release condition ideas

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letsbediscreet

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Sep 9, 2024
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Hey there,

I fairly recently revealed my longstanding chastity fetish to my wife - to my surprise, her eyes lit up and she's found it to be a huge turnon. I'm basically living the dream here.

We've done a bit of playing in the "lock me up for a few days and tease me in the meantime" vein. I'm interested in extending things a little bit more. One consideration is that she has a HEALTHY libido, so me being locked up (and unable to fuck her) is hard for her as well as for me. Without any intervention, she's liable to unlock me and fuck me to orgasm whenever she gets rowdy (she also just loves making me cum, especially when I'm trying not to). When she has the key, even if she's trying to play the good domme, she really wants to give me a ton of caged blowjobs and unlock me to fuck her without giving me permission to cum. And, again, her favorite thing is to make me actually cum when I'm trying not to.

In an attempt to bridge some of this, we've gotten a time lock safe which can take things out of our hands. It's one where you can set a time and remove the batteries, where the time starts from where it stopped when you put the batteries back in. But she's not really interested in ever-extending periods, and I think she has more buy-in when release is pegged to specific conditions.

I've proposed a list of release conditions to be randomly selected when we're interested in a more substantial session, and she's actually agreed to the following ideas. Any more ideas to add to the list? I don't think she'll think up any on her own, but I'd love to fill out the list. Our current idea is that once something is selected, it's removed from the list going forward.

  • 7 days where she has the key. If I cum during those 7 days, we stop immediately and use the time safe to lock me up. If I had a full orgasm, I'm locked for 10 days. If ruined, I'm locked for 7 days. (Locking me using the time safe is kind of a punishment for her too, so this incentivizes her to keep me from cumming or to make sure it's ruined if she does).
  • 4 days locked in the time safe
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she fucks my ass on two consecutive days, at least 12 hours apart
  • 1-7 days where she has the key - her choice
  • 1-7 days locked in the time safe - her choice
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she cums 5 times
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she makes me cum in cage 3 times (I can cum in the cage using a vibrator)
Any thoughts on additional conditions we could add to the list? I've been surprised by what she's agreed to so far, so I'm happy to consider any ideas. I'm also happy to answer anything you might have to asak.
 
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All chastity newbies tend to overcomplicate things :-p

Locktober is coming up, why not go the whole month without her using the key at all, and have zero orgasms too.

It will give you both the a taste of what chastity can do for you both, and you'll need to learn how to properly maintain hygiene too since no one likes a stinky cock.

Getting a strap on will reduce her desire for your cock. I recommend the Spareparts deuce harness as it is comfy and puts the dido close to the correct place:
https://www.amazon.com/SpareParts-Hardwear-Washable-Adjustable-Harness/dp/B09YN22KTT?th=1
 
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Yeah I have a similar issue, she just loves PIV, blowjobs and making me cum. I think they best way is to get some toys, strapons, dildos, powerful vibrator and show her that her needs can still be met without the need to unlock you, thats what im working on anyway :)
 
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Smile. I tried the chastity schedule when we started down this road about 13 years ago. Days on, days off etc.

That did not last too long. Now, I stay locked up and let out when she wants me out and not before. It's fun to "schedule" things but, the reality is, she's the one in control.

Have fun for now!
 
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Chastity is about me. I decide when he's locked up or loose. Even if I decreed a week in chastity yesterday, If I decide I want him, guess who gets unlocked. Usually, I'll lock him right back up afterwards.

Allot of what chastity's about is control. I control his orgasms. I decide if and when he has them or doesn't. I decide if he's even locked up or not. I'm in control.

Let your wife make the decisions on when or if to lock you up.. You're giving her control, right? What you might try is being locked up during the day. If she wants you that evening, she gets you and then she can lock you back up and you stay locked until she wants you again.

You said you recently got into chastity. Some of these cages take some getting used to so you can't really be locked up for long periods at first, anyhow.. As you go on, you'll figure out what works for you.

If she feels she needs to release you allot, maybe she can assign you tasks.You doing them right and promptly gets rewarded by release. If you do the job wrong, you stay locked up until you fix it. This way, she's still in control.
 
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Cecilia B said:
Chastity is about me. I decide when he's locked up or loose. Even if I decreed a week in chastity yesterday, If I decide I want him, guess who gets unlocked. Usually, I'll lock him right back up afterwards.

Allot of what chastity's about is control. I control his orgasms. I decide if and when he has them or doesn't. I decide if he's even locked up or not. I'm in control.

