Unable to submit to my wife

[Xxx2311]

Hi all,

Its locktober and I am locked with a metal cage. I am locked on and off since a year. My wife holds my keys, her motive to cage me is to make me submit to her. Make me obey her and I prefer that too. But sometimes when we have a misunderstanding and we argue, I don’t usually like when my wife fights at me or argue with me. Subconsciously I end up arguing with her and fighting her. Later on I am punished by my wife, that is later part.
Please can someone let me know how can I change my this behaviour and submit to my wife.

 

[PornAddict103]

Hi all,

Its locktober and I am locked with a metal cage. I am locked on and off since a year. My wife holds my keys, her motive to cage me is to make me submit to her. Make me obey her and I prefer that too. But sometimes when we have a misunderstanding and we argue, I don’t usually like when my wife fights at me or argue with me. Subconsciously I end up arguing with her and fighting her. Later on I am punished by my wife, that is later part.
Please can someone let me know how can I change my this behaviour and submit to my wife.

Have her keep you locked up 24/7 (allow a quick unlock for cock cleaning once or twice per week, but then relock immediately after it's done) for at least 3 months with no excuse to unlock except for a genuine emergency. This will completely change things between the 2 of you and studies have shown the longer the male as at the female's mercy, the more attentive he will become towards her. But these studies very highly recommend a 3 month orgasm-free period to break the man's mental cycle of regular orgasms and sense of dominance, which is likely the cause of why you cannot submit to her. After that cycle is broken, you and your wife can further explore the lifestyle as you wish.

There is a married couple here in Chastity Mansion, @denied_one and his wife @MrsLockNkey have taken this path and it totally changed them for the better. They couldn't be happier because of it. I've witnessed the transformation in their marriage, so I know it works.

 

[Xxx2311]

This sounds great. I am not sure if I can manage 3 months or not but with time I might feel the need to orgasm and this leads me to blue balls. Ah! That shit is super painful I can’t properly walk sit or stand. Ultimately after trying all the remedies my wife gives in and lets me have an orgasm. She loves to tease me when I am locked and after pleading a lot she allows me one. Could you guide me how could I avoid blue balls? If this is tackled I should be able to go 3 months

Have her keep you locked up 24/7 (allow a quick unlock for cock cleaning once or twice per week, but then relock immediately after it's done) for at least 3 months with no excuse to unlock except for a genuine emergency. This will completely change things between the 2 of you and studies have shown the longer the male as at the female's mercy, the more attentive he will become towards her. But these studies very highly recommend a 3 month orgasm-free period to break the man's mental cycle of regular orgasms and sense of dominance, which is likely the cause of why you cannot submit to her. After that cycle is broken, you and your wife can further explore the lifestyle as you wish.

There is a married couple here in Chastity Mansion, @denied_one and his wife @MrsLockNkey have taken this path and it totally changed them for the better. They couldn't be happier because of it. I've witnessed the transformation in their marriage, so I know it works.

 

[PornAddict103]

This sounds great. I am not sure if I can manage 3 months or not but with time I might feel the need to orgasm and this leads me to blue balls. Ah! That shit is super painful I can’t properly walk sit or stand. Ultimately after trying all the remedies my wife gives in and lets me have an orgasm. She loves to tease me when I am locked and after pleading a lot she allows me one. Could you guide me how could I avoid blue balls? If this is tackled I should be able to go 3 months

Blue balls are inevitable, but like me, you may grow to love them. I just love how full and heavy I feel after a whole month of not cumming at all. If you must cum out of desperation, then be sure it's absolutely necessary (most dominant wives will NOT allow the 90-day period to be shortened no matter what) clean up and get back in the cage immediately. There are ways to deal with Blue Balls without cumming... You just need to do your own research (ask your wife to help you with this) but as soon as someone says "you just need to ejaculate..." dismiss that suggestion and move on until you find something doable.

Yes, it's all down to will power but your keyholder wife is literally Key to your success in holding out for 90 days. But the ultimate goal is to put yourself entirely at her mercy 24/7 for 3 months straight with no exceptions whatsoever. If you can do that for 3 months, then you can make the arrangement permanent (not permanently orgasm-free, just permanently submitting to her) and your orgasms, your cock, your balls and ultimately YOU will literally belong to her. Married couples who have chosen this path have all agreed it was the best choice they ever made to literally be owned by the one they love. But you MUST give up your dominant nature. That's what the 90 day orgasm-free session is for. Good news is, you only need to do that once to break the cycle I mentioned above.

 

[Mickdrizzle]

If chastity is your fantasy, she can take away the domination you crave as a punishment and threaten to abandon it if you don’t take it serious. Really the only way for her to make you submit is to make you regret arguing.

 

[PornAddict103]

If chastity is your fantasy, she can take away the domination you crave as a punishment and threaten to abandon it if you don’t take it serious. Really the only way for her to make you submit is to make you regret arguing.

