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What am I feeling?!?!? Please help

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by Lockedwithlove, Jan 8, 2017.

  1. Need a little help determining what I'm feeling and am hoping some of you can help out.

    So I'm not sure if I'm feeling post orgasm blues or general resentment for chastity right now.

    First off I was allowed to cum via PIV with mistress a couple of nights ago. It was a short lived session for us both and both of us coming to orgasm in a short time. It had been 3 weeks for us both due to colds, family in town, overworking and whatever the fuck else the holidays bring. We were both craving attention from each other but literally couldn't touch each other for 3 solid weeks. My normal wait time as of the last few months has been 7 to 14 days. Waiting 3 weeks wasn't really a big deal, I've never felt hornier in my life but it wasn't really a big deal especially because I was so submissive to my mistress. The only thing I had teasing me over that time frame was tumblr which was plenty to look at for me at that point.

    So I played with mistress's clit till she came very quickly then she spread her legs for me and in 2 minutes I was done. The orgasms didn't even feel good, it was just like I was peeing cum out. I may have accidentally given my myself a ruined O because I was trying to hold back a couple of different times. In the end I was just left disappointed.

    I've been grumpy at my mistress the last couple of days since. I haven't really wanted to do anything special for her, rub on her or anything. In a weird way it's like I want to be left alone but then I don't. I still do everything I had been doing in the past purely out of habit.

    I suppose this could be post O reaction to 3 weeks of no cuming but I'm also wondering if I'm becoming resentful of my mistress for other reasons. My mistress has never been heavy on T&D, she generally sounds interested whenever I bring up a kinky ideas but then never really pursues it or she'll forget about it. Whenever I try to be cuddly with her she often accuses me of just wanting sex when the reality of it is I just want to be close to her.

    In all honesty I getting really bored with chastity because we've been at this for close to two years and I don't feel as though she's tried to take what we have any further. Furthermore it's like she won't try to communicate with me on her wants and desires or what she's willing to try. She doesn't research chastity related content for any ideas and overall I don't feel like she's even trying for me. I realize that my efforts are supposed to be tenfold over hers, I feel like I'm trying really hard for her but am getting nothing but the bare minimum back for my efforts. I'm noticing I've started slacking because I feel as though there are no repercussions for me, she's not making this fun for me yet she enjoys all perks of being treated like an absolute queen. I know she loves chastity because she's told me so many times without me even asking. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife and I really like making her feel like a queen but I'm at a point where I think I want to quit. I didn't think id really want to go back to how things were before but I'm really starting to feel like that.

    Because of all the shit that's gone on this last month I'm going to give it to the end of January before I say anything to her about wanting to quit it at the very least needing a change. Maybe it's just me feeling the strain of this last month. But in the end something needs to change.

    I would love to hear any thoughts and opinions any of you might have on what I've just written.
     
  2. With the exception of giving up yes it could be any and all of the above.

    I think people can take chastity a bit to seriously and really it is just for fun or should be .

    So if you both want to have sex then go for it why not. One of the really great pleasures in life is great sex.
    So lock up in between but when it's fun time then enjoy each other.

    Yes you probably are experiencing post cum blues it's deep in a boys psychology at the primeval level.

    Most only get round that by never ever cuming . However that is a bit hardcore for most .

    Xx Wendy
     
    Lockedwithlove likes this.
  3. Pretty common feelings imho...
    It is easy to actually crave attention MORE when in the cage, and as you said, the hols took away time... sounds like a break away from it would help and a mental reset. Patience is the virtue needed.
    Dittos on Wendy's thoughts above!
    Hang in there!
     
    Lockedwithlove likes this.
  4. I find that I cycle in and out of sub mode. Post orgasm blues definitely plays into it, but it also just happens randomly.
    Just stick with it and see what happens, I know I always come around.
    Good luck!
     
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  5. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B
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    I feel it would much better for you @Lockedwithlove@Lockedwithlove if you were to communicate with your wife rather than ask the members on here, their thoughts. She may have problems on her mind.
     
  6. @Wendygirl@Wendygirl
    @the odd tease@the odd tease
    @Steve-0@Steve-0
    @Mistress B@Mistress B

    Thanks for your input everyone and thanks for listening to my rant. I think I just needed to see all my thoughts written out to see the big picture. This is really more of a me problem and I think it has to do a lot with post O blues. There just hasn't been any time for mistress m and I to spend any quality time together. Also Mistress M does have a lot going on. She has an important test coming up this Wednesday that she's been studying for, for a while and it's important to us both. It was unfair of me to say she hasn't spent a lot of time with me because it was for a good reason.

