What next?

[Doug Scibor]

My wife has always been very reserved when it comes to sex and I usually have to coax her to do anything beyond missionary. When I ask for something different, we have had very emotional exchanges and she feels threatened by my desire for variety. I have asked for things she has obliged and many more that she doesn't want to even hear me bring up again.

We've been married for a couple of decades now and she has come a long way and truly embraced my request for chastity play. She never thought about my solo sex but seems to be happier knowing that she is my only outlet when locked. She enjoys it enough that I have been locked for a grand majority of the time since I first brought it up.

When I think she is tired of it and forgotten about it, she locks me up and it starts again.

Everything I propose to her needs to be slow and careful, but after 9 months of chastity play I think we have the basics down. I have many fantasies and ideas like I'd love to try pegging, love for her to be serious about edging and locking me up panting and frustrated, love to rekindle some previous attempts at bondage... I don't see any of that happening.

What baby steps might I suggest seeing as I cannot get her to a forum such as this for ideas?

 

[Quercus Jay]

This sounds pretty tricky as you are already approaching this issue the way it is always recommended to, slowly and without too much pressure. To me the most telling sentence was how she feels threatened by your desire for variety. I wouldn't even know where to begin helping you to help her get over those feelings but that is where I would want to start. What is the origin of those feelings?

If you have been married a few decades then you are probably in a similar age bracket to me. I've been married 26 years and got married in my early twenties. My Wife has issues talking about sex but putting me in chastity has definitely helped her to open up and explore more. The complete lack of pressure added to how she is now my only sexual outlet (no more porn or masturbating) seems to have been the catalyst for this change.

There is a fantastic YouTube channel called sexplanations. None of it is directly linked to chastity but the host is a wonderful sexologist who talks about sex in a non-threatening, open and down to earth way. I would recommend that you watch her videos together. She does some that encourage ways of talking to each other about needs and desires and talks about difference in sexual desires between males and females.

 

[Vinny]

I am married over 44 years and only got into chastity 4 years ago. It took almost 2 years for my wife to get very comfortable with chastity. However, she loved teasing and denial as well as edging me for an hour at a time. In our 3rd year we got into domestic discipline and she beat my butt pretty good when I misbehaved. See my pic gallery for examples of her handiwork.

We also got into longer term, months at a time, orgasm denial but my wife always gave in after seeing me suffer during her teasing sessions. In year 4 she no longer felt very guilty about denying me but after 2-3 months she would let me have an orgasm because she knew that I was having trouble sleeping due to erections in my cage at night and wearing the cage 24/7 sometimes got in the way and damaged my skin. We started our fifth year and I was still able to convince her to let me orgasm after 9 weeks when she wanted me to wait 7 months. I guess when you love someone it is difficult to deny them that which they are moaning for in bed.

It takes patience and baby steps. The biggest hurdle is your wife's guilt feelings and need to take a more dominant role. My wife is submissive so it is difficult for her to be dominant in bed and then go back to being submissive when we are done with sex. We view it as a sex game where we assume roles that we go into and out of as the mood strikes us. Right now we are taking another break. I do miss being locked up after 4 years of it but I also like not sitting on my testicles by accident or having to sit down to pee and then clean up afterwards. Comfort wise, no matter how comfortable my cage is, it is still not as comfortable as not wearing one. I feel weird unlocked and miss the constant energy of sexual arousal.

I used to grope my wife whenever she was around. I moaned for her touch and would get excited if she bent over. Now, we just have sex on the weekend and the teasing has stopped. Not as good but I do get more orgasms and often they are more pleasurable then the ones I have after two months of being orgasm free.