That doesn't always work... dominant males tend to naturally react to threats of any kind. My own research and testimony I've heard from married couples who practice chastity suggest that continuously denying orgasm as punishment (for consecutive months if the offense calls for it) is a very effective deterrent for bad behavior.

 

[atxmtb]

Just a wild guess but alcohol will make you argumentative. You didn't say how long you are locked. You say on and off. Longer may help.

 

[PornAddict103]

Just a wild guess but alcohol will make you argumentative. You didn't say how long you are locked. You say on and off. Longer may help.

That’s exactly what the 90 day session is for… Just to be clear, you definitely don’t want to consume alcohol or drugs of any kind during this time or it will totally throw everything off and make it impossible to balance out.

 

[Xxx2311]

Blue balls are inevitable, but like me, you may grow to love them. I just love how full and heavy I feel after a whole month of not cumming at all. If you must cum out of desperation, then be sure it's absolutely necessary (most dominant wives will NOT allow the 90-day period to be shortened no matter what) clean up and get back in the cage immediately. There are ways to deal with Blue Balls without cumming... You just need to do your own research (ask your wife to help you with this) but as soon as someone says "you just need to ejaculate..." dismiss that suggestion and move on until you find something doable.

Yes, it's all down to will power but your keyholder wife is literally Key to your success in holding out for 90 days. But the ultimate goal is to put yourself entirely at her mercy 24/7 for 3 months straight with no exceptions whatsoever. If you can do that for 3 months, then you can make the arrangement permanent (not permanently orgasm-free, just permanently submitting to her) and your orgasms, your cock, your balls and ultimately YOU will literally belong to her. Married couples who have chosen this path have all agreed it was the best choice they ever made to literally be owned by the one they love. But you MUST give up your dominant nature. That's what the 90 day orgasm-free session is for. Good news is, you only need to do that once to break the cycle I mentioned above.

Sometimes this chastity does make me think if this is really me needing to be submissive or I am just into this kink because I feel sexy.
Blue balls does give me a chaffing even after applying lube or vaseline as it gets full and also the pain. I am only allowed to remove my cage during workouts else I also sleep with my cage on.
My dom wife is also new to chastity play and most of the time she gives in when I ask her to open because of blue balls.

 

[Xxx2311]

Just a wild guess but alcohol will make you argumentative. You didn't say how long you are locked. You say on and off. Longer may help.

I usually drink with my wife, and it is almost once or twice a month. The arguments or disagreements can also happen being sober. Even during those times I tend to overlook the fact that I am locked and she holds my keys. Later when I calm down I get punished by spanks or extending the cage time.
By on and off I mean the cage is off only once a week at night and for workouts, or if I am unwell or a doctors visit. I have never been locked for 24/7. Even during locktober my cage is removed during working out.

 

[denied_one]

That’s exactly what the 90 day session is for… Just to be clear, you definitely don’t want to consume alcohol or drugs of any kind during this time or it will totally throw everything off and make it impossible to balance out.

Eh...I smoke weeeeed.

 

[PornAddict103]

Sometimes this chastity does make me think if this is really me needing to be submissive or I am just into this kink because I feel sexy.
Blue balls does give me a chaffing even after applying lube or vaseline as it gets full and also the pain. I am only allowed to remove my cage during workouts else I also sleep with my cage on.
My dom wife is also new to chastity play and most of the time she gives in when I ask her to open because of blue balls.

There's a difference between giving in and taking what she wants. Trusting there's no medical emergency, She shouldn't give in because of blue balls, extreme frustration or even a desperate feeling to want to cum... You NEVER need to cum, you only want to and it's always her decision, not yours. Remember that.

If she wants sex and unlocks you for it, then that's her taking what she wants and that's the difference.

As for your chaffing, I used to have that problem myself until I switched to rings that were rounded and without any edges on them. That solved the problem for me. Let me show you an example of what I'm talking about.
This is the "Hands Off!" cage with non-rounded rings:


This is the "Lock Down" cage with rounded rings:


This Micro Cage has a rounded "Ergonomic" ring, which is curved inward:



So, you can see the non-rounded rings have edges which can allow the rings to dig into your skin and that's the main cause of chaffing... This also applies to plastic cages as well. Also, you must ensure you're ring size is proper and neither moving around (loose) nor restricting blood flow (too tight). You want your ring to be snug, but not tight. There are various procedures to determine your ring size, but here is the most popular method:
1) have your cage on and locked
2) soap up your index finger
3) insert your finger between the ring and the underside of your ball sack
A) You should get your first knuckle to reach the ring and no further.
B) If you can't get your first knuckle to reach the ring, it's too tight and you need a larger ring
C) If you can get your first knuckle past the ring, it's too loose and you need a smaller ring

