validation of my desire for her. She always made sure that I had an orgasm for all of our marriage, even if she had to engage in my fetishes or bring in other girls to give them to me. What worked for us was starting on the honor system. I simply told my wife that my orgasm will be much more intense if when we had sex, only she orgasmed. She called that fake sex for almost two years. Once she was used to denying me for ever increasing periods of time, I told her that I would need help not masturbating that long and showed her a chastity cage. She told me to get it because she was enjoying being the focus of sex and edging me over and over again. At first I held the keys because I was getting used to wearing it so it was lock and unlock a few times a day. When I was able to wear it all day, I gave her the keys and she would unlock me just before we went to bed. After awhile she wanted me locked up 24/7 and the rest is history. We took baby steps. I wish you the happiness I have in living in chastity all the time. That and monogamy seem very kinky to me since they are the opposite of what we spent 40 years doing.
    manintyres likes this.
  6. @Vinny@Vinny what do you say when divorced contemporaries ask you what your secret is for a long marriage?
  7. So far so good. Thank you all for your words of advice. I have read everyone’s posts and I do see how it might seem strange not including my wife in this experiment, but I want to know if I can succeed before I include her.

    I certainly agree with @squier@squier that I would prefer to have my wife involved. Her support would be greatly appreciated. I do also agree with @Jamic68 - she wouldn’t have any idea how difficult it would be for a man to stop, and has no idea how often men masturbate left to their own devices or how much help we need to stop. If I said I wanted to stop she would say ok, just stop. No biggie. She has no idea what it’s like having a swollen member every time I begin to think about writing this, let alone, every time I think anything about anything.

    Why has the intimacy waned? Well, my wife’s job has had her working on special projects that were promised to be temporary, Now the maintenance of those projects has her bringing work home and working until 9 pm most nights, and much later others. This has gone on for about a year now. She asked me why sex hasn’t been an issue in our relationship just the other day. I said “I am doing my best to be there for you.” It can’t be easy. It has been a strain on both of us but in the end it will be worthwhile.

    I have definitely been paying more attention to her for the last few days. Maybe if everything goes well (as it has been) the intimacy frequency will increase in our relationship although I am not doing this to cause that affect due to her real time constraints. I am not doing this to fix anything that might be wrong with our relationship. That would definitely be doing it for the wrong reasons. Besides we love each other very much. I’m doing this for me because it seems exciting. I do like the idea of increasing her Oxytocin @Vinny@Vinny. Perhaps more kissing and hugs and back rubs and foot rubs are in order. We can’t all have live in girlfriends and sex parties. Cheers to you buddy, live the dream.

    By the way @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 we have been married over 20 years, so we have our secrets to a long marriage too. It’s simple. Don’t cheat, and really try to like each other. It’s easy to give up. Just realize that the person you are with is a great person and that’s why you married them.

    Thanks for the vote of confidence @Shephersfloc I’m going to do my best.

    My wife’s period started on Thursday, so no sex for a week. Then a week of camping with the kids in tents, so no opportunities. We come back on Friday so maybe Saturday 12/31/16 or Sunday 1/1/17 would be our first opportunity.

    I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to not cum before. It’s weird. I have an erection because I’m not going to cum.
    spider203 and Hans Dietrick like this.
  8. @macmagna@macmagna I totally get your confusion. I'm not going to cum and that excites me? What is wrong with me! ;)

    Thanks for the more detailed response, it was much more interesting and helpful than the initial post. It sounds to me like you have a very good chance of making this work. You could look at a few alternatives to pure chastity such as semen retention with your wife in charge of when you are allowed to cum and devotional sex amongst many other forms of removing the male orgasm as the main aim of sex. Don't forget though that your wife might be programmed by society to measure her own sexuality by the success of your orgasm. It is quite a process getting over this common issue.

    My Wife now has a lot of empirical evidence about how difficult it is for me not to masturbate. She never understood before chastity about how much not cumming affected me. She has gone months without sex in our married life due to being on active military service and it hasn't bothered her. Now she has seen me after four months with no orgasm and seen how quickly I can be turned into a whimpering mess. The thing is she likes me like this and that is why I am not allowed to masturbate.

    The one thing I have learnt that has helped my marriage strengthen is what my Wife has called the holistic approach to our relationship. We have been happily married for 26 years but this past year has been amazing. I looked for ways to spend time with her that were intimate that didn't involve sex, intimate ways that were purely designed for her orgasm and by giving her control of my orgasms she was able to have all those cuddles she had always wanted but resisted as she hadn't been in the mood for sex.

