Question on how to respond to wife

subbnh69

subbnh69

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Dec 2, 2020
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Hi all,

First up some background as I've only posted here a couple of times. Also, if this is in the wrong forum please accept my apologies.

Married 15 years with kids. My wife and I are vanilla, but I've got real sub tendencies and think she has real domme tendencies. But when we had "the talk" about a year and a half ago she said she wasn't into that and definitely thought the cage was weird and that was kind of that. She occasionally teases me about my "strange fetish", but she's shown no interest in encouraging it.

Anyway, last night my wife essentially told me to go down on her, oral and toy, but then after she rolled over and that was it. No PIV sex. No problem, our sex life often focuses on her needs and I may or may not finish. Then today she was really apologetic, a couple of different times coming to me (we both are working at home due to COVID) and saying she was sorry for just using me to get off. I reassured her that it was no problem and that I enjoyed too (I really really did). But what I really wanted to do was drop down to my knees and worship my sexy goddess and thank her for the privilege, and assure her that I would love to forgo orgasms for as long as she would like and would she please lock me up. I didn't say any of that, I just hugged her and told her I didn't mind at all.

Anyway, that's my story. Any advice? I'd love to encourage her to use me all the time, but also don't want to freak her out and push (in her words) my "strange fetish" in a way that would turn her off.

B
 
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I think you did fine. But you might let her know that if she comes, it isn't always necessary for you. That not only do you 'not mind' but it makes you feel really good to provide her pleasure regardless of what you may get. If she sees real evidence of how you are committed to her needs first, then working in a cage and chastity may seem easier for her. I mean if she prefers oral and toys to penetration and you show her your fine without penetration too, then having you locked up makes sense all around. Good luck and enjoy.
 
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I feel the same as @LesterBallard and @MissyB. Don’t press it right now as she seems to have some guilt about you not finishing. Try and repeat last night a few more times (meaning she is physically satisfied but you don’t orgasm) so she gets comfortable with what seems to her a one-sided outcome, but she also sees you really ARE fine not cumming and actually enjoy it more. It will take some time, so be patient is my advice.

I read your other post about “the talk” and think the above will work well for your situation.

I have found that being a human dildo for my wife/KH is very enjoyable, and I too am totally fine without an orgasm. I followed my advice above and my wife is now totally fine with an orgasm for her and me left erect and orgasmless if that’s how it works out.
 
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i think that a lot of Ladys am all difrent really and some like some things and other ones like other things. and you have sayed that you been marry to Her for 15 year and that mean that you know Her lots more than we dose. i dont think that i can tell you what t do cos i dont know Her and migt say something that She wont like. and i dont want to get in trouble.
 
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If the wife has some measure of guilt for not letting the husband finish, he should assuage her guilt; put her at ease. No, honey. You were right, and it was wonderful. I'm glad you didn't let me cum, and I never thanked you properly. Could we do it again today, you, coming, and me, not? Would you let me do that for you?

The husband should ask, from his knees, kiss her at eye level, then kiss her feet and wait for the reply. Perhaps she'll say, "yes."
 
Mrs Sen also goes through stages of feeling guilty, especially if we have had a session focussed on just her.

I make a point of thanking her for what ever attention she gives me and reassuring her that although I may not get to cum, the joy I get from her pleasure is "as good" with the bonus that it lasts longer.

I've yet to go long term however (past 3 weeks) so longer lookups may produce different results......
 
I agree with BarbCD and those before her: Just make her feel comfortable when it is all about her. Should she with time really come to see that it is ok for both of you she might even think somewhat different about your strange fetish.
 
I agree with everyone above. Just give it some time.

My Lovely Wife & KeyHolder STILL has times where She says She feels a bit guilty for being the only one who achieves an orgasm in our relationship. But those times seem to be getting less frequent as I believe She is REALLY adjusting and accepting our new lifestyle. In fact, now that I think of it, it's been a couple of months, at least.

So, I think you need to give your Wife time. It IS a big change in lifestyle. And if I know anything about women, it's usually that they're more likely to accept an idea if THEY think of it. So give her time and in the time being, you can start preparing yourself.

And by preparing yourself, I mean things like "Have you worn the cage without her knowing?" If so, how long have you been able to wear it continuously? The reason I ask is to see if it's a comfortable cage for you. If you already have a device you can wear for an unlimited perioed without discomfort, then you can skip this paragraph. Otherwise, this might be helpful. Before you approach the topic with her again, it would be good to know just how long you can wear the cage continuously without issue. (You don't have to tell her you're doing this, in fact, it's probably better you didn't, this is just "research" on your part. Kind of like "doing your homework"! LOL) I think the vast majority of us here on CM have tried numerous cages before finding the one or ones which we can wear 24/7/365, if need be. If you haven't tried wearing one throughout the day or night, that might be good practice for you. If things don't feel right, use this time to find the RIGHT device for you, so hopefully in the future, when she might be inclined to lock you up, you will have confidence knowing that you won't have to ask to stop the lock up after a day or night caged due to discomfort. In my opinion, you'll want HER to be in the position to make that decision about when to let you free. Otherwise she won't feel the CONTROL aspect of holding the key if you request to be released due to discomfort. I believe that IS important to many women to have that control. And if you think she has real Domme tendencies as it is, then all the more reason to make sure she feels that power and control over you. I believe that will hopefully create the spark to ignite her desires to continue travelling down this path. This is the part where most of us say "Be careful what you wish for!" :)

