The Highs and Lows of Chastity from an Addicts perspective

Hi, I started Chastity more then a year ago to curb a Porn Masturbation addiction, I want to infrequently share what I discovered and report and the great, good and the bad.

I introduced it to my wife as means to get out of my grumpiness and sometimes bad, aggressive behaviour towards her. It helped a lot. It was an interesting journey that went through many different stages.

The past stage was the best. It seemed I was healed from the Addiction, I discovered that I shouldn't look at porn any more and all will be good. I actually thought there is a possiblity I don't need a cage anymore.

I decided to do a vasectomy so my wife no longer needs to take hormones that are harmful for her and so after the operation i was uncaged for 24 days and didn't touch myself other then for cleaning. Before I would alway find ways, be it the magic wand or a few minutes in the shower, mostly just edging but since 85 days I was 100% good even though i was uncaged for 24 days.

However yesterday it happened. I had too much wine - but that is not the excuse. I guess I just wanted to do it... Wanted to try it again. Even though I didn't want to. Anyway that is the start of my new journal. I guess I will tell my wife. She will do what has to be done and hopefully punish me. I hope she will lock me up again. Until the vasectomy it was kind of a self locking which my wife seemed to like. She would ask me to be unlocked to play and I would relock after we were finished.

I have learnt, I still don't look at porn but it feels like I am an alcoholic and I was drunk again for the first time. I repeated twice already this morning, thankfully only edging - but yeah, once an addict always an addict

 

First i need to make a correction. i had forgotten that when my wife left on a business trip last week that i did lock up as temptation is biggest when she is not arround. (3 nights) first night she was back she had asked me to unlock for play and i didn't relock after that. I had the key like always but i was really good.

After writing my story above I did it again. I know how stupid am I? And I even allowed a full orgasm. So at night when watching TV and my wife teased me she mentioned that I had been grumpy and she asked me why I am reacting differently to her touches then normally. I had already arranged for a dinner date with her on Wednesday evening and I told her that i wanted to discuss it with her then but am happy to come out if she wants to know it all now. She did and I told her. She was not happy. I told her I hadn't watchted porn which probably helped a bit. She asked me: "Why haven't you been wearing the device" and I told her: "Because you didn't asked me to". So she said, "Well tonight you will put it on".

So I am locked again and it feels better. This way I know I can be good. She also asked me to choose a punishment and tell her on Wedensday. I guess it will be 30 hits with the wooden brush .

 

Thanks Vinny.

The masturbation without the porn probably is a habit but the combination of PMO (Porn Masturbation & Orgasm) according to some sources is addiction.

Will try to back up my claim later but really appreciate your encouraging words.

 

Here you go, found it

http://yourbrainonporn.com/cambridge-university-brain-scans-find-porn-addiction

 

Yesterday we had our talk. It was good but a lot less authoritative as I expected. It was nice as we were very close. Love of my life asked me what my chosen punishment was and I told her the 30 swats with the heavy hair brush. It is funny how i dread it but at the same time, in some weird way am looking forward to it. She told me that i am not able to take 30 and I said i am. She laughed.

Later when we went up to the bed room she showed me who was boss. She very firmly grabbed my balls and did some CBT. It was great but I was uneasy all the time because I am still not 100% after the vasectomy. It went great and this uneasiness is what i like. She wasn't ready for handing out the swats yet, asked me to get her the wand and while kissing and hugging she did it herself. After she asked me to fuck her. "But you are not allowed to cum". I was on the edge a few times and the last time I was on the edge she ordered me out. "Now cuddle me". It was a hot night. Love this woman and waiting for my punishment. 2 Orgasms for her and non for me.

 

Yesterday I was sheduled to get punished severely. My wife teased me for about a week that a major punishment is coming up.It turns me on but scares me at the same time. However what actually happened was that my wife went to sleep with the kids. I can't say I was sad

We did however both wake up at 1am and my wife ordered me to take off the cage. Some CBT with some stern words but then she stated to tease me. I was soooooo close so many times. I would have let it happen, was debating with myself if I should warn her and one time instead of saying I am close I just started moaning and she stopped. She told me this morning that she was considering letting me come since I need 20 ejaculations AND 3 months after the Vasecotmy to be sterile.

She told me to wait for my severe punishment telling me she hopes I don't get angry with her but that it will be so sever I might choose to use the safe word. To which I said that I won't. Punishment is probably coming today and although I dread it in some ways I have a caged errection right now. She always locks me in the sprader bar which leaves me completely imobile and I crave her strong words.

 

The big day came.
Oh boy I was so scared of the punishment. Scared and excited at the same time. When she asked me to get ready and prepare for the punishment I asked her if she wants me to take of the cage to which she said yes.

My member got hard as soon as the cage was off. I prepared a few items.