    Some of the things we now regularly do are me reading to her while she is either in the bath or when we are snuggled up on the sofa or in bed. I do her toenails, removing old nail varnish and reapplying new. She now has the confidence to tell me when she wants a back massage followed by me licking her bottom and then pussy with no need for any reciprocation and crucially no guilt in her part for not giving me an orgasm.

    The ultimate for us and our hands down absolute favorite way of having non reciprocal sex is the wonderful yoni massage. I seriously recommend you research it and if you have never done it before try it one evening. She has to be in the mood so a bath followed by a massage is perfect for setting the scene. Phones off, anything digital that might bleep has to be put away. A yoni massage is all about her. It is very different to simply using your hand to masturbate her as her orgasm is not the goal but, if it happens, it is a wonderful experience for both.

    I hope that this works for you. And don't listen to any guff from anyone who try and tell you that you being excited by chastity is not the point. My Wife's edict is that this has to be fun for both of us and the return I get for all that holistic activity is she makes sure that it is fun for me and, in doing so, has fun herself. Apparently fun is frowned upon in some parts of the Mansion but I don't tend to visit those rooms.
    Mash2214, spider203 and Hans Dietrick like this.
  9. Given your second post I have voted yes, that you can do this. It won't be easy and at some point when you think she is aware of what you are doing you could bring up how much wearing a device would help. Just remember that this is something you have thought about a lot, she hasn't. Give her time and don't push.

    If you can think of what your masturbatory triggers are, what gets you wanting to masturbate, then you can plan ahead with ways to divert that energy. For instance if it is boredom make sure to keep yourself occupied. Do projects that have been waiting to be done, another way of pleasing your wife. Stay away from porn, including chastity based!
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  10. All women I have been around consider male masturbation to be disgusting and evil. Therefore, I would bet that your wife will likely be willing to assist you with your problem - either with or without a device. Chastity on the honor system is possible, depending on various circumstances, etc. We made it that way for more than a year before She learned of my being "dishonorable" and so we got the cage. I can tell you that there is no feeling more submissive than hearing that "click" of the lock when you know that you don't have the key anymore!
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  11. If you do bring it up, wait until after Xmas is over. I would suggest you use carrots first. Make sure you are extra helpful around the house helping her out and making her life easier as a working women with taking care of a family has to be exhausted. If you are self regulating and "you need to take a hit off the dick-pipe" make sure you only do it after you have helped her out X times with something. If she asks what is up with being helpful, then you can broach the subject with her. You can state you have been practicing semen retention and where wanting to ratchet up with a chastity belt since you don't know if you can withhold from masturbation. The key thing is that you want to be more helpful in both the household iand in the bathroom .... who knows maybe she will take you up on it.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  12. Success! I have reached my first mile stone. Christmas day with no prospect of orgasm. I’ve been busy visiting family all day, and now that we are back my wife’s menstrual cramps clearly put sex off the table. Taking @Jasmic68@Jasmic68 advice I have kept away from triggers today that might lead me down the black hole of the internet and inevitable failure. Even visiting this site is a risk. Many users have pictures of their wives or significant others with a necklace holding a chastity key to their bosom. The mere thought of the possibility of my orgasm hanging in the balance of my wife’s desire is almost unbearable. It is so easy to cheat this system of non confinement. I have resorted to typing my reply offline only to cut and paste it quickly later because every thread here makes it worse and worse.

    Yesterday I did some reading online about lidocaine. It is used as a local anesthetic, and numbing agent for burns insect bites and other minor wounds and aches. I further read that one person applied it to his penis creating a permacondom feeling. I also read many posts here where it was used in so many ways for my intended purposes that it seemed safe to apply it. I explored this today. I was hoping that I could get my penis to face down (like in a chastity device). A few minutes after applying I was numb. This allowed me to completely forget about my penis for more than half the day. I used 4% lidocaine on the head and shaft. There was some residual feeling internally, but not enough to allow any arousal as long as I kept my thoughts away from pleasing myself. I highly recommend this to anyone trying to do what I’m doing. I found myself feeling as if my penis were removed or encased in a thick container allowing no sensation from the outside world. Seems a lot like the intended effect of a chastity device so I’m really enjoying it.

