She's away, but...

[Ed Brock]

Hi All,
Just got to keep it real here. I hope this doesn't come off as complaining or venting. Maybe a little venting. And a warning to be careful what you wish for. Being locked is not always fun. I've posted before about how things are going for us. Long story short, I have a chastity device fetish. My wife has virtually no interest in that, femdom, kink or anything like that. After years of explaining, begging, and re-explaining, she agreed to become a keyholder. There were quite a few heated discussions where I was mostly pushing her and she thought I was being a jerk. That was years ago. We have settled into a routine. I am locked in a MM cage - pretty much all the time. I don't know where they keys are and I suspect they are not even in our house. (I have looked everywhere)

She is not into domming, but she will hold the key and will refuse to let me out. In fact, it will start a real argument if I bring it up or hint at it. She has said she will be a keyholder but doesn't want to hear a word about it. Of course, she will extend my lock up if I ask, but she has said if I am too pushy, she will simply give me the keys and never hold them again.

She has me go down on her without reciprocation - but not a crazy amount. Maybe once a week. A few times a month we have great sex. The next morning, she makes me put it back on as if she is checking something off her list. She is kind of annoyed when she watches. It's like a continuation of the arguments. So I am locked mostly by my fetish. If I want to be locked, I have to shut up and be locked. Sucks.

Right now, she is on a business trip. This is one of the times, where being locked and missing her is not fun at all. I REALLY want this off. So yeah, chastity is not just a fantasy. It can be a reality that isn't too fun or sexy.
Venting over,
Ed

 

[Fisherman]

I know exactly what you're talking about. It's not always fun. But fun always returns.

 

[Sexy Slave 69]

So often chastity is not what we thought it would be. Be careful what you wish for as they say. Im not sure it's a good idea to be unlocked overnight and locked the next day, when I was getting full orgasms I was always locked straight away. My KH always knows best

 

[true42]

You're in a tough spot. Sorry, friend.

You may consider couples marriage counseling. It sounds like there may be more going on than just an issue with you being a bit kinky and her not.

 

[madams-sissysub]

I get where your coming from, I’m sure she will be home soon.

 

[Shock Tactics]

So this sounds like your wife and you are on different pages when it comes to what, and who, chastity is for. I can only speak from my own experience, but it also sounds a bit like the conversations I've had with my wife about chastity in our relationship, so hopefully some things that you might find useful, or at least thought-provoking.

So we got into chastity because i realised that we had fallen into a sexual rut, mostly because I am naturally a taker, and my wife is naturally a giver. I identified that our sex life had become her doing things for me because she felt obliged to, and as a result she felt stress, resentment and a lack of agency around all things sex. When I originally proposed chastity a a way to give her some control back, I did want that, but I definitely also had my own kink in the back of my mind, and she saw through me straight away. She reacted badly, rightly called me out for one again trying to manipulate her into something else I wanted, and we waited a few weeks before we spoke again about it.

This time I insisted that I wanted to try for the right reasons, that I genuinely wanted to change for her. We agreed some strict rules, the first of which was that I would never ask for release - I needed to learn to trust that she would reward me if I started actually giving her the space to explore what SHE wanted for a change. Our mantra became 'it's not about you/me' (meaning me of course), and I've encouraged her to put her own needs first without guilt or worry, which is something she's really taken to.

Over the past few months, we've both stuck to our roles (although not without some false starts!), and things seem to be going in the right direction - she is getting more out of our sex life, and out of me as a husband, than ever before. In return, she is rewarding me with more attention than I've had in years, even if it's just frustrating or teasing me. We're not there yet- she still has a lot of trust issues and guilt, but she is learning that she has value and power in our sex life together. At the same time I am learning (and being frequently reminded!) that it's not okay for me to take without giving back - her focus on what is important to me (namely my cock) must be reciprocated by my interest in her, acts of service and love.

TLDR: It's working because we're both getting something out of it, and long may that continue.