Let your wife make the decisions on when or if to lock you up.. You're giving her control, right? What you might try is being locked up during the day. If she wants you that evening, she gets you and then she can lock you back up and you stay locked until she wants you again.

You said you recently got into chastity. Some of these cages take some getting used to so you can't really be locked up for long periods at first, anyhow.. As you go on, you'll figure out what works for you.

If she feels she needs to release you allot, maybe she can assign you tasks.You doing them right and promptly gets rewarded by release. If you do the job wrong, you stay locked up until you fix it. This way, she's still in control.
Click to expand...

@MrsLockNkey this is you to a "T"
 
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Cecilia B said:
Chastity is about me. I decide when he's locked up or loose. Even if I decreed a week in chastity yesterday, If I decide I want him, guess who gets unlocked. Usually, I'll lock him right back up afterwards.

Allot of what chastity's about is control. I control his orgasms. I decide if and when he has them or doesn't. I decide if he's even locked up or not. I'm in control.

Let your wife make the decisions on when or if to lock you up.. You're giving her control, right? What you might try is being locked up during the day. If she wants you that evening, she gets you and then she can lock you back up and you stay locked until she wants you again.

You said you recently got into chastity. Some of these cages take some getting used to so you can't really be locked up for long periods at first, anyhow.. As you go on, you'll figure out what works for you.

If she feels she needs to release you allot, maybe she can assign you tasks.You doing them right and promptly gets rewarded by release. If you do the job wrong, you stay locked up until you fix it. This way, she's still in control.
Click to expand...

This is so on point Ms. @Cecilia B
 
denied_one said:
Ms. @Cecilia B
Click to expand...

Miss Cecilia, please.

Even though I'm married, I still insist on husband addressing me as "Miss Cecilia" or "Ma'am" when he's in Chastity or under Discipline. That's what I decreed before we were married. I didn't see any reason to change it after we got married.

Every once in a while, I might require him to address me as "Mrs. XXXX X", my married name, but that's the exception. I usually prefer "Miss Cecilia" or "Ma'am".
 
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Cecilia B said:
Miss Cecilia, please.

Even though I'm married, I still insist on husband addressing me as "Miss Cecilia" or "Ma'am" when he's in Chastity or under Discipline. That's what I decreed before we were married. I didn't see any reason to change it after we got married.

Every once in a while, I might require him to address me as "Mrs. XXXX X", my married name, but that's the exception. I usually prefer "Miss Cecilia" or "Ma'am".
Click to expand...

My apologies Ma'am
 
letsbediscreet said:
Hey there,

I fairly recently revealed my longstanding chastity fetish to my wife - to my surprise, her eyes lit up and she's found it to be a huge turnon. I'm basically living the dream here.

We've done a bit of playing in the "lock me up for a few days and tease me in the meantime" vein. I'm interested in extending things a little bit more. One consideration is that she has a HEALTHY libido, so me being locked up (and unable to fuck her) is hard for her as well as for me. Without any intervention, she's liable to unlock me and fuck me to orgasm whenever she gets rowdy (she also just loves making me cum, especially when I'm trying not to). When she has the key, even if she's trying to play the good domme, she really wants to give me a ton of caged blowjobs and unlock me to fuck her without giving me permission to cum. And, again, her favorite thing is to make me actually cum when I'm trying not to.

In an attempt to bridge some of this, we've gotten a time lock safe which can take things out of our hands. It's one where you can set a time and remove the batteries, where the time starts from where it stopped when you put the batteries back in. But she's not really interested in ever-extending periods, and I think she has more buy-in when release is pegged to specific conditions.

I've proposed a list of release conditions to be randomly selected when we're interested in a more substantial session, and she's actually agreed to the following ideas. Any more ideas to add to the list? I don't think she'll think up any on her own, but I'd love to fill out the list. Our current idea is that once something is selected, it's removed from the list going forward.

  • 7 days where she has the key. If I cum during those 7 days, we stop immediately and use the time safe to lock me up. If I had a full orgasm, I'm locked for 10 days. If ruined, I'm locked for 7 days. (Locking me using the time safe is kind of a punishment for her too, so this incentivizes her to keep me from cumming or to make sure it's ruined if she does).
  • 4 days locked in the time safe
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she fucks my ass on two consecutive days, at least 12 hours apart
  • 1-7 days where she has the key - her choice
  • 1-7 days locked in the time safe - her choice
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she cums 5 times
  • Locked in the time safe until 24 hours after she makes me cum in cage 3 times (I can cum in the cage using a vibrator)
Any thoughts on additional conditions we could add to the list? I've been surprised by what she's agreed to so far, so I'm happy to consider any ideas. I'm also happy to answer anything you might have to asak.
Click to expand...