    Last night as I was prepping some camping gear I also came across some clothes pins. As with all of this, I have been interested in seeing other people doing things to themselves for years, but never really considered putting them on me. Last night I was writing and having a difficult time with controlling my erections so I clipped them on my nipples just to see what it would be like. At first I thought this isn’t so bad. After a few minutes I noticed how my body was reacting the same way it does to very spicy food. It felt painful, but in a good way. I did it for about five minutes and removed them. All day today my nipples were very sensitive. Not in a bad way. But in a way that reminds me that they are there.

    My wife was extremely happy with her Christmas gifts today. Jewelry is always a good idea. I made sure to hug her extra and kiss her more often than usual. I could feel our relationship getting closer. I think she could too. I’m hoping that at the end of this when I tell her what I’m doing that she is understanding and shows interest in this aspect of our physical relationship. Very strange, I am aroused because I am actually feel guilty for wanting to ask her to control my orgasms.

    Knowing her as I do, I’m sure that she will tell me that we should try only letting me cum when we have sex but no device. She will say it’s up to me to be in charge of that. My prediction is – as you all would probably expect (I am guessing this from your votes)– I will try and fail. I’ll be honest with her that it is too difficult, but I want her help and I’ll suggest a device. I believe the term is topping from the bottom. It’s not ideal, but I can’t help but become aroused by the idea of making her my key holder. I also spent some time reading about a Female Led Relationship yesterday. I have heard about it for years, but never really considered it something that would apply to our relationship. I got myself into the headspace of thinking that it could be applicable to me. There are some very arousing ideas in this.

    Keep in mind I have no interest in feminization, but releasing control and living my life to please her is a very powerful concept. She would still want me to be her strong and physical man. I would simply shift my interests to her pleasure.

    If I make it through tomorrow, which seems pretty easy since I will wake up, pack up and take the family camping, I will have gone one week. We return from camping on Friday so the new goal is Saturday or Sunday sex with no release. I’ll bring the lidocaine, it seems to help a lot.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  13. Don't worry too much about topping from the bottom until (hopefully when not if) your wife takes control. At the moment she doesn't know what it is you want or why, and she doesn't know how she will benefit from doing it. So there has to be a way for you to let her know what it is you want. It is only when she is firmly in control and you try and influence her that accusations of topping can be made.

    Also be careful with the excited feelings that chastity can give you. It takes more than one day of chastity to bring a couple closer together. If anything your wife will need months of consistent evidence before she trusts this not to be a short lived thing that you get bored with and go back to your old ways.

    It did make me smile when you said that you avoided masturbation triggers and then described how you put clothes pegs in your nipples. If that isn't a trigger then I don't know what is lol.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  14. This is the thing about my wife that drives me nuts, and I sometimes find myself a little jealous. She could literally go the rest of her life without sex and it wouldn't bother her. I go a few days without some kind of sexual contact with her and I'm going crazy. I often wish I didn't feel such a need for it. I wish I could know what it's like to not have that almost constant distraction of sexual desire.
    Hans Dietrick and Jasmic68 like this.
  15. The thing is my chastity has taught my Wife that me being sexually aroused doesn't mean that she has to let me have sex. Because of that she now has a lot of fun with my arousal where before it was sometimes a distraction and something she avoided.
  16. My wife just left to go get a few last minute things from the store. I am doing everything I can to prep for the trip so that she will be super happy that we can leave on time. A note about last night. I woke up a bunch of times with a raging erection. I've also been noticing how much I enjoy the way her skin smells. She just woke up, no shower funky from last night and I want to bury myself in her neck and hair. It's strange.

    I was in the kitchen making breakfast. I snuck behind her to give her a few hugs she said she wanted to snuggle this morning (I'm asuming that is no sex hugging, face in breasts, and necking) but she didn't want to wake me up. I told her that she should always wake me up to get any kind of attention she wants no matter what.

    It's weird, after 20 years of marriage she doesn't want to wake me up for some hugs. I have to make sure that she knows how important it is to me that she gets what she wants for this to work. She needs to get what she wants at all costs.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  17. So the ride to the camp was great. All of the interstate roads had terrible accidents so we took highways and state roads. The drive was much more interesting and we spent much more time talking since the stress of gridlock was a non issue.

    I applied lanocaine then, not having a condom, I wrapped with a piece of plastic wrap. The feeling of numbness was a lot stronger and seemed to last longer.