Now, as for your Blue Balls dilemma, again Blue Balls are inevitable and are an important part of the experience. You have a couple of options to deal with this... My favorite way to deal with it is to get an elastic chastity support strap to hold your cage firm, but not tight, in place so your balls don't hang low and they'll be out of the way. Try this while working out at least a couple times to see how well it works out, or not.
https://www.amazon.com/Chastity-Accessories-Auxiliary-Adjustable-Underwear/dp/B0CLZXD39R

This entire journey, while fun and kinky, is all Trial & Error and you won't find your ideal setup for the long term until you try different things and make note of what works and what doesn't. It took me many months to properly identify what things work best together for me and the result is, I've been locked up 24/7 for 8 months, save for weekly cock cleaning, with no issues at all. Just pure frustration from only being able to cum in my cage without being able to even touch my cock. Truly T&D Heaven for me.

 

[PornAddict103]

Eh...I smoke weeeeed.

Weed is an herb... It's incorrectly classified as a "drug" because of a failed anti-drug movement in the 80's... But let's not get into that. I was referring to the real drugs that you don't roll up and lick before lighting. Those you stay away from because they make matters worse by either making you too fucked up to see warning signs or they make things more difficult because they'll put your senses and adrenaline into overdrive. That's the last thing you need in chastity.

In the realm of chastity, communication and safety are critical and drugs will throw them off.

 

[denied_one]

Weed is an herb... It's incorrectly classified as a "drug" because of a failed anti-drug movement in the 80's... But let's not get into that. I was referring to the real drugs that you don't roll up and lick before lighting. Those you stay away from because they make matters worse by either making you too fucked up to see warning signs or they make things more difficult because they'll put your senses and adrenaline into overdrive. That's the last thing you need in chastity.

In the realm of chastity, communication and safety are critical and drugs will throw them off.

You just said weed is ok

 

[JaySaysYes]

If you are not subissive then there isn't anything that will change that.

 

[this muppet]

I agree wholeheartedly with @PornAddict103 . It does require protracted physical and emotional suffering, but the longer term goal is worth it. You are used to giving in to short term appetites gratification, and that tendency is ingrained in you. It’s the same with any addictive behaviour - it takes 3 month to develop new neural pathways and step outside your current thinking.
There will be a whole set of behaviours that are interwoven with your central habit, and at the moment you don’t even see them. As you go through the 3 months they’ll reveal themselves and each will present you with a new struggle. It’s like going through a dark forest and various beasts jumping out at you. But at the other end there is a clearing! Keep your eye on that prize.

 

[this muppet]

If you are not subissive then there isn't anything that will change that.

Subissiveness doesn’t even exist so your point is moot.
If by any chance you meant submissiveness then you could have a point, but maybe the urge to dominate doesn't need to disappear - just to be crushed by the wife’s superior will. So I think the larger question isn’t whether the OP can “be submissive”, but whether the wife can be truly dominant.
In fact, isn’t the whole appeal of D/s relationships precisely that the “s” partner is fighting but losing? A truly submissive person would be no fun to control.
Take your own case: you don’t strike me as at all submissive! You are proudly arrogant. But it sounds like your Mrs has you firmly in hand and all is rosy.

 

[Mr_anonymous]

Being caged won't make you anything you aren't ie submissive. It does enhance and bring out existing qualities or fantasies you have but doesn't create them. Longer lockups may help some but the three month thing is rubbish based on a fiction series. Won't even touch the don't do drugs or drink lecture. It's possible its just a weekend kink to have some fun for you and that's fine.

 

[this muppet]

Being caged won't make you anything you aren't ie submissive. It does enhance and bring out existing qualities or fantasies you have but doesn't create them. Longer lockups may help some but the three month thing is rubbish based on a fiction series. Won't even touch the don't do drugs or drink lecture. It's possible its just a weekend kink to have some fun for you and that's fine.

It’s not rubbish nor is it based on a story. It’s the same for quitting smoking or any addiction because based on how long it takes to build new neural pathways. It’s the advice that professional counsellors give when dealing with sex addiction.
Clearly it’s not the whole story though: abstaining for three months won’t mean you can’t relapse. There has to be a decision to change and sustain. But it is true that the 3 months makes it a whole lot easier going forward.
I’m not familiar with the fiction series you cite but I’d guess the author has read an Alan Carr “Easy away to Quit…” book or something.

 

[this muppet]

Being caged won't make you anything you aren't ie submissive. It does enhance and bring out existing qualities or fantasies you have but doesn't create them. Longer lockups may help some but the three month thing is rubbish based on a fiction series. Won't even touch the don't do drugs or drink lecture. It's possible it’s just a weekend kink to have some fun for you and that's fine.

Im interested to know your reaction to what I suggested about it not being about submissiveness as a personality trait. You also don’t strike me as a submissive person.