From what you've described here, it SOUNDS like chastity is something you've asked her to do to you, or for you. It sounds like another job for her, to keep you happy, more time out of her day doing things for you. You didn't mention anything about what you're doing for her, or what she's asking for in return. Maybe I've completely read it wrong! But if I haven't, have you asked yourself if she's getting anything out of this? You can't expect her to be enthusiastic and engaged with something that she may feel quite resentful about, or which she just isn't enjoying. If you stopped tomorrow, would it be a huge relief to her? If so, that sounds like something she just doesn't want in her life, and you'll need to find a way to make her value it the same as you do, if you want it to become something more.

Again, maybe I've read that wrong, but it sounds like it might be a question worth asking. Is that something you've discussed with her?

Happy to discuss any of this publicly/privately - I hope it gets better dude, sounds like a tricky situation.

Stay strong brother

 

[Woodys Locked Up]

So this sounds like your wife and you are on different pages when it comes to what, and who, chastity is for. I can only speak from my own experience, but it also sounds a bit like the conversations I've had with my wife about chastity in our relationship, so hopefully some things that you might find useful, or at least thought-provoking.

So we got into chastity because i realised that we had fallen into a sexual rut, mostly because I am naturally a taker, and my wife is naturally a giver. I identified that our sex life had become her doing things for me because she felt obliged to, and as a result she felt stress, resentment and a lack of agency around all things sex. When I originally proposed chastity a a way to give her some control back, I did want that, but I definitely also had my own kink in the back of my mind, and she saw through me straight away. She reacted badly, rightly called me out for one again trying to manipulate her into something else I wanted, and we waited a few weeks before we spoke again about it.

This time I insisted that I wanted to try for the right reasons, that I genuinely wanted to change for her. We agreed some strict rules, the first of which was that I would never ask for release - I needed to learn to trust that she would reward me if I started actually giving her the space to explore what SHE wanted for a change. Our mantra became 'it's not about you/me' (meaning me of course), and I've encouraged her to put her own needs first without guilt or worry, which is something she's really taken to.

Over the past few months, we've both stuck to our roles (although not without some false starts!), and things seem to be going in the right direction - she is getting more out of our sex life, and out of me as a husband, than ever before. In return, she is rewarding me with more attention than I've had in years, even if it's just frustrating or teasing me. We're not there yet- she still has a lot of trust issues and guilt, but she is learning that she has value and power in our sex life together. At the same time I am learning (and being frequently reminded!) that it's not okay for me to take without giving back - her focus on what is important to me (namely my cock) must be reciprocated by my interest in her, acts of service and love.

TLDR: It's working because we're both getting something out of it, and long may that continue.

From what you've described here, it SOUNDS like chastity is something you've asked her to do to you, or for you. It sounds like another job for her, to keep you happy, more time out of her day doing things for you. You didn't mention anything about what you're doing for her, or what she's asking for in return. Maybe I've completely read it wrong! But if I haven't, have you asked yourself if she's getting anything out of this? You can't expect her to be enthusiastic and engaged with something that she may feel quite resentful about, or which she just isn't enjoying. If you stopped tomorrow, would it be a huge relief to her? If so, that sounds like something she just doesn't want in her life, and you'll need to find a way to make her value it the same as you do, if you want it to become something more.

Again, maybe I've read that wrong, but it sounds like it might be a question worth asking. Is that something you've discussed with her?

Happy to discuss any of this publicly/privately - I hope it gets better dude, sounds like a tricky situation.

Stay strong brother

Sounds like you found "the magic" in your relationship that chastity can bring. I wonder how many on this forum have hit upon that formula. And I wonder how many in the rest of the world find it without chastity. Congratulations!

 

[Steelwerks Slave]

Although my wife enjoys all of aspects of locking me up and I do as well for the most part, I completely understand where you're coming from. There are many times that I just wanted this thing off of my body. I’m sure there will be more times in the future.