    A strange thing happened about an hour and a half into our journey. I reached over and rubbed my forearm against my wife's which was sitting on the center console. The softness and warmth of her skin was very arousing. I immediately thought of our conversation this morning. I told her that I wished that she had woken me up this morning when she wanted to snuggle.

    My mind was filed with thoughts of her being on her period, and therefore no sex. At the same time the numbness of my member felt strange. I knew it was engorged, but all I could feel was a pressure behind the numb area.

    I was throbbing without being a thrust or effort. I felt slightly uncomfortable so I squeezed my brix to adjust myself in my chair. It must have been similar to a keegal exercise because that is when I felt like I had pee coming out. I must have used my muscles to put pressure on my prostate because I'm sure that it wasn't urine coming out.

    Only one spurt, but it was enough for me to know that all of this is worth while.

    The thought of her can make me cum...
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  18. Today we took a nice walk on the beach. I steered the conversation towards how I want to make her happier and how I have been trying for a week to make a real change in the way that I treat her. I went on to say that I've been trying to make every effort to be a better husband by being less selfish.

    She said that she noticed that I have been more attentive and that it was nice.

    I said that a big piece of this is somewhat embarrassing and difficult to discuss. I told her that I'm going to try to stop masturbating. In fact I had not done it since Monday last week.

    She looked very concerned and said that maturation is perfectly normal and that I didn't need to be embarrased.

    I told her that all of the things I'm trying to do are to simply cause me more awareness of her happiness and to be less selfish. I mentioned that I master bate much more than she is aware and that most men do. I said that I do daily. Sometimes up to four times per day and that I think I need to stop. Besides it is part of my plan to be more responsible to her and our family.

    She looked very surprised by me saying this. She said that it sounded more like an addiction than a habit. But she didn't think I should quit cold turkey.

    I told her that I love her very much but that my plan started last Monday and that I'm already noticing a difference in the way that I treat and respond to her.

    I pulled out my phone and showed her my calendar.

    She surprisingly said you have this scheduled on your calendar?

    I said no not yet. I just wanted to show how much time that has passed since Monday last week. We talked about no sex during her period which just ended and none on our trip because of the kids. I mentioned that we would probably not have sex until after we got back from our trip on Saturday or Sunday. I then Went on to say that we have been having sex once per month lately so my next estimate was mid month around the 15th of January making another two week wait. Then mid month February making a one month wait.

    I told that she could think of this as an erotica game if she wanted. I said I know that we don't do much of that, but that I want to spend more time thinking about her and to put her needs first for a change.

    I told her that my plan was not set in stone and that she should have sex any time that she wants and to disregard my schedule. It is only a preparation I made for myself that I felt I needed to share.

    She said that she didn't want this to cause me to get angry at her for not having more sex.

    I said the opposite is true. I would only get angry if I wasn't meeting her needs. In fact my first priority was to snuggle more.

    So far she isn't against the idea. So let's see where it goes from here.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  19. Have you told her about the chemistry of the male orgasm? This often swings a hesitant female partner towards agreement. Essentially there is a huge difference between a female orgasm and a male one. I am not an expert but there has been plenty of evidence that shows a woman can orgasm as often as she likes with no detrimental affects. Men on the other hand use up chemicals in such a way that leaves them less interested in sex after orgasm, less able to perform sexually and in severe cases can suffer from post orgasmic drop, a form of mild depression. The joke about the man rolling over and falling asleep after sex is based on reality.

    An interesting addition to chastity is the idea of semen retention. This is where a woman is allowed to orgasm as often as possible but a man is only allowed to orgasm to a schedule, usually once or twice a month. Ideally he needs to be sexually stimulated by his female partner daily but not allowed to cum. This isn't anything new either, it is part of eastern mysticism and has been practiced for millennia. It helps increase testosterone and increases the power of the male orgasm.

    Have a look at this blog. It isn't chastity as such but there are things we can take from it.


    I don't know if it is generational but my Wife had the same opinion about masturbation, about it being natural and nothing to be ashamed of. She certainly didn't find it disgusting. The thing is she has now seen how I react to her now I do not masturbate so I am banned from masturbating for that reason, not because it is disgusting.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  20. Things are going much better than I anticipated. I thought that my wife would think I was strange for wanting to stop masturbating, stranger for wanting her help, even more strange for how often I did it, and even more strange for asking her to be selfish and listen to my schedule.

