I decided to put into words the emotions and feelings I have if being kept in long term chastity. Since I dont know most of you, I will say that I have been a sissy, a cuckold, and in full time chastity since 2003.Of course at first it was more of a game but like so many of you know that game can turn into an actual lifestyle. But even the first time I put that CB3000 on in 2003, the feeling of being unable to touch yourself is an overwhelming feeling and then once you realize that you have no control over when or how long...it becomes even that much more intense. The crazy part is that to this day, it is still just as intense for me. I call long term chastity "delicious torture". Delicious because it feels unlike anything else and for like minded people it becomes an addiction. But it is also torture because even though your cock is locked up and you cant touch it, it constantly squirms around inside of it cage, gets hard and soft, and is always gripping your parts reminding you that you are no longer in control. many would say that is the delicious part and I would also agree. The hardest time of each day for me is when I shower. I am on the honor system and made a promise many years ago that even when unlocked never to touch myself inappropriately and to this day I have kept that promise. I use a scrubbie to clean my clit, use the detachable shower head to rinse (wow does that ever feel good though, lol) and as soon as I get dried the device is back on. I am always tempted to cheat but havent. After all what good is chastity and a promise if you dont honor them? As of December 2014 I am not even allowed to cum like a man. Previous to that I might get to masturbate maybe a few times a year, usually on Mistresses' feet and then lick it off but many of her previous lovers wanted her to cut me off from intercourse, which she did a long time ago, and then demands were made to not allow me to ever cum again. Once she saw me use an Aneros toy to achieve orgasm in 2013 she said "well you really dont need to ever touch your cock again" and so after one last time when she decided as a Christmas present in 2014 to sit on my cock after getting it semi hard, at which point I came in about 30 seconds, she said "is there really any reason for you to use your cock like a man ever again?" I had to agree that there was not. So now I get to cum using my Aneros maybe once a month if I am good. How many of you have gotten to the point where you don't even want to cum that way? I mean you do but it would be such a huge letdown to masturbate and cum that you dont even want to? I am sure there are many like me out there who feel this way arent there? So the feelings and emotions that build up when you get to this point are almost too much to handle. The other night I was sitting in a chair and the same feeling I often get washed across my entire body. It is a dull beautiful aching that starts at my hip bones on either side and runs down to my locked up cock. I liken it to that feeling you get before you cum but it doesnt stop or go away. Almost like you are going to cum but dont and cant. I could have almost screamed out loud but sat there grinding my hips around. All I could do was to stand up, go to the bedroom where Mistress was, and throw myself at her feet and beg her to allow me to please her. I needed to do that to divert my attention but she was not in the mood as her lover had left earlier and she was worn out. So she told me to clean the guest bathroom upstairs and to strip naked while doing so and that perhaps that would take my mind off of it. It just made it worse. I am on my knees cleaning the floor and behind the toilet and only feeling more pathetic and pitiful which is turning me on more. Of course then Mistress comes in and tells me what a good sissy I am being and again this only made it worse. I asked if I could use my Aneros to which she replied that I am still over two weeks away from getting that pleasure. The intensity would not subside. I felt this way for the rest of the evening. My loins were on fire. I even went into my sissy bedroom and fingered myself for quite some time. It felt amazing but only made my situation worse. I woke up several times that night and was so hard in my cage and slept fitfully. I have never known such a powerful feeling. People have asked me "how can you stand not touching yourself and cumming?" They think I am crazy but any one who has been in long term chastity understands exactly how I feel. I want to cum but I dont want to cum. I want top touch myself but not only can't but won't even if I could. I want to scream at times because of the sheer intensity of the feeling of being locked up and owned and at the same time I can think of nothing I want more in my life. Chastity defines who I am and what I am and I love every single second of it.