I have been locked for 15 years and prior to that spent 20 years on the honor system. My wife is bi and had a live in girlfriend and both were more into girl on girl sex than with me. Especially since my penis is really very small, have ED that even Viagra does not help and am sterile so I could not give my wife the thing she married me for, a child. Basically I have not penetrated a woman in 35 years. Technically I did a few times on the side but not with my wife or her girlfriend.

We did all the games and things we read to keep our chastity lifestyle going. In the end the only thing that actually worked is I stay locked all the time and my wife decides if I get to orgasm and how. That is it. All the games we played and rules we had fell by the wayside as life got in the way or they basically was me setting the rules when it should have been my wife.

Now it is very simple. I am always locked 24/7 except for doctor visits. No orgasms are planned for me. My wife likes me better when I am orgasm free and horny for her all the time. If I do get a full orgasm it will be due to a ruined orgasm going too far as sometimes happens when my wife is playing with me and so focused on her own orgasm that she forgets to let go of my penis when I warn her that I will cum soon. Due to that she keeps me locked 90% of the time we have sex.

Also sex is for my wife's pleasure only. I am never allowed to penetrate her but very occasionally she allows me to play with her vagina with my fingers as long as I do not penetrate her. She will occasionally orgasm like that but it is more of a treat for me in lieu of an orgasm as she much prefers her vibrator.

In short we found that not having any games to determine my orgasms and making sex all about my wife's pleasure, works well for us. Admittedly it was OK because I was part of their almost nightly threesomes where I assisted them to give each other orgasms. At most I was given permission to masturbate as they sexually tortured me in some way. The pain level increased the longer it took me so I learned to orgasm quickly. I pretty much followed the honor system. I will not lie as I did cheat a few times a year but 90% of the time I only had orgasms with permission. Once my wife found a discarded crusty tissue and I got the whipping of my life and learned a lesson the hard way.

Now I do not expect an orgasm except once a year but accidents do happen and got to be honest about that. My wife does get carried away and sometimes it takes very little on her part to get me to orgasms after 5-6 months of being orgasm free,

One of the things we learned is that chastity contracts, while exciting to write, end up not working as changes are made and you change one thing that affects something else and to be truthful, most chastity contracts are written by men and are like an instructional manual. They are a list of things the guy wants done to him based on his behavior. So if he wants an ass paddling he knows what to do to get it. Rarely do these non binding contracts provide for punishments that the guy does not like at all and refuses to do. It is like if I want to get spanked I know what to do to get it. Then they tend to get complicated and new rules are added that conflict to old rules and we found ourselves using different versions of out contract so that hers was different than mine since she did not update her copy. It is just messy and much easier to let your key holder decide when you get to orgasms and what kind of sex you have,

Our system has lasted because my wife is in charge of my penis, orgasms and sex. I do not need to know any rules. She just does what she wants to do, There is no schedule for orgasms. No schedule as to when we have sex or even how we have it. My wife is in control of my penis and our sex life.

I am sitting her typing this wearing a sun dress after cleaning all the kitchen surfaces. My wife may ask me to rub her feet or massage her and I just do it. I am not her slave though and she does not like being in charge as I am more qualified for that then she is. However, she will find small tasks for me like text me to get her a bottle of water and little stuff like that.

in my opinion, no set rules are better than rules as my experience is that rules force you into a pattern of behavior rather than never knowing what is going to happen next. I have no idea of when we will have sex again, Been three weeks since we had sex. No orgasm schedule either. My wife prefers I never have one as I am nicer when I am always horny but realistically accidents do happen and instead of getting upset about them we just carry one as if nothing happened. We just made chastity simple.

There is a difference in playing chastity and living it as your sexual lifestyle, Nothing wrong with playing at fetishes as I have a lot that I like to play too at times, but chastity is our normal sex life and as such there are no rules other than I stay locked. The rest is up to my wife. Good luck but do not make chastity too complicated because that never ends well. The long term players I have known over the years have no rules or schedules. Their wives simply control their penis and orgasms and the guy just goes along with his wife/keyholder. Too many guys are topping from the bottom when it comes to chastity "rules". Just let your keyholder do what she wants and sit back and enjoy the ride.
 
Hey, I hear you all. I want to clear up a few misconceptions that might inform some of the responses here.

First, while she is new to chastity, I'm not. It's been a long-term fetish, and the newness is in this being a thing that we're engaging in together. I've spent upwards of a week in chastity while self-locked and more recently spent multiple days without any nighttime or other issues.