    When we got back from the beach we were sitting by the fire, I told her that just holding her hand turns me on now. She smiled from ear to ear and ear then said is difficult getting used to all of this attention. "I'm not used to it" she said. I told her that she should be and that she deserves it.

    She told me that her period ended yesterday but as I anticipated she is not comfortable doing anything with the kids tent right next to ours. They are so close to us we can hear them breathing.

    I got up early this morning after a night of erotic dreams. She doesn't know, but I snuck a pair of her panties to smell. In the middle of the night.
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  21. Well, we are definitely keeping an open dialogue going. She told me after breakfast that she had been noticing how many I have been since we arrived on our trip. She also said that is like falling in love all over again. My wife is no fool though, she came at me with some very difficult questions. I answered them with complete honesty.

    She said, "What is driving all of this? Where is it all coming from?"

    At this point I had to tell her about the pornography and stories that I was most drawn to. I was very tactful in my answer. I told her that I found some Web site's that dealt with chastity stories. I told her that many of them are very erotic but I realize that they are not real. I told her that the ones that I was most drawn to were similar to my situation. In them a man wants to stop his masturbating habit. He tells his wife. She agrees he should stop. They try for a while and she loves the changes he makes in himself for them both. He goes back to his old ways and he ebbs up introducing her to chastity devices. They get one and he is relieved of the burden of his habits and they grow their relationship together.

    She shook her head "no" at the idea of a device. But then again we are only yew weeks in and this is the first she had heard of this. I on the other hand have been reading stories and searching chastity porn for years.

    I don't expect this to start up overnight. Although in waysi wish it would. I need to be careful what I wish for
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  22. Last night I day out by the fire and did some surfing on the net for additional resources. The FLR forum here is too muddied with chastity and feminization posts. Anyway I checked out one and basically read that we already naturally have a FLR set up. She is managing finances. We just need her to manage my free time, and sex and we are nearly all in. She liked the idea of managing my free time. She did say that it is a lot to take in but she can see how it all ties together.

    She had real concerns about how to help me or support me in my desire to stop masturbating. She asked how she was supposed to do that. I told her that we are not too that point yet. She asked again, what kind of help could she possibly offer. I mentioned a device. I told her that they lock on. She did not look excited about this.

    She is very apprehensive about helping me with controlling my masturbation with a device. She says it doesn't seem natural. I told her that I will try but I don't think I can control myself.

    I'm thinking that, in order to soften the blow, I suggest that I wear it while she is at work so that I don't mess around during the day. I told her that I don't trust myself.

    Tonight we arrived home from our trip. She hurt herself yesterday. Not badly but she needed a heating pad for her back. I set her up on the bed and we snuggled as we watched some TV together. I'm kind of excited to see if sex doesn't happen this weekend. I'm super horn but totally digging the focus on her thing so much that I should have no problem through the weekend.
    Hans Dietrick, boisub and spider203 like this.
  23. Ok, First off I apologize for any misspellings or wrong word choices previously. Anything typed while on vacation was done on my phone... Stupid auto correct. So if your mind is saying that wasn't the word I would have used in that sentence, then insert the word you would have used and move on.

    Wow. Last night... Whaaah? On the drive home we discussed how a FLR would benefit our lives. We also discussed the potential use of chastity... I did not see this conversation coming so soon. She said that chastity device implementation doesn't seem natural, but I can't say that it's out of the question. In fact she is interested in researching more about FLR which often times reference a chastity device as necessary. I'm hoping that others may sway her opinion.

    I will continue to pay more attention to her needs which has become so much easier since not masturbating has made her the object of my desire.

    We discussed that there is a great site aboutFLR.com . On that site I found a list of things that the wife and I must discuss including my masturbation interests. I am going to go through the list and pick and choose. My tastes have changed over the years. What I found is that I fantasized about people who look and are shaped like my wife. Strange.

    She is being surprisingly open minded about all of this. I had no idea.

    I woke up at 1. am and posted my last journal then went to sleep. We both woke were up at 3 am. to use the restroom. Then the sprinklers came on. She asked if I was up because of my situation. I told her that I had a very erotic dream about her, but I was only up because I had to go to the rest room and because I needed an extra blanket. She asked if I wanted to mess around. I asked If I could touch her (that's our polite way of me asking if I can get her off). She said yes. I felt a pulse cause a tiny spurt in my underwear.