    I think as far as taking a break goes, that might still be a good idea for us. Might not hurt to give it a break for a bit then start fresh again. But I'll still wait and see how I really feel in a few days, I'll probably completely change my mind. Truth is, deep down I don't really want to stop I suppose I'd just like for things to be a little more exciting sometimes.
     
    Steve-0 and Hans Dietrick like this.
  7. I agree that communication is most important. I have some additional thoughts too based on my experience:
    1. While tumblr is great, I also think that it paints an unrealistic picture of what this lifestyle (or game) really is. This can lead to expectations that don't match reality.
    2. I have found it is more exciting for me to be in the constantly aroused (and submissive) state vs. attaining orgasm. My wife thinks it is a bit weird that I prefer to stay locked up vs having a normal orgasm, but she is humoring me.
    3. While having the cage on constantly keeps me aroused and thinking sexual thoughts, I doubt very much that sexual thoughts dominate my wife's mind like they do mine.
    All three of these above items have caused me to be a lot more patient, waiting for my wife's dominant side to evolve (knowing that it may never grow as much as I would like it).

    After re-reading your post, it could be possible that this 'game' may not be as important to your wife as it is to you and/or that your wife's dominance is not meeting your expectations. Regardless, I think a discussion is the best course of action.
     
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  8. In 2009 I became interested in chastity and became a member here but didn't participate because I had not asked my Then wife to be my kh.

    I had first thought thought that It would fit all our needs and she would love it.
    1. She was bossy and a control nut
    2. She HATED feeling obligated to have sex.
    3. She didn't kiss or touch because that too would be more obligation for sex.
    4. We rarely had sex more than once a month and mostly less than that.

    At first I had thought this would be perfect. I have sex way more than I'm used to, and she gets to decide when and not feel obligated to do it.

    Then I really had a long think over what would really happen, that is if she even agreed to be kh. She would have taken the keys and continue as normal. No amount of pleasing her or treating her well would make her a sexual person. The more I would try and not get any affection in return the more resentment I would build. Eventually she would hand me the key which would mean she was ready, normal sex, and she would fall asleep. I was almost positive that I was right on the money.

    She would have had 0 respect for the sacrifice or effort I would put into pleasing her or being locked. I would have gotten upset, and it would have failed. As much as it should have been a perfect fit, it would have failed, because she would have put 0 effort into making it work.


    If you mistress really does like being a kh, then all is not lost, and you two were just having a rough month and life makes serving someone like a queen seem like even more work instead of fun. You might have to have a heart to heart with yourself too. Be honest with yourself and realize that your wife may never embrace being a dominant type kh, and what that would mean to you. Do you still want to do this if she never comes around to actively pegging,telling you what to do in the sack, ruining orgasms, etc.

    Then talk to her after your own self check. Ask her what she's feeling, how is this going for her, and tell her what you feel.

    I know some would say...you'll get nothing and like it!!!! Well marriage is a two way street, regardless of kinks. Both have to put in the effort, show appreciation and respect. If you have needs or desires that you would like her to participate in or verbalize, then say so. She may have some tweets to the way you are handling chastity as well.

    And ya know what, it just may not be her thing. But you have learned a lot about each other through it.

    I hope you two find you way, no matter which path you choose, choose it together.

    The very best of luck
     
  9. I feel that way at times after an orgasm, it may just be post orgasm blues. Feeling like you're getting the short end of the stick can also add to it, I think it's all part of Chastity. I find after a few days those feeling dissipate and I get back to my now "normal" state again. I also agree about talking to your keyholder, it can make all the difference at times like this.
     
    Lockedwithlove likes this.
  10. Totally agree with MistressB! Communication is the answer to most problematic questions. The members on CM can give all sorts of potential answers and solutions, bu the only ones that count are those come from talking things over with your wife.
     
  11. @Nicoftime@Nicoftime
    Thanks for that reply :)
    I think I just had a rough month and I was taking my frustration out unfairly on my mistress. For as long as we've been practicing chastity I expected us to be much further along but there has been a lot in our lives over the last couple of years too. Mistress has had some stress/anxiety issues that she needed to start taking medication for and that has definitely effected her sex drive and mood. Also 3 years ago when she gave birth to our child the actual birthing process was very rough on her body and we didn't have hardly any PIV sex for that first year after our child was born. She has healed but sometimes she still gets a little burning sensation and penetrative sex hasn't really been the same for her and I know that disappoints her. This is part of the reason I was hoping to explore other avenues of pleasure. She may not be as hardcore as some of the other mistresses on here but she still has fun and let's me know it. We did have a little chat last night and she referred to herself as a slow learner with this but what ideas we have played with she does have fun. I've told her my deepest fantasy which requires a fair bit of domination and she told me how hot she thought it was. She basically indicated that I'm going to require more patience on my end and give her more time.