• the spreader bar
• her wand
• the heavy wooden hairbrush (ouch)
• a leather paddle (which doesn't really hurt)
• a ball gag

She tied me in the spreader bar which leaves me very vunerable the only way i can move is to fall on the side but I usually hold still.

She started slow but was very firm with her voice. She was clearly disappointed in me and had a lot of points with which she was unhappy. My member shrank and obviously I lost my erection. I started sweating and was scared and while each swat hurt and stung there was something that I enjoyed. It is hard to describe. But I definitely enjoy her authority and I would not want to miss those punishments even though I try hard to become a better man. I enjoy the not knowing what is coming next, how hard will she hit me, how long will she hit me.

After the punishment I thanked her, felt extremely close and submissive and hugged her, put my ear on her belly. She ordered me to lick her. Something she in our entire relationship only did 2 or three times. She was soaking wet. My KH is a one time orgasmer which means she rarely has 2 orgasms in a night and usually leaves it at one but she came 4 or 5 times when I licked her. After she used the Wand and she came another couple of times and then she asked me to fuck her. In horny mood I told her if she feels like it I would love for her to sit on my face after I orgasm and that was exactly what she did.

In the entire night she had about 8 or 9 orgasms. A first and I don't think it will repeat soon. She was very surprised herself and said. Seems like I am turning in to a sadist. Should I be worried?

After my O. (*) I had a few grumpy days which prompted her to tie me in to the spreader bar again yesterday and hit me firmly with the wooden hair brush. After this she came through the Wand and edged me a few times. I love this woman. To bits and pieces.

Hope my grumpy days are behind me as she was clear. "You don't cum".

(*) According to the doc who performed the Vasectomy on me it takes 3 months AND 20 ejaculations to become sterile. Even though she would love to deny me the orgasms for months she wants to get those 20 ejaculations out of my body at some point. She has total control I don't try to influence her any more and she doesn't tell me upfront.

 

Yesterday was playday again my wife wanted the wand and after she came she said: "that was number 1", "now go down"... I LOVE licking her - so I did.... I was extatic and then came #2. I asked her if I she wants me to cum to which she didn't answer. I thougth she probably did and so we both came through PIV. I waited a bit too long to want to clean her and unfortunately she didn't damand it. She knows I want to cum less but she wants to have the working sperm out of the system so she can stop using anticonceptives.

Nothing special and yes I feel a tad low today because of the O. but loved every moment of our play. I love licking her and wasn't allowed to do it very often. Now she started to demand it Lovin it....

 

oh wow, i take it that was before chastity... or just a break from chastity after the vasectomy? i think i will do an exam before i reach the 20... so that she can rule again without those 20 in the back of her mind....

 

Back from a lovely dinner date. We spoke mostly about our two kids but where very connected.

When we came home we were both very horny and tired. She asked for her wand, got off, pleased me a bit and went to sleep.

Before chastity e there would have been no action. She is sleeping and I will put on my cage.

 

Yesterday something very strange happened. I was looking forward to punishment (that is not the strange part) but still werid. It took my wife a while before she could sleep the kids and when she came I not only felt tired but also I felt like mehh. Difficult to describe. Empty, really empty.

My KH came and asked me how I was and I told her. I said all I want to do is hold you. She listened and talked to me and at the end asked me to take of the cage. She gave me some CBT mixed with playing with her dick, making me really horny, then she got out her wand, and played with herself, showing me her pussy. She said, you can smell and look but not touch. What a woman... I loved every minute of it. Got really horny, almost came. At the end I just wanted to cuddle and sleep and I went to sleep happy.

Punishment should have been for playing with my dick. I edged but didn't come and didn't ruin, obviously I told her and she said to pepare for punishment.

 

When I came home yesterday there was a DHL package waiting for me. I had not expected it as I was expecting to have to pay around 150 to 200 Euros on import duty and VAT. But for whatever reason the package even though it had a customs declaration went thgough without the necesity for a payment. I was very happy.

It was the Looker 2 that I had ordered from Steelworxx in Germany. I didn't have time to unpack it as my wife and me went out for some corporate wine tasting which was great. It was through her work and so we both had to behave.

we came back late and my wife slept right away. I unpacked and took out the urethal plug as I still need to get used to that one. Put on the device and slept better then I ever slept in a chastity device. Normally I wake up 3 to 5 times and have to pee to be able to handle the errection pain but this time nothing. I am very happy.

I believe the reason I have no pain is because the device is 1cm shorter then what i usually buy. I am extremely happy and hope the pain and night time errection problems stay away. More later.... My wife is leaving for 1 week on Thursday. I think I will be locked up in the new device with no access to the key (key in lock box).

 

hey @Jasmic68 happy i chose that device. very well made. and i love the internal lock which i missed a lot when i went from the Holy Trainer to the Contender which is also an awesome device... But having an internal lock is really cool... Still not using the urethal plug... Will start with that when my wife is back but probably only on a temporary basis.