    I told her that I thought she smelled sooo good as I lay beside her. She raised her arms above her head and I alternated between sucking her breasts and shoving my face into her armpits. She did not expect this. but I told her that I couldn't stop smelling her. I can't tell you why she smelled so good I just know that I was dizzy with her scent.

    She climaxed and pulled me on top of her. I told her that if she wanted me to wait I would understand. She said get in there and do it. The weird thing was I had completely lost my erection. I think it was because I was trying so hard not to orgasm that I just lost it. A part of me (especially in the moment) thinks that I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to wait another day although technically it was Saturday which is when I scheduled myself. Is that normal?

    I got inside her and just as I reached medium hardness (which took a few minutes) had an orgasm. This is good because I didn’t want to disappoint her with a short duration of penetrative sex. I ejaculated a lot more semen than usual, and although it felt good, it was a little painful. I’m not sure if this is the same for everyone else out there, but It’s almost like my body wasn’t expecting to orgasm and the hydraulic pressure was way more than my prostate urethra is used to.

    We usually use a hand towel to keep the sheets clean, but that was not nearly enough. We had to change the sheets at 4 am. I did it as fast as I could so we could get back to snuggling and sleep.

    Next day was New Years Eve. We had a great day together. I reminded her of my orgasm schedule. My next scheduled orgasm is supposed to be in two weeks. She said that if everything keeps going like it has been that I wouldn’t be waiting that long between orgasms. She said that two weeks is the most she wants me to wait and that she would prefer weekly (or even more). We both realize that life and work can get in the way though.

    I asked her what changed. Why is she so open to talking about all of this? She said she thinks it is because I was open and honest with her, and especially that I told her that I love the things that she is insecure about (her weight). I've always told her this but she just decided to believe that I love her no matter what. That includes loving her for how she looks (which I think is great). I have told her for years I love her no matter what she looks like and that she is my ideal woman. I don’t think that she realized that I was going online to look for women that looked like her for masturbation.

    She did say that she wants to slow down. The whole FLR and chastity thing is a lot for her to take in. She want’s to go without a device for now. I told her that I’m not sure if I can control myself, but I’m going to tell her if I cheat and masturbate. She said that she still thinks that a certain amount of masturbation is natural. I’m hoping that If I’m really good and don’t for a while - that if I can’t hack it she brings up the topic of a device. Just the thought of an ankle bracelet with a key on it is enough to almost put me over the edge right now.

    We snuggled in bed for a while and the show she was watching ended. She said she was ready for sleep. I asked if I could smell her. She said you mean like last night when I shoved my face into her armpits. I said yes. I told her that I couldn’t describe why I’m so drawn to the way that she smells, and I wanted to smell between her legs. She said yes and raised her arm. I began rubbing and touching her as I took in her aroma of her armpits through her pajamas. Then I moved down her body to nuzzle her between her legs. Her odor was almost overwhelming. This was all so new. She had never agreed to this kind of attention before. I made sure not to get her too turned on because I remembered that earlier she mentioned she was tired.

    I could have stayed down there all night, but I climbed back to my pillow and we snuggled and went to sleep. Thank goodness the next day is Sunday. One more chance for more sex. I feel different today. I really want to orgasm now. I want to masturbate. I feel like it would be easy to be selfish, but I’m conflicted because I’m also excited about waiting. My next orgasm is scheduled in two weeks. Let’s see how tomorrow goes. If not the next orgasm on my schedule is in two weeks. Whew, this would be easier if I were locked up!
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  24. Okay so this whole process was supposed to take until February to complete. I didn't expect my wife to be so encouraging or accepting of any of these ideas. But our conversations have led to deeper conversations and that has led to her better understanding changes that have happened in our relationship. And a way to correct course with all of it.

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  25. My wife is officially excited about all of this in ways that I could not have possibly have expected. We have made love every day since we returned from our trip. She has accepted that I love her for who she is (which I have told her since the beginning) but she has now begun to love herself. Her confidence is through the roof, and she is excited about our home, her work, and our lives. This relayed idea of curbing my masturbation and her being in charge of sex has translated into a better level of communication and trust between my wife an myself. It’s simply amazing.

    It’s funny. When I first began this process and I decided to communicate my interests to my wife so I told her that I was trying to make a change in myself. I said, “I’m doing something weird, I mean different. I haven’t masturbated in a week and it’s making me feel things that I haven’t felt in a long time.”