 

[sissymaid_dulcie]

Hi all,

Its locktober and I am locked with a metal cage. I am locked on and off since a year. My wife holds my keys, her motive to cage me is to make me submit to her. Make me obey her and I prefer that too. But sometimes when we have a misunderstanding and we argue, I don’t usually like when my wife fights at me or argue with me. Subconsciously I end up arguing with her and fighting her. Later on I am punished by my wife, that is later part.
Please can someone let me know how can I change my this behaviour and submit to my wife.

there's a lot to unpack here.

" My wife holds my keys, her motive to cage me is to make me submit to her. Make me obey her and I prefer that too."

Starting off on the right foot, as long as that's what you want also. it would help in 99.99% of similar situations if your were a submissive.

" But sometimes when we have a misunderstanding and we argue, I don’t usually like when my wife fights at me or argue with me. "

i think if you feel that way, start from the beginning and ask questions along the way to understand Her point of view. get a picture of Her perspective and understand it. Repeat what she told you to Her, to make sure you're right. it maybe right of make sense, but convince yourself it is for the time being. proceed from there, taking Her perspective into consideration. that's a sign of respect and strength, and She'll respect You for that. your mileage may vary, of course.

"Subconsciously I end up arguing with her and fighting her."

Don't play if you or She are angry. don't.

 

[JamesD]

Stopping the arguments is probably less about submission and more about entrenched patterns of bad communication. A good book on the subject is 'Non Violent Communication' by Rosenburg.

A couple of common pitfalls

- when someone asks you to change your behaviour, not firing back a list of changes they should make to counter them. That is deal with one issue (eg hers) fully before airing any of your grievances.

- when something bothers you learn how to phrase it in a way that doesn't get people's backs up, eg 'When you were late to dinner I felt that you didn't respect me, along with me feeling uncomfortable sitting alone in a restaurant, and I'd appreciate it if you can try to be on time', vs 'you're always useless at being on time, and a selfish bitch, as you've left me waiting again and if you don't I'll find someone better'.

 

[KyDave]

Being caged won't make you anything you aren't ie submissive. It does enhance and bring out existing qualities or fantasies you have but doesn't create them. Longer lockups may help some but the three month thing is rubbish based on a fiction series. Won't even touch the don't do drugs or drink lecture. It's possible its just a weekend kink to have some fun for you and that's fine.

Chasity doesn't necessarily change my behaviors, per se. My time in chastity forces the brain cycles I used to spend trying to barter or scheme for sex or self-interest to be redirected towards:
Why, exactly, am I wearing this contraption?
Oh, yeah, because I willingly gave my beautiful wife full control of my basest of instincts because I love and trust her.
Indeed, I couldn't think of a more (emotionally, physically, or symbolically) expensive gift to show her my gratitude for being in my life.
Of course, it's more like a gawdy trinket compared to the love she showers on me daily.

If I'm wearing it and still trying to barter to be unlocked, have sex, be allowed to orgasm, {insert momentary pleasure here}, etc., I think I'm missing the whole point. My cage is a constant, unyielding reminder that since I say I love and trust @MrsKyDave, my actions should show it. My actions may come from my thoughts but what's in my mind comes from my heart, and so actions are a much more accurate gauge of who I am than just a bunch of words. Chastity sharply focuses my thoughts on her individually (as a spouse, partner, and person - not just a UPS courier for a vagina) and on the entity that is Mr. and Mrs. KyDave. That doesn't leave much of my feeble mind to worry about self-gratification and me-Me-ME.

I'm just some rando on the Interwebs that locks his junk in a metal tube. I have no idea how much weight you'll give to any advice from me about how to "change my this behaviour {sic} and submit to my wife." I just know that it's the most natural thing in my life to submit to her love -- and to my love for her. My cages started as some kinky spice to our already-amazing and infinitely satiating sex life. I had no idea that my introspection and our honest, open, and searching conversations would so deeply and profoundly change how I view our roles as husband and wife. Profoundly change them.

Rando's advice: Start with why you married her and work outward from there. Our chastity journey works because it is a partnership, not something I demand or internally rebel against., and her participation is her "Thank you" card for my gift.

C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
L-O-V-E

A wise man once said, "The greatest of these is love."

 

[PornAddict103]

@Nish If you would like to discuss this privately to avoid noise/distraction then just hit me up. I'm always down for a private chat.

 

[Xxx2311]

If you are not subissive then there isn't anything that will change that.

I don’t agree on this as there are many who have transformed themselves to submit to their wives or KH. It is just that I have not completely submitted to her because complete submission is still an unexplored territory for me and I feel women are the one who can make men submit only when men also want to partake in it. I would do all I can to do submit to her. Most of us are still exploring their kinks and fantasies as they remain unexplored. So I sm open to it and accept the change the cage and my wife brings in me. Cheers!