Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by princess_alyssa's toy, Dec 30, 2016.
should a sub be able to led a night on how the sub is "played with"
The whole point is to let your KH make the decisions. If she wants your input she'll ask you.
Going a bit further... There is nothing wrong with offering a suggestion here or there on something you've seen and might want to try but ultimately the decision is hers to make. When @Mistress_M and I first started out I was constantly pestering her to try things that if seen or read about on this forum and others. The only thing I was doing was making her less interested in chastity because I was trying to steer things in the direction that I wanted. I finally had an epiphany about what I was doing and I finally shut my mouth. When I did that mistress started having more fun and assuming more control. Trust me, this is more fun when you let go and she's truly in charge.
What he said!!
it's a bit like the generous offer: "you can do to me anything I want..."
I've never understood topping from the bottom to be honest.
"Tell me to do this thing I really want to do!"
If that's the way things are, just do it yourself - you don't need a Mistress!
My wife will often ask me if I would like her to perform oral on me or on her. She will also give me a choice of days to have sex on. She knows it is no fun for either of us if I am too tired for sex or otherwise will not be aroused by her teasing. I do have a say, but that does not mean she will do what I ask.
Elle and I talk about the things that turn me on away from the time and place it might happen and she uses that information if she feels like it when she feels like it. We also have a shared tumblr where I post images, gifs and videos that turn me on. So far she hasn't shared anything of her own because she doesn't feel she needs to. She uses this information as well.
A few times she has asked me "what do you want to do?" and she expects me to suggest. The first time she asked I got very uncomfortable and when she asked what was wrong I talked about topping from the bottom and she got quite cross with me. She basically told me that it was up to her what we did and when we did it so if she thought I deserved this opportunity it was up to her, not some unknown person in an online forum with a rule book.
I now know that if she asks me what I want to do then I must let her know. The fact is that in 2016 she only did this twice so it's not a regular thing.
The way the question is asked the answer is yes, but only if they are given express permission by their Mistress or Master and within preset limits and only if that is what the keyholder wants.
Do you not have regular conversations about what each of you likes? Surely that's important no?
If it's left entirely to the KH to make up what happens, that puts an awful lot of responsibility on them doesnt it? What if they dont really want all that responsibility all the time?
There is nothing wrong with communicating with your KH as to what turns you on, or what your current needs are. They're probably not mind readers, but they probably do want to please you. Unless you are going out with a complete bitch, then she will still want to please you. Relationships are just like that, that's the way it is.
I ticked yes, because it's not only ok for a sub to say what they'd like to happen in a session, it's more or less imperative that they do. If the KH then chooses to grant the sub the pleasure of making those things happen then that is upto the KH. I probably don't have to point out that I'm not suggesting for a minute the sub should be constantly saying "Now do this...."
Communicate. We keep coming back to this. Without communication, none of this works.
Stop playing the way you think it "should" be done, and do what works for you. And be open and honest in your communication.
It's very much depends on your relationship and how chastity works for you .
However topping from the bottom can be a real turn off. You also sell your self short as you are not really being a sub are you?
ABSOLUTELY NOT !!!
a Sub may do it..... but only if she wishes
It's kind of like what toys do you want to get this month the ones for me for you always have to take into consideration what would she enjoy using on you that would get that different sound , whimper,jolt etc. She is giving you the choice for her to do or use on you!
I also dislike saying exactly what I would like for birthday or xmas presents. What I truly want is for them to know me well enough to choose something I might like.
I share my turn ons, maybe not specific directions though. So she knows me enough to figure out ideas. Example...I like the Chicago Cubs, fishing, golf, and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Those are pretty big subjects with lots of items she could give me. I don't need to tell her I want a Cubs hat etc. Same with kinks. Once she knows what turns you on, you don't need to write the script. It may not be exactly what you want, gifts never are.