    Now she is finding herself using the same terminology to describe this. She said, “Most people wouldn’t understand because it’s weird, I mean different to have a woman be in charge of the relationship and all of this.”

    So here is where we are. We had a great conversation yesterday. We discussed how this program is different from each participant’s perspective. The woman enjoys the benefits, and the man has certain fantasies played to. I asked her if she is enjoying it so far. She said I don’t see why any woman wouldn’t. The important part to me is that she was beginning to carry the conversation. As I folded cloths she said, you already cook, clean, and do laundry. These are skills that most men don’t have, and you cook so well and I enjoy it. I’m already in charge of the finances, and I make sure all of the bills are paid. I already make certain decisions myself concerning our family, but you make decisions too because you are the expert on certain subjects. And then she really nailed it. She said that by controlling yourself you can be more productive during your day.

    I told her that I didn’t understand and that for this to work we have to be comfortable with our words and discuss things clearly. I asked her if she meant masturbation was keeping me from doing my daytime activities. She said that is exactly what she meant. I told her that if she didn’t feel comfortable with certain words we could use other words to describe them.

    I told her that she is exactly right and that was why I told her that I may need her help. I reminded her that I had previously mentioned that I didn’t think I would be able to control myself, and that it wasn’t fair to her. I told her that I know that I’m not cheating on her because there are no other women involved. She reminded me that masturbation is a natural urge. I agreed with her of course, but I reminded her that I was looking at other women in a sexual way and then satisfying myself in a most selfish way. I told her that I felt guilty for doing it and that it was wrong. I told her that I didn’t think I could control myself and I know that she said that a chastity device wasn’t natural, but they aren’t built in a way that is supposed to be uncomfortable. I described metal, plastic and silicone cages and how they are supposed to fit. She seemed uncomfortable. I told her that there are also cages which are very secure which require a piercing. She said that is out of the question.

    She said that she knows that I would be turned on from time to time and was concerned about my ability to get erect in a device. I told her that shouldn’t be a concern for two reasons. My erections would come from deviation from our program by looking at things I shouldn’t be looking at on the internet and that devices were meant to keep that from happening by confining and keeping my member from getting engorged.

    Then something amazing happened. Her willingness to be open minded lead us to the next statement.

    I told her that I definitely am not interested in wearing one at night as I have no control over night time erections. That might wake me up and we all need a good night sleep around here. I told her that at first I would want to lock up in the morning before she left and unlock after she came home from work. That way I didn’t have to worry about controlling myself. I told her that if she wanted she could be in charge and lock it herself, or if she felt uncomfortable she never had to see it (although that wouldn’t be very fun and I think she’s buying into this so well that she would participate).

    She cocked her head to the side and said, “Oh, well that makes things different.”

    I immediately got an erection.

    We had to finish our conversation because it was getting to be time for dinner. I had one last thing to say… My heart was beating so hard. I said, “I know we have had a lot of great sex the last few days, and I have had no problem cumming in the end, but I have had an issue with having an erection for some reason. I was beginning to shake. I said, “I know this is going to sound different, but I would like for us to be together tonight. It is completely at your discretion, but please do not allow me to cum tonight.” I asked her, “Would you only agree to allow me to if you cannot help yourself?”

    She nodded her head and said, “OK.”

    I told her that she had to promise not to go easy on me.

    She said, "Have I ever gone easy on you?"

    I said, "Yes, and that is why it has to stop."

    Last night she groped and fondled me. I kept my underwear on, I rubbed and touched and kissed and smelled her and gave her the most mind blowing "O" we have had in our whole relationship. I told her that that was the best sex we have ever had and I didn't even get to cum. She was smiling from ear to ear and hugged my face to her bare breasts.

    This morning we talked about a few regular things, but on the way out she said. "Are you going to be OK?" I Was assuming she was talking about the blueballs or something which I didn't have. I said yeah, nothing hurts or anything. She said, "No I mean can I trust you to be here with that thing all day?" She had a most serious look on her face.

    I was caught a little off guard. I said, "Uh, yeah. Uh, I mean I'm doing pretty good right now, and I have a lot to keep me occupied so... I think I'm going to be OK today."

    I mean I knew that I was going to get an erection writing this, and I hadn't even considered looking at any porn until just this moment which I'm not going to do. But wow, that was a powerful moment, and I didn't expect it.

    I'm a little scared. A little excited and a little concerned. You cannot un-know things you have learned. This is the place I have brought her to. This is what I have asked her to do.....
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