Second, and probably more fundamentally, is that we're approaching this from a play perspective and not a lifestyle perspective. This is a fun thing for us to do to inform and interact with our sex life, but we're not interested in broader power dynamic shifts or tying chastity to chores or our lives outside of the bedroom at all. This is meant for sexy fun, and neither of us have any particular interest in the rest of our lives changing. I have absolutely no disrespect for those who do it otherwise, but that's not what we're aiming for. As a result, pretty much all of the "you're missing the point of this kink" posts above (some more condescendingly than others) just don't really speak to what we're interested in.

Third, kind of the key dynamic here is that she's on board to play, including more seriously, but doesn't necessarily have the personal drive to keep things going. For all the people saying that adding too much makes it too complicated and we would be better off saying that she's in full control, that's fine, but that functionally would mean an endless series of 6-hour lockups at best until she got horny. That's better than none, but she's on board to push things a little more and I'd like to do that (and shorter lockups will probably be the bulk of our chastity play overall). I can tell you confidently that she DOES NOT want to be utterly responsible for setting all terms and timelines unilaterally. Trying to make her do so would be the best way to sour her on this whole endeavor. This isn't just me trying to top from the bottom (though I won't say there's none of that), but rather trying to accommodate her own level of interest and willingness to take responsibility in this game without diving fully into the lifestyle approach which would be a hard no for her. She's viewing me as a guide into this world and I'm trying not to alienate her from it.

For instance, someone above suggested just doing locktober and not unlocking the whole time. I previously suggested this. She flat out said absolutely not. The conditions I suggested above aren't JUST about me trying to legislate my own kinks, but about creating play that feels realistic, accessible, not too much, fun, and a little bit challenging, for both of us.

So in sum, I appreciate the advice from those who live this in a more fulsome way than we do, but that's not really on the table for us. I was hoping that folks with experience in this kink might have informative thoughts on how to craft our own approach, but I'm thinking the community might be a little too lifestyle-focused for our preference (and again, no shade! Just not what we're looking for). I'm happy to discuss further from a more play- than lifestyle-focused approach, but also get if I'm just in the wrong place.
 
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Journal your time locked up! Give her insight into how you feel and what really turns you on and off! Perhaps write a contract and establish terms. check out The Locktober Journal by Mistress G on Amazon. My key holder loves the peak into my chaste brain!
The Locktober Journal: A 31-Day Journey of Discipline, Devotion, and Self-Discovery: Building Trust Together
https://a.co/d/bWujqbn
 
Cecilia B said:
Chastity is about me. I decide when he's locked up or loose. Even if I decreed a week in chastity yesterday, If I decide I want him, guess who gets unlocked. Usually, I'll lock him right back up afterwards.

Allot of what chastity's about is control. I control his orgasms. I decide if and when he has them or doesn't. I decide if he's even locked up or not. I'm in control.

Let your wife make the decisions on when or if to lock you up.. You're giving her control, right? What you might try is being locked up during the day. If she wants you that evening, she gets you and then she can lock you back up and you stay locked until she wants you again.

If she feels she needs to release you allot, maybe she can assign you tasks.You doing them right and promptly gets rewarded by release. If you do the job wrong, you stay locked up until you fix it. This way, she's still in control.
Click to expand...
Miss Cecilia, thank you for this statement! That's exactly the point. My Lady does the same and is pretty happy with my training.
 
You need to decide what you ultimately want.

1. If you want to deny yourself pleasure at your wife's expense and create masochistic challenges for yourself via domination of your wife's preferences because it is a turn on for you, then ask for that directly. I wouldn't suggest masking it as "her choice".

2. If however you want to give your wife all of you, including control over when and how you derive sexual pleasure, so that you can love and take care of her even though she withholds the very things you want most sexually, then you should ask for chastity. And if she is giving you chastity in her preferred way and that has left you with an unfilled desire that leaves you craving for more still... Then I contend she is doing it right.

Either is okay to ask for. But I would suggest not conflating the two.

If you desire the 1st, keep doing what you are doing. You will likely end up getting fulfilled sexually, but intamacy and emotion will likely suffer.

If you desire the 2nd, I would consider communicating what you like and don't like without making demands, and with reinforcing it's up to her will. Then you can let her respond to your preferences as she sees fit.

(For example, instead of saying I want you to lock me up for 2 weeks, you can say... I want to do as you say, even if it's a 2 day, or 2 week lockup... I'm okay with either. And as much as I think a 2 week lockup sounds exciting, it is more exciting to experience being on the receiving end of your will).

If it's done right, she will be in control and you will feel unsatisfied sexually, but fulfilled emotionally.
 
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