I know my Lovely Wife & KeyHolder likes that She now has 100% control over what has become Her penis and my sexual pleasure. She never really thought of Herself as being "Domme" before this last lockup period began, but She is now acknowledging that part of Her is emerging, and She really is enjoying it.

So, you never know. Be patient, and do your own prep in the background so that WHEN your wife decides to take another step down this road, you will be a good, willing and prepared submissive for Her.

Good Luck,

~subrick
 
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She she is showing a dominant side, try exploring bdsm. As she begins to understand the power she has over you, chastity could be the end game. We started with me as a dom and her sub and thru switching she found being a Domme was her calling. We started to explore chastity and it dovetailed into a combination of both. Now we don’t explore our Bedminster as much, but chastity has taking center stage. We still go down to the dungeon for a round of punishment, but controlling my cock is her cup of tea.
 
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This would be a regular occurrence for us.
She knows my priority is her pleasure so she so once she is done with me from oral or any stimulation my wife has no problem in turning over without a word spoken.


TIP
Sometimes she will place her foot on my cage or when I'm uncaged too and she can feel my excitement and enjoyment during her pleasure, so if she wants she knows I'm ready if she wants or just to tease.
 
BarbCD said:
I feel the same as @LesterBallard and @MissyB. Don’t press it right now as she seems to have some guilt about you not finishing. Try and repeat last night a few more times (meaning she is physically satisfied but you don’t orgasm) so she gets comfortable with what seems to her a one-sided outcome, but she also sees you really ARE fine not cumming and actually enjoy it more. It will take some time, so be patient is my advice.

I read your other post about “the talk” and think the above will work well for your situation.

I have found that being a human dildo for my wife/KH is very enjoyable, and I too am totally fine without an orgasm. I followed my advice above and my wife is now totally fine with an orgasm for her and me left erect and orgasmless if that’s how it works out.
Click to expand...

As it happens, I was a human dildo this afternoon, and I loved it. That wasn’t the plan, but she came much faster and harder than she expected. As she was on top, that left me on the edge of orgasm, and deeply inside her. After she cooled down a bit (me still in her) she noted I hadn’t orgasmed and said I could if I wanted. I truthfully replied that I didn’t need to and was quite happy being her human dildo (I actually said those words). She smiled and thought that was funny. We chatted some more until she got up to clean up, leaving me there still erect and quite happy. She rinsed off, and then came back in and asked how she could cage me if I was still hard. I said I’d shower and relax and cool down myself and then I could be caged, still without orgasm.
 
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subbnh69 said:
Hi all,

First up some background as I've only posted here a couple of times. Also, if this is in the wrong forum please accept my apologies.

Married 15 years with kids. My wife and I are vanilla, but I've got real sub tendencies and think she has real domme tendencies. But when we had "the talk" about a year and a half ago she said she wasn't into that and definitely thought the cage was weird and that was kind of that. She occasionally teases me about my "strange fetish", but she's shown no interest in encouraging it.

Anyway, last night my wife essentially told me to go down on her, oral and toy, but then after she rolled over and that was it. No PIV sex. No problem, our sex life often focuses on her needs and I may or may not finish. Then today she was really apologetic, a couple of different times coming to me (we both are working at home due to COVID) and saying she was sorry for just using me to get off. I reassured her that it was no problem and that I enjoyed too (I really really did). But what I really wanted to do was drop down to my knees and worship my sexy goddess and thank her for the privilege, and assure her that I would love to forgo orgasms for as long as she would like and would she please lock me up. I didn't say any of that, I just hugged her and told her I didn't mind at all.

Anyway, that's my story. Any advice? I'd love to encourage her to use me all the time, but also don't want to freak her out and push (in her words) my "strange fetish" in a way that would turn her off.

B
Click to expand...

Here's an idea: "Honey, I know this is weird, but for whatever reason I really, really enjoyed the way that you let me take care of your needs, and let me focus completely on you. For whatever reason, that totally turned me on, and I would do pretty much anything just for a chance to try that same thing out with you from time to time."
 
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true42 said:
Here's an idea: "Honey, I know this is weird, but for whatever reason I really, really enjoyed the way that you let me take care of your needs, and let me focus completely on you. For whatever reason, that totally turned me on, and I would do pretty much anything just for a chance to try that same thing out with you from time to time."
Click to expand...