    I made a New Years resolution to not interfere with her attempts at dominating me but I'm going to re-neg on that one so we can have a discussion about what we want out of this lifestyle. She loves the special treatment she's been getting, she said she's more into that part of being a mistress. I told her I understand where she's coming from and that I love being her servant. I also told her that her acts of domination are what encourages me to keep up the enthusiasm I have to serve her every whim and to do it with a smile on my face. I think she thinks there is something more sexual for me serving her than there really is.

    So this weekend after her big test is over I'm going to ask her to discuss each others expectations of one another so we can clear the air and move forward whatever direction that may be.

    I apologized to her last night for being grumpy. We were being playful because she knew I was still so horny. Our leather paddle happened to be out because she was doing some cleaning earlier, she picked it up and asked me why I was cranky the last couple of days. I made some sort of smart ass comment to her which prompted her to swat my bottom a few times. My pants were still on and I just looked back and kind of scoffed it off and told her it didn't hurt. She was genuinely surprised I didn't really feel it. So I went over to our bed and pulled my pants and underwear down and leaned over the mattress exposing my butt to her. I told her to hit me as hard as she could and boy did she. It stung but it was so hot that she actually did it that hard. Then she asked me if that hurt. I told her it stung a bit but I was okay. Then I felt the paddle again even harder, then again and again and again and again. She paused for a moment and then said "one more" and nailed my ass very hard. By the last one I was ready for her to be done :). She had the most devilish devious look on her face when she was done. She explained how exhilarating it was to do that and a great stress outlet. I asked her to do that to me any time she thought I deserved it, she said she would.

    So in the end I know she's got the domme streak in her but I don't think she realized how involved I need her to be in order to make this lifestyle more fun for me and to go smoothly for us both. I will take everyone's advice and talk to her more in depth on both of our wants and desires out of this.
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  12. Happy for ya, my kh discovered she liked giving spankings. I think she was surprised as much as I was, when she did it the first time she was soaked!

    I'm glad she has told you she enjoys her role and just needs some time to get into it. It shows that she does think about it, and you. Good news.
     
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  13. I am glad things are starting to work out for both of you. I think the paddle helped her to open up a bit on the dominate side.
     
    Lockedwithlove likes this.
  14. You are definitely right on a couple of those topics. I know dominant thoughts don't ensue my mistress's mind like it does mine. However she never forgets to boss me around and make me get things for her whenever she'd like me to. I think the lifestyle is important to her because she really likes the special treatment but she forgets that I need that special dominant attention from her to keep my spirits up and my mood towards serving her. Time and patience is key to this and I'm always preaching that line too, but it's true that's what it takes to make living like this work.

    I know tumblr posts are mostly crap and the conventional femdom related porn on there isn't realistic. The reason I was looking at those posts was because there was such little interaction between my mistress and I over December and the first part of this year that I felt like I needed something to look at to subside my sexual boredom. Yes I do want her to become more serious about her dominance over me and that may or may not take place only time will tell. The potential is there and I'm pretty sure the desire is too. I suppose it just takes some of us longer. I think if we both lay out clear expectations we can move forward more easily, this probably more an issue of communication between mistress and I versus anything else.
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  15. I think the paddling helped too, she's always afraid of hurting me. I think last night she got a glimpse of what I can really take and really enjoyed it and that fear lessened.
     
    Hans Dietrick likes this.
  16. My KH is no at all as much of a DOM as I would like her to be. For example the paddle or crop only comes out unless she is truly pissed off, or unless I actually ask for it for real. She will not use those as a part of any real sexual play. Punishment and discipline is purely that. So, I don't ask for it like I used to, cause I know its gonna be rough, even though I want to mix pain with some pleasure, that's not gonna happen with her. I know that now, but it took me some time to discover what she is and is not capable of. And I know the discovery process for me and us is still in its infancy. Depression after orgasm for me is also a real fact. I am know in my 3rd week of no orgasm, and asked her to put me off for all of 2017, or as long as possible. She is not one to be tough, but I look forward to a long denial. I believe a lot can learned from it. Or, at least I hope so. There are even some toys I now know she is not comfortable with, so I am figuring out how we can achieve the same thing with other toys she is comfortable with. Well, hope my ramblings help. I read your posts all the time, and hope you are well in 2017.
     
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  17. We started punishment as fun for both, funishment. Really now it is something that is trying to get a point across. Yes it excites her, and it might end with her getting an O, but they are firm, asks me what I did, she is clothed, I stay caged, and she is still wearing her clothes.

    The leather paddle she bought, and some of the other lite spanking tools I made are pretty much done. I bought her a heavy wooden paddle with holes, and a thick leather strap with wooden handle. Neither look particularly fun for me, and guessing will be the norm if needed. I'm usually pretty good, but my mouth usually gets her domme feathers ruffled.
     
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