Exactly this. If she feels guilty for "taking advantage" the best way to assuage that isn't to frame your service as some selfless act, but instead emphasize what you got out of it and how much you genuinely enjoyed it. "It was actually super hot" will get you farther than "anything for you, dear" in many cases.
 
Life is to short dont waste time. be honest with your wife and I think you should get a very positive reaction.
 
I basically had an honest conversation with my wife when something similar happened. I told her that really enjoyed being left hard and horny. It made me think about her more frequently and I honestly enjoyed the prolonged feeling of being horny as much as i enjoyed the quick orgasm. I suggested that maybe I should only finish after ever few of her orgasms. She found that she got more frequent attention because I was always horny.

After a few weeks of that, I asked here to just take charge and let me know when I could finish. I let her know that she shouldn't let me finish all the time just when she wanted me to finish more than she wanted to finish. After a couple of months of that, I suggested her actually locking me up so I couldn't even get hard unless she wanted me to. Every few months we would move a little further down the chastity path.

It was a slow process and we just gradually increased her control. We are nearly 6 years into the journey. Now I'm locked for weeks/months at a time and I go months between orgasms. I'm more committed to my wife and our relationship is the strongest it's been over the course of our 25 years together.

I guess my point is take your time and reassure her that you enjoy giving her pleasure. Ask her to deny you sometimes. When she does deny you encourage her and say thank you. I found that saying thank you was always a big win. Anytime I would ask to finish and she would say no, I would make sure I told her thank you for bringing us closer to each other. Slowly ask her to take a little more control and always be thankful and responsive when she does.
 
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beheld said:
I basically had an honest conversation with my wife when something similar happened. I told her that really enjoyed being left hard and horny. It made me think about her more frequently and I honestly enjoyed the prolonged feeling of being horny as much as i enjoyed the quick orgasm. I suggested that maybe I should only finish after ever few of her orgasms. She found that she got more frequent attention because I was always horny.

After a few weeks of that, I asked here to just take charge and let me know when I could finish. I let her know that she shouldn't let me finish all the time just when she wanted me to finish more than she wanted to finish. After a couple of months of that, I suggested her actually locking me up so I couldn't even get hard unless she wanted me to. Every few months we would move a little further down the chastity path.

It was a slow process and we just gradually increased her control. We are nearly 6 years into the journey. Now I'm locked for weeks/months at a time and I go months between orgasms. I'm more committed to my wife and our relationship is the strongest it's been over the course of our 25 years together.

I guess my point is take your time and reassure her that you enjoy giving her pleasure. Ask her to deny you sometimes. When she does deny you encourage her and say thank you. I found that saying thank you was always a big win. Anytime I would ask to finish and she would say no, I would make sure I told her thank you for bringing us closer to each other. Slowly ask her to take a little more control and always be thankful and responsive when she does.
Click to expand...

Well done!
 
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I had my wife read this link after the talk and handingnover the Keys.
Came across it somwhere heren at CM
https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/index.html

This also a nice blog https://www.malechastityjournal.com/

She was 98% vanille but she likes the devotion i know have towards her.

At the moment te last release was 21days ago and we are 3months into the Journey with only 10orgasms (first had almost one a day by my own hands).
So be carful what you wish for
 
true42 said:
Well done!
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Loved this post. My experience so far sounds very similar (albeit we are only weeks into this). I love it when my wife says no to me now; it’s a real sexual turn on, and part of the shift towards her having more of the power in our relationship.
So far our marriage is stronger through this chastity. My cock locked away for the past fortnight has made me a better husband.
 
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BarbCD said:
As it happens, I was a human dildo this afternoon, and I loved it. That wasn’t the plan, but she came much faster and harder than she expected. As she was on top, that left me on the edge of orgasm, and deeply inside her. After she cooled down a bit (me still in her) she noted I hadn’t orgasmed and said I could if I wanted. I truthfully replied that I didn’t need to and was quite happy being her human dildo (I actually said those words). She smiled and thought that was funny. We chatted some more until she got up to clean up, leaving me there still erect and quite happy. She rinsed off, and then came back in and asked how she could cage me if I was still hard. I said I’d shower and relax and cool down myself and then I could be caged, still without orgasm.
Click to expand...


Since I first wrote the above, it has happened a few more times. Just an hour ago in fact. I use a delay spray to stay hard, and she gets to ride and control the motion until she comes. She is very comfortable now leaving me hard and without an orgasm.
 
BarbCD said:
Since I first wrote the above, it has happened a few more times. Just an hour ago in fact. I use a delay spray to stay hard, and she gets to ride and control the motion until she comes. She is very comfortable now leaving me hard and without an orgasm.
Click to expand...

I researched and purchased a "delay" cream, but my wife doesn't like the idea (it's somehow "unnatural"). I could use the assist at times ... but I'm not about